Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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PurpleKisses85
PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I really care about him and I am excited to see where our relationship will go. I don't have really any complaints, the only thing that I have noticed is that whenever we are together he turns his phone off. (we live about 2 hours away from each other so don't get to see each other often).

Although I appreciate him wanting to give me all of his attention I kinda quesitoned "why". Well last weekend we spent it together and I told him he could leave his phone on, that he did not have to do that for me and I found that his phone was ringing all day, all night, massive amounts of texts coming in... maybe about something happening every 20 minutes. Come to find out they were his "female friends" who he talks to often. No problem right? Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?

Maybe I am over thinking it but I did ask him about it and he did reassure me nothing was going on and they really were just his friends. He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm

I have zero men calling or texting my phone outside of my family. I mean should I find myself some male friends or something?. How do you ladies feel about your man having female friends? .... men you are more than welcome to add your opinion also!
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Replies

  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
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    This is a hard question. My boyfriend doesn't have female friends. He didn't have any when we met. The only females he talks to are my friends or the women his friends date. And even then it is only when we are all together. He doesn't call them and they don't call him. And it is the same with me and guy friends. Honestly I don't think I would be comfortable with it. BUT...that does not mean that you have anything to worry about. He probably turns his phone off so you two can spend uninterrupted time together. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy each other. :)
  • bikhi
    bikhi Posts: 175
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    the last female friend my late husband had became his mistress. needless to say, i'm not a big fan of it.
  • JustinDoctrinated
    JustinDoctrinated Posts: 10
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    Man here. I have lots of female friends from various points in my life. My girlfriend (of five years) is 99% fine with it (she thinks one occasionally texts too often, but that's a personality thing rather than a "female friend" thing) and has nothing to worry about.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    This is a hard question. My boyfriend doesn't have female friends. He didn't have any when we met. The only females he talks to are my friends or the women his friends date. And even then it is only when we are all together. He doesn't call them and they don't call him. And it is the same with me and guy friends. Honestly I don't think I would be comfortable with it. BUT...that does not mean that you have anything to worry about. He probably turns his phone off so you two can spend uninterrupted time together. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy each other. :)
    [/quote

    Like I said, I don't have any men contacting me outside of my family, it's not something I am used to dealing with while in a relationship. I'm glad he is tellling me about these friends but it's hard to ignore. I'll take your advice and just enjoy being with him and hopefully in due time, those friends will become not as important as what we have going on. Thanks
  • MDawg81
    MDawg81 Posts: 244 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Man here. I have lots of female friends from various points in my life. My girlfriend (of five years) is 99% fine with it (she thinks one occasionally texts too often, but that's a personality thing rather than a "female friend" thing) and has nothing to worry about.



    Okay, thanks for weighin in.. Its good to see a man's point of view. So basically those friends will never be an issue as far as being in a reationship? nice to see a man's point of view!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    And she's the one that calls and texts the most.... do I need to talk to him about letting her know about me or just leave it alone?
  • CarolinaMoon76
    CarolinaMoon76 Posts: 78
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    My husband and I met in our early 30s so had lives before we met. We both have friends of both sexes and I would think him very immature and insecure if he had a problem with me having male friends.

    In your case however I would be suspicious if I am honest. Why switch off the phone? Why make calls when you aren't there? Especially when this is a long distance relationship - maybe time you went to stay at his and maybe suggested meeting some of his friends.....
  • TamaraGraceS
    TamaraGraceS Posts: 273 Member
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    Maybe you should ask why he feels the need to have female friends... In a long twisty road of 20 plus years we have learnt to ask ourselves first how would ~~~~ feel about this and would it be ok if he/she did this? This can take you a long way.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    the last female friend my late husband had became his mistress. needless to say, i'm not a big fan of it.

