How to handle co-worker sabotage?

mlwatts2

As we speak my co-workers just noshed a huge load of homemade spaghetti and garlic bread someone had brought it. It looked and smelled great. I politely declined. They glared. Yup happens all the time!

Erienneb

Ok first of all, having someone offer you food and keep food int he office is NOT sabotage, it;s life. I also work in an office where there is constantly candy, treats, snacks, and catered meals at least once a month if not more. Pick a better option, eat less, or say no. Is it annoying to say no every day? Yeah. Is it going to hurt someone's feelings? Yeah. But you're a big kid now, you can make the decisions you need to better your health and everyone else can suck it. It gets easier. I'm now three months in and while I still have to say "no" every single day and ignore the M&M dispenser right in my path, I can do it and it's not as hard as it was at the beginning. Change how you look at it.

amytill

My boss loves to buy chocolate or fattening lunches for all of us. I generally will bring my own food and occasionally I will indulge a little at work. I have found by saying "I will in just a little bit, I just need to finish this..." Then I can just avoid the situation. However, it's not 100% foolproof and I do have to just decline. I work with some pushy people so it can be a little difficult at times lol.

ctooch99

Ok first of all, having someone offer you food and keep food int he office is NOT sabotage, it;s life. I also work in an office where there is constantly candy, treats, snacks, and catered meals at least once a month if not more. Pick a better option, eat less, or say no. Is it annoying to say no every day? Yeah. Is it going to hurt someone's feelings? Yeah. But you're a big kid now, you can make the decisions you need to better your health and everyone else can suck it. It gets easier. I'm now three months in and while I still have to say "no" every single day and ignore the M&M dispenser right in my path, I can do it and it's not as hard as it was at the beginning. Change how you look at it.

Although I fundamentally do not disagree with you, I do feel (at least in my case) there is a certain amount of deliberate ignorance on the part of co-workers which pi$$es me off quite frankly. The people in my office who are also fit are the same as me - they never bring in tons of junk, nor do they care if you eat it or pass on it. However, the people who are heavy and constantly eating crap - yeah, well they are all well aware that we are health conscious, yet they will still constantly set up their social eating assaults for no other reason than so they can pig out while badgering everyone else to join in.

I equate this on the same level with a co-worker who insists on spraying strong perfume on themselves in the office even if it offends others or gives them a headache, or the co worker who has loud personal conversations on the phone and insists on sharing all there personal issues whether you wish to hear them or not. It's an invasive sort of thing in the office.

Yeah everyone eats, yeah I am a big boy. But I don't keep crap food in my house, so why should I be subjected to it constantly in the workplace let alone be goaded into eating it? It's annoying.

ctooch99

This is a personal Pet Peeve of mine and something that makes me really defensive. I cannot stand people who try to sabotage those of us trying to improve ourselves - nice or not they know what they are doing . To me it is no different than someone in a bar buying an alcoholic a drink.

My approach is an unapologetic one and I don't care who I piss off. Once someone is rejected I guarantee they won't offer you food again, so I feel the direct honest approach is best.

But what I have also found for pushy annoying types is to not take the soap box stance, but take a more non-threatening, passive stance in your response. If you are the type to lecture friends and co-workers on healthy eating, then human nature being what it is, they all silently want to see you fail in order to know that not even really fit healthy, people can avoid tasty junk food too - thus giving themselves justification to eat more crap.

So my approach goes something like this.
Fat Secretary - "Try my home made Smores you will LOVE them!"
Me - "Thanks, but I am good".
Fat Secretary "Oh c'mon, everyone loves chocolate and marshmallow - be honest - you are no better than the rest of us - you can afford one stupid smore - geez!"
Me- "Oh you are SO right Tenisha! I LOVE junk food! I would eat that whole plate of mouth watering smores all by myself. But I went to the doctor recently and he told me to watch my cholesterol and sugar, so as much as it kills me and as weak of a human being as I am, I am going to have to pass - I am really sorry they look absolutely delightful!"
Fat Secretary - "Oh that stinks - you are no fun!"
Me - "I know, I know - but hey it means there are more left for you and the other secretaries to enjoy! Smore On Tenisha!"

No one's quilting me into eating crap junk food I don't want to eat and I will spin it on them with a smile on my face and maintain my healthy regimen and no one gets offended in the process.

