Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?
Replies
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Our friends are generally shared (male and female) so I don't currently have this going on. But I can say with certainty the times I've tried to have exclusive male friends I've been burned. Even at my age (39) it recently happened. My guy "friend" ended up just wanting to sleep with me (kept doing inappropriate things--ugh had to drop him). I am the social one in my relationship, so friends usually come around via me. I have decided no more male friends unless they are friends with my DH too/first and no more of me going out with just a guy friend (he better have his SO or my DH needs to be there). I worry zero about my DH because he has built up a ton of trust with me over the years. He doesn't hide anything from me plus he is a stand up guy and a feminist. We also have a larger than usual percentage of gay friends so I don't usually worry about the girls (the guys are a different story though).
I think you should trust your instincts. You haven't been together long so there may be nothing to worry about with this friend of his. You may end up being great friends with her (and like I said shared friends are usually no problem). But of course if you think he is being a dog that is something entirely different. Why don't you all go out? You like him, he likes her, so you'll probably end up liking her too.
And last thing, my partner has a lot of other "options" because of the nature of his work. But the women there all know and like me (we also happen to represent some sort of mythological relationship to them but that is a different story entirely only relevant because they are less likely to want to see us break up). So while I know there are a lot of ladies with crushes on my man (he's gorgeous and sensitive so I totally get that) I think women (in general) find it harder to screw over other women who they know and like. Not that I think my man would do this, but I think a few of the women might at least try if they didn't know me. So yeah, get to know her.0 -
GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".
There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.
Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile!
Thats just ridiculous. Anyone who says that their partner needs to get rid of their real friends deserves to be dumped.0 -
Pull a robbery. Dump him and take his girls.
Lol, or this^0 -
My husband loves me. Neither of us is the jealous type.He can have all the friends he wants - male or female. Neither of us can meet all of the others needs (not sexual) and having friends adds to our lives.0
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GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".
There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.
Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile!
I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS!!!! If you are not mature enough to handle a friendship with the opposite sex then that is just sad!! My best friend from high school, whom I still talk to and hang out with (both with and without my husband) is a guy. We NEVER liked each other. I have numerous friends from college that are guys and we, again, never liked each other.
It is sad that 2 people can't be friends with one another because of gender. Of course secrecy shouldn't happen and open communication should be a part of the relationship!!! I would be more than pissed if my husband had ever told me that I had to stop talking to/hanging out with my guy friends. With immaturity like this then you shouldn't be in a relationship because you aren't mature enough to handle a grown up relationship.
Exactly. I can have guy friends without wanting to rip their clothes off them. I mean seriously?0 -
he ain't married0
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I trust him 100%.0
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I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
I thought that. Sounds like he's keeping her waiting in the wings or enjoying her adoration. Make sure you're keeping 'safe' - just in case!0 -
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I really care about him and I am excited to see where our relationship will go. I don't have really any complaints, the only thing that I have noticed is that whenever we are together he turns his phone off. (we live about 2 hours away from each other so don't get to see each other often).
Although I appreciate him wanting to give me all of his attention I kinda quesitoned "why". Well last weekend we spent it together and I told him he could leave his phone on, that he did not have to do that for me and I found that his phone was ringing all day, all night, massive amounts of texts coming in... maybe about something happening every 20 minutes. Come to find out they were his "female friends" who he talks to often. No problem right? Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?
Maybe I am over thinking it but I did ask him about it and he did reassure me nothing was going on and they really were just his friends. He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm
I have zero men calling or texting my phone outside of my family. I mean should I find myself some male friends or something?. How do you ladies feel about your man having female friends? .... men you are more than welcome to add your opinion also!
In all honesty and this comes from a guy who has more female friends, if we are truly happy in a relationship and all our needs are met we tend to neglect our friends and spend all our time with our significant others. Generally when something is lacking I might go look for it elsewhere, whether it is support or a heart to heart conversation it doesn't matter.
The truth hurts, but you are right. absolutely right about that one0 -
Everyone is different. When I first met my hubby he was not comfortable with one male friend in particular. That relationship with the friend eventually ended because I didn't want my hubby to feel uncomfortable. He also ended a couple female relationships because it was obvious that they had feelings for him and one was a complete ho bag lol. In our case we respect eachother enough to not want the other person to feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable with who is in our lives. I do have a very famous guy friend as a friend but he is not so attractive so I don't think my hubby is worried. We have been married 11 years now and are both very loyal to one another.0
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I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
I thought that. Sounds like he's keeping her waiting in the wings or enjoying her adoration. Make sure you're keeping 'safe' - just in case!
