Any Thoughts before I Kill Her!
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give her specific chores, and a scheduel to get them done. (ie monday=trash out, tues=laundy, wed=vacuum) one or two chores a day is a lot easier and managable than "clean the house"
Oh and a good swift kick in the butt if she complains. My mom had a no whining rule in our house, if we complained about chores we got more chores and/or lost our allowance...we didn't complain much
Specificity is good, and manages expectations on both sides. We have friends who charge their kids if "the maid" (mom or dad) has to do their chores, and deduct it from allowance/spending money etc.0 -
I didn't read any of the replies....so, with that said.....
I was an only child of a single mom. She was at work a lot, too. I can just say from the child's view, she feels neglected. She has no one to care for her after school. No one to talk to about her day, and when you get home, you've had your own drama during your work day. No one is tending to your daughter's very complicated emotional needs.
Add to that the fact that teenagers are going to argue - it's the way it has always been, and the way it will always be. They are learning independence.
Spend a little time when you get home tending to her needs and letting her know how important she is to you. She will be much more likely to help someone she feels actually cares about her. It is very hard to raise yourself, and that's what she feels like is happening. Next stop: serious behavior problems, if she gets no attention.
edit, can't type
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Don't worry I don't plan on killing my 14 yr old anytime soon! I just need some advice, My daughter is the only child and since I grew up with siblings it's hard to relate with her at times.
The problem is this I work 2 jobs and when I come home to a house that looks a mess I get upset. Then I have to hear her complain that she feels like a slave if i ask her to straighten up. When I was growing up it was more then just me so I always had help with chores, I don't want everything to be on her but something has to give any advice out there?
I was an only child. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my mom had to work 2-3 jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. I had to fend for myself. I learned to cook (could make Sunday dinner-- pot roast and veggies, meatloaf, and cake by age 10). My mom had one simple rule:
PUT IT AWAY WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT!
If you put it away when you're done with it, you won't have to clean up so much.
She grew up in a family where if you left something on the floor it was thrown into the garbage. If you couldn't take care of it, you didn't deserve to have it!0 -
My daughter just turned 11 on Tuesday...and that's pretty much how she rolls too. Her room is a disaster area; but my son's room is only slightly cluttered. She feels that he should help her clean her room because he plays in there for about 1 nanosecond every year. The fit that ensues makes me want to implode.
Rather than murder, may I suggest contacting your local gypsies & seeing if you can get a good price for her? 0 -
Easy, Simply life for her.
Go in and clean...like a BOSS.
If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.0 -
I have three girls, aged 16, 13, and 7. I don't have time for the poor me act from them. I was raised under very strict parents, you don't talk back, respect your parents, and do as you are told. So that is what I demand from my kids. I am not there to be their buddy or friend, I am their mother.
I tell my daughters (and the 13 year old is the worst at listening) to clean up. I let them know what I expect to see done. If it isn't done, they end up very unhappy. I take away phones, friends, computers, activities, etc. My 13 year old spent the first 4 weeks of her summer vacation grounded, under constant supervision, with no cell phone, computer or electronic gadget of any kind for not doing as she was told (it was a little more serious than not cleaning up but she still needed to do as she was told).
Just put your foot down, you are the adult, you work two jobs and she needs to show you some respect....you are not her slave.0 -
Easy, Simply life for her.
Go in and clean...like a BOSS.
If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.
I may just have to copy this into my memory bank for future use0 -
A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.
B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.0 -
Give her up for adoption.0
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OMG ****ING KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING AMIRIGHT0
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I dunno, my chores were to clean the house weekly for my allowance. At age 13 I started my first job too at McD's and have been working since. Anyways, does she often ask for money to do stuff? Can you give her an allowance to help clean the house? (sorry if this has already been suggested; I didn't read all the responses for lack of time!).
Great suggestion on just cleaning her room, too. I bet after the first time you do it, when you ask HER to, she will as she won't want you going through her stuff!0 -
If that's your only problem with your teenager, consider yourself lucky and be grateful.
I was a nightmare of a teenager.0 -
Just smack her and blame TOM.
She better recognize!!
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Take the weekend and clean the house together top to bottom. Tell her she needs to take the responsibility to clean up after herself from now on.0
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A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.
B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.0 -
I asked because I was not an only child and rasing one child to many is a big diffrence to me. I just wanted to make sure I was being fair in what I asked of her because like most of my friends chores are split up with all of them not just one single person. I honestly didnt know which way to go thats why i asked.A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.
B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.0 -
My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.
^
This. Worked really well in our house.0 -
Def feel this!Easy, Simply life for her.
Go in and clean...like a BOSS.
If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.
I may just have to copy this into my memory bank for future use0 -
My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.
This works fantastic. We did the same with our only child.0 -
My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.
I LOVE this idea.0 -
Unfortunately if a child does not have chores and responsibilities from the time they can walk / pick something up then when all of a sudden it's 'expected' it is very hard to do. Our 5 yr old is responsible for setting and clearing the table as well as cleaning his room and picking up his toys. He has learned very early that WE are the parents and what we say goes. WE are not his slaves and until he moves out he is living free so he is required to contribute in some way - he has a great understanding of economics.Did you spoil her and allow her to slack off when she was younger?
At 14 it's going to take some hardcore work.. I would do THIS...Easy, Simply life for her.
Go in and clean...like a BOSS.
