Sabotage!!
pianolover2012
Posts: 168 Member
I love a certain family member, but I have decided that looking back over the last 25 years, every time I have started a diet, she seems to "pickup" the extra baked goods and send them to my house. She claims that these are for my husband and kids, but she also knows how weak I am with my eating habits. In addition, I continually tell her that she should not be giving our family bad stuff to eat when I am trying to change our eating habits.
To add to this, it is important to note that my sweet family member has always been ultra concerned with diet and exercise. She is VERY conscious of what she eats and NEVER eats poorly. So I find it very upsetting that she buys "junk" for our family when she would not eat it herself.
Do you have ppl in your life that sabotage your weight loss goals?
To add to this, it is important to note that my sweet family member has always been ultra concerned with diet and exercise. She is VERY conscious of what she eats and NEVER eats poorly. So I find it very upsetting that she buys "junk" for our family when she would not eat it herself.
Do you have ppl in your life that sabotage your weight loss goals?
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Replies
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I think the more accurate question is, "do you have people in your life who TRY to sabotage your weight loss goals?" Nobody can sabotage my goals without my permission-- what goes in my mouth is my responsibility, whether someone else encouraged it or not.
That said, I come from a freaking healthy family, where my mom couldn't even give out cake and ice cream at our birthday parties without feeling like she was contributing to heart disease and childhood obesity, so... not really. But moderation is key. I don't think either attitude (seeing someone else as sabotaging or feeling like you can't eat anything unless it's called kale) is psychologically healthy.0 -
I think the more accurate question is, "do you have people in your life who TRY to sabotage your weight loss goals?" Nobody can sabotage my goals without my permission-- what goes in my mouth is my responsibility, whether someone else encouraged it or not.
That said, I come from a freaking healthy family, where my mom couldn't even give out cake and ice cream at our birthday parties without feeling like she was contributing to heart disease and childhood obesity, so... not really. But moderation is key. I don't think either attitude (seeing someone else as sabotaging or feeling like you can't eat anything unless it's called kale) is psychologically healthy.
True in the fact that people do not MAKE you eat something, but they sure can play the devil's advocate!!0 -
I have relatives who try to push leftovers on me. If they won't take no for an answer I accept them, thank them and then when I get home, toss them. Seems cold, but hey, ya gotta do what is best for you.
Perhaps this person gives you food because she doesn't think you need to change (I prove my love by helping maintain your current diet/body status). Or that maybe that is how she shows love/support -- (here's comfort food for your new journey) BUT doesn't think about what it is you actually need to be supported (like no bad food). Who hasn't had a friend/spouse/family member say, "Let's treat ourselves" when the know you're on a diet? People tend to repeat the same dynamics, its just habit. You are trying to change yours, have made a concious effort to do so. So it's understandable that others may not be aware or even realize that the game has changed, so they keep repeating their role, even though it is outdated and unwanted.0 -
My friend is my weight loss partner. However, she always asks me to bake cupcakes & cookies & other things and bring them over to her house. She eats them. I don't. I don't know what's going on here but I feel like I am enabling her haha0
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Oh my God,
it's a mirage,
I'm tellin' ya'll...
(ETA: Sorry, OP, I don't have anything productive to add...it's just that when I see that thread title, I think of this.)0 -
I've found that I really have to get firm with people. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm sorry but we're not going to eat that. If you leave that here I just going to wind up dropping it off at a shelter. LOL...I'm sure my family thinks I'm a bit whacky but after years of sticking to my guns they now no better than to do that. Just be honest and tell her THANKS BUT NO THANKS you can bring that home with you.0
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I think that everyone has people who do not respect, understand, or even remember their weight loss efforts.
I am a compulsive eater. I will always be a compulsive eater. It is my job, and my job alone, to manage my compulsive eating tendencies and maintain (or lose) weight.
Sweets are a trigger for me. If someone repeatedly brought them to my house, I would politely thank them for their kind thoughts, and inform them that they are a trigger for me and will promptly be thrown away. I would then follow through. You can't control the actions of others, but you are responsible for controlling your own.
I will say, though, that I'm the only compulsive eater in my household. My husband and daughter are normal weight and certainly do not need to be deprived of sweets. My request to them is just that they put any sweets or junk away in the pantry where I can't see it. I am immediately triggered by tempting food sitting out on the counter, especially when I come home from work at night or when I wake up first thing in the morning. I know that I will mindlessly shove whatever is there into my mouth and eat way too much at those times of day. It's okay to set reasonable household rules surrounding food. If this person wants to bring your family food, and your family wants to eat it, ask them to keep it out of your presence.
I am convinced that people-pleasing, co-dependent types are the most likely to be overweight. Really, the best solution, and one that most normal weight people would suggest in this situation, is to tell the person politely to keep their food to themselves.0 -
I love a certain family member, but I have decided that looking back over the last 25 years, every time I have started a diet, she seems to "pickup" the extra baked goods and send them to my house. She claims that these are for my husband and kids, but she also knows how weak I am with my eating habits. In addition, I continually tell her that she should not be giving our family bad stuff to eat when I am trying to change our eating habits.
