I need a good comeback! Tired of being made fun of...
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If you have been a vegetarian for 17 years I would think this would mean nothing to you. Why do you need a comeback? I find it interesting how crude and extreme people are on this post. Find a way to laugh it off or ignore it. If you allow it to bother you so much, stay home and eat alone. Or, embrace it and live life to it's fullest as a vegetarian. Be knowledgeable about the whys and be patient with the people who don't want to know. People are who they are, you are not going to change them. Step back and observe reactions, theirs and yours. Life would be dull with people who only say the 'right' thing.0
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If you want to change someone else's behaviour then the person to start with is yourself. This is a repeating family scenario and everyone is repeating the 'same old, same old' roles within it. As it is obviously causing you distress then it is indeed time to break that particular merry-go-round (or carousel as you're American) and you do that by changing the dynamic, so that the outcome changes.
A good book to read is called 'Hot Buttons' (How to resolve conflict and cool everyone down- by Evans and Cohen - costs $14 on Amazon) - it explains about how you can identify what it is that triggers you off, and how you perpetuate the dynamic by the way you react. If you react differently then the dynamic changes. It has lots of great suggestions about how to handle this successfully.
I used to have constant arguments with my mum - she'd say something, I'd take offence, I'd snip back at her and she'd then say something else and it escalated into an argument, which invariably ended up by me losing my temper and walking out. Happened that way for 20 years.
Using the techniques I learned in the book, next time she made a comment, I saw that she'd pushed a button that normally started an argument, but this time I didn't rise to the bait - I just laughed it off with 'Oh you're not going to raise that old chestnut again, haven't we done that to death? LOL' - and I instead introduced a different topic and the conversation went off in a different direction. Change the dynamic = change the outcome.
The key point to realise is that YOU are the one with the issue here. YOU are the one who gets upset with people mentioning that you are a vegetarian. If you don't let yourself get upset then they can talk to you about it until they are blue in the face and it wouldn't make a difference. The problem is that it pushes your Hot Button and sends you off into defensive mode. If you didn't rise to the bait then they'd soon lose interest. So the person you need to change is yourself - change how you think, and change how you handle yourself when someone attacks your beliefs. That way you can change the outcome.
I hope that the book helps. It helped me. Best of luck!
Excellent. I may have to get one or two copies of that book.0 -
If you want to change someone else's behaviour then the person to start with is yourself. This is a repeating family scenario and everyone is repeating the 'same old, same old' roles within it. As it is obviously causing you distress then it is indeed time to break that particular merry-go-round (or carousel as you're American) and you do that by changing the dynamic, so that the outcome changes.
A good book to read is called 'Hot Buttons' (How to resolve conflict and cool everyone down- by Evans and Cohen - costs $14 on Amazon) - it explains about how you can identify what it is that triggers you off, and how you perpetuate the dynamic by the way you react. If you react differently then the dynamic changes. It has lots of great suggestions about how to handle this successfully.
I used to have constant arguments with my mum - she'd say something, I'd take offence, I'd snip back at her and she'd then say something else and it escalated into an argument, which invariably ended up by me losing my temper and walking out. Happened that way for 20 years.
Using the techniques I learned in the book, next time she made a comment, I saw that she'd pushed a button that normally started an argument, but this time I didn't rise to the bait - I just laughed it off with 'Oh you're not going to raise that old chestnut again, haven't we done that to death? LOL' - and I instead introduced a different topic and the conversation went off in a different direction. Change the dynamic = change the outcome.
The key point to realise is that YOU are the one with the issue here. YOU are the one who gets upset with people mentioning that you are a vegetarian. If you don't let yourself get upset then they can talk to you about it until they are blue in the face and it wouldn't make a difference. The problem is that it pushes your Hot Button and sends you off into defensive mode. If you didn't rise to the bait then they'd soon lose interest. So the person you need to change is yourself - change how you think, and change how you handle yourself when someone attacks your beliefs. That way you can change the outcome.
I hope that the book helps. It helped me. Best of luck!0 -
I wouldn't get worked up about it. It may not be as bad on the day as you are anticipating and you'll have fumed and fretted for nothing. If someone offers you meat, simply say "no, thank you" (it's possible they really did forget). If they try to be 'funny' and start making stupid comments, just ignore them and walk away. They are likely TRYING to get a rise out of you and you're playing right into it. The most I would say in response to their stupid comments is "OH, how original".
REMEMBER: "You can not always control what goes on around you but you can control how you react to it"0 -
I was a vegetarian myself for a few years and TOTALLY know what you mean. People would ask me how I survived on no protein, etc. and trying to enlighten them got exhausting. Maybe you can come up with a polite - and funny - way to get them to stop it with the comments. Something tongue-in-cheek, like "yep, you know like always, it's more ham for you!".0
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post on facebook...
my wish for Christmas...
