Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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  • cindymedlen
    cindymedlen Posts: 7
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    Thats a tough one. In my last marriage,my husband was a very friendly ,outgoing person,and he didnt have any female friends....that I knew of.Turned out he had been cheating for the whole time we were married...ten years. My current husband has alot of friends,male and female...and sometimes he goes outside to talk...at first...it made me REALLY insecure...now,I feel he has proven himself to me,so I dont worry....as much. Yes,there are times I feel insecure,but I talk to him about it,and if its correctable,he corrects it. If yu dont feel comfortable in this relationship...listen to your heart. You will know.....
  • horseplaypen
    horseplaypen Posts: 442 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    Agree. This isn't really a question of your bf having female friends or not, it's that there doesn't seem to be much honesty going around.

    My boyfriend and I are in a program at college that's about 90% women, and he's a friendly, extroverted guy. If I was uncomfortable with him having female friends, I'd either be really unhappy all the time or we wouldn't be together. But I wouldn't say he's especially close to any of the girls he's friends with, he doesn't really confide in them or spend time alone with them. Not all of them are mutual friends, but they all know I'm his girlfriend and he's always open about who he chats with or texts or whatever. There's no secrets, and so I trust him.

    Again, I don't think the issue is that your bf has friends who are female, that's normal. It's more that he's lying to you about the extent of his relationship with them, and lying to them about your existence. That's weird.
  • toomuchbootyindapants
    toomuchbootyindapants Posts: 811 Member
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    I haven't read this thread and I'm not answering one way or another because I, myself, am not sure how I feel about it (given past experiences and witnessing other friends go through similar stuff)...but this video always gives me something to think about:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
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    I've been with my bf for 2.5 years. He's got a handful of female friends from before we met and I like and completely trust all of them. In fact, it's the reason we met, we were both at a mutual friend's bday party. If he want to hang with them or grab a beer and I'm not up for it I'm totally fine with that.

    If he met a new woman I didn't know and wanted to start spending time with her alone that would bother me. I don't think he'd feel too great about me meeting a guy and hanging out with him alone either. But if he invited me along and I got to know her it might change things. All depends on the circumstances.

    Your situation? Red flags for me. Hiding you from anyone is a big flag. Dealing with texts every 20 minutes is one too, but then I'm an old lady so maybe that's just how the kids do things these days. I'd never put up with it but mainly because I'd find it annoying.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".

    There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.

    Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile! :)

    This is BS. Almost all of my friends are men, we've been friends since we were teenagers, I've never been interested in being more than that but I wouldn't be without their friendship! I'm in a relationship, so are they. Maybe these friends of his have boyfriends too? If anyone I started dating for 5 months, which is only a teeny tiny amount of time, gave me any ultimatums about my friends they'd be dumped in a split second.
  • barkin43
    barkin43 Posts: 508 Member
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    I keep hoping he'll move in with one of them, but no such luck!! LOL! Just kiddin' ya'll! Don't get all fired up! Really, if you don't have trust in a relationship, you're just gonna be miserable. Unless you get positive proof that he/she can't be trusted, just opt for trust.
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
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    There are only two reasons I can think of that would make him not tell a woman that wants to be more than friends about you...

    1) there's something going on with her
    2) he's keeping her as a backup in case things don't work out with you
  • Colorfan
    Colorfan Posts: 230 Member
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    Well, you both have your lives before your relationship. Its understandable he would have friends.

    I mean, I certainly wouldnt ignore people Ive known and regularly talk to/hang out with just because I have a girlfriend. And I wouldnt expect my girlfriend to ignore her friends just for me. No one likes a jealous girlfriend/boyfriend.

    In the end, if youre worried hes going to cheat on you, then just think about it like this. If hes going to cheat on you, hes going to cheat on you regardless of wether or not he talks to his female friends often.
  • paleirishmother
    paleirishmother Posts: 242
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    If you don't trust him, don't waste your time. Really!
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    This.. And why go outside? Usually if you have a strong gut feeling your on to something.. Just talk to him face to face about it. I'd be fine with it if they were friends when we met. I'd also be fine as long as there were no double standards. No don't go looking for guy friends and turning this into a game.. Just talk to him. X
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    very much this.... 5 months and you have titles of boyfriend/girlfriend... people should know.
  • MandaJean83
    MandaJean83 Posts: 677 Member
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    My ex-husband had a few very close female friends that I was not privy to hearing their conversations. He ended up cheating with one of them.

    I'm fine with my fiance having female friends. But if they are, indeed, just friends...well, there should be no reason to hide the conversations. He had a TON of female friends (including exes) when we first met, which was fine, but there were a few that wanted him to come over and hang out with them on their couch...and that's just a NO for me. I straight up told him, if they really want to hang out with you and nothing more, they'll be just as happy having a cup of coffee at panera. Tell them you'll meet them there. And guess what? They cancelled! Hmmmm...

    Girls can be sneaky biatches. I know, because I was one of them. Most of us have been one at some point or another, depending on how much we like a guy who is involved. ;)

    So to sum it up...if they are truly just friends, there should be no need for privacy on his part. :) Just my 2 cents.
  • myOWNinspiration
    myOWNinspiration Posts: 30
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    You could be the mistress and the chick that keeps texting him is the "girlfriend".
  • fit_spired_vicky
    fit_spired_vicky Posts: 152
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    Um, its natural????
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    I keep hoping he'll move in with one of them, but no such luck!! LOL! Just kiddin' ya'll! Don't get all fired up! Really, if you don't have trust in a relationship, you're just gonna be miserable. Unless you get positive proof that he/she can't be trusted, just opt for trust.


    LOL this made my day!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    You could be the mistress and the chick that keeps texting him is the "girlfriend".

    Uh-Oh!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    This.. And why go outside? Usually if you have a strong gut feeling your on to something.. Just talk to him face to face about it. I'd be fine with it if they were friends when we met. I'd also be fine as long as there were no double standards. No don't go looking for guy friends and turning this into a game.. Just talk to him. X


    Plainly stated. I agree, thanks
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Also, if anyone calls me at all I take the phone call in another room, because it's bad etiquette to answer your phone in company and sit there having a conversation in front of someone. I'm not hiding anything, I'm just polite!!!
  • jamers1949
    jamers1949 Posts: 46
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    All this instant gratification that the Texting and constant use of the telephone provides just seems overly obsessive and is way beyond my understanding .but I am ancient ! I myself would not trust this relationship to hold water for long . :smile:
  • Xandriarose
    Xandriarose Posts: 12 Member
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    I don't mind him having female friends, but as far as texting/calling goes it bothers me if it's persistent. my boyfriend (of 5.5 years) has never been the real flirty type when it comes to other girls, so whenever I see girls texting or calling him it bothers me alittle. I just don't really trust females all that much. and my boyfriend is a real hottie, so ya know... I think every girl wants him ;) even the friends. haha but in the end you just gotta give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that the female friends aren't getting in the way of the relationship.

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