Any Thoughts before I Kill Her!

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Replies

  • crazytreelady
    crazytreelady Posts: 752 Member
    Personally... She is a kid, she will complain, but who cares. You put food on the table, you are her parent, chores are part of life.
    I have been the one to do all the chores in my family since I was about 13.That is because I love my mother very much, no matter how much we may ever fight. She fought to give me life and the best she could provide, the least I can do, is some chores.
    BTW, I do not believe in giving children or teens money for chores. They are a part of life. If your kid wants money for doing work around the house, charge them room and board and see how long that lasts. They'll change their mind and straighten up pretty quick.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
    no advice, sorry, but that sounds like me and I'm an only child..... I simply didn't want to it and had to be told sometimes repeatly. I could give you a list of reasons why but that pretty much sums it up. plus, the things you mentioned (working, wanting help around the house, ect) doesn't come to mind....I just figure someone will get to it eventually and I hate cleaning and only did it when i had to, like when I'm hungry and there aren't any more silverware or plates/bowls to use then I will pitch in....orrrrr just wash what i need and leave the rest. I didn't know how difficult it is for the parent's or whoever. not too long afterward I got tired of being yelled at so I cleaned (truthfully on weekdays I only had to straighten up and keep dishes cleaned) before she got home...or soon as the car pulled up.
    ETA: good lord, now reading this, it sounds horrible.
    lol that is def my daughter if I don't say anything the dishes will sit or she will just wash out something for her to use so she can eat! I plan on sitting down with her this weekend and we will come up with a solution together.
  • graceylou222
    graceylou222 Posts: 198 Member
    I was a ***** when I was 14, thats the way teenage girls are. And we tend to be a bit dramatic, you should know this! Don't feel bad for asking her to do chores, it's not like she is cinderella and she is cleaning her life away.

    Also, my parents didn't believe in allowance, now that i am older i understand why. Kids shouldn't only help out because they know they will get paid. That doesn't teach them anything, except that they should be rewarded anytime they help out, which is NOT the case.
  • graceylou222
    graceylou222 Posts: 198 Member
    Personally... She is a kid, she will complain, but who cares. You put food on the table, you are her parent, chores are part of life.
    I have been the one to do all the chores in my family since I was about 13.That is because I love my mother very much, no matter how much we may ever fight. She fought to give me life and the best she could provide, the least I can do, is some chores.
    BTW, I do not believe in giving children or teens money for chores. They are a part of life. If your kid wants money for doing work around the house, charge them room and board and see how long that lasts. They'll change their mind and straighten up pretty quick.

    THIS!!!!!
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 276 Member
    Murder is never the answer.
    With that said, we clean the house as a family on Sunday.
    After that, there is a very simple rule:
    If you mess it up, you clean it up.

    This was not popular until I started to throw away the "mess".
    Shoes, toys, dishes. I came in with the big garbage can from outside and every mess went in the trash.
    Things got better from there.
    My dad did this. Just picked up my things and threw them away once... and I heavily resent him for it to this day. Of course, that's not all I resent him for, but it only takes a few key moments like this that really stick out in a kid's mind to make someone resent their parent forever, possibly. Be careful with a kid's trust. I'm not saying not to set rules, boundaries and limitations, but things of this nature can be really hurtful to some of the more tenderhearted kids out there, and can really break someone who is just doing what kids do - which is to say, testing their limits.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    ahhhhhh....gotta love those teens. We have a 14yr old boy who would rather clip his toenails in his bedroom and NOT clean them up. We stay on him about his mess but, I guess I would rather have him show good hygiene and be messy than NO good hygiene and messy. lol
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    Don't worry I don't plan on killing my 14 yr old anytime soon! I just need some advice, My daughter is the only child and since I grew up with siblings it's hard to relate with her at times.

    The problem is this I work 2 jobs and when I come home to a house that looks a mess I get upset. Then I have to hear her complain that she feels like a slave if i ask her to straighten up. When I was growing up it was more then just me so I always had help with chores, I don't want everything to be on her but something has to give any advice out there?

    I have a 14 year old (and 3 others), and I can confirm that teens are LAZY and all about themselves. Point out that it's fine if she doesn't want to clean up, because you don't feel like driving her or letting her go anywhere either.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    A. I fail to see what her being an only child has to do with anything.


