respones to friend requests
runner2runner
Posts: 1,937 Member
I know this is an unusual topic to post, but there's something that's been bothering me for a while since I joined this site. While I don't dispute that it's well within people's rights to do so, I just want to know what you think about not responding to friend requests, even if it's to let the person sending the request know that you're not interested in adding them. Personally I think it's not cool to just outright ignore a friend request. Even if you're not interested in adding people or a specific person, the right thing to do is to at least send that person a message or something to at least let them know that you're not accepting friend requests. That way, at least you both know where you stand. And while I understand that it shouldn't be your problem, some people are very sensitive and might be hurt and wonder if they did or said something wrong or even whether there's something wrong with them to make you ignore their friend request. Again, while I understand that people have every right to ignore friend requests, I just think it's only appropriate to at least let the other person know whether you're accepting their friend request or not.
After all, this is a site for people to not only share their amazing and inspiring stories but to also share fitness related ideas and tips and most importantly to encourage each other through positive feedback in our quest to achieve our goals. What I like about this site is that unlike say Facebook, where you actually have to know the person to send them a friend request, here most of us (from all over the world) don't actually know each other but we're still able to interact with each other, share stories, ideas and spread all round positive energy. I've actually started to feel more positive about myself and my life since joining this site. Which is why I find it very difficult to understand why people can ignore friend requests on myfitnesspal. I mean, it's not like the person is looking for a date or something. Anyone with a brain can see that this is not a dating site. So if you get a friend request, don't be quick to just ignore it, accept it and if the person turns out to be a creep, or doesn't encourage other people on the site, or is rude or full of negativity, you can always delete them from your profile.
I'd just like to clarify that I'm not trying to dictate to people how they should go about their business. I was merely just raising the issue and making suggestions. So what are your thoughts on this issue of ignoring friend requests?
I wish everyone here well and hope you all succeed in achieving your goals.
After all, this is a site for people to not only share their amazing and inspiring stories but to also share fitness related ideas and tips and most importantly to encourage each other through positive feedback in our quest to achieve our goals. What I like about this site is that unlike say Facebook, where you actually have to know the person to send them a friend request, here most of us (from all over the world) don't actually know each other but we're still able to interact with each other, share stories, ideas and spread all round positive energy. I've actually started to feel more positive about myself and my life since joining this site. Which is why I find it very difficult to understand why people can ignore friend requests on myfitnesspal. I mean, it's not like the person is looking for a date or something. Anyone with a brain can see that this is not a dating site. So if you get a friend request, don't be quick to just ignore it, accept it and if the person turns out to be a creep, or doesn't encourage other people on the site, or is rude or full of negativity, you can always delete them from your profile.
I'd just like to clarify that I'm not trying to dictate to people how they should go about their business. I was merely just raising the issue and making suggestions. So what are your thoughts on this issue of ignoring friend requests?
I wish everyone here well and hope you all succeed in achieving your goals.
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Replies
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I generally add people who post interesting things on the forum... I don't mind if people don't add me that is fine it's not personal, it's their decision.
It is nice to have a support network though so I will continue adding people .. and if they add me I don't think twice to accept a friend request. It's all good.0 -
I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.0
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I never have ignored a friend request (then again I haven't had many), but I don't really have a problem with it.0
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I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.
This ❤????0 -
I have a request at the top of my page that is very clear - please include a message. If someone does not, I decline. If they do not spend the time to read it why would I spend the time to PM them and tell them why I am declining? I am also not about to PM the peeps I think are creepers - that would be an awkward message.0
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add me i like support and motivation from as many fp mates as i can
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I don't accept all friend requests; lots of people send one without giving a reason WHY they want to be my 'friend', so I don't feel guilty not giving them a reason why i don't want to be their friend.
If someone does send a friend request and informs me why they decided to befriend me, I accept their request, unless the reason is out of the ordinary, but that hasn't happened to me before.
It may mean i haven't got many 'friends' on my counter, but atleast the ones that are on there are ones that I know I have something in common with.0 -
I would accept friend requests from people who tell me a bit about themselves and have open diaries. I am only really interested inn people who are serious about loosing weight, giving advice and receiving advice. I am not interested in people who collect friends for the sake of it. I have a small friend base but we all are very supportive of each other. I can't support people if I have hundreds of friends.0
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I don't accept all friend requests; lots of people send one without giving a reason WHY they want to be my 'friend', so I don't feel guilty not giving them a reason why i don't want to be their friend.
If someone does send a friend request and informs me why they decided to befriend me, I accept their request, unless the reason is out of the ordinary, but that hasn't happened to me before.
It may mean i haven't got many 'friends' on my counter, but atleast the ones that are on there are ones that I know I have something in common with.
this.
i have accepted some blank requests if i read their profile and they seem to be at a similar place to me. but i find a lot of people just want a big friends list, they dont comment, they dont support and they dont respond to comments i make, so i ditch them!0 -
I don't accept all friend requests; lots of people send one without giving a reason WHY they want to be my 'friend', so I don't feel guilty not giving them a reason why i don't want to be their friend.