To add to this, it is important to note that my sweet family member has always been ultra concerned with diet and exercise. She is VERY conscious of what she eats and NEVER eats poorly. So I find it very upsetting that she buys "junk" for our family when she would not eat it herself.
Do you have ppl in your life that sabotage your weight loss goals?
They can only sabotage you if you are weak0 -
I can tell you that the longer you resist, the better you feel about you and the stronger you will become. I teach kindergarten, and almost daily am offered treats by birthday kids and/or find some tempting goodies in the lounge. It is still harder than heck to push it away (right now there are some Little Debbie's cosmic brownies in my bag from today's birthday kiddo--totally a weakness). But each success brings greater confidence. My family too loves sweets and doesn't seem to have problems not eating them or problems with eating too much. They expect dessert, whether I bake it or someone else does.
One coping strategy is to find something else that satisfies you that isn't as bad for you. I make my own hot cocoa mix where I control the amount of fat and sugar in it. I use extra cocoa and adjust the dry milk/creamer amount down. I allow myself to have this on days that everyone else is having dessert if I feel I just need something sweet. I even put some canned whipped cream on top (it's not really that bad for me, especially in relation to what I could be eating). Another is to cut some treats up into bite size pieces and freeze them, then allow yourself one baggie when needed (no more than one per day). You either have to nibble it or let it warm up in your mouth, both ways extending and savoring a little bit. For me, that does not work--I've found if I have a little, I want a lot. But it works for some.
Bottom line is, the ultimate decision to eat or not eat these treats is yours. Others subconsciously or consciously will find ways to attempt to sabotage our efforts to improve, and we need to find ways to deal with their actions that we can live with. We can confront, but we can't control.
No matter what you do, I hope you find a way to rise above this and other obstacles on your journey to good health.0 -
Have you asked her, point blank, NOT to bring these to you? Or reminded her of previous times you've asked her not to do so? In my family, bringing food over is a way of showing we care for each other - I'm just as guilty. My oldest sister works very hard to maintain her weight, so if I bake goodies when she's coming over, I make an effort to make fruit based/low or nor sugar treats that I know will fit into her eating plan.
Likewise, my other sister, who is naturally thin, will always offer to split something when we're tempted by sweets. She will also do this if we go out to eat together. She keeps thin by not eating too much - she encourages me to do the same.
BUT - this didn't happen all at once. We've had to clearly state what we expect when we're together. We have to remind each other periodically - in very kind terms - that loving one another doesn't mean pigging out together. Try that with this family member. If it still doesn't work, thank her for her kindness and then toss it. Better to waste her money than waste your health.0 -
To be successful, you need to figure out how to do this for yourself, despite any noise around you.
I recommend being direct with this family member. Say "I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but please don't send cookies/cakes/whatever to my house right now. I'm going to throw them away, so it's really a waste."0 -
Oh my God,
it's a mirage,
I'm tellin' ya'll...
(ETA: Sorry, OP, I don't have anything productive to add...it's just that when I see that thread title, I think of this.)
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's Sabotage!0 -
I can relate; I have a friend who is very thin and eats very little, but she LOVES to talk about eating sweets and often wants to hang out and eat desserts or order cake if we go out to eat—and pressures me to do the same, even though she knows what my goals are. She gives me a very, very hard time about saying no or sharing with someone else, even though she'll only eat like one or two bites. It literally drives me bonkers.
But that doesn't sabotage my efforts. Because I don't let it. I'm still in control of what goes into my mouth.
I also don't think she is purposefully trying to sabotage me, even though it may seem that way. I think she, like me, struggles with body image, even though she weighs much less. Crazy I know, but I have to realize it has almost nothing to do with me or what I'm doing, so why would I view it as sabotage?
Throwing away the 'gifts' is a GREAT idea. Both as a discipline exercise for you, and a demonstration of your personal boundaries for her. She's overstepping them.0 -
I bake cookies and make candies. I give away 99% so it isnt just hanging out in the kitchen but I dont give it to friends that are trying to lose weight! Last night I made some very pretty candy cane bark that I will bring to work tonight.0
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She will stop once she realises you are serious... how many people, on a daily basis say they are starting to eat well... and then the next day are back to their old ways? I'm sorry but you have to be stronger. Once you change your ways, people around you just know not to ask and then you won't be faced with such pressures. It is hard at first but it becomes a new habit for you, and those around you.0
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Sounds like she doesn't wanted to be tempted so instead she gives them to you. You just have to be firm or like one of the other posters did toss it in the trash so you won't be tempted.0
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this is like my muom. it's like she has radar that I'm trying to eat healthy so she makes the worst, gluten-y dishes in human history. "oh, you're trying to not eat gluten? how about some pasta with nice garlic bread??"0
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Everyone seems to have one of these saboteurs. There is this certain elderly relative who always invites me and my husband over for lunch/dinner. Once we get there, she just pushes stuff onto us; like literally puts heaping amounts on our plates! I want to tell her to stop but my hubby feels sorry for her and so he tells me not to do that. So my solution: I will not go visit her! May sound harsh but after a 1 year in which all my efforts were spoiled by the weekly lunch/dinner invite, I am SO DONE.
