Thanksgiving Help....dreading the Food Pushers!

Mellie289

I truly am sorry. I don't know how this thread got so out of control. This is suppose to be the Motivation and Support thread....not the Bash and Bruise one.

I am actually jealous of you that you have a family that supports you enough to not mind at all if you eat a Lean Cuisine or the entire turkey! That is the whole point of my original post. I can find plenty of healthy options to eat...I am bringing a lot of healthy options...I will eat some turkey. I just don't want to offend my mom. I know she will want me to try EVERYTHING. And it isn't as easy as a simple "no." Which is VERY evident by the mixed comments on this post. The posters can't even agree if I should just sit there and eat what she gives me or walk away and stand up for myself.

I do thank everyone for their input. I REALLY am appreciative of the people who really took time to answer my original post. I am going to read through all of them and hopefully I will come up with something that will work for me.

But please everyone...no more negative posts. It doesn't help anybody.

I'm not surprised you're getting such a range of responses. Every family is different and only you know the dynamic and what might cause long lasting repercussions.

My parents are also food pushers and live a few thousand miles away from me. That means, when I visit them, I am subjected to their terrible diets and food pushing for at least a week. I managed to lose weight this summer while staying with them for 10 days by being very firm and clear about what I would and would not eat for my stay, with the exception of two meals on my free days for the two weekends I was there.

I also think one meal isn't going to blow it, especially if you keep up the exercise, but the big problem with something like Thanksgiving is the leftovers - all those calorie-dense foods that nobody wants to go to waste! Plus all the extra unnecessary calories added to the foods served up at my parents' during the holidays. In my opinion, sweet potatoes don't need sugar added to them. I taste everything, but don't fill up my plate with regular-sized portions of each food. I even have pie, but just a sliver, not a whole slice. Desserts don't all need to be topped with whipped cream. All the bready products don't need to be smothered in butter. I try to limit my calories a bit by avoiding the extras that I can!

I will face the same thing at Christmas this year (Thanksgiving will be in Vegas, so no turkey and stuffing for me). I will allow one freebie and the rest of the time I'm there, I will be measuring, counting and logging in MFP. To me, it's worth a little indulgence a couple times a year if control is possible in the days around those feasts!

Lisa760

Lots of different views and mostly good discussion. I'm still trying to figure out how to tackle my first holiday season since eating healthier and exercising. Thanks OP for asking this question. Do what you feel is right for you. From your posts, you seem like a very thoughtful person so I'm sure you'll be mindful of other people's feelings without compromising what's best for you. Best of luck and Happy Thanksgiving!

PRMinx

Wow!! This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and one day of indulgence and enjoyment will not de rail the whole process. I would be OFFENDED if I had prepared a Thanksgiving feast and someone brought a Lean Cuisine. Don't do that!! Talk to your hostess and plan a couple of healthy choices together. Get a good work out in, take a little of your favorites, fill up on veggies, and enjoy the company. Talk a lot--you won't have time to put food in your mouth!! Sheesh, people. This is a holiday, and a time to be thankful. Enjoy it!!

Well lucky for me, my family are NOT food pushers and they support my lifestyle and the choices I make. My husband's aunt is fully aware that I am bringing it and they are not offended at all. Reason for the Lean Cuisine--- so I can log!!! I cannot log their recipes! How do I know how many calories are in their butter smothered food ?! Everyone has their own choice to make. Glad everyone was ripping my decision apart with their criticisms and judgements while I carried on about my day happily :huh:

Actually, just as an FYI, you can log it. I do it all the time with recipes. If you really wanted to do that, just ask them for their recipes and build them out on here. You can indicate how many portions each recipe makes and then when you are logging your meals it works like any other food.

gatx

I just don't want to offend my mom. I know she will want me to try EVERYTHING. And it isn't as easy as a simple "no."

I just want to add that I can understand how this might be difficult for you. (I am on a 90 day workout program and have this day scheduled to be a 'me' day... and plan on working the extra calories off... but I've been there when its difficult to try to eat healthy and stick to a plan and my 'well meaning' family does their best to throw me off.)

