Can a marriage survive??

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  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    Or if he asks you to pass the salt-"Why don't you ask your *kitten* to pass it."

    That cracked me up.
  • jonjo1978
    jonjo1978 Posts: 59
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    i think both parties have to come to some sort of resolution
    if its worked at i think it can survive
    but theres gotta be 100% from both sides
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
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    Forgiving someone is something we think we do for others, but really, it is for ourselves. It is a great thing we do for ourselves though, otherwise we would be filled with a resentment and bitter feelings. I have far from mastered the art of forgiveness, but I know every time I do, when I let go of that resentment, I act as though I do something for the person I forgive, but the benefits are truly mine.

    Every person has to decide if they can trust someone who has betrayed them, for some it is, not easy, but possible. If you won't be able to trust him again, it is best to come to that conclusion early, not for his sake, but for you and your child's sake. Having this defined is best for all of you, so you know where to go.

    If my wife were to cheat, I am reasonably certain I would feel crushed, but able to forgive and trust her again. I know she would be crushed, a part of her destroyed and unable to trust me again and highly likely she would be unable to trust another man in her life again. This is not who is a better person, but a question of personality in my opinion. So while I am flirty toa degree, I not only love my wife, but essentially like her too much as a person to ever cheat on her. If she was different, maybe my the chances of cheating would be different. But I know what I know about her and know I would have to hate her as a person to do something that would crush her.

    One last note, many men and women can't internalize how crushing their betrayal is and that is what allows them to do this deed.

    My hope is that you see it in you to trust him again and he lives up to this incredible second chance you give him, if that were to happen.
  • kzcortes
    kzcortes Posts: 208 Member
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    I think what we're all saying is...it'll take a lot of work but you two need to talk about it and decide if you're happier with each other or without each other.
  • Amber82479
    Amber82479 Posts: 629 Member
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    I think it depends on the person. If you can find it in your heart to truly forgive him AND you can learn to trust him again, then I believe the marriage could survive. However, I think it's very rare that a person can do those two things and so typically, the marriage fails. I suppose all you can do is try. If needed, counseling could help you to talk in a constructive manner and work through the issues together. No matter what you decide, I hope you find happiness at the end of the rainbow.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    You'll never be able to trust him again unfortunately.

    True story.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    I am in a situation... My husband had an affair... I caught him. He lied but then finally admitted it. I moved out in August. We have been together for 10 years and married for 8 with a 7 year old daughter. I recently moved back into the house. But in all honesty can a marriage really survive an affair?? I still love him with all my heart and things have changed for the better, but I'm not so sure we can live happy ever after. Advice or stories please!!

    Your husband lied to you, introduced potential diseases to you by having sex with someone else, and dismissed you and your daughter when he decided to have sex with someone else. For me, no, the marriage could not survive that. I wouldn't want it to.
  • KristyHumphrey
    KristyHumphrey Posts: 248 Member
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    I am in a situation... My husband had an affair... I caught him. He lied but then finally admitted it. I moved out in August. We have been together for 10 years and married for 8 with a 7 year old daughter. I recently moved back into the house. But in all honesty can a marriage really survive an affair?? I still love him with all my heart and things have changed for the better, but I'm not so sure we can live happy ever after. Advice or stories please!!

    All i know is from watching what my brother went through. He was married to his wife a year and she cheated on him. They broke up, got divorced, but got back together about a year later. They got remarried. He never could get past it and couldn't trust her even though he stayed with her because he loved her. She cheated again and again. They finally ended it and it was definitely for the best (two children involved). Those kids have been through SOO much I'm shocked they have turned out okay (so far). Just food for thought!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    I think the only way you could make it work now is to institute a policy of total honesty and to seek marriage counseling. Best of luck to you.
  • deb3129
    deb3129 Posts: 1,294 Member
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    Something else to think about is that even if you leave him, and find a new relationship, that does not mean that all the issues go away. This will still affect how you look at everything, and unfortunately it will affect your ability to trust others, not just your husband. I am not saying that you should stay because of that, but leaving does not mean that all the trust and other issues go away. They are still there and have to be dealt with.
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
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    My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

    isnt this sentence an oxymoron? If your first marriage survived, there wouldnt be a second, no?
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
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    It happens every day and people survive it. Personally, I don't see how. I could never forgive that, regardless of the history. That's the BIGGEST betrayal of trust.

    Sorry, I have to disagree. There are much bigger betrayals of trust, like spending all your savings on gambling or physical abuse. Those are things you can't look past, ever. Affairs are symptomatic of issues in a relationship - if he doesn't have a history of cheating in his past relationships, it may be very possible to overcome this. It takes a lot of work and dedication from both parties and a true commitment to better communication, but it can be done if you both really, really want it.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
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    yep, all comes down to trust. the thing is he only admitted it because he got CAUGHT. i am pretty sure i couldn'd deal with it long term.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    It's my experiance that once a cheater, always a cheater. I think some people can change once they've moved on to a new relationship, but if staying in a relationship with someone that cheated on you, they are very likely to cheat again.

    Add to that, the stress of wondering, worrying and checking up on a person, I think it's best to move on. Having a child together complicates things. I know that if being a father didn't keep him from cheating, he will again.

    I couldn't do it, if for no other reason, than I couldn't look into my daughter's eyes and having her know and then eventually questioning her own relationships.

    I'm rambling now and I'm pretty sure you are going to try to make it work anyways. At least get some counseling.
  • kasslass2
    kasslass2 Posts: 337 Member
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    From someone who has been through it....it depends on the couple. We survived it and are stronger for it. Some times you have to fall apart to realize how perfectly you fit together. Best wishes to you and yours. It is a horrible experience.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Yes it can but it'll take a lot of hard work and even then it'll never be the same, but it might work
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
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    Like others have said... it is all about trust. Can you ever trust him again? Trust is a must in any relationship, if he cheated or not.
  • flabbyjay
    flabbyjay Posts: 95 Member
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    I think every aspect of your lives would have to be an open book to be able to trust. That being said can he handle that and do you want to live like that?
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    I couldn't do it, if for no other reason, than I couldn't look into my daughter's eyes and having her know and then eventually questioning her own relationships.
    You sir, are my hero.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    A marriage can survive an affair. It's not common. I have heard of several surviving, though.

    I would suggest going to counseling, though. No matter what. If you love him, work at it if you can trust him... and if he is willing to work at it. But... he has to be willing. Just don't allow him to keep hurting you.

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