respones to friend requests

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  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
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    I have a request at the top of my page that is very clear - please include a message. If someone does not, I decline. If they do not spend the time to read it why would I spend the time to PM them and tell them why I am declining? I am also not about to PM the peeps I think are creepers - that would be an awkward message.

    Lol ^this. I have a "Requirements" list for FR's - If you can't meet it, don't send one! It just shows that you didn't even read my profile before sending one and that's just plain rude!

    Plus, I keep my list pretty small because I want some meaningful contact with people on it, or else what was the point? You've collected 200-odd profiles and now you have zero time for any of them. I also delete people without warning: for example, they say they are active when shooting me a FR and turn out not to be. Sometimes you've got to be ruthless!
  • runner2runner
    runner2runner Posts: 1,937 Member
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    Wow. I didn't expect such a huge response in such a short space of time. Thank you everyone for your responses. I'll have to say all of you have made good points that have certainly made me think. I certainly agree with the point most of you have made about sending a FR with a message explaining why you've sent a FR instead of just a blank request. I'd certainly want to know why a person wants to be my friend before accepting their request.

    Another good point that most of you have made is about the size of the FL. I never really gave that much thought. I guess it's better to have a small FL of people with whom you can have better interaction with and develop closer relationships with.

    And taunto, you're right on point. You certainly don't owe anyone an explanation and no, you're not being an *kitten*.

    I'll definitely take note of all the good points you've all raised. Most importantly I'll be sure to not take it so personally when I don't get responses for my FR. Again, thank you all for your responses.
  • louised88
    louised88 Posts: 159
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    If I ignore a friend request, it's (personally) because I found the person off-putting in some way, I'm not going to go out of my way to interact with them. Although I'm sure some people have just reached an amount of friends that they feel suits them and reject all/most new requests automatically.

    It has literally never occurred to me to let someone know why I turned them down (I don't on any other social network), I don't even know how'd I'd phrase it in a way that wouldn't be hurtful to some people. I just know that if someone turns down my request I'd prefer them just to click 'no' rather than contact me with criticism, although I can understand that others wouldn't see it like that.
  • KamalBhai
    KamalBhai Posts: 79 Member
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    I hardly decline any friend request unless there is a solid reason to do so. :)

    Although I don't have many friends but I always wanted to have good friends over this community who can share their views, give suggestions and can motivate each other. :)
  • TamAD48
    TamAD48 Posts: 387
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    I usually accept them all, I figure we are here to support each other...periodically I will go through my friends list and delete people who haven't signed in for a long time
  • kathrynlouiseellis
    kathrynlouiseellis Posts: 22 Member
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    Well I asked for people to befriend me looking for support and had so many people offer to be my friend, there's no way I could say no when I asked for them! I did think last night wow I have so many friends I hope to support all of them, and will do my best to honor that, I guess it will figure itself out, everyone has a different take on it I guess!!
  • Bernadettetoo
    Bernadettetoo Posts: 97
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    I accept pretty much all friend request. If somebody is way creepy, then I won't feel bad about giving them the boot.

    This ❤????

    This!
  • newmooon56
    newmooon56 Posts: 347 Member
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    oh for petes sake- this is the internet and a message board no less. There are all types online and have been for 20 years already. Everyone is going to do this differently. one may ignore requests or even (imagine this!) ignore the little note you put on your profile. some may add a note - some may add a note that creeps you out or is stupid- still accepting them? some may respond in great length why they must deny your friend request (like its a job application or something :laugh:

    Who cares- if they do it wrong in your world- dont be friends with them. If they do it right- guess you found someone like minded- be friends forever then. If ANY thing that happens online hurts your feelings - I HIGHLY suggest you get OFF line - you dont belong on the part of the internet where other adults (and sometimes kids - and even still adults that act like kids) go and post.

    If you cant separate or understand its not personal - that even the friend request isnt a tap to show you how awesome you are- its JUST a friend request- you need to quit social networks for a while and rethink real relationships.

    Every other day theres another thread about how to friend up- it doesnt need instructions, kids. Everyone just needs to find the like minded person they can be friends with and FRIEND THEM. No amount of whining, complaining, note writing, instructional videos or manuals is going to do that- you just search, seek and destroy- or "like" or whatever the hell one does when they get something they actually want on here.