    I'm sorry to hear that.. it's my biggest fear :(
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
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    In my many many years of experience, if you question something, run!
  • riveraphx
    riveraphx Posts: 380 Member
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    My husband has female friends and I am 100% cool with them. Very respectful and fun to hang out with. But I've had an ex where it always felt like a competition, that kind of friend is no fun for the girlfriend.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Maybe you should ask why he feels the need to have female friends... In a long twisty road of 20 plus years we have learnt to ask ourselves first how would ~~~~ feel about this and would it be ok if he/she did this? This can take you a long way.

    first off congrats on 90 lbs lost! that is amazing!!! secondly you are absolutely right!!! thank you I think I will try this approach
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    My husband and I met in our early 30s so had lives before we met. We both have friends of both sexes and I would think him very immature and insecure if he had a problem with me having male friends.

    In your case however I would be suspicious if I am honest. Why switch off the phone? Why make calls when you aren't there? Especially when this is a long distance relationship - maybe time you went to stay at his and maybe suggested meeting some of his friends.....


    I think you have just given me a really good idea! thank you
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    We have/had a long distance relationship for three years. He has many many close female friends who he has spent a lot of time with in those three years, and it doesn't worry me at all.

    In two days he's driving 14 hours to move here forever and leaving them all to be long distance friends.


    I trust him, he trusts me.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    I've been married 11 years and it boils down to communication and trust. My husband has female friends, female co-workers and old school friends (who are 10 years younger than him due to him having been an adult student) who are female. He has female friends on facebook that I don't share with him......and we are good.

    I think you should just have a conversation with your boyfriend asking why he feels the need to leave the room when talking to females. Is he being respectful of what you are doing (ie watching TV, reading a book, etc)? Or what? The main thing is communication.

    My husband goes to lunch once a month with an old female classmate.....and always tells me. We both have access to each other's facebook pages but there is no need because we are constantly showing each stuff and have nothing to hide. If I ever have a question I ask (because he forgets).

    Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    We have/had a long distance relationship for three years. He has many many close female friends who he has spent a lot of time with in those three years, and it doesn't worry me at all.

    In two days he's driving 14 hours to move here forever and leaving them all to be long distance friends.


    I trust him, he trusts me.


    OMGsh, this totally made me smile, congrats to you both and I know you will be happy. Trust will take you a long way they say :)
  • MDawg81
    MDawg81 Posts: 244 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    And she's the one that calls and texts the most.... do I need to talk to him about letting her know about me or just leave it alone?

    Only you can decide that, but personally I think you should. If they are just friends, any of them, they should know he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't they? If the talk doesn't go well, and he blows up, it likely isn't because you're some jealous *****, it's because he knows he was caught. Any man worth anything will reassure his girlfriend, especially if this is the first time you would have had that kind of talk. If it's not something that is brought up over and over, a good guy will reassure.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    I've been married 11 years and it boils down to communication and trust. My husband has female friends, female co-workers and old school friends (who are 10 years younger than him due to him having been an adult student) who are female. He has female friends on facebook that I don't share with him......and we are good.

    I think you should just have a conversation with your boyfriend asking why he feels the need to leave the room when talking to females. Is he being respectful of what you are doing (ie watching TV, reading a book, etc)? Or what? The main thing is communication.

    My husband goes to lunch once a month with an old female classmate.....and always tells me. We both have access to each other's facebook pages but there is no need because we are constantly showing each stuff and have nothing to hide. If I ever have a question I ask (because he forgets).

    Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!



    Great advice, thank you so much!!!
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
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    Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?

    He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm

    Those two quotes above have red flags all over them.

    However, in giving your BF the benefit of the doubt....

    He may be going outside to talk to this female frinds out of respect for their privacy. Or he may be doing so because he knows he might upset you by doing so, but feels an obligation as a friend to these women, yet doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

    But two things give me cause for pause: 1.) you are in a long distance relaitonship,and tthe foundation of ANY long distance romance MUST be TRUST! 2.) There must also be transparency. The fact that these women "friends" have no clue about the fact that he is now in an exclusive relaitonship is bothersome. A real friend would understand and be happy for him, so why keep you a secret from them?

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