If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.0 -
Work together this weekend to get the house in good condition. Then, she is required to pick up after herself. That's not a slave, that's being responsible. Then, come up with a certain amount of chores that are her responsibility. Maybe make a chart. Stuff you're responsible for, she's responsible for and stuff you'll work on together. Then she'll see she doesn't do ALL the work. Hopefully that will help.
Very nice. I was treated like a personal housekeeper as a kid, and that's putting it nicely. Not only my own mess, but everyone else's. I got in trouble once (don't even recall for what) at 12 yrs old and my punishment was DISHES FOR LIFE, and I was one of six kids! We'd eat, and afterwards everyone just got up and left everything on the table. I had to clear it, put the food up, wash the dishes (by hand), dry them and put them away. Once I left them in the rack to air dry when my Mom was at work, and she pulled my out of bed at 3 am on a school night and screamed at me while I put them up.
Wow, sorry for going off there. My point was, it shouldn't all be on her either. Work together.0 -
teenagers are the most god awful roommates
she needs to do this so when she grows up her man and her boss dont say OMG you are such a disorganized incapable slob!0 -
Oh my gosh - so many of these are such brilliant ideas! I really hope I can somehow drag this thread up from the archives of MFP when I have children and they get old enough to learn some of these things.
You all sound like amazing parents - clever and responsible. Very impressed! And here I thought all children were being brought up little terrors these days.
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I came home to a bathroom with no toilet paper, an open window (it's November!), and an unflushed toilet full of urine.
I feel the pain.0 -
My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.
If you have the patience...^^^^^THIS0 -
As I have recently left my teenage years but have younger siblings, I can throw in a different perspective for y'all (in saying that, I have yet to read all the posts).
I definitely don't/didn't mind doing jobs if I knew I was part of a team. What I hated was being asked to do chores when I knew my siblings/parents didn't do as many as I did (and being VERY tidy, a lot of my often over the top efforts to keep the house tidy went unnoticed so I thought I was doing more than others and nobody knew
) But when I knew my siblings also had to do dishes/vacuum, mow lawns, I was ok about being asked to do them. It sounds like your daughter definitely doesn't appreciate all you do for her! When I randomly asked my mum what she did every day, besides work, I was amazed at the hours she put into chores that went unnoticed by everyone else! It definitely made me do more and encourage my younger siblings to do more.
Rosters work well and are fair - fairness weighs a lot in a 14 year olds mind!
And praise her when she does do her chores! Even if she should be cleaning up after herself anyway, it still makes it easier to do something the next time if you know your efforts aren't going unnoticed.
And as for the attitude... I was definitely one of those kids at times as well. I can't believe the NERVE I had sometimes when I spoke to my parents. Ugh. Makes me very disappointed in myself! What changed that was seeing my mum tired/upset/stressed because of it. Then I felt awful, and did chores. My dad, on the other hand, would fight back, which made the whole situation worse because the fight was being egged on. Girls are empathetic creatures, pull the sympathy card - and you definitely deserve to, working two jobs! And her response will probably be more willing.
Good luck
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no advice, sorry, but that sounds like me and I'm an only child..... I simply didn't want to it and had to be told sometimes repeatly. I could give you a list of reasons why but that pretty much sums it up. plus, the things you mentioned (working, wanting help around the house, ect) doesn't come to mind....I just figure someone will get to it eventually and I hate cleaning and only did it when i had to, like when I'm hungry and there aren't any more silverware or plates/bowls to use then I will pitch in....orrrrr just wash what i need and leave the rest. I didn't know how difficult it is for the parent's or whoever. not too long afterward I got tired of being yelled at so I cleaned (truthfully on weekdays I only had to straighten up and keep dishes cleaned) before she got home...or soon as the car pulled up.
ETA: good lord, now reading this, it sounds horrible.0 -
I have no kids but there is something I have come to realize lately. I just recently thanked my parents for making me do chores growing up. My boyfriend and I live together and we are both 25. It is rediculous that i have to clean up after him all the time. His only chore is the dishes and I have to get on him all the time to get them done or they don't get done. I do laundry, sweep, mop, and clean the bathroom on top of the regular pick things up, take out trash, etc.
About 2 months ago I had told my boyfriend we needed to clean the house before company came over. So we did everything together. We go into the bathroom and he just stands there and stares at the sink. I asked him what was wrong and come to find out he had no idea how to even begin to clean a bathroom!!! 25 years old and he had NEVER cleaned a bathroom in his life! I had to teach him!!! I was so shocked!!!
I complained about chores growing up, but like a lot of people said, give her a few at a time. She'll come around!!!0 -
My son will be 14 on Saturday...and he is the only child. We only ask him to take out the trash...they way I look at it is...they should have chores....but he's only going to be a kid once and I hated chores so if it doesn't happen we let it slide....I may pay for it later...but wow did I not like chores....so I don't mind if he doesn't do the trash.........
Beware this kind of attitude...I married a man who's mother didn't make him do a single thing as he was growing up and it is hard to get him to do anything now with out a ton of nagging and b*tching. Granted he has gotten A LOT better over the years but there was a lot of fighting and me going on laundry/cooking strikes to get my point across. You're not doing your kid any favors by letting him slide through life like that.
This is exactly what I was talking about!!! I even asked my boyfriend's mom if she made him do chores and she said no! I just stared in utter disbelief! So now it is a fighting battle causing unnecessary stress on a relationship because he is used to someone else always doing everything for him! He is better about it now, and now that I know he didn't have to do chores as a kid I'm easing him into them. I have given him dishes only for now, later I will add in the floors or whatever so one day it's not just me cleaning!0
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