Thanksgiving Help....dreading the Food Pushers!
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In my case the food pusher is my DIL's mother, and she is very LOUD about it. She also doesn't believe me that I get sick from gluten and dairy. We had it out last year after she lied to me about ingredients and I got sick. I have ZERO tolerance now for being pushed to eat anything I don't want or don't trust. If anyone is going to pout or be insulted about me choosing my health over their ego, fine. Be miserable! I never insist that anyone eat what I make and expect the same courtesy.0
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I haven't read every comment, so this may have been mentioned already, but,....
My thoughts on this are to eat a filling but healthy lunch, so that by the time dessert comes you can truly say you are too full to eat it. You could say " wow mom that looks AMAZING I would love to have some but I am super stuffed" or you can say that even if you aren't. Around the holidays saying your too stuffed to eat anymore is not an uncommon thing and you shouldnt get weird looks for it. But you should also enjoy your thanks giving, and I dont think anyone expects to eat only 1200 calories on that day, ya know?
Also if you increase your calorie intake for the day, the best goal might to be to break even... in that sense I mean find out how may calories you need per day to maintain your weight, not necessarily lose, and aim for that calorie goal. That way you are allowing yourself some wiggle room, but are also not technically sabotaging - and regaining weight that you have already lost.
it might be helpful as well to be upfront with your mom the day before. You could say "Look mom, this is something that is really important to me, and while I would love to stuff my face with all of your amazing meals, I'm really trying to show some restraint, and while i will still try and relax and enjoy a thanks giving feast, and enjoy the fruits of our labour, please know that I will be trying my best not to over indulge to the point that I feel tremendous guilt afterwards, so please dont try and guilt me into eating everything in sight"0 -
Well said! Thank you!I look at my mom for inspiration. She on her journey has lost 70 pounds as well and has turned into this amazing beastly lady. She rides 50+ mile bike rides, has climed a high rated mountain in our area 7 times (it is, on average, an 8 hour hike with a climb!!). She has maintained her weight only fluxing 5 pounds here and there for over 9 years. You want to know how she eats on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Like a normal human being. Enjoying the foods we do not get to enjoy year round. If she can do this one day where she is making mashed potatos with real butter or indulging on more than a bite of dessert and come out victorious than why can't I?
I think life is a beautiful thing, which is why I am so hell bent about this weight loss journey of mine. My aunt however emailed me one day and said "Kayla, you're doing fantastic but do not forget to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile". I believe this. I Have realized I went to far in the other direction, not even going to birthday parties anymore because of food temptation. I am at a happy place in my life now where I understand with healthy days 90% of the time and those few situations where I might not eat perfect, I am still happy and successful.
One day you'll miss having those Thanksgivings with your family. We all die at some point. Is this saying you should sit down and devour a whole pie? no. It is all about that happy moderation and knowing not to weigh yourself the next day. You can't blow it all on one day. If you can, I would still be 330 pounds.
make your own decisions but I think we get so caught up in our journeys that we forget to be real people every once in awhile.0 -
If there are small children invited you could offer to help with them - they will keep you so busy that you don't have as much time to eat, and in my experience they usually want to leave the table early, so you can go and play with them in another room!
Brilliant!
The other tactic I use at some events (graduations, weddings, etc) where there are lots of finger food and that "don't worry what you eat because it's a celebration" attitude is that I designate myself the "helper" who pours coffee, offers to help people find a place for their coats, etc. You keep moving and with hands full of a coffee pot and creamer, there's no way to grab those chocolate candies, chips, or other tempting snacks.
This way you can enjoy your meal but not go overboard with the "extra" calories that come before and after.0 -
Just got off the phone with my mom. We are planning the Thanksgiving menu. I don't know how many times I told her that we need to not go over board with desserts and dips, etc. I told her that I would make a fruit salad, steamed broccoli, etc. (trying to keep it a little bit healthy.) She is so disappointed. She wants the fattening broccoli casserole and the gazillion calorie fruit dip. Twenty desserts that no one will eat.