    Im willing to take my chances and shoot a request out. If I put a note with it or not is MY choice and style and MY (soon to be friends) either jive with it or not - its really not important beyond that. If its accepted great for us- if its not- I forget it within 10 minutes. Pretty simple.
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    I accept everyone who requests me, if I differ a lot from their views or just generally don't like them I can delete them.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    i don't see what the big deal is about not being told why your friend request was declined. Obviously the other person felt that it was not a good idea, for whatever reason.

    Maybe they don't like something you said in a forum post. Maybe something about the other people in your friend's list disturbs them. Maybe something on your profile page doesn't sit well with them. Do you really need to know why they don't want you as a friend?

    Just move on. There are many people on the site with whom you could potentially establish a mutually supportive friendship.
  • Rachlmale
    Rachlmale Posts: 640 Member
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    I accept everyone as I believe in giving everyone a chance, they don't have to stay however. I prefer having like-minded people who are serious about weight loss, people with open diaries and who log in daily (obviously, everyone has the odd night off). Unfortunately I deleted a lot of 'trigger' people in the first couple of weeks who were actually pretty decent. Now I enjoy reading about all the lovely foods!
  • LowcarbNY
    LowcarbNY Posts: 546 Member
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    I just want to know what you think about not responding to friend requests, even if it's to let the person sending the request know that you're not interested in adding them. Personally I think it's not cool to just outright ignore a friend request. Even if you're not interested in adding people or a specific person, the right thing to do is to at least send that person a message or something to at least let them know that you're not accepting friend requests

    Some people don't bother to say a single word in their Friend Request and have a private profile or don't have anything filled out in their profile. I don't feel any obligation to respond to that kind of blind request. If I did reply I'd be fighting my nature to be snarky.
  • Daysednconfused
    Daysednconfused Posts: 975 Member
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    I don't accept all requests, if I get ones with no message and I don't recognize the person as someone I've spoken to in the forums I generally won't accept it. I want to "know" the people on my list so I can better support them. I figure they shouldn't expect a response from me if I'm declining them if they couldn't even spend two seconds to tell me where I might know them from.

    ^This
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    I have a request at the top of my page that is very clear - please include a message. If someone does not, I decline. If they do not spend the time to read it why would I spend the time to PM them and tell them why I am declining? I am also not about to PM the peeps I think are creepers - that would be an awkward message.

    This. And especially if I can't see their profile, have no mutual friends in common, have not interacted with them in a thread on the forum, and I have no idea why they are wanting to friend me.
  • Thorn51
    Thorn51 Posts: 2 Member
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    I guess I pretty much just accept them all...but then again I don't have many.
  • Joanitude
    Joanitude Posts: 171 Member
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    Wow. Thanks for raising this topic. So many things I never considered. I like the idea of keeping a friends list cultivated to maximize my ability to both give and receive support. I also like the comments about people not reading your profile - that is a pet peeve of mine on other places, not sure why I thought this was different :ohwell:
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    While I accept all FRs (mostly-I have turned down 4 this year) I can understand why people don't. Getting a FR without a message is annoying because you don't know where they found you, why they found you, or what you have in common. I accept anyway but I'm a guy. For women, I can totally see why they need to be pickier. They get probably 3x the requests I do, and they are much more likely to get creepy PMs from the guys on the FL.

    Technically I don't think the requests are being ignored. They are being denied. This isn't a fantasy football site where someone sends you an offer and you can reject it with a reason or a counter offer. You hit reject and that person disappears entirely. Even if you wanted to send a note to say why you rejected them, you don't even have their name anymore.

    Lastly, FLs can easily get too big. Large FLs are harder to manage because you have to dig down so far to see what everyone is up to. It really makes it hard to interact (read: troll) and be supportive.
  • cb83580
    cb83580 Posts: 136 Member
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    Personally, I'm not here to make friends. I'm here for me. I use the tools here to achieve my personal goals. I rarely post on the boards, so when I get the occasional friend request, I usually just delete them since that's not what I'm here for. Unless the person sending the request sends me a message, I feel absolutely no guilt for simply deleting the request. It's not my responsibility to appease others or soothe their hurt feelings if I ignore or delete their requests. Again, I'm here for me. I suspect there are quite a lot of others in the same boat.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    The only requests I ignore outright are the ones who are obviously trying to sell me something. Everyone else gets some sort of response.
  • Bakkasan
    Bakkasan Posts: 1,027 Member
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    This sounds like a very one sided problem. I bet OP is male without pictures of chiseled abs in his profile.

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