I wish my Christmas would be one where I wouldn't be mocked for choosing not to eat meat.
I wish people would realize that my food choices are not a passing fad, but a part of who I am.
I wish people would realize that by rejecting and mocking my choices, I feel personally rejected.
Maybe it's a bit too much to ask, but if my wishes came true, it would be the best Christmas I've had in a very long time.0 -
Wow that is really disrespectful of your family and friends. Have you told them how much it bothers you? If so and they keep doing it stop going. They may think they are just teasing you but it sounds kinda like bullying.
This0 -
Oh hell, go strong...grab a carrot, eat it seductaively and say I want something big, hard and low calorie in my mouth...and strut away....(not recommended for family functions)0
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How about you decline their invitations this year and celebrate at home with vegetarian friendly food and friends. Tell them you will start coming around when they grow up and stop acting like school-yard bullies.0
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The way your friends and reletives are behaving says more about them than it does about you. Choose to rise above it all and don't sink to their level by being defensive.
If you feel you really must say something, just smile and say, "I feel good about my healthy life choices, and that's really all that matters."0 -
^^ ThisThe key point to realise is that YOU are the one with the issue here. YOU are the one who gets upset with people mentioning that you are a vegetarian. If you don't let yourself get upset then they can talk to you about it until they are blue in the face and it wouldn't make a difference. The problem is that it pushes your Hot Button and sends you off into defensive mode. If you didn't rise to the bait then they'd soon lose interest. So the person you need to change is yourself - change how you think, and change how you handle yourself when someone attacks your beliefs. That way you can change the outcome.
That is not to say the family is being obnoxious bullys. It's just that you have all the power, if you want to grab it. If you take control of things now, you won't spend the next 20 years dealing with family problems.
I did something similar with my ex-husband - the results were amazing. It took all the 'fun' out of picking on me. I had children, so I had to have some contact - It was much better to have it be as positive as possible for the kids.
I would also make sure to bring a dish to the party - I would not expect others to figure out how to cook to accommodate my special needs. I would be tickled to death if they did...but I would not expect it.0 -
Stand up on the dinner table, with a .32 in hand, and proceed to declare the following:
"Any of you ****in' p***ks make a vegetarian crack, and I'll execute every one of you **********ers! Got that?"
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LMFAO!!!! I wish I had the nerve to say that0
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If you want to change someone else's behaviour then the person to start with is yourself. This is a repeating family scenario and everyone is repeating the 'same old, same old' roles within it. As it is obviously causing you distress then it is indeed time to break that particular merry-go-round (or carousel as you're American) and you do that by changing the dynamic, so that the outcome changes.
A good book to read is called 'Hot Buttons' (How to resolve conflict and cool everyone down- by Evans and Cohen - costs $14 on Amazon) - it explains about how you can identify what it is that triggers you off, and how you perpetuate the dynamic by the way you react. If you react differently then the dynamic changes. It has lots of great suggestions about how to handle this successfully.
I used to have constant arguments with my mum - she'd say something, I'd take offence, I'd snip back at her and she'd then say something else and it escalated into an argument, which invariably ended up by me losing my temper and walking out. Happened that way for 20 years.
Using the techniques I learned in the book, next time she made a comment, I saw that she'd pushed a button that normally started an argument, but this time I didn't rise to the bait - I just laughed it off with 'Oh you're not going to raise that old chestnut again, haven't we done that to death? LOL' - and I instead introduced a different topic and the conversation went off in a different direction. Change the dynamic = change the outcome.
The key point to realise is that YOU are the one with the issue here. YOU are the one who gets upset with people mentioning that you are a vegetarian. If you don't let yourself get upset then they can talk to you about it until they are blue in the face and it wouldn't make a difference. The problem is that it pushes your Hot Button and sends you off into defensive mode. If you didn't rise to the bait then they'd soon lose interest. So the person you need to change is yourself - change how you think, and change how you handle yourself when someone attacks your beliefs. That way you can change the outcome.
I hope that the book helps. It helped me. Best of luck!
Excellent. I may have to get one or two copies of that book.
Agree about the dynamic. People get stuck in patterns. Doesn't make them any less of a bully but unfortuately sometimes we react in ways that allow us to be bullied by others (not saying bullying is right at all, just that bullys know how to pick their targets). Never read the book though, sounds like a pretty good one
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WOW. That's so sh1tty. I'm sorry. :frown: If it makes you feel any better, I think people get similar grief for any healthy eating they try to do.