I am actually dreading Thanksgiving. I have already told her so many times that I am watching what I am eating. She just says "Nonsense...It is a holiday!"
I am already anticipating her pouting because I won't eat her food. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I have to put myself first.
Any advice? How do you handle the food pushers in your life? Especially ones that are family and you don't want to hurt their feelings.
I am bringing my own food. i dont let my mom push food on me anymore0 -
Her personal happiness is being associated with what is on the menu- and so is yours. I would tell her that. I'd bring the lower calorie options as agreed, if she wants you to make the higher calorie version, explain sorry mom, I don't cook that way anymore and I am not going to eat that way anymore. It bloats me, it hurts me, and it hurts all my hard work- put the guilt right back where it needs to be. I know you want me to be successful, and one day of bad choices is not a sacrifice you want to make.
Let her know you are in no way offended if others choose to eat that way, but you won't be serving up the heart attack on a plate menu items. Each year will probably get easier as you continue to keep your commitment to your health
Latest statistics I got was a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner (from start to finish) is 4500 calories! I don't know about you, but I will never eat that much food in one day, never again.
She's your mom, appeal to her love for you, and if it doesn't work, turn the tables and use the guilt she is using0 -
FREE day... I look back on all the times that I've tried to keep in weight standards or this diet or that one, and all the wonderful food I've missed.. you should just enjoy yourself in moderation, be thankful that you have good food and company this year, and press on with your schedule/routine on friday, one day won't kill you, just don't over do it.
as for the rest of it..small portions, make one plate, eat slow. but still enjoy yourself some, you've worked hard, and earned it
Agreed.
As my dad says, "It's not the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas that make you fat, it's the days between Christmas and Thanksgiving does that." I don't fret about holidays. There aren't enough of them to make any difference whatsoever if I'm healthy the other 90 percent of the year. Life's too short. Plus, with occasional indulgence, I'm less likely to fall of the wagon for weeks at a time.
I will say, though, that I do decline the offer to take leftovers home with me.0 -
Why don't you offer to make the broccoli casserole and bring dessert?
Cooking light has a great broccoli casserole
http://www.cookinglight.com/eating-smart/recipe-makeovers/lighten-up-better-broccoli-casserole-00400000001134/
or maybe you can bring the green bean casserole
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/11/lightened-up-green-bean-casserole-with.html#more
And for dessert, mini phyllo pecan pie.
Double this recipe if you're trying to feed a crowd. It's awesome and each little pie is only 68 calories.
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/11/mini-pecan-phyllo-tarts.html#more
Then fill up on white meat turkey, your light broccoli or green bean casserole, a smidgen of something naughty and any other veggies/salad and you even get dessert.
You shouldnt let your diet ruin the quality time with your family. Thanksgiving is not all about food. The food brings family together, but ultimately, it's about family.0 -
Wow! You'd think that people would be proud of us for being able to control our eating at such a hard time. I know my family is very supportive.. Actually to the point of attending an all diet thanksgiving i'm hosting.. so many people should know it's only one thanksgiving out of so many... just another freaking turkey dinner. What is important isn't what we eat, but the time we share with our families. I guess some people tend to forget that.0
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I've seen it all over the boards..it's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Don't stress out over one day. Enjoy the time with family and the food, and get back on track the next day.
My girlfriend and I are traveling out-of-state to spend part of Thanksgiving weekend with her family. I intend to fully enjoy the holiday and heartily partake of food and drink.
That said, I'm being super-careful careful to remain under my calorie goal on the days leading up to and following the holiday. I'm also packing my running gear so I can maintaining my exercise routine during the trip.