If someone does send a friend request and informs me why they decided to befriend me, I accept their request, unless the reason is out of the ordinary, but that hasn't happened to me before.
It may mean i haven't got many 'friends' on my counter, but atleast the ones that are on there are ones that I know I have something in common with.
I agree with this. I add pretty much anyone who sends me a request as long as I am given a reason as to why the request is being sent. If it is from a person who I have not said could add me and has not responded to a message board post about adding people then I feel no need to accept the request. The least you could do is send a message stating why you would like to be friends with me. I understand that this site is about motivating and supporting each other, but I also do not feel the need to have hundreds of friends. It would be pretty hard to truly invest in supporting and motivating that many people, but that's just my opinion.0 -
On my profile I have a message. If they don't follow my request when adding (no under 21, no under 1200 calorie, no message), then I just ignore. Plus my list is small, and I want to keep it that way, I can't communicate with everyone if my list is like 200 people long.0
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this.I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.0 -
I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.
This ❤????
Same here0 -
I don't accept all requests, if I get ones with no message and I don't recognize the person as someone I've spoken to in the forums I generally won't accept it. I want to "know" the people on my list so I can better support them. I figure they shouldn't expect a response from me if I'm declining them if they couldn't even spend two seconds to tell me where I might know them from.0
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I like to keep my friends list tiny. Since I'm fairly active on my friends statuses and on the forums, its obvious that I get decent amount of FRs. Unfortunately, I have to decline most of them because if I didn't, I would endup having 900+ friends and I think thats unfair to the folks who support me and I would feel terrible for not returning the favor.
Why do I not give them an e-mail or something telling them why I declined? Same reasons I don't tell anyone when I delete them.
1) I don't have the ego to think I matter to them so much that they would be miserable. I do not have that kind of mentality. Though I do politely explain to them if they happen to e-mail me regarding it
2) why start drama? Most of the time, they don't even notice till wayyyy after. I got an email about me deleting somebody 2 weeks after I deleted them where she was screaming at me (some folks are not used to being rejected I suppose). She didn't even realized that I had deleted her for a while but when she did, she was angry about it. Imagine what I would have to deal with if I had to email everyone who I declined an FR from and deleted from my FR.
3) And this is the most important one in my humble opinion. I don't owe anyone an explanation. Yes, this is a support site. Yes, I am supportive and hod many folks on my list very dear (some who are not even on my list I hold very dear). But this doesn't mean I owe ANYONE here an explanation. I am doing this for ME and ME alone. Does this make me sound like an *kitten*? Maybe. Do I care? Sorry but nope.
I understand where you're coming from but try to understand where we're coming from too.0 -
Meh. :grumble:
Give me a reason for why you sent the FR, and I'll accept 99% of the time. :flowerforyou:
If you don't, I'll send a "form letter" saying thanks for the FR... and asking why they decided to ask... and how I can best support them on their journey. More than half of the time I don't get a response, so I delete the request. :brokenheart:
If you don't have the time to answer a simple question, then I'm sure you wouldn't have the time to support me in my efforts if I needed the extra motivation on a particular day. :drinker:
Yep, I love the smileys. They make life so much more fun!0 -
Hello OP:
While I do understand that people new to the site, such as yourself post questions like this, let me explain a few things.
1) Almost everyone on here has on their page a disclaimer saying basically "No msg=No accept."
Why?
Why would I want to be friends with someone who cannot even take the time to READ my profile to see if we have something in common before asking?:noway:
2) Some of us have very real friendship that have begun on this site. We write real letters, send cards, talk on the phone and Skype. If we have a huge FL, then it would be unmanageable, and personally, each and every one of my friends means a lot to me. I want FRIENDS, not acquaintances. I go through my FL weekly, and if someone is not active-out they go. Do I write them and tell them? Nope.
3) And, this IS a HUGE DATING site..you just have to know where to look, what forums to look into, etc. Not everyone on here is here to lose weight. Many people have lost and are maintaining..maintaining friendships and..other things.:blushing:
4) There are a HUGE number of people here with ED's (Eating Disorder's) These people have enough to handle without me telling them: "Hey, sorry, I do not want you on my FL because you are TOXIC to me."
5) And, last but not least: After you have been here 3-4 months, you will notice the "newbies" post the same questions that have been asked/answered over and over and over, instead of perhaps, taking the time to look in TOPIC'S, to see if that has been asked/answered already.
So, there you have my opinion..and my father told me they are like belly buttons..everyone has one!
Sis Nicolette0 -
I dont...as a rule send a friend request. Nor do I delete...well until recently. The only ones I deleted are those who havent signed in for more than 60 days. I try to respond to every SINGLE REQUEST....and every single person on my news feed (I think that's what it's called anyway) If my FL gets too long maybe I'll re-think things but not likely.
There have been a couple requests Ive sent because Ive liked something they posted somewhere...usually I tell them what and where so they know.
(fwiw...the word is responSE) spelling and punctuation are not my specialty... I just couldnt resist.
