Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    Please don't hound him about it, either way. He knows how you feel, let it go.

    If he adjusts his behavior for your comfort , then great. If not, you can decide from there. Five months of long distance may not be long enough for him to consider cutting off his other options.

    You don't get to choose for him. Sounds potentially shady, but only because of the secrecy. Give him the benefit of the doubt and let it ride for a while.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    And she's the one that calls and texts the most.... do I need to talk to him about letting her know about me or just leave it alone?

    Only you can decide that, but personally I think you should. If they are just friends, any of them, they should know he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't they? If the talk doesn't go well, and he blows up, it likely isn't because you're some jealous *****, it's because he knows he was caught. Any man worth anything will reassure his girlfriend, especially if this is the first time you would have had that kind of talk. If it's not something that is brought up over and over, a good guy will reassure.


    Thanks, I will do just that!!!! Im feeling better now ;)
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Please don't hound him about it, either way. He knows how you feel, let it go.

    If he adjusts his behavior for your comfort , then great. If not, you can decide from there. Five months of long distance may not be long enough for him to consider cutting off his other options.

    You don't get to choose for him. Sounds potentially shady, but only because of the secrecy. Give him the benefit of the doubt and let it ride for a while.

    I did not think of it that way. 5 months isn't a long time and since we dont get to spend a lot of true time together he may not feel he's ready to let them or whatever the case. Thanks for helping me see the other side of it.
  • coyoteo
    coyoteo Posts: 532 Member
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    Lol, I am that girl texting my guy friends while they are on dates. And my husband has female friends and I'm down with that. I guess, in my opinion, you need to talk to him about it. If his female friends are something you won't be able to handle the thought of, maybe he isn't the right guy for you. Or maybe if you talk to him about it it will relieve some of your concern. Communication. It's a good thing. :)
    And I can absolutely understand why he would switch his phone off. And call when you are in the shower.maybe he's raving about you or getting advice on something from his lady friends. Don't think the worst until you get more information!:)
  • cakemewithyou
    cakemewithyou Posts: 132 Member
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    GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".

    There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.

    Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile! :)
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?

    He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm

    Those two quotes above have red flags all over them.

    However, in giving your BF the benefit of the doubt....

    He may be going outside to talk to this female frinds out of respect for their privacy. Or he may be doing so because he knows he might upset you by doing so, but feels an obligation as a friend to these women, yet doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

    But two things give me cause for pause: 1.) you are in a long distance relaitonship,and tthe foundation of ANY long distance romance MUST be TRUST! 2.) There must also be transparency. The fact that these women "friends" have no clue about the fact that he is now in an exclusive relaitonship is bothersome. A real friend would understand and be happy for him, so why keep you a secret from them?


    I agree with you..... I do trust him i just want to be sure that these friends are just friends and knowing that one of them has serious feelings for him makes me uncomfortable.
  • ClementineGeorg
    ClementineGeorg Posts: 505 Member
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    I don't mind the simple fact that the man in my life has female friends.
    When it comes to friendship, it's not the gender that counts... it's the friendship.

    I myself had periods in my life when I had more men-friends, than women. If I got along great with them and had the friend support I needed, why would that count? My ex-boyfriend had a couple of women-friends and I didn't minded (he's an ex for totally other reassons). Two of them he knew for about 10-12 years... I would not ruin so long friendships for my insecurities. I would have wished to have a friendship so long in my life.


    It's up to you who are your friends and up to him who are his friends.

    Yes, if friends, men or women, try to influence his relationship, if a woman friends wants more... it's a problem. But only then.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".

    There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.

    Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile! :)


    I will use those exact words with a big smile. you guys are right!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Lol, I am that girl texting my guy friends while they are on dates. And my husband has female friends and I'm down with that. I guess, in my opinion, you need to talk to him about it. If his female friends are something you won't be able to handle the thought of, maybe he isn't the right guy for you. Or maybe if you talk to him about it it will relieve some of your concern. Communication. It's a good thing. :)
    And I can absolutely understand why he would switch his phone off. And call when you are in the shower.maybe he's raving about you or getting advice on something from his lady friends. Don't think the worst until you get more information!:)

    You know what, you are right, thanks. I can't assume at all!!!!
  • cakemewithyou
    cakemewithyou Posts: 132 Member
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    ALSO, a big red flag:

    IF YOU ARE ON A DATE AND HE IS TEXTING AND CALLING WOMEN...


