I think he is cheating...

Velum_cado

Do you need to catch him? You don't trust him and you have reason to believe he's cheating. He's told you otherwise, but you don't believe it. You can try counselling, I guess, to work on the trust issues and whatnot to see if it helps. But I say you'd both be better off without each other.

dakotababy

If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.

I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.

I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.

did you ever think maybe HE is covering for HIS FRIEND? maybe he knows you'll flip out and doesn't want to worry you.

for my thoughts, if you can't trust him, don't worry about catching him. you're already making plans to leave, so leave. let him know how you feel and that you aren't going to deal with it. then get some help because you're getting a little obsessive.

What do you mean he is covering for his friend? Please explain

RudyND

Its this simple..... A Woman always knows..A Woman ALWAYS knows...!!
it just a matter if she admits it to herself.

TrashyAbercrombie

I say go ahead and break up with him, you shouldn't have suspicions if its really a good relationship. Go before you find something that truly hurts you and breaks your heart.

dakotababy

I am protective of my dignity yes...and my healthy and well being. Insult me for being "unstable" or "obsessed" or "crazy" - None of you really know the whole story. To make such judgements is horrible! When my home, my family is potentially crumbling from under me, it is brutal to know you people on MFP are on here making such disgusting comments. Your parents should be ashamed for what they raised, and I am not surprised the world is going to ****.

I will do what it takes for me - if that means trying to save my home and family - then i will do it. If it means leaving my family and home, then i will do it. I do not need such insults from low lifes.

For those who provided me with some RESPECTFUL feedback - i greatly appreciate it. It appears that people that conduct themselves in a respectful way is rare here on MFP - so I am grateful for those of you who did respond in a dignifying way.

dakotababy

I say go ahead and break up with him, you shouldn't have suspicions if its really a good relationship. Go before you find something that truly hurts you and breaks your heart.

You know, I never really thought about this - leave before I find out what truly is happening. No doubt something is up...so why bother figuring out exactly what happened. Many have responded with this, and it is definitely a new perspective for me. This has never happened to me before...so thank you, i will consider this before "digging" for anything.

taunto

Women's intuition is rarely wrong - trust your gut

BAAAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! Thank you I needed a laugh

TexasTroy

how would you feel if he wanted to check your purse? go thru your emails, go thru your phone and so on, on a regular basis? I lived and married an extremely jealous woman and when I say jealous, I mean jealous to the point I had to walk around in public with my head down for fear of being accused of even looking at other woman. I couldnt have money of my own, she always checked my cellphone and emails. I even got accused of hitting on the waitress during our wedding night dinner, just because I was ordering food!!! None of what this crazy woman put me through was needed but it made me dislike her, withdrawal from her and finally divorce her. Guess what im saying is, it really doesnt sound like you have much reason to go through his things...a cellphone is personal property and I wouldnt want anyone just going through mine. Consider the fact that if you do love him then you have to trust him. If you keep doing the things you are doing, you are only gonna push him away and if he isnt cheating , then what? Just my thoughts...you have a right to feel the way you do.

Game8

Stop going into his personal things, you have no respect for his personal freedoms or privacy. I wouldn't even blame him if he was cheating.

KamalBhai

In my opinion you should talk to him face to face regarding all your doubts. If he clears all your doubts then go ahead. And if he make excuses then break this relationship. While talking to him, you can see the truth in his eyes. Final decision is yours only.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

Stop going into his personal things, you have no respect for his personal freedoms or privacy. I wouldn't even blame him if he was cheating.

This makes no sense and simply speaks to your character.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

To all of you people saying "why would you go through your SO phone" I am married and I have the RIGHT to go through whatever. What's mine is yours sort of thing. If you have nothing to hide why is it a big issue in the first place??? My husband has the passwords to my facebook and on here plus can look at my phone all he wants and I can do the same for him. It's not a TRUST thing it's just a common sense thing....

Its only common sense to spy on your significant others.

I have NO reason to spy, we have each others passwords. If he gave me a reason to look into it I would and if I didn't I would be a fool.

mmhmm so basically even though right now you're not spying on him, you will at the drop of a hat. I'm not saying anything against your methods, just asking you to call it what it is. And that is lack of trust with your SO. Good luck though

no..she WOULD if she had reason to. That is not a lack of trust, that's doing what any smart person would do. If she was CURRENTLY doing it then you could say that she has a lack of trust with her SO. That's not the case.

As much as I love your posts, I simply cannot agree with this. She has herself said that she has the RIGHT to go through her husbands private stuff. This "reason" she speak of can be as little as him getting a wrong number call at his cell after dark in front of her and that should be enough reason to hire KGB. Not saying that this is the case however this is what it sounds like so far. There is never a reason to spy on a loved one. If you donot have faith or trust, you simply donot have a relationship.

But like I said, this is just my PoV. If spying on your loved ones (with or without reason) is your thing, then go ahead. Who am I to say what you should or shouldn't do.

It's not spying if it's an open phone/email policy...is it? He has access to hers as well. I don't really see how you can call it spying if nothing is being concealed.

