I think he is cheating...

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  • girlonabikedc
    girlonabikedc Posts: 111 Member
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    Oh my god.

    Do yourselves a favor and just break it off, now.

    It doesn't matter whether he is cheating or not. It really doesn't.

    You two do NOT have any sort of healthy relationship.

    You can see that, right? Get some help.
  • emmalouc93
    emmalouc93 Posts: 328 Member
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    I don't know how people can say it doesn't matter if he is cheating, of course it matters!

    I presume you only started checking these things because of suspicion and I don't see anything wrong with that.

    I don't think my boyfriend would be rude enough to just grab my phone and look through it, but if he did, I'd be annoyed because it was rude, not because I have anything to hide.

    Couples share everything with each other (at least we do, maybe not all do, but I just see that as normal) any secrecy in my eyes is a signal for something not right....If they can't be honest with you about things, how do they expect a relationship to work?

    In a relationship I need total honesty, from me and the other person, or it just won't work. Maybe that is just me. If you want privacy about everything, don't be with someone. If it were me I'd rather be upfront and ask rather than spying... but I can understand why you did it too. Everyone reacts differently. I think you should talk about it, and if he has a bad reaction, maybe you are better off without each other.


    *PS, I don't think it's snooping if she found pics on their computer of another girl (only presuming it is a mutual computer, I'm not sure) Surely that's just disregard for her feelings if he just left them there..
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    I hope you break up with him, since no guy deserves to have a girlfriend who goes through personal emails, steals his mobile phone to invade his privacy, and basically creeps all over his fb page. You have serious issues, and I pity anyone who has to live with that.

    For his sake, dump him.

    --P

    I agree. Your behavior shows no respect for him let alone trust. Sorry.
  • banks89202
    banks89202 Posts: 270
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    Wow you obviously read into my post a little too far....I guess it just didn't click in your brain what I was talking about...Thanks Dr.Phil! :)

    Any woman or man who has a reason to "think" someone is cheating is an idiot not to look into it or has no self respect...like I said before I have no reason to suspect anything because there is no reason too...
  • banks89202
    banks89202 Posts: 270
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    I don't know how people can say it doesn't matter if he is cheating, of course it matters!

    I presume you only started checking these things because of suspicion and I don't see anything wrong with that.

    I don't think my boyfriend would be rude enough to just grab my phone and look through it, but if he did, I'd be annoyed because it was rude, not because I have anything to hide.

    Couples share everything with each other (at least we do, maybe not all do, but I just see that as normal) any secrecy in my eyes is a signal for something not right....If they can't be honest with you about things, how do they expect a relationship to work?

    In a relationship I need total honesty, from me and the other person, or it just won't work. Maybe that is just me. If you want privacy about everything, don't be with someone. If it were me I'd rather be upfront and ask rather than spying... but I can understand why you did it too. Everyone reacts differently. I think you should talk about it, and if he has a bad reaction, maybe you are better off without each other.

    Agreed!! ^^^
  • JuliesZenpuppy7400
    JuliesZenpuppy7400 Posts: 127 Member
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    Take it from someone with some experience in this situation. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. End the relationship and move on. It will be better for both of you in the long run.

    I wish you the very best
  • mitzi801
    mitzi801 Posts: 38
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    a womens intuition is normally right

    if you think a bloke is cheating then 9 times out of 10 he will be

    why does he keep his history hidden on his computer, thats a bit weird!!!

    if he has nothing to hide then he would let you look through his phone, him not letting you do this will automatically cause suspicion, if my fella thought i was cheating, id let him look through everything of mine, because i would have nothing to hide and not letting him look through would make him trust me even less and cause arguments..

    men are stupid, throw rocks at them!!

    hope you sort it out
    x x
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
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    Well all women have that feeling when a man is cheating. There is something that you've seen since you search his things. I too have searched my man's stuff but I wasn't as lucky as you. I found way too much. I see leave while you can and try to find that trust you deserve.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Wow you obviously read into my post a little too far....I guess it just didn't click in your brain what I was talking about...Thanks Dr.Phil! :)

    Any woman or man who has a reason to "think" someone is cheating is an idiot not to look into it or has no self respect...like I said before I have no reason to suspect anything because there is no reason too...

    You (and few others I have seen on this thread) and I (along with few others) have obviously different opinions on this topic which I think is fine, I donot have any problem disagreeing with people on these topics. However, I do wish that neither of us have reasons to suspect our loved ones!
  • aqua_marine_light
    aqua_marine_light Posts: 52
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    From my previous relationships I have learned to go with my gut. You probably know deep in your heart if he would cheat or not, reguardless if you have proof. I'm not saying that all cheaters give off the cheating vibes, but most of the cheaters I've dated certainly did. They had wondering eyes, sneaky ways, issues with their phones or what-not, or had a reputation as a cheater, and I just couldn't trust them. I think if you pay attention, most times you can just tell. But the really good cheaters give off no vibes at all. You rarely encounter one that good. Chances are, you already know the answer. Women have a tendency to know their men, better than they know themselves......so give yourself some credit and trust your own judgement.
  • jenihullett
    jenihullett Posts: 241 Member
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    If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.

    I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
    I have found
    - reply to personal ad
    - naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
    - protective over computer history
    - protective over cellphone
    - my intuition is telling me somethings up.

    I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.

    <-- is not a guy, so maybe I have a bit of credibility? Anyway, the "signs" that you posted may just be that he knows you are being invasive and maybe he's a private person. I have never gone through my husband's phone or computer history- nor would I ever. If I tried to and found that he was hiding or deleting his history, I wouldn't automatically assume the worst. Maybe he watches porn or something and found be embarrassed if you found it (because he knows you're looking) so he deleted it.