But I will say... you only have your mother for so long. There are a finite number of Thanksgivings you have with her. Are they going to be Norman Rockwell, picture perfect days? No. I've learned (through my own very different issues with my mom) that I cannot change her and cannot expect her to change. Whose feelings should be hurt, mine or hers? I need to take care of ME and at the same time, make sure I spend time with my mom, connecting with her as an adult. Trust me, its not easy... but be true to YOU. Tell your mom honestly, "Mum, I love you and trust me I LOVE your sausage stuffing and gravy... but I am going to just have a taste. Just wait til you see me next Thanksgiving mum." If she pushes, just smile and do your best to let it roll off your back. In 20 years, when your mom is gone and you reflect back on your holidays together... you won't remember food pushing, focus on the things you do remember (do you have family traditions?). Make time to sit down with her and tell her you love her. Include her on your struggles with food. She loves you and wants you to be happy.

OR... if your family is sarcastic like mine, we used to do a drinking game or a 'Mom Bingo'. Every time xyz happened you had to take a drink. Or one year, my sister made a 'Gatx Family Bingo' card and whenever certain things happened you got to check it off.

Its a day a gratitude and family and love. Its not going to be postcard-perfect but it can be a wonderful day. Find a way to stay true to you.

bcattoes

Actually, I agree with your mom, OP. It's a holiday. Eat the fattening foods and enjoy, then go back to "normal" eating on Friday.

why?? My sister works the ER thanksgiving. She said she sees more heart attacks that day then any other

While eating unhealthy food can lead to heart disease over time due to fat gain or clogging arteries, but it does not cause an immediate heart attack unless perhaps brought on from choking (which could also happen with healthy food).

Heart attacks go up during the holidays due to stress, no doubt sometimes caused by family arguing over something as silly as food.

rrboxer

Stating the truth is an awesome way to stop food pushers and I love your post when I read it. I'm going to use the same thing and be honest upfront instead of saying "I'm on a diet" because I'm not really on a diet. I'm on a mission to change my eating habits and stay healthy forever. Thanks for posting!

andy13

Eat what your given and be grateful for it, If you start making a fuss at every festive feast, you might stop being invited. MFP is supposed to be a "LIFE style" change and there's going to be plenty more thanksgivings in your life.

amy1612

Just got off the phone with my mom. We are planning the Thanksgiving menu. I don't know how many times I told her that we need to not go over board with desserts and dips, etc. I told her that I would make a fruit salad, steamed broccoli, etc. (trying to keep it a little bit healthy.) She is so disappointed. She wants the fattening broccoli casserole and the gazillion calorie fruit dip. Twenty desserts that no one will eat.

I am actually dreading Thanksgiving. I have already told her so many times that I am watching what I am eating. She just says "Nonsense...It is a holiday!"

I am already anticipating her pouting because I won't eat her food. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I have to put myself first.

Any advice? How do you handle the food pushers in your life? Especially ones that are family and you don't want to hurt their feelings.

I would totally want the broccoli casserole aswell. Watch what you eat, don't be a downer for everyone else. If you're worried about people food pushing, fill your plate up and then leave something on there so it always looks a little full. Its a holiday, you dont need to go overboard to enjoy the food, and you dont need to be obsessive about calories....its one day, it wont make or break you.

broodmom

Well, I'm the holiday cook in my family and I can relate to your Mom somewhat. I have traditional dishes I fix every year that I fix because that's what I had at holidays from early childhood. I've dropped the marshmallow fruit salad, the banana cherry jello, and the mincemeat pie because I'm the only one who eats them and I've sacrificed these comfort foods to be practical. I get a lot of joy from fixing food, and it's easy to pack emotional feeling into them. I suspect your Mom really wants these foods because she associates them with the holidays of years past.

You'll find that over the years your Mom will get used to you eating differently. Introduce some of your new food choices into her spread, and they may become new favorites.. Fruit salad, yum. Let your Mom go overboard, but quietly eat what you need for your own choices. Only you know what goodies you can taste a bite of and not lose your resolve. Being too full to eat something is a good excuse.

I don't know how old you are, but some time host the meal at your own house and start your own traditions.

AXAGEM

I once read years ago that if someone keeps pushing food on you, poliety said no thank you without explaining why (as soon as you say you are on a diet or eating heathy, it just seems to open up the conversation to them saying things like ït's only one day" go on you are doing so well you need a treat" blah, blah blah) up to 3 times and after this if they still insist, accept the food and then make your point by not eating it. I do this myself and it works, they soon get the message. If they ask why you didn't eat it, just say something along the lines of you being full for now.