    OMG...

    I just can't. lol

    I trust my boyfriend 100%, I don't care if he has friends that we SHARE that's a different story. I promise you, they are gonna know I exist though. I make SURE of it.
    I guess I'm just spoiled by a good man...
  • VeganZombie13
    VeganZombie13 Posts: 297
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    I don't care, I trust my guy completely. We have an amazing relationship. We are very open with each other..Never had a relationship like this before.. I like it this way.
  • IronDame
    IronDame Posts: 275
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    Makes me wanna chop his dingdong off...okay not really, but yea kinda.
  • mhaight85
    mhaight85 Posts: 68
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    Does he go outside to call back his male friends and/or family? If he always excuses himself to return messages maybe he just thinks it is rude to talk on the phone in front of you? If it is only when he returns calls to females I'd think that is a little fishy.

    Have you met any of his friends? Maybe hang out in group with them and see how the interactions go...

    My husband doesn't really have any friends, so it's mostly just family that text/call him. He's also Brutally honest so I know he wouldn't lie to me. He was in the Occupation Therapy program in college for awhile, with mostly females, and the friends he made didn't bother me because if he even suspects that a girl is hitting on him he'll start talking about me and our son. :O)

    So if a guy is honest and trustworthy I don't think it's horrible for him to have female friends that you hang out with in a group, or go on double dates with. If you don't trust your guy you may want to re-evaluate your relationship, just saying.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    The issue shouldn’t be the female friends…the issue is his secrecy. Also, remember…”privacy” and “secrecy” are two different things. If he had to sneak outdoors to call his guy friends back, that would be a red flag. I have male friends and my husband has female friends. Neither of us spends an abundant amount of time talking, texting or visiting with them…but we have all hung out on occasion. Don’t accept something early into a relationship, and then expect it to change later.

    Also, without knowing your ages…it’s a difficult call. Early 20s, then yes I can see texting all day and night about randomness. 3os? Hell no.




    Well said
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Where's the "Just break up" girl? She's needed.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    ALSO, a big red flag:

    IF YOU ARE ON A DATE AND HE IS TEXTING AND CALLING WOMEN...


    OMG...

    I just can't. lol

    I trust my boyfriend 100%, I don't care if he has friends that we SHARE that's a different story. I promise you, they are gonna know I exist though. I make SURE of it.
    I guess I'm just spoiled by a good man...

    He's usually pretty good about giving me all of his attention when we are together, i love that, I just dont want him to feel he has to hide his friendships from me I don't mind them as long as it's all that he says it is
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    The "law" that males and females cannot ever be "just friends" is not real. My husband has female friends and I have male ones, and yet we are 100% faithful to each other.

    That said, OP, your boyfriend's behavior does sound fishy to me. The apparent secrecy is a problem. He shouldn't have to hide something from you if it is truly innocent.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Where's the "Just break up" girl? She's needed.


    haha, I was totally expecting someone to give me the whole break up and run thing, but I am getting some really good feedback that is well appreciated
  • ECA67
    ECA67 Posts: 806 Member
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    If you are wanting to get serious with him then it's best communicate your feelings with him now. I agree there are a few red flags but that doesn't make him quilty of cheating. My experiences with other female friends always ended badly. I'd find later that there was more to it. They need to know about you !
  • ericadawn92
    ericadawn92 Posts: 346 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    And she's the one that calls and texts the most.... do I need to talk to him about letting her know about me or just leave it alone?

    Only you can decide that, but personally I think you should. If they are just friends, any of them, they should know he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't they? If the talk doesn't go well, and he blows up, it likely isn't because you're some jealous *****, it's because he knows he was caught. Any man worth anything will reassure his girlfriend, especially if this is the first time you would have had that kind of talk. If it's not something that is brought up over and over, a good guy will reassure.

    I completely agree with this ^^ Why wouldn't his friends know he has a girlfriend? When you're in a relationship with someone, that person should be a big part of your life, hence they should come up in conversation from time to time.

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