My 2 cents

Wow! I really don't think the world is out to get the "dieters". There is no big conspiracy to sabotage everyone. In my experience, most people who offer up food are not doing it to sabotage you or hurt you in any way. Unless you are up on your soapbox every day professing about trying to "improve" yourself, most are actually unaware of your personal health goals because you aren't the center of their world.

People who offer up food are usually being polite. I like to bake. I do it well. I often share what I bake with coworkers. I have a few that I actually like and they are the ones I bring it for, but I usually feel like I have to offer it to everyone, or I would come across as rude and incosiderate by purposefully ignoring others. If a coworker makes a specialty that I really enjoy, I usually make room for it in my day and have some. If it's not something I love, then I usually just say "no thanks" and everyone goes on their merry way.

As most posters have said, a simple "No, thank you," should suffice. No need to get all preachy or even explain. Usually, when people push and offer multiple times it's when we don't simply say "no, thank you." It's when we say, "no thanks, I'm on a diet" or something like that. Like another poster said, that implies that you might really want it and maybe they feel bad that you have to deprive yourself, or they're just annoyed with your explanation.

Oh, and if that conversation you quoted that you had with your secretary is accurate, then it appears that you've been spending too much time on your soapbox professing how you are trying to better yourself and everyone is probably tired of hearing it. If she really said that you are no better than the rest of us, then obviously you are giving the impression that you think you are better than everyone else because of this self improvement you are embarking on, and working or living with a person on such a high pedestal can really be quite annoying. Maybe everyone around you does want to see you fail just to knock you down a few notches, but I've not really encountered people who want me to fail.

We are talking about co-workers here who (in my case) are well aware if my eating choices and health habits. Same discussions over an over again, not brain surgery - it's deliberate ignorance - sorry but you are not correct in all cases... No I am not the center of the world (nor do I want to be), no I do not get on my soap box, so my attitude is for others just to leave me the f--k alone and stop pushing crappy food at work - simple solution for me. As far as the "no better than anyone else thing" - EXACTLY - because if I decline politely it results in this type of RUDE, IGNORANT response!!! If people just accepted "No Thanks" there would be no need for these office gymnastics not to insult someone who should not be bringing in crap food to begin with!

FitGoal165

This morning, my coworker (who is a really good baker) came into my office with a chocolate cheesecake brownie. I told her, "No thanks. I'm good."
She persisted and I reiterated, "No, really. Get out."
She laughed (we're good friends) and took the brownie away. I don't think that she was sabotaging me or anything. She loves baking and I love sweets so it's been a symbiotic relationship. Ha!

capnrus789

My usual answer lately has been, "Sorry, it doesn't jive with my triathlon training." They're so surprised that I'm doing they forget all about me not eating their wonderful snacks.

testease

the only person sabotaging you, is you. No one is forcing you to eat it, you make that choice yourself.

Galathea96

Why is it always sabotage or some other hyperbolic sounding noun if people bring food with them to the office? They're well within their rights to do so just as everyone else in the office is well within their rights to refuse to eat it or not.

Every single day in my office there's chocolate, cookies and cake to be had next to the nespresso machine. I stare at the food during the 2-3 minutes or so it takes to get my coffee. Do I get to claim that my co-workers organized an ambush just to get me to eat since they know I'm a coffee addict and end up at the coffee machine 3-4 times a day? No.

If I eat the food, that's on me. If I manage to resist then yay. I don't like to blame other people for my own screw ups.

JanieJack

A lot of people tell me "just don't eat it, who cares if they're offended" but I work in a VERY team-based and fragile ego environment so I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to be rude by always saying no.

Here's the cool thing... BECAUSE I allow myself to eat the truly FABULOUS things, an BECAUSE I don't make a habit of bring mean and snippy about "you slobs filling your mouths with that junk" when I say no, most people don't mind the occasions when I say no.

Here's what I do when confronted with office goodies:

1. No thanks (or, if they're pushy, maybe later)

2. I remember that part of the reason they're often pushing it on US is so THEY don't eat it!!! Or so they're wives don't eat it (I work around mostly men).

3. If it's gonna hinder my weight loss,then eating it needs to be WORTH every calorie. I don't eat sweets that are not fabulous.But I *will* indulge a little bit if it's something REALLY good that only comes around this time of year (like my mom's nutroll).