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I only accept requests from people who have a little be of info about themselves on their profile. I don't like accepting randomers with no info as you never know who they might be!!!!0
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I pretty much accept any FR - I do not give a reason if I don't because it is usually a request coming from someone without a message, without a profile. I don't have the usual disclaimer because I do not feel I should induce you to be communicative. If you can't figure out that the great white box is useful for an intro or a profile, I can't expect that you'll be interacting in an interesting and significant way with me. I'm trying to be supportive and do expect a demonstration that there is a living, breathing, feeling person there.
I have not dropped many people from my FL except for a few spammers selling health products and a few people that dropped out of sight after zero interaction. No msg so far. If I get dropped, there are a bunch of friends I'd be bummed about, I care about those, but otherwise I'll survive, I figure that somehow I wasn't a useful match for them or something else is going on in their lives.0 -
I have a request at the top of my page that is very clear - please include a message. If someone does not, I decline. If they do not spend the time to read it why would I spend the time to PM them and tell them why I am declining? I am also not about to PM the peeps I think are creepers - that would be an awkward message.
Lol ^this. I have a "Requirements" list for FR's - If you can't meet it, don't send one! It just shows that you didn't even read my profile before sending one and that's just plain rude!
Plus, I keep my list pretty small because I want some meaningful contact with people on it, or else what was the point? You've collected 200-odd profiles and now you have zero time for any of them. I also delete people without warning: for example, they say they are active when shooting me a FR and turn out not to be. Sometimes you've got to be ruthless!0 -
Wow. I didn't expect such a huge response in such a short space of time. Thank you everyone for your responses. I'll have to say all of you have made good points that have certainly made me think. I certainly agree with the point most of you have made about sending a FR with a message explaining why you've sent a FR instead of just a blank request. I'd certainly want to know why a person wants to be my friend before accepting their request.
Another good point that most of you have made is about the size of the FL. I never really gave that much thought. I guess it's better to have a small FL of people with whom you can have better interaction with and develop closer relationships with.
And taunto, you're right on point. You certainly don't owe anyone an explanation and no, you're not being an *kitten*.
I'll definitely take note of all the good points you've all raised. Most importantly I'll be sure to not take it so personally when I don't get responses for my FR. Again, thank you all for your responses.0 -
If I ignore a friend request, it's (personally) because I found the person off-putting in some way, I'm not going to go out of my way to interact with them. Although I'm sure some people have just reached an amount of friends that they feel suits them and reject all/most new requests automatically.
It has literally never occurred to me to let someone know why I turned them down (I don't on any other social network), I don't even know how'd I'd phrase it in a way that wouldn't be hurtful to some people. I just know that if someone turns down my request I'd prefer them just to click 'no' rather than contact me with criticism, although I can understand that others wouldn't see it like that.0 -
I hardly decline any friend request unless there is a solid reason to do so.
Although I don't have many friends but I always wanted to have good friends over this community who can share their views, give suggestions and can motivate each other. 0 -
I usually accept them all, I figure we are here to support each other...periodically I will go through my friends list and delete people who haven't signed in for a long time0
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Well I asked for people to befriend me looking for support and had so many people offer to be my friend, there's no way I could say no when I asked for them! I did think last night wow I have so many friends I hope to support all of them, and will do my best to honor that, I guess it will figure itself out, everyone has a different take on it I guess!!0
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I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.
This ❤????
This!0 -
oh for petes sake- this is the internet and a message board no less. There are all types online and have been for 20 years already. Everyone is going to do this differently. one may ignore requests or even (imagine this!) ignore the little note you put on your profile. some may add a note - some may add a note that creeps you out or is stupid- still accepting them? some may respond in great length why they must deny your friend request (like its a job application or something :laugh:
Who cares- if they do it wrong in your world- dont be friends with them. If they do it right- guess you found someone like minded- be friends forever then. If ANY thing that happens online hurts your feelings - I HIGHLY suggest you get OFF line - you dont belong on the part of the internet where other adults (and sometimes kids - and even still adults that act like kids) go and post.
If you cant separate or understand its not personal - that even the friend request isnt a tap to show you how awesome you are- its JUST a friend request- you need to quit social networks for a while and rethink real relationships.
Every other day theres another thread about how to friend up- it doesnt need instructions, kids. Everyone just needs to find the like minded person they can be friends with and FRIEND THEM. No amount of whining, complaining, note writing, instructional videos or manuals is going to do that- you just search, seek and destroy- or "like" or whatever the hell one does when they get something they actually want on here.
Im willing to take my chances and shoot a request out. If I put a note with it or not is MY choice and style and MY (soon to be friends) either jive with it or not - its really not important beyond that. If its accepted great for us- if its not- I forget it within 10 minutes. Pretty simple.0 -
I accept everyone who requests me, if I differ a lot from their views or just generally don't like them I can delete them.0
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i don't see what the big deal is about not being told why your friend request was declined. Obviously the other person felt that it was not a good idea, for whatever reason.
Maybe they don't like something you said in a forum post. Maybe something about the other people in your friend's list disturbs them. Maybe something on your profile page doesn't sit well with them. Do you really need to know why they don't want you as a friend?
Just move on. There are many people on the site with whom you could potentially establish a mutually supportive friendship.0
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