DevanEve

That is true, we don't know the whole story. But if it had to get to this point then that speaks for itself on how the relationship currently is. I hope you get closure in whichever path you decide to take. Just make sure that you're in a clear state of mind if* you two decide to talk it out. If you're angry at the time or you're feeling hurt I recommend doing this exercise I've seen in counseling (used to be a mediator):

Sit back to back and talk it out because then you have no one to aim your anger at. It does help keep you calm because if you start yelling you're only yelling at the wall or item in front of you, not the person.

kenazfehu

I don't see much point in talking to him because you already don't trust him, so you probably aren't going to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

I think that we all deserve privacy. I don't want my husband going through my computer history, not because I have anything to hide but because it's none of his business. I don't go through his things, either. Each of us needs space; I don't believe that a relationship means that two become one. You're still two individual people.

I'd rather my husband divorce me than spy on me.

Louisianababy93

a few points here:
1: he clears his browser history so you cant watch the good porn. (sorry,it happens)
2: if you can't trust him to the point of where you feel like you have to go through his phone,email and computer you shouldnt be in a relationship with him.cause trust is an important part of a relationship!
3: why in the hell would you not get tested if there was a chance he gave you Chlamydia,if you wanted proof you would have had it right there..

4:Just break up!

Dudagarcia

Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.

Yup agree, so sorry

dez_yaoichan

If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.

I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.

I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.

did you ever think maybe HE is covering for HIS FRIEND? maybe he knows you'll flip out and doesn't want to worry you.

for my thoughts, if you can't trust him, don't worry about catching him. you're already making plans to leave, so leave. let him know how you feel and that you aren't going to deal with it. then get some help because you're getting a little obsessive.

What do you mean he is covering for his friend? Please explain

what i mean is, maybe his friend is using your boyfriends phone so he doesn't get caught with anything.

my brother's ex girlfriend dumped him when she found pics of another girl on his phone. after she left him, i had to tell her about his friend using the phone so HIS girlfriend wouldn't find out he was cheating. she was doing the same as you, checking his computer, trying to take his phone, even following him around town. really, he was looking at porn on his computer so he was blocking the history. he was also switching cars with his friend so the guy could see the other girl and not get caught by his girlfriend.

as for me saying to get help because you're becoming obesessive: it wasn't meant to be negitive, i'm simply saying it's not good to have so much worry and stress over this. you may need to talk to a close friend before the issue takes over your whole life and you lose sight of what is best for you.

Elzecat

I am protective of my dignity yes...and my healthy and well being. Insult me for being "unstable" or "obsessed" or "crazy" - None of you really know the whole story. To make such judgements is horrible! When my home, my family is potentially crumbling from under me, it is brutal to know you people on MFP are on here making such disgusting comments. Your parents should be ashamed for what they raised, and I am not surprised the world is going to ****.

I will do what it takes for me - if that means trying to save my home and family - then i will do it. If it means leaving my family and home, then i will do it. I do not need such insults from low lifes.

For those who provided me with some RESPECTFUL feedback - i greatly appreciate it. It appears that people that conduct themselves in a respectful way is rare here on MFP - so I am grateful for those of you who did respond in a dignifying way.

If you're not telling us the "whole story" then why get upset with people who are providing suggestions and feedback based on what YOU wrote here? You're posting on a public message board to total strangers--what exactly did you expect?

Since you're calling him "boyfriend" I assume you're not married and it does not sound like you have children with this person. If you don't trust him, you need to either discuss it directly with him and/or go to counseling...or just leave. (especially if you suspect he gave you an STD).

I don't get why anyone would go through the whole mess of spying on someone else/getting a private eye, etc. The whole way you're going about this sounds rather immature and drama-seeking. I'm sorry if he cheated or is acting like a cheater, but you're not exactly acting like a mature adult. Just cut your losses and move on.

Ruthe8

what i mean is, maybe his friend is using your boyfriends phone so he doesn't get caught with anything.

Right, so he's just helping someone else cheat. That says a hell of a lot about his own morals, doesn't it?

OP, what do you hope to accomplish by "catching" him? How freaking juvenile. Break up with him if you don't trust him. This is pathetic.

oregonzoo

I am protective of my dignity yes...and my healthy and well being. Insult me for being "unstable" or "obsessed" or "crazy" - None of you really know the whole story. To make such judgements is horrible! When my home, my family is potentially crumbling from under me, it is brutal to know you people on MFP are on here making such disgusting comments. Your parents should be ashamed for what they raised, and I am not surprised the world is going to ****.

I will do what it takes for me - if that means trying to save my home and family - then i will do it. If it means leaving my family and home, then i will do it. I do not need such insults from low lifes.

For those who provided me with some RESPECTFUL feedback - i greatly appreciate it. It appears that people that conduct themselves in a respectful way is rare here on MFP - so I am grateful for those of you who did respond in a dignifying way.

If you're not telling us the "whole story" then why get upset with people who are providing suggestions and feedback based on what YOU wrote here? You're posting on a public message board to total strangers--what exactly did you expect?

Since you're calling him "boyfriend" I assume you're not married and it does not sound like you have children with this person. If you don't trust him, you need to either discuss it directly with him and/or go to counseling...or just leave. (especially if you suspect he gave you an STD).

I don't get why anyone would go through the whole mess of spying on someone else/getting a private eye, etc. The whole way you're going about this sounds rather immature and drama-seeking. I'm sorry if he cheated or is acting like a cheater, but you're not exactly acting like a mature adult. Just cut your losses and move on.

This to a T.

XXXMinnieXXX

In life I've found If there's a red flag, there's almost certainly good reason for it! Don't paint it white honey. Whether he is or isn't cheating this isn't a healthy relationship x