Amen to that!0 -
No disrespect but I do not have female friends outside of family and the friends we hangout together with. From the beginning of our relationship we discussed this issue and decided to NOT have opposite sex friends because eventually it will cause problems down the road.
^^This was probably learned the hard way. Listen to the man. ^^
edit for random typo0 -
Ladies, how do you feel about your man having female friends?
I wouldn't begrudge my man his friends - male or female, just as I would expect the same regard from him towards my friend circles, regardless of gender.
When you step over "that line" of acceptance in hindsight, you are also aware that some of his friends of your gender are going to be hot - breaking the richter scale hot. Now, would you expect him to be jealous of your male friends - who are breaking the sound barrier hot, effortlessly? No! That's absolutely heinous, for if anything was to have happened, it would've done already and he wouldn't be your man then now would he?!
You have to embrace that you can't control "the whys" behind their friendship - when it is purely platonic. I like to make myself believe that his female friends and relatives are the positive-moulding casts of my man - Hate them, hate him! They are the sun to who and how he is!My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I really care about him and I am excited to see where our relationship will go. I don't have really any complaints, the only thing that I have noticed is that whenever we are together he turns his phone off. (we live about 2 hours away from each other so don't get to see each other often).
Although I appreciate him wanting to give me all of his attention I kinda quesitoned "why". Well last weekend we spent it together and I told him he could leave his phone on, that he did not have to do that for me and I found that his phone was ringing all day, all night, massive amounts of texts coming in... maybe about something happening every 20 minutes. Come to find out they were his "female friends" who he talks to often. No problem right? Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?
Maybe I am over thinking it but I did ask him about it and he did reassure me nothing was going on and they really were just his friends. He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm
I have zero men calling or texting my phone outside of my family. I mean should I find myself some male friends or something?. How do you ladies feel about your man having female friends? .... men you are more than welcome to add your opinion also!
I am one of those - I turn the phone off whilst having my meals, even with family and most especially when I'm at some event. It's rude to have it on!
My issue with your sharing is, that he seems to be fairly regular with his telephone/text buddies, most of whom are women and being regular as they are, they aren't aware that he is on a date or is spending the weekend with his girlfriend? So what does that make you - if they know he is out on a date? You are thinking you're his girlfriend (of 5 months), but as women we all know that a woman can be a booty call for 5 months, only that she is unaware that that is her status with him!
The question is, did he say or introduce you at all - as his girlfriend - or did you just assume you're his steady? If you answer that, then you might be able to establish the reasoning behind the cloak and dagger telephone calls whilst you're in the bathroom, etc. To me, if any man did that - my first question would be - Is he married? Does he have another steady (if I was to think like you - that I'm interpreting myself as his steady). Pondering on the scenario as women, you know that only one kind of woman pesters a man that often - that regularly - at the most inopportune times - HIS WIFE, HIS COMMON LAW WIFE, HIS BABY MAMMA.
Edited to add: Or his own Mamma! Unless of course he is in some kind of a support group.0 -
Ive always been friendly with girls, abit like a tomgirl if you like? In primary school I was very friendly with a few girls, after school I would hang out with girls and boys. In high school I was exactly the same, and became very close with a few girls, they were my best friends.. especially one of them who really was my best friend. We would hang out together always in school and after school, always together. She would help me with my relationships and I would help her with hers, we told each other everything and shared everything.
Even now I am in college and I sometimes find myself just with girls.
I could not live without girls in my life, lads are kinda boring.
I am no cheat. I have never cheated on a girl in my life.
Ive been with my current girlfriend for 19 months now and sometimes its hard for her to know about me being friendly with girls, but shes ok with it or pretends to be at least.
Its true and I promise you, not all lads are jerks, and it is possible for a male and female to just actually be really good friends and nothing more.
My advice to you is.... The fact you know about girls he speaks too.... At least he isnt trying to hide it from you?
