Any Thoughts before I Kill Her!

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  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    give her specific chores, and a scheduel to get them done. (ie monday=trash out, tues=laundy, wed=vacuum) one or two chores a day is a lot easier and managable than "clean the house"

    Oh and a good swift kick in the butt if she complains. My mom had a no whining rule in our house, if we complained about chores we got more chores and/or lost our allowance...we didn't complain much

    Specificity is good, and manages expectations on both sides. We have friends who charge their kids if "the maid" (mom or dad) has to do their chores, and deduct it from allowance/spending money etc.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    I didn't read any of the replies....so, with that said.....

    I was an only child of a single mom. She was at work a lot, too. I can just say from the child's view, she feels neglected. She has no one to care for her after school. No one to talk to about her day, and when you get home, you've had your own drama during your work day. No one is tending to your daughter's very complicated emotional needs.

    Add to that the fact that teenagers are going to argue - it's the way it has always been, and the way it will always be. They are learning independence.

    Spend a little time when you get home tending to her needs and letting her know how important she is to you. She will be much more likely to help someone she feels actually cares about her. It is very hard to raise yourself, and that's what she feels like is happening. Next stop: serious behavior problems, if she gets no attention.
    edit, can't type :wink:

  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
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    Don't worry I don't plan on killing my 14 yr old anytime soon! I just need some advice, My daughter is the only child and since I grew up with siblings it's hard to relate with her at times.

    The problem is this I work 2 jobs and when I come home to a house that looks a mess I get upset. Then I have to hear her complain that she feels like a slave if i ask her to straighten up. When I was growing up it was more then just me so I always had help with chores, I don't want everything to be on her but something has to give any advice out there?

    I was an only child. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my mom had to work 2-3 jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. I had to fend for myself. I learned to cook (could make Sunday dinner-- pot roast and veggies, meatloaf, and cake by age 10). My mom had one simple rule:
    PUT IT AWAY WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT!
    If you put it away when you're done with it, you won't have to clean up so much.

    She grew up in a family where if you left something on the floor it was thrown into the garbage. If you couldn't take care of it, you didn't deserve to have it!
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    My daughter just turned 11 on Tuesday...and that's pretty much how she rolls too. Her room is a disaster area; but my son's room is only slightly cluttered. She feels that he should help her clean her room because he plays in there for about 1 nanosecond every year. The fit that ensues makes me want to implode.

    Rather than murder, may I suggest contacting your local gypsies & seeing if you can get a good price for her? :wink:
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Easy, Simply life for her.

    Go in and clean...like a BOSS.

    If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.

    I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.
  • pudgeylou
    pudgeylou Posts: 202 Member
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    I have three girls, aged 16, 13, and 7. I don't have time for the poor me act from them. I was raised under very strict parents, you don't talk back, respect your parents, and do as you are told. So that is what I demand from my kids. I am not there to be their buddy or friend, I am their mother.

    I tell my daughters (and the 13 year old is the worst at listening) to clean up. I let them know what I expect to see done. If it isn't done, they end up very unhappy. I take away phones, friends, computers, activities, etc. My 13 year old spent the first 4 weeks of her summer vacation grounded, under constant supervision, with no cell phone, computer or electronic gadget of any kind for not doing as she was told (it was a little more serious than not cleaning up but she still needed to do as she was told).

    Just put your foot down, you are the adult, you work two jobs and she needs to show you some respect....you are not her slave.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    Easy, Simply life for her.

    Go in and clean...like a BOSS.

    If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.

    I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.

    I may just have to copy this into my memory bank for future use
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.


    B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Give her up for adoption.
  • BritneysStuntDouble
    BritneysStuntDouble Posts: 849 Member
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    OMG ****ING KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING AMIRIGHT
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
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    I dunno, my chores were to clean the house weekly for my allowance. At age 13 I started my first job too at McD's and have been working since. Anyways, does she often ask for money to do stuff? Can you give her an allowance to help clean the house? (sorry if this has already been suggested; I didn't read all the responses for lack of time!).

    Great suggestion on just cleaning her room, too. I bet after the first time you do it, when you ask HER to, she will as she won't want you going through her stuff!
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    If that's your only problem with your teenager, consider yourself lucky and be grateful.
    I was a nightmare of a teenager.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Just smack her and blame TOM.
    She better recognize!!:angry:
  • pullipgirl
    pullipgirl Posts: 767 Member
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    Take the weekend and clean the house together top to bottom. Tell her she needs to take the responsibility to clean up after herself from now on.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.


    B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.


    B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.
    I asked because I was not an only child and rasing one child to many is a big diffrence to me. I just wanted to make sure I was being fair in what I asked of her because like most of my friends chores are split up with all of them not just one single person. I honestly didnt know which way to go thats why i asked.
  • LeslieC1970
    LeslieC1970 Posts: 160
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    My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.

    ^
    This. Worked really well in our house.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    Easy, Simply life for her.

    Go in and clean...like a BOSS.

    If you deem it unnecessary, THROW IT AWAY. Do it while she is at school. Let her come home to Bed, Sheets, 1 Pillow. 8 days of clothing. and anything needed for school. REMOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.

    I did it to my daughter at 14. I no longer have issues with this. It;s dramatic, but it simply states...I AM THE PARENT. YOU WILL ABIDE, OR YOU GET NOTHING. Remember to take away ALL technology, as well. she wants to amuse herself, she can write. Reinforce, that when she decides to be an adult that if she doesnt do as she needs, she wont have anything to worry about...including a job.

    I may just have to copy this into my memory bank for future use
    Def feel this!
  • cpaman87
    cpaman87 Posts: 193 Member
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    My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.

    This works fantastic. We did the same with our only child.
  • Aeriesified
    Aeriesified Posts: 206 Member
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    My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.

    I LOVE this idea.

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