My advice is to make a plan and then stick to it. Just remember, It's what you do over the long-haul that really matters. One day won't derail all of your hard work if you remain committed and persistent.0 -
Thanksgiving for us will be at my MIL, an even tougher sell than a mom. I plan on taking small servings of select foods (i.e., such as the least fattening dessert vs all of them), and nibbling/sampling what I do have on my plate and pushing the rest off on my husband. He is tall, thin, and gluttonous, and will have no problem polishing off what I don't eat.0
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What sometimes works for me, and I know it wouldn't work for everyone as it depends on the size of the party etc, is take the dessert, slice of cake etc on to my plate, mess with it a bit when everyone is talking, surreptitiously put it into my paper napkin ((can't be done is one is served with a real napkin) and put it in the bin as soon as possible. I find if you take the helping of food the hostess often doesn't notice whether you eat it or not but she does notice if you refuse it. I can understand those who have made comments to the effect of "it's just one day- enjoy it" but those comments are not helpful to many of us who can't do moderation and who can't stop eating the sugary food once they start. If we were people who could resist after a moderate portion we probably wouldn't be on this site, trying to lose weight.0
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Honestly, if some family member - mom or anyone else - cannot respect what I want for myself, to the devil with them. Stay home and make your own Tgiving dinner.0
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Sorry I can not comment on everyone's post but I do appreciate all of the wonderful advise! I am going to read through all of them this evening...throw the negative ones out...and take everything else that everyone said to heart.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
Happy Thanksgiving!!0 -
I first off want to say that if you're not going to help this woman with REAL advice on getting rid of food pushers (not telling her to give in), then don't reply to this thread. There are some of us who DO work really hard, and plan on keeping in control on that day. And we don't want to have to work extra to get it off the following days when we've already been working so hard. If you choose not to do so, than that is 100% your choice. Please don't push your obviously unwanted and rude advice about eating on this holiday.
And please don't bother quoting me if you plan on coming back with a "it's just one day, lighten up" or whatever. Your comments are insignificant and pointless. There are other threads on not planning your calories and plans that day. Why don't you mosey on over to them.
Okay, so sorry for that rant. Was getting an eye twitch reading some of the posts on here.
MY advice is to keep your hands busy! You'll be less likely to be pushed for food if they can see you already have something in your hand. We have food out before the main meal, so I like to completely fill up a plate with fruits and veggies (may need to bring some of your own if you know there wont be any, and other people DO like them) and get away from the other food.Why not take the chance to catch up with people in the other room? Then if a hostess comes over and offers something, it's obvious you're still working on your plate. Or I offer to be the chore person to keep me busy, or help out cooking a food (that i wont want to taste test).
And as for the main meal, not sure what kind of style yours is, but ours is kind of a buffet style. I try to be one of the last ones to go. Then I can fill up my plate with all the healthy choices I want, and when I get to the table most people are so consumed with their own food they won't look at mine. And if they do try and get me to eat something else I'll say, "well let me get done eating this, and if i'm not full i'll have some!" (but of course you'll be "full" afterwards).
And for after the meal/dessert, same goes with having your hands full and getting away from the tempations. Why not be the person who offers coffee to everyone? Then when everyone has some pour some for yourself (low in calories!) and just pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
Though I will say moderation is of course key, there are things only come around once a year. Have just a little bit and move on.
If you stick with your goals for the day, I can guarantee that you'll wake up proud!0 -
Actually, I agree with your mom, OP. It's a holiday. Eat the fattening foods and enjoy, then go back to "normal" eating on Friday.0
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We are going to my husband's aunt's house for Thanksgiving and I fully intend to bring my Lean Cuisine. I don't care who gets mad or pouts! I have worked too hard and too long to have a "binge day"
Turkey is healthier than a Lean Cuisine.0 -
If I were your mother I would be a little offended as well. Part of the holidays is the fun in preparing and eating foods that you only get once or twice a year. Many of these being traditional dishes passed down throughout the years. I would be willing to bet that has more to do with it than the actual dishes. While I agree healthy dishes are good to have, I think that there are a few occassions where you can be a little more relaxed. Why not offer to bring yours to supplement dinner? If she doesn't like this idea, eat some turkey and make sure to grab more veggies than anything else if you're worried about the calories. But, I really do agree with a lot of the posters above....it is a rare occassion, enjoy the day. Take small portions of the unealthy food, larger portions of the healthy options and just enjoy your family.