Focus on being better to yourself and if your relative does not stay within her boundaries, you gotta do what is best for you; Just throw away the baked goods your relative sends you. Do not feel guilty for wanting to eat better and live healthier!0 -
My mom is my saboteur. When I first started counting calories, she would talk negatively about it ("I don't know why people worry about it") Every time I went to her house she would offer me ice cream, twinkies, brownies. I think she finally got the hint after I declined what felt like 3000 times. When I go there for dinner I still eat the calorie loaded, fattening food she cooks, but I eat in moderation and budget my calories accordingly. It's gotten better, but at times it seems like she still doesn't care.0
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Everyone seems to have one of these saboteurs. There is this certain elderly relative who always invites me and my husband over for lunch/dinner. Once we get there, she just pushes stuff onto us; like literally puts heaping amounts on our plates! I want to tell her to stop but my hubby feels sorry for her and so he tells me not to do that. So my solution: I will not go visit her! May sound harsh but after a 1 year in which all my efforts were spoiled by the weekly lunch/dinner invite, I am SO DONE.
Focus on being better to yourself and if your relative does not stay within her boundaries, you gotta do what is best for you; Just throw away the baked goods your relative sends you. Do not feel guilty for wanting to eat better and live healthier!
Jesus, you've stopped visiting an elderly relative just because you can't control your eating?! That's appalling!0 -
I've looked up some calorie counts for goodies, and do my best to work with it. Takes a little extra effort, but it's worth it on the days when I truly need a small treat. What you could do, if you want to put in the effort, is figure out what would be a decent snack size serving of the goodie, cut up the cake and put it into little plastic bags, and know you can have that as part of your food plan. I will sometimes have two Hershey's kisses, one or two fun size candy bars (not the full size), or a snack-sized baggie filled with a treat such as toasted edamame or wasabi peas. There's no reason to NOT have sweets/treats, as long as you know what you're eating.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, take control of the situation. As hard as it is, if you make a habit of logging your food and become conscious of what/how you eat, it will be easier to incorporate goodies into your food plan without it torpedoing your weight loss goals.That way, NO ONE can sabotage you. MFS's food database is excellent, and will enable you to keep track of what and how you eat.
Another suggestion: One of my friends worked with a nutritionist, who had her log her food for two MONTHS before making adjustments in her food plan. Do that, so that you get into the habit of logging and become conscious of what and how you eat. That will help you a LOT.
Finally, it's no one's business if you're changing your food plan. Telling no one helps with the attempts to sabotage. What they don't know, they can't sabotage!0 -
Let it sit around until it gets moldy then make sure she sees it. :laugh:0
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Oh my God,
it's a mirage,
I'm tellin' ya'll...
(ETA: Sorry, OP, I don't have anything productive to add...it's just that when I see that thread title, I think of this.)
:laugh:0 -
I'm responsible for my own eating habits.... My husband can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound. He'll sit next to me on the couch and eat an entire bag of chips, a whole box of cereal, 5 nutter butters, or whatever else is laying around. But I've still managed to lose 25 pounds. No one is forcing you to eat anything.0
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Wow.0
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:flowerforyou: It's frustrating to say the least when you have family that don't understand! Luckily for me I have an awesome support group with my hubby & my family but my husbands family is a different story! We went to visit them & she just kept bringing out the sweets trying to get me to eat them but I stood my ground & didn't! You can simply tell her please don't bring these things in my house & if she continues to do donate them to a food drive or toss them out. IF she gets upset & says you're being rude then let her know bluntly that she's the one being rude in the first place because she knows how hard you are working.
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@ShreddedTweet:
Wow, thank you so much for the judgement. AS for elderly, I meant shes not in her 20s. She celebrated her 45th recently. She has managed to give her husband and one of her kids high cholesterol and sugar. She has plenty of people always around to feed and give obesity to.
Not so much the sweet elderly lady you're imagining but an in control rich woman who will not stop over feeding people.0 -
To be successful, you need to figure out how to do this for yourself, despite any noise around you.
I recommend being direct with this family member. Say "I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but please don't send cookies/cakes/whatever to my house right now. I'm going to throw them away, so it's really a waste."
I think this is great! It is to the point. I am trying to change to a healthy lifestyle for myself and my children. I want them to make healthy choices. M0 -
@ShreddedTweet:
Wow, thank you so much for the judgement. AS for elderly, I meant shes not in her 20s. She celebrated her 45th recently. She has managed to give her husband and one of her kids high cholesterol and sugar. She has plenty of people always around to feed and give obesity to.
Not so much the sweet elderly lady you're imagining but an in control rich woman who will not stop over feeding people.
45 isn't elderly unless you're 6. You're in control of what you eat. She's not shoveling food into anyone. People will always find excuses for their lack of self control.0 -
45 isn't elderly unless you're 6. You're in control of what you eat. She's not shoveling food into anyone. People will always find excuses for their lack of self control.
exactly.0
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