    The one solid thing you could do is go get tested for STDs. If you do in fact have one, and you have been only with one partner yourself, then confront him- because there's only one person who could have given it to you... especially if you have been together for a long time and you hadn't previously shown any symptoms. That may suggest that the disease was contracted not too long ago.

    Either way, you probably have some serious thinking to do about your relationship. Seriously, if you can't have a relationship based on trust and have to constantly "check" on each other to ensure that you're being faithful, it's not going to work. You're either going to find concrete evidence of him cheating and dump him, or you're going to continue to snoop in his stuff until he gets fed up with having his privacy invaded and dumps you.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
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    You obviously don't trust him, and never will. Just break up.
  • DaisyHamilton
    DaisyHamilton Posts: 575 Member
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    Whether he is or isn't cheating, you obviously don't trust him, and you shouldn't be with someone you can't/don't trust.
  • agirltoremember98
    agirltoremember98 Posts: 24
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    Confront him. You don't deserve to have to put up witht that ****. He can either make things right and show you his phone, etc. Or you should end it. You deserve better.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.

    I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
    I have found
    - reply to personal ad
    - naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
    - protective over computer history
    - protective over cellphone
    - my intuition is telling me somethings up.

    I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.

    The only problem is that you're still with him. Work on that one instead of wasting energy trying to figure him out.
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
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    I love how a lot of people make bold decisions like "leave him" with such little evidence to support that decision.

    Keep one thing in mind when getting advice online... most people will give advice that they would never take themselves because if they lead you astray, it doesn't affect them. Since the responders have nothing to lose, they can give bad advice without fear.


    Remember as well.....................she's asking for advice/opinions.................none of went to her profile and snooped around and came to a conclusion that she needs help...............she asked.

    You might be right about.............wouldn't use your own advice...............were all different and unique in our own ways........and part of the beauty in life....................were not all robots, we don't all act/react the same.............it would be pretty boring if we all weighed the same, looked the same, talked the same, thought the same...........I think.

    My point is that she should take all the advice with a grain of salt. For example, I know your answers in here are insincere because based on your statements yesterday, everything is the woman's fault because they are an inferior species in your eyes. I'm well aware of your real opinions. Don't talk to me.
  • spoonful
    spoonful Posts: 200 Member
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    I hate to say it but my advice would be for you to stop prying and snooping into his private things. It's a terrible violation of all trust... probably worse than cheating itself. If someone cheats then there is lust or some other issue that is a driver and it can be talked about and worked out perhaps. But to spy on someone who has agreed to share his life with you and trusts you around his things is simply shameful.

    Sorry.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I don't know, it doesn't sound like you have much on him becuase you haven't been able to find anything to solidify he is cheating.
    But I also agree in gut feelings.

    If you honestly feel something isn't right, I don't see any reason why you can't sit down and talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything, don't tell him what you have done, etc. Just say I have been feeling off lately, and I am wondering if anything is going on that you want to talk about.

    I don't know maybe that is silly, but when something is on my chest I want to say it.

    I just recently got out of a 9 month relationship where from the start it had its ups and downs. I could never really put my finger on the issue, but I never once considered it to be cheating. I always made excuses, he is busy with his kids, he is busy at work, blah blah. But one of his friends outted him last week for having a gambling addiction in his past. DING DING... everything made sense, it all added up. I knew my gut was right telling me something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So that is why I say a women's (or a man) should trust their gut.

    Good luck

    Thank you. This is pretty much it - i do not want to deny my intuition on it. We have been living together for the past 3 years, and have had discussions on getting engaged in the near future. I don't want to be the ignorant girlfriend who is getting played. I believed he was the one back then, but now as much as it is hard to admit it, i can pretty much guess that it will end up in a divorce anyway if it continues at this rate. Though i would feel like an idiot if i just walked out and he did not do anything, because other than my intuition and what i have found so far - everything is perfect! We get along great, work out arguments, talk and plan for the future - the works. I could honestly say that if he is not cheating, and i walked out - it would be the biggest mistake of my life. Though if i don't walk out, and stay with him even though he could be cheating - it would also be the biggest mistake of my life.

    Bottom line - i go with my gut...and about 99% of the time, its on the right track.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.

    thank god you don't work on a submarine.

    you'd be like "i hear a boat in the water... therefore it must be an enemy vessel trying to destroy us! FIRE!"

    nothing hear says cheating.

    1)some guys, whether any of us like it or not, send photos of their girlfriends to eachother... don't ask me to explain, but I've met a lot that do... and that's without their girlfriends permission... (1 more reason to not take naughty photos)
    2)not wanting someone on their phone is just an issue of privacy. I had snoopy parents and so now I don't like anyone ever touching my stuff.
    3)clearing browser history... maybe the dude is just looking at porn and doesn't want her to know?

    You may actually be right. We're only hearing one half of the story here and, now that you mention it, I have friends that send me pictures of naked chicks all the time; facebook, sms, email, etc.. I don't feel the need to hide it, but he could be embarrassed or she could be overly paranoid.
    Yeah it's stuff men do. A few months ago I got a porn video my fiance sent me on accident. "ooops that was for my friends".
    Women can't pry and snoop so much. If you do you are going to get all paranoid about something that means nothing.
    And ladies the facebook stalking REALLY has to stop. If you can't handle facebook like an adult delete your account.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.

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