You have to trust him and stop worrying. You may begin to worry and stop trusting him when he gives you a reason too
Wow! I think this was what I needed to hear from a good guy. Tahnk you!!!0 -
Vvv Love this vvv ! My hubs and I don't have friends of the oppostite sex, but that's just us, and we prefer it that way. If that's what you prefer, you should find someone who has your same values.from the movie: When Harry Met Sally
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.0 -
My husband has as many (maybe even more) female friends than male friends, and I am completely OK with that. However, there is also complete transparency and if a friendship makes me uncomfortable in any way, he respects that and changes it . . . I don't ask him to end friendships, but for example . . . he was giving a friend a ride somewhere and she was having some relationship issues with her boyfriend and they ended up sitting in the car talking for over an hour. I trust him that they were just talking but told him, in the future, I'd be more comfortable if such conversations happened in, like, Starbucks or some less intimate setting. I occasionally go through his text messages or his Facebook not because I'm paranoid or don't trust him but just because I'm nosy (I read interactions with both males and females) and he does the same to me.
Our relationship started off long distance, and before he moved to be near me, there was one instance when I really needed him and was blown off (he didn't answer when I called for several hours at a time when I knew he wasn't in class or working) while he was "talking to" another girl. I told him at that time that I wasn't interested in continuing our relationship if that's how things were going to be, and after that there was never another problem.
Meanwhile, I have a friend who just ended a long distance relationship because when she was with her guy, she got a feeling that something wasn't right . . . he was behaving a bit secretively and suspiciously and she'd never met many of his other friends. She checked his call logs and text messages while he was in the shower and found out he had a few other women on the back burner in case their relationship didn't work out. So that was the end of that.
Anyway, female friends don't have to be a problem . . . you just need complete transparency with each other as well as respect for each other's feelings and comfort.0 -
bump0
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You have to talk to him about it. There has to be full disclosure from both parties. My husband has always been outgoing & from the onset of our relationship always had female friends of which he told me about. I have met them. Trust has to be established. Always listen to your inner voice. Actions speak louder than words.0
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not ok with most of them because i do not trust women at all ever
i've been ****ed over too many times by other women
and my boyfriend respects that. we've made boundaries as to how opposite-gender friendshps will work. we both don't hang out one on one with members of the opposite gender. definitely no being alone in either of our apartments with someone of the opposite gender.0 -
I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
^^^This.
My husband never had female friends, so if he started now I would be concerned. Had he always had female friends, as I have always had male friends, I don't think it would bother me.0 -
My guy doesnt have the looks, is his personality that i love, Also i have seen his female friends, I'm the prettiest xD0
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I am okay with my boyfriend having female friends. If I didn't trust him, he wouldn't be my boyfriend.0
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Just went through this. Dump him while it's still early...
Men and women cannot just be friends... one side is always going to want more. He is leading these other women on or he's cheating on you... either way... it's not ok.
Don't let yourself go through any more questioning. He will lie to cover up what he needs to in order to protect himself.0 -
My current boyfriend and I were 27 when we met. That was 27 years of social interactions and friendships built up for both of us before we even knew the other person existed.
Neither of us has the right to demand that every opposite gendered friendship garnered in those 27 years be dropped merely on the basis that we were now dating. That's bull**** - I wouldn't stand for it. Absolutely not. I had an entire life before him and I would not pull back on the people in that life just because I've got a new man.
My friends don't deserve to be put on the back burner for that. Neither do his friends.
If you demand that your significant other give up their female friends simply because you entered the picture, you'd better be ready to cut out every single male influence in your life, too. And hope like hell they want you back when the relationship ends. (Cuz that's just a ****ty thing to do to a friend)
I'm an adult, not his freakin' babysitter. I refuse to live as one.0 -
I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
this.
he's being unfaithful. sorry.0 -
I agree with CarolinaMoon70
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Depends what you want and expect from your relationship? Simple!!!0
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I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
And she's the one that calls and texts the most.... do I need to talk to him about letting her know about me or just leave it alone?
If your worried about something in your relationship, you need to be discussing things like this with him. Communication is a huge problem in most relationships, don't let it be one in yours, especially this early. Discuss your worries with him.0 -
It really depends. Ask to maybe meet them sometime? I know you probably don't want to waste your date time meeting them but in the long run it may help. If my bf had offered to introduce me to his chick friends it could have saved me years of insecurity and jealousy. You may also get a couple of new friends in the picture.0
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In my many many years of experience, if you question something, run!
^ This as something may be up but I suggest talking to him first...If he can tell you the truth about it then all is good...if he is hiding stuff...RUN!0
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