I think this is true in a way. But I think people who go vegetarian get more ****. I personally don't agree with eating vegetarian, but if someone tells me they don't eat meat, and are eating at my house, I try to make something that doesn't have meat for everyone, or I will make sure to remember that they don't eat meat. If you don't agree with someone's way of life, that's fine. But to be a bully towards it is not fine. I really hate it when that happens. I would just stay home for thanksgiving and holidays so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Or, I would speak up and find something I don't agree with about them and ask if they would like me to make snide remarks about it since they are making snide remarks about your way of life, and this can be done in a nice way as well. Example "You may not agree with the way I eat, and that's fine. However, I'm not sitting here making mean remarks towards your way of eating, so I would appreciate it if you stopped making those mean remarks towards me." It points out what they are doing, and it gives them an idea of what to do about it, or in this case, what not to do
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I suppose it would be sacrilegious to ask to lead the Thanksgiving prayer and then pray something like this:
Thank you Lord for the blessing of family. Thank you Lord for the wonderful variety of food we have for this meal. Bless everyone with a wonderful day. And, please, Lord, help me not to be offended when my family bullies me for being a vegetarian. Amen.0 -
how about all you *kitten* Clowns take your meat, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy *kitten*!0
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The Jerk Store called, they want you back.
Nice! Costanza!0 -
Nicely tell them how you feel. I would not post anything on FB. I would talk directly to those saying the comments. It should be handled in a kind way though. Being hateful or flying off the handle will not help your cause. Hopefully they will see things differently after that.
/\ This. But I'd go one step further--
Make sure you've spoken individually and privately to each of the "teasers" first, so they are aware of your feelings without the perception(on their part) of you making a scene about it. Make written notes of the date and time of your conversation with each. Then if one persists, well, make your scene, substantially as follows:
"Enough. You have known I'm a vegetarian for __ years, and all your comments have been made before.
They now irritate me to the point I will NOT put up with them any more, and I spoke to you in private about that..
I respectfully request an apology right now or I'm leaving, and I WILL leave at the next comment without requesting an apology.
I will miss you folks, but I won't miss your childishness and lack of respect for my obviously long-held beliefs.
Let me know when you've grown up, and I'll come back."
If they don't comply, they are unworthy of your company.
BTW, I am NOT a vegetarian, myself, but I DO refrain from teasing people when they ask.
I'm with these two. Be respectful and kind, but firm, and tell them the truth about what you're feeling about the whole thing. The comments about "going off" on them or using profanity will just degrade you even further in their eyes.
If you want their respect, you must first act respectful towards them. Reacting to them in an immature way will prolong the misery, IMO...
I have always believed in good, honest communication. I think it helps with understanding one another, and takes away their bad excuses, like "I didn't know our comments hurt your feelings..." and etc. They need to know when enough is enough!! And if you don't tell them, who will?? No one should be forcing you to remain there, and I would be prepared to leave. But if your goal is to have a good relationship with these people, then I would suggest thinking about ways to move in that direction, and sometimes it's good to SHOW them what kindness and goodness and respect looks like.
Just my 2 cents...
.:flowerforyou: .0 -
I had a dietary restriction and people constantly commented on everything that I did or did not eat. It is terrible, there are food pushers out there who mean well but cannot understand why you choose the things you do. I have an aunt who is a vegetarian. I only asked her because I was curious if her love for animals is what led her to that diet or if it was something else. I didn't care what the overall reason was, but I was curious. I don't think people should be made to feel terrible over their food choices unless they are forcing you to butcher it, cook it, prepare it or clean up after it. If I were you I would politely say "No thank you" and not draw attention to your restriction and I wouldn't bother to give anyone an explanation either. As a host, I try to go out of my way to make sure there is something available for my guests to eat when I cook for them.0
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I understand where you are coming from. While I'm not a vegetarian, I don't drink alcohol. A group of people I regularly have to interact with on a social level are convinced that it would be a great thrill to get me drunk, try and get me to drink, etc. I don't drink because alcohol really upsets my stomach, even in small amounts. I finally got to the point with them that when the conversation starts up again I just look at them with a blank face and say "I don't understand why you are so concerned with what I drink/eat?" And I simply stare at them. They don't have an answer and it forces them to zip it. Eventually, a new topic of conversation will pop up. The key is not to react and leave the question haning in the air.0
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Hi RavenBeauty87,
I have to admit I have not read all the replies so someone else may have mentioned this but I did notice that your family is Christian, possibly you also? Well if they are throwing at you that all food is clean to eat you may be interested in Romans 14: 13 - 15:6. Yes all food was made clean through our Lord and Savior but He did not come and say you HAD to eat that food. Infact from scripture followers of Christ are called to be sensitive to others choices and disciplines and that we are actually called to sacrifice our wants to support others.
This brings me to your last statement that it doesn't affect them. On the contrary it does and you see it in their response to the change. I am not saying you need to do anything different but it doesn't hurt to empathize to what you do when you interact with them. They are trying to cope or deal with an idea they just don't share or possibly can't understand. If they do claim to be followers of Christ it would not hurt them at all to share with them those verses and to open their eyes that how they treat you they are truly treating Christ the same way and this is something they may not want to be doing. Also too like others have said, you need to tell them how you feel, Christ would feel the same way.