Good luck and stay strong, I know it's not easy.

darrensurrey

I have another solution.

Let me come along, too, but don't tell your family I'm coming. There'll be less food for each person so you eat less. :bigsmile:

myohana4

I have another solution.

Let me come along, too, but don't tell your family I'm coming. There'll be less food for each person so you eat less. :bigsmile:

This is the best suggestion yet! LOL Meet me at my mom's at 1:00.

Yolanda4160

Wow!! This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and one day of indulgence and enjoyment will not de rail the whole process. I would be OFFENDED if I had prepared a Thanksgiving feast and someone brought a Lean Cuisine. Don't do that!! Talk to your hostess and plan a couple of healthy choices together. Get a good work out in, take a little of your favorites, fill up on veggies, and enjoy the company. Talk a lot--you won't have time to put food in your mouth!! Sheesh, people. This is a holiday, and a time to be thankful. Enjoy it!!

Well lucky for me, my family are NOT food pushers and they support my lifestyle and the choices I make. My husband's aunt is fully aware that I am bringing it and they are not offended at all. Reason for the Lean Cuisine--- so I can log!!! I cannot log their recipes! How do I know how many calories are in their butter smothered food ?! Everyone has their own choice to make. Glad everyone was ripping my decision apart with their criticisms and judgements while I carried on about my day happily :huh:

Actually, just as an FYI, you can log it. I do it all the time with recipes. If you really wanted to do that, just ask them for their recipes and build them out on here. You can indicate how many portions each recipe makes and then when you are logging your meals it works like any other food.

my family don't write down their recipes. It's "a handful of this, or a pinch of that" etc. And I really don't want to estimate. I just wish everyone would respect MY decision and leave it alone already. Thanks everyone and have a nice day tomorrow.

cmeroar68

I have not read all the repsonses you have received....so I am sure you have gotten a ton of advice of which now you get to choose which to follow. And now here is my suggestion. After getting a plate of food, of the healthiest you can pick, tell your mom you'd be happy to take a smidge of '____' home to eat on Friday and Saturday, because you are stuffed now. Don't take too much, and then just toss it when you get home. I know, I know, there are people starving all over the world, but this way you won't hurt your mom's feelings and if you don't take too much, it's no crime!
Good luck tomorrow. You've made a great decision to change how you eat and look at food! Keep it up!

RockstarPunch

Options: #1 : Say you've gone Vegan (this will limit your food options significantly)
Option #2: Run a couple miles tomorrow morning and flush your body with water pre and post meal
Option #3: Take a spoon full of each item and consider that your meal (youve tasted it all and no one is offended)

From personal expierence and coming from a warm food family and culture the Worst thing you can do is call someones food fattening and tell them to cook something else, This IS offensive (even for those vegans and vegetarians who are limited) so in order to keep the peace and not be the talk of the hairshop or local grocer you can politely......

Option #4 : Make a nice green dairy free dish of your own
Option #5: Eat before hand and nibble monderately in between coffee and tea
Option #6: Make visits to different Thanksgiving dinners and stay for a limited time to spread holiday cheer and leave with in an hour of each

The thing with changing is that you also have to be considerate to an extent, you cant chuck family and common manners because you have decided to improve a piece of yourself. You will always as a living being have areas of improvement and if you chuck people ( become selfish to an extent and hurt feelings) by the time your done improving you'll be quite lonely. So I'd say when contemplating food approach take a vegetarian approach (the polite ones not the radicals lol)

1. Pack (bring a dish)
2. Hydrate (fluids)
3. Be polite

Sidenote: I just wanted to say also Veggies and Fruit have calories too so think moderation. Dont over do it on anything (including fruit and veggies) and it helps to eat off the little 6inch diameter plates.

Progress is the key not perfection* So breathe and take it one moment, one decision and one meal at a time....

Thanksgiving should not be a day of PANIC its a day of sharing and if you don't want to focus on eating you can also volunteer to feed someone else (Food Banks, Soup Kitchens, some Churches, Shelters .....They can ALWAYS use the extra food and can use Volunteers who dont mind serving