    B. Congratulations, you're raising a teenager.
    I asked because I was not an only child and rasing one child to many is a big diffrence to me. I just wanted to make sure I was being fair in what I asked of her because like most of my friends chores are split up with all of them not just one single person. I honestly didnt know which way to go thats why i asked.

    there are fewer things to do! less laundry, fewer dishes, less trash to take out, fewer beds to make, etc.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
    .....i have 3 teenage girls.... (and a 5yr. old girl).....

    never once a thought of 'killing' although i realize you are just frustrated and not serious.

    she should have a clear list of chores...nothing over the top, just straightforward chores. and she should get rewarded for doing them (i.e. an allowance -- decent one/incentive). if she neglects her chores, she doesn't get her allowance.

    thats pretty much the only way it works for my girls.

    good luck.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Personally... She is a kid, she will complain, but who cares. You put food on the table, you are her parent, chores are part of life.
    I have been the one to do all the chores in my family since I was about 13.That is because I love my mother very much, no matter how much we may ever fight. She fought to give me life and the best she could provide, the least I can do, is some chores.
    BTW, I do not believe in giving children or teens money for chores. They are a part of life. If your kid wants money for doing work around the house, charge them room and board and see how long that lasts. They'll change their mind and straighten up pretty quick.

    THIS!!!!!

    x2. I tell my kids they get to live in my house rent-free, the least they can do is do their chores. They take it in stride and call me the cheapest mom EVA! (We do a LOT of joking around.)

    I do NOT pay my kids to do chores or to get good grades. I will pay them for "extra" chores - which would be like, digging up sprinklers or clearing out the garage - stuff that is outside of their normal chores.

    But seriously, when my son was getting lippy with me (he was 14 - he's 17 now), I gave him extra chores EVERY TIME he got lippy. One particular day he was just off the chain mouthing off, disrespectful, etc....every time he mouthed off - he got something new to do. And of course, eventually I ran out of chores for him. What to do?

    Soooo....I sent him to my neighbor's house (he was laid up from back problems) and had him mow my neighbor's lawn. I've had minimal issues with him.

    Now that he's getting closer to 18, I had him sign a behavior contract. When he is in college, guess what - we'll update the contract.

    I think it's important (as a parent) to teach our children how the real world operates, what behavior is acceptable/unacceptable.

    My son has friends that do not know how to wash their own clothes. When he went to camp with the ROTC cadets, he was one of a handful that knew how to operate the dang washing machine. Ai!

    Anyhow, good luck with your teen, it's defintely not easy!
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    Military school.
    Too expensive?
    Fine, just send her to Mexico. A couple years picking tomatoes will get her attitude in check.
  • cmacphee3
    cmacphee3 Posts: 278 Member
    Not helpful, but funny to me:

    When I was growing up, my mom, not the kids, would be the one constantly saying "I'm not your slave!" because it was expected that we clean up our own messes and do our share!
  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
    throw down your work bags and complain with her about what you don't want to do. then agree to help each other out, but also to reward yourselves. Maybe once a month if you both stay on top of your chores you can have a fun day like go see a movie or get a pedicure or do lunch.
  • Angie_Fritts
    Angie_Fritts Posts: 263 Member
    We always had chores when I was growing up. There was just me and my brother, and maybe my parents didn't "need" our help. But we were taught that contributing was part of being a family. Everyone has a job that makes things run more smoothly for the family, that's just the way it was. Chores were age appropriate and we had plenty of time left over for just being kids :)

    ^^THIS
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    You are the parent. She is the child. You are working two jobs to keep food on the table and provide the things that she takes for granted. She can help out a little bit. Teens are like that. But in the end she will respect you more for taking a firm position. If you are working 2 jobs... It is not YOU making the mess. She is the one that should be picking it up. Best wishes. Teens are soooo fun.
  • BrieLP
    BrieLP Posts: 300 Member
    I had chores and didn't get an allowance, if I didn't do my chores I would get my butt whipped... Same will go for my children, right now they are 2 and 5 so their job is cleaning their room, putting their dirty dishes in the sink, throwing things away and putting dirty laundry in the laundry basket... when they are older they will have more chores and will not get an allowance they will get their butts whipped... and yes at age 14 i was still getting my butt whipped... just saying.
  • shonuff221
    shonuff221 Posts: 9 Member
    Hello!!!

    Tell her she is earning her keep. Is it her mess as well? Either she can help keep the house clean or go get a job and pay the bills :-)

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