Stay strong, we all have formed ideas and opinions and how we express that is not always right and inadvertantly we hurt others around us. Pray and God bless you0 -
My husband pokes fun at me for being a vegetarian, but if I say that it is too much, he stops. He likes to make jokes about EVERYTHING, so it's really just his personality—he is very supportive of me, and the last thing he ever wants to do is make me or anybody else REALLY feel bad.
It sounds like those people in your family don't know when to stop, and maybe it's not just about being a vegetarian. It's OK for you to be angry, what they're doing and the extent to which they are doing it is not very nice. I think setting your boundaries is a good thing to do—but don't do it through a mean facebook post or wait until things blow up. Maybe just write a letter to the group, or ask them to sit down with you so you can ask them to stop. Do it BEFORE you are in the situation.
If they still won't stop, you have the right to remove yourself from the situation. I know it sounds mean to ditch your family on the holidays, but you have to set your own boundaries. That means being clear about what is OK and what is NOT, and then having clear consequences when those lines are crossed.0 -
First off I want to thank everyone for all the post!!!! Omg some were so funny but I didn't have time to reply one at a time so I'll just do this. I forgot to add some stuff I should have said. If they fix things and I can't eat it I never make a big deal over it. I eat what is there and if that is just green beans so be it. Never bothered me because my mom taught me that if I choose this lifestyle I can't rely on everyone to cater to me. SO yeah I don't HAVE to go but it is my childs first Thanksgiving and Christmas and I don't want to take that away from his family or mine. However, I will think about what everyone has said to me and I have some ideas in my head. I'm not going to write on facebook because I don't need to start that drama and I understand that now. I won't bring it up and I never bring attention to myself. If someone passes me meat at any time of year I say no thanks. IF they ask why I say I'm not hungry or whatever. I will be mature, no flying off the handle (unless need be lol) and I will stop letting this bother me. I'm no longer going to fume about this because chances are maybe someone won't say anything ::rolls eyes:: but whatever comes up I will stand up for myself and tell everyone in the room how I feel! If they do it again I will walk out because I don't deserve that. I have, a few months ago, used the "How original" or "Don't you think I heard that before" but the idiots just laugh and think I'm playing along. I've learned that I do need to be stern to get it through their thick heads. They have no respect for me or each other for that matter and I'm not going to sucked into that circle.0
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I hope you aren't eating the *kitten* end of that (chicken, turkey, cow, etc.).0
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Oh, my I forgot to add. My mother in law will try and cook, bless her heart, and she will say "I made this just for you." I look at it and I guess with 17 years of training I spot something in it "I say what's that?" She'll smile and say "Bacon" or whatever meat she used. Then I say "I'm sorry but I don't eat meat." She'll so "Oh, I know. I forgot when I was cooking but I figured you could pick around it. If you did get a little in your mouth it wouldn't kill you." I stared at it and said "I know it won't kill me but there is too much in here to pick out every little bit." she huffs for a little bit but come on it's like someone that is allergic to eggs or something and telling them to pick around it. I'm sorry you went through the trouble to make it and I feel awful that I can't eat it but come on lady cut me a break lol We get along but she is so ditzy I swear.0
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Sorry you have had to deal with this, that is just horrible!!!!! I do eat meat, but I don't eat gluten or pork and generally eat only organic, and even I have had to deal with bs and ignorance from people as well - like you, I do not shove it in people's faces as it is my own personal choice, but if someone happens to find out, they for some reason feel compelled to remark on how odd/weird/unusal/useless it is. Or, times I have posted pics of my dinners/meals on fb, I have had "friends" say something really derogatory about it, about how disgusting it looks. It's like, if you don't have something nice to say, then STFU!!!! Imo, it just shows how ignorant people are - when they are faced with something new or unfamiliar, they reject it rather than try to understand it.
If you want my opinion - FIGHT BACK!!! Simply tell people they are offending you and could they please stop as you do not appreciate it one bit. If they persist, tell them to get the **** away from you. Seriously hun, life is too short to surround yourself with *kitten* and idiots.0 -
I used to get annoyed when I would spend all day preparing a holiday feast for the entire family, just to have my Aunt (a vegetarian)come over and say "I cant eat this." or "What's in that?" My solution...next time SHE brings over the food she wants to eat and SHE prepares it in my kitchen. She likes being part of the food preparation and it opened my family's eyes to new foods. Which they loved by the way! Now if I were cooking for my Aunt only, then it would be reasonable to make a veggie friendly dish but I'm not sure it's fair to expect it when a majority of the dinner guests are carnivors. Try not to feel bad about the comments. Deep down they might admire your commitment to clean eating and animals although most will never admit it or have the will power to follow suit.0
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