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OK, so I am trying to really not over react about this so i just want some opinions please!, my boyfriend already knows about me trying to loose weight and be fit, and he is over in India right now and will be back in a month, he asked if I am going to get down to 150lbs by the time he gets back, and I am 180lbs, i've already lost 20 total, and i told him he was being insensitive and mean the way he asked me. I feel like i want someone to accept me the way i am, but at the same time he already knows that i want to loose weight, but how that comment came across really bothered me i just know and i have told him this if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm going to do it for anyone else. I am basically trying to learn to let it go, and i've already talked to him about it, but it still nags at me in the back of my head....any thoughts?? this is really frustrating and i would really love some opinions on this!!!
Oh and he did go out with me when i was a little bigger, so i try to tell myself that's got to count for something, but i know how some guys can be...please share your thoughts!!! i love honesty
Men can be insensitive butt heads sometimes...
I love my husband, I really do...and after 18 years I KNOW that he isn't trying to hurt me, but sometimes he doesn't realize that what he says can be perceived in any way other than the way he intended for me to take it.
Just a few months ago he told me that I was looking good...but that I had a LONG way to go. He also told me recently that he almost wished that I would stay fat so he wouldn't have to worry about other guys looking at me!
If your man is not a gym rat, he may not understand that losing 20 pounds in a month is not something that you can do in a healthy way. I would just laugh it off and tell him that you probably won't, but that is OK. That is kinda the way I feel about my weight loss--I have a goal ( it is 10lbs into overweight), but I know I may not ever make it there but I am going to be muscular!0 -
I'm sure that most men who have never had a weight problem have no idea of how hard it is to lose weight in a healthy way or how long it takes in order to do so and stay healthy. It was insensitive of him but men don't think like women do. We work on our emotions. Men work differently. If someone asked him the same question and he was in yours, he'd likely say " No, not that quickly" and put it out of his head immediately.
Don't stress on it. He likely had something on his mind that took your goal into account and asked just to get the answer he needed without even thought to how it sounded.0 -
One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.
You do this when your husband sleeps with a hooker, kills her, then blames it on your son, not asking about your weight. This really isnt that big of a deal. The 'list' comes when all hope is lost in the relationship, not because you both know you're fat.0 -
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ0 -
Maybe he was being a bit selfish in the question? I mean since he is thin, perhaps he just is hoping that your dieting will be concluded by the time he gets home and you will be in the maintenance period. A Lot of the time men ask questions in regards to how it is going to effect them, and not necessarily about how it is going to effect the person they are asking. In this case, he may just be asking to see if he is going to have to restrict what he eats in front of you. I can also see where he may have intended it to be a motivational question, was it mean? Maybe, Has it made you work even a little bit harder? Probably, so did it work? Only you (and him) will know.0
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It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ
anything to help0 -
One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.
You do this when your husband sleeps with a hooker, kills her, then blames it on your son, not asking about your weight. This really isnt that big of a deal. The 'list' comes when all hope is lost in the relationship, not because you both know you're fat.
Hahah! Perfect.....0 -
LOLZ UNDERWEARZ
anything to help
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ0 -
Sometimes people say stupid things. I definitely don't think this is a deal breaker. If he apologized when you told him it hurt you, then let it go.0
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LOLZ UNDERWEARZ
anything to help
It's also "already".
its "marry"SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
It's also "it's".
LOLZ AND ZOMG AND STUFF GLAD EWE COT MY MIZTAKEZ
yep had to change that, dont need another photo strike
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you know, sometimes people say things in a very impolite way but im positive he didnt mean for it to sound bad, i think he was just curious or trying to make conversation! if it really continues to bother you i would take about it again, and mention how upset it made you feel... but has he said comments like this before? if this is just a one time thing and otherwise he treats you well, i wouldnt make too much of a big deal but if this reoccuring then you may need to question whether his presence in your life is benefitting you.0
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An awful lot of people in here are jumping to a lot of conclusions based on incredibly little information.0
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And wow, really? She should dump him? Thats unreasonable. If you dump everyone that occasionally doesnt put together sentences in a way you deem appropriate you are going to end up alone and bitter.
This. Also, you said you talked to him about it? If he explained he was trying to get a different point across and it was a miscommunication, try to let it go.0 -
Based on your OP, there are people who are recommending you dump your boyfriend over this. Consider how you paint a picture with your words. Granted, recommending you end a relationship based only on your interpretation of one comment seems a bit severe (if not altogether crazy). But it's still worth noting that your post generated some pretty severe reactions in a few people.
What are you trying to do, exactly? I know you asked for opinions and not questions. But what are people supposed to base their opinion on? A single piece of a phone conversation? Are you posting about this so that you can garner support in ending the relationship? Your follow-up posts indicate that's not what you are looking for. Did you want support from others here? Are you trying to get a specific kind of support? Have you articulated that with your boyfriend?
More important than what you are trying to do, what do you want? That is the single most important question of your life. Seriously. Answer that one and you won't be making posts like this, or driving yourself crazy worrying over comments by loved ones. Know what you really want. It sounds easy, but most people struggle mightily with that one. Answer "What do I want?" and almost everything else falls into place. That doesn't mean life will be rainbows and unicorns. It simply means you can act with intention.
Sorry, that's probably not what you were looking for. And lengthy for a Monday.0 -
Just for the record, it really, REALLY gets on my nerves when people blow off a man's insensitive comments by saying "he's just being a guy". Ugh, since when did being a dude give somebody a pass to say whatever they want? Since never, people. Stop it.
That said, it's hard to give an opinion about this without convo context, -- but when a woman has trouble 'just dropping' an issue, there's usually a good reason. Maybe you should demand an apology -- or maybe you /should/ drop it but not forget it and keep an eye out for future inconsiderate comments? Either way, I say trust your instincts!
And stay motivated! Like you said, you're doing this for you!0 -
Just for the record, it really, REALLY gets on my nerves when people blow off a man's insensitive comments by saying "he's just being a guy". Ugh, since when did being a dude give somebody a pass to say whatever they want? Since never, people. Stop it.
There's a difference between the probably innocent question the OP's BF asked her and a guy saying, "You're a fat cow and I'll leave you if you don't lose weight."
People don't always say things right. Mine once looked at the scale when I got on and said in a very shocked voice, "You weigh LESS than me???"
Now, it made me kind of angry and yes, it was insensitive. But I know he didn't mean it the way it sounded and wasn't thinking. I know he has no problem with my weight/size and actually would probably prefer I was a bit larger than I am (not going to happen).0 -
Your post would have a lot more credibility if you hadn't created a profile just to post it.Just for the record, it really, REALLY gets on my nerves when people blow off a man's insensitive comments by saying "he's just being a guy". Ugh, since when did being a dude give somebody a pass to say whatever they want? Since never, people. Stop it.0 -
Of course there's a difference! This is why I said she should trust her instincts; she was there, we weren't. But my point stands that being a dude doesn't give you a pass for obliviousness or insensitivity.0
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Your post would have a lot more credibility if you hadn't created a profile just to post it.Just for the record, it really, REALLY gets on my nerves when people blow off a man's insensitive comments by saying "he's just being a guy". Ugh, since when did being a dude give somebody a pass to say whatever they want? Since never, people. Stop it.
Lol! Case in point?
Anyway, good luck OP! 0 -
I read your other post on counting "those" calories....I don't think he meant to be insensitive. Everybody says insensitive things every now and again. The people telling you to break up with him don't seem so sensitive to me, given that they're advising that sort of extreme without knowing either him or you. I'd let it drop and look forward to burning all those fun calories when he gets home.0
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