In regards to the lean cuisine....I would honestly cry if someone brought that to my house after I spent all day (and the night before) preparing a full meal for guests. I am not one that is easy to cry, and I realize that we are all trying to eat healthy. But, that is just disrespectful.0 -
I first off want to say that if you're not going to help this woman with REAL advice on getting rid of food pushers (not telling her to give in), then don't reply to this thread. There are some of us who DO work really hard, and plan on keeping in control on that day. And we don't want to have to work extra to get it off the following days when we've already been working so hard. If you choose not to do so, than that is 100% your choice. Please don't push your obviously unwanted and rude advice about eating on this holiday.
And please don't bother quoting me if you plan on coming back with a "it's just one day, lighten up" or whatever. Your comments are insignificant and pointless. There are other threads on not planning your calories and plans that day. Why don't you mosey on over to them.
If we disagree with you its because our method is wrong? Simply disagreeing with you makes us wrong? Why is only your way right?
And just so you know, I did side with the OP and told her that this is about a pact between her and her body not her mother and her body and to remember that when she sits down to eat with the people she loves.
Your tone and insults are uncalled for simply because you feel self righteous today. Different people respond to different kinds of motivations and butt kickings.
Please explain to the community at large, how we are supposed to know what kind of motivational speech or butt kicking is supposed to work for this particular person that we do not know.
Or just realize, that because we cannot know ahead of time what kind of oomph gets her going, then at least its a good thing that all kinds can post here. All kinds of people and all kinds of motivation. If she wants one specific kind of motivation always and ONLY - then that is what her friends list is for. If she posts it to the world at large - she cannot expect an answer catered to her. She's going to get the whole dinner and she's gonna have to pick which things work for her.
Just like Thanksgiving.
but SERIOUSLY - thank you for showing the spirit of the season with your rant. :flowerforyou:0 -
I first off want to say that if you're not going to help this woman with REAL advice on getting rid of food pushers (not telling her to give in), then don't reply to this thread. There are some of us who DO work really hard, and plan on keeping in control on that day. And we don't want to have to work extra to get it off the following days when we've already been working so hard. If you choose not to do so, than that is 100% your choice. Please don't push your obviously unwanted and rude advice about eating on this holiday.
And please don't bother quoting me if you plan on coming back with a "it's just one day, lighten up" or whatever. Your comments are insignificant and pointless. There are other threads on not planning your calories and plans that day. Why don't you mosey on over to them.
Okay, so sorry for that rant. Was getting an eye twitch reading some of the posts on here.
MY advice is to keep your hands busy! You'll be less likely to be pushed for food if they can see you already have something in your hand. We have food out before the main meal, so I like to completely fill up a plate with fruits and veggies (may need to bring some of your own if you know there wont be any, and other people DO like them) and get away from the other food.Why not take the chance to catch up with people in the other room? Then if a hostess comes over and offers something, it's obvious you're still working on your plate. Or I offer to be the chore person to keep me busy, or help out cooking a food (that i wont want to taste test).
And as for the main meal, not sure what kind of style yours is, but ours is kind of a buffet style. I try to be one of the last ones to go. Then I can fill up my plate with all the healthy choices I want, and when I get to the table most people are so consumed with their own food they won't look at mine. And if they do try and get me to eat something else I'll say, "well let me get done eating this, and if i'm not full i'll have some!" (but of course you'll be "full" afterwards).
And for after the meal/dessert, same goes with having your hands full and getting away from the tempations. Why not be the person who offers coffee to everyone? Then when everyone has some pour some for yourself (low in calories!) and just pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
Though I will say moderation is of course key, there are things only come around once a year. Have just a little bit and move on.
If you stick with your goals for the day, I can guarantee that you'll wake up proud!
i totally agree. Its just another day. Its just food. there's no reason to stuff yourself stupid. Im doing some kickboxing after my small healthy dinner 0
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