Dating a morbidly obese person....

araromi2

I would never date a morbidly obese person who was not working to become healthier for several reasons:
1. If you don't take care of yourself...you won't take care of me
2.If I fell in love with this person would we have a future?
3.Im not interested in taking someone to the doctor for ailments related to obesity which could totally be avoided
4.I want children so what kind of example would he/she set for our children?

GeekGirl23

Agree with Fire_Rock. Going straight in with the mindset of "changing him" is not a good thing at all. Accept him for who he is or move on. You might motivate him to change his lifestyle, but that should be a bonus, not an expectation.

^^This! You can only change one thing and that is yourself. If you feel that it's a problem and he hasn't stated he is wanting to go down this path then keep him as a friend or let him go.

I'm finding it hard even with my husband to get him to do the changes for himself... I'm exhausted even.. so I've stopped trying. I cook meals and let him dish his own, I keep the fridge stocked with good food while he goes out and buys twinkies... I can't make the choice for him. I figure I'll be looking smokin hot and he'll either get in shape with me or have health problems and I'll be an early widow... once again I can't stress about it or make him do anything. But at least I'll be hot either way!

sho3girl

Go out, enjoy yourself, and see how it goes. If his habits hinder your healthy lifestyle then just be friends, if he decides he wants to join you then fantastic you have a compadre

^^ this

brevislux

If you're looking for a serious relationship then personally, it seems like a bad idea. Not because he'd have a bad effect on you - that's up to you. But because I wouldn't want to start something with someone who has a very good chance of dying before the age of 40.

NanzyBoek

Take it slow. It may be a good life long friend if nothing else. You can always back out later. Talk about postiive helathy changes and watch his reaction. You dont have to be commitied or marry him right off the bat. It sounds like you get a long so dont stress.. just take it slow and see what happens.

FlaxMilk

Many people gain weight in relationships. You are expressing worry that you will lose steam being with someone who isn't interested in changing unhealthy habits. It's a legitimate fear. I agree with the person who said that 300 or 500, there must be an unhealthy relationship with food. When someone has an addiction or abuses a substance, the advice is to often stop hanging out with the old crowd, change your habits. I think your fears of struggling too much with your own issues are valid. Food is a big part of many dating relationships--restaurants, hanging out together, making dinner together, going to the movies. With how available food is, stopping at the gas station can be an opportunity to get some snacks or even a meal. It's ok to put yourself first.

FlaxMilk

In my view it is about assumptions made about an obese man based on his appearance with very little information to support any of those assumptions other than "oh, that's what obese people must do or be like"

Maybe he will sabotage this lady's efforts.

Or maybe he won't. Maybe he'll be really supportive even though he doesn't follow that routine himself.

This is about the prejudice obese people suffer and nobody batting an eyelid.

I don't think people are worried that he will sabotage anything. I think people are discussing her fear that she will be unable to resist temptation in her own recovery if he is not wanting to change his lifestyle. Many of us struggle with temptation when someone else is eating something delicious whether we are underweight, normal weight, overweight, obese, or morbidly obese. In OP's case, she's not yet at a healthy weight. Her health has to come first, because that's all she can control.

By the way, OP, you are gorgeous.

NikLeighB

I would like to point out that not only obese people live unhealthy lifestyles. I was married to a Marine who was not overweight and he ate HORRIBLY which in turn caused me to eat horribly. (He did pay for the groceries.. I bought and cooked what he wanted).. During deployments I thrived and lost weight, when he came home I gained. I think it is more important to focus on someones lifestyle versus what their body looks like or the scale says if you are looking for someone who isn't going to hinder your weight loss. Sure just casually dating someone shouldn't interfere with your goals but what if that dating developed a serious relationship, living together or married. Eventually each others bad habits can rub off on each other. I personally won't date someone who does not lead a healthier lifestyle because I don't want to waste their time or mine. Sure one or two dates just to get out maybe but nothing past that... no matter how good they look or not. I find fitness and healthy eating attractive to me because that is what I want in my life. They could weigh more than me but if they workout, eat right and have goals there is nothing more sexy to me than that! I actually do like the idea more of a man who has struggled with their weight and worked to get where they are at versus someone who has just always had a good metabolism and eats junk all the time.

I will date someone who is on their journey too but not someone who is not already on it because I have no desire to change someone or fix someone. Just like I am a non smoker (I quit over 3 years ago) and I have no desire to be around or kiss a smoker.. even if they are "trying" to quit. It is just a personal preference and is not shallow, just my choice. I am also a sucker for dimples.. shallow? Nope.. just what I like. Don't feel bad about who you are and are not attracted to. It's not always skin deep when it comes to why you are concerned about their weight.

NikLeighB

..double post

NikLeighB

Many people gain weight in relationships. You are expressing worry that you will lose steam being with someone who isn't interested in changing unhealthy habits. It's a legitimate fear. I agree with the person who said that 300 or 500, there must be an unhealthy relationship with food. When someone has an addiction or abuses a substance, the advice is to often stop hanging out with the old crowd, change your habits. I think your fears of struggling too much with your own issues are valid. Food is a big part of many dating relationships--restaurants, hanging out together, making dinner together, going to the movies. With how available food is, stopping at the gas station can be an opportunity to get some snacks or even a meal. It's ok to put yourself first.

Advice like this is why I am looking to make new friends and even working out at new venues. I feel like my old friendships hinder my progress. We ultimately are in charge of what we eat but with any addiction it is hard when you are around others giving in. It gets very exhausting when people act like with food you can just eat it or not eat it. Sure.. ultimately yes, but that is easier said than done. With an alcoholic they can just avoid alcohol, with smokers, avoid cigarettes, with drugs, avoid drugs and the people who abuse those things. Food, you have to eat no matter what, so how do you avoid unhealthy food that you are not bringing into your home except limit your exposure to others who are bringing the unhealthy food around. Sometimes it is good to be selfish and when it comes to your health, I am learning the hard way that it is my time to be a little more selfish than I usually am.