4. If I feel this person is sensitive and taking my "no thanks" personally, I take a tiny bite, act like I'm nibbling and (unless I've already earned the calories that day) and then later after I'm done talking with people, I throw the rest out.

5. If I'm having one of those days where I know my self control is low (so I know I can't keep a plate of goodies on my desk without actually eating them) but they are being pushy when I say "no thanks" then I take some "I will try it after I eat lunch" then I will find a way to throw it out.

It is NEVER rude to say no, if no is what you mean. Please explain to me why you think it is rude to turn down something offered.

You work with mostly men, but they get their feelings hurt because you wont eat the crap that they don't want to eat or don't want their wives eating? Well it is good to know how highly they think of you......

Sigh. You're right. People who actually care what others think are so beneath you.

I don't personally think it's rude. Like another poster said, if I make something and you aren't going to eat it, I'd rather you didn't take it at all. But many women think it's rude. And my civilian coworkers who could stand to lose a few pounds take personal offense (as if you're passing judement on them).

And yes, I work with mostly men. Who seem to like to highlight to wifey that I snubbed their cooking. As men, they don't say it "that way" but that's what wifey hears. It's bad enough they hate on those of us females who work with their husbands. Why add to it if you don't have to?

My post was cut and paste from my blog post on the topic. These strategies also apply to parties and such.

Ras_py

i just tell them to STFU and NOTHING they say can make me want it!!
lol yea i honestly do say that tho.. they all know my goals so i wont put up with their BS and saying things to try and guilt me into eating something.. That aint how it works!!

Cat1094

Wow! Didn't know I'd get all that response. For those who actually read the post before replying, and gave me encouraging input, thanks! See ya around the boards.

quirkytizzy

But I don't keep crap food in my house, so why should I be subjected to it constantly in the workplace let alone be goaded into eating it? It's annoying.

Because in your home it's just you.

In the rest of the world, there's this thing called "other people." They exist. Lots of them. Around 7 billion, last I heard.

collectingblues

Will you give up goodies during maintenance too?

I don't see this as sabotage. No one is forcing you to eat the cookie or the brownie, and no one is forcing you to not change your dinner, snack, or lunch plans to accommodate it. If you don't want to eat it, that's fine -- but own that choice, and don't blame it on other people.

If you work in an office where people get offended if you don't have a treat -- and admittedly, in the offices I've been in, that's never been my experience -- either lie through your teeth, eat it, or take it home as a treat. Or throw it out when no one is watching.

But at least own your decisions. No one forces you to eat anything.

scottbrown78

A lot of people tell me "just don't eat it, who cares if they're offended" but I work in a VERY team-based and fragile ego environment so I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to be rude by always saying no.

Here's the cool thing... BECAUSE I allow myself to eat the truly FABULOUS things, an BECAUSE I don't make a habit of bring mean and snippy about "you slobs filling your mouths with that junk" when I say no, most people don't mind the occasions when I say no.

Here's what I do when confronted with office goodies:

1. No thanks (or, if they're pushy, maybe later)

2. I remember that part of the reason they're often pushing it on US is so THEY don't eat it!!! Or so they're wives don't eat it (I work around mostly men).

3. If it's gonna hinder my weight loss,then eating it needs to be WORTH every calorie. I don't eat sweets that are not fabulous.But I *will* indulge a little bit if it's something REALLY good that only comes around this time of year (like my mom's nutroll).

4. If I feel this person is sensitive and taking my "no thanks" personally, I take a tiny bite, act like I'm nibbling and (unless I've already earned the calories that day) and then later after I'm done talking with people, I throw the rest out.

5. If I'm having one of those days where I know my self control is low (so I know I can't keep a plate of goodies on my desk without actually eating them) but they are being pushy when I say "no thanks" then I take some "I will try it after I eat lunch" then I will find a way to throw it out.

It is NEVER rude to say no, if no is what you mean. Please explain to me why you think it is rude to turn down something offered.

You work with mostly men, but they get their feelings hurt because you wont eat the crap that they don't want to eat or don't want their wives eating? Well it is good to know how highly they think of you......

Sigh. You're right. People who actually care what others think are so beneath you.

I don't personally think it's rude. Like another poster said, if I make something and you aren't going to eat it, I'd rather you didn't take it at all. But many women think it's rude. And my civilian coworkers who could stand to lose a few pounds take personal offense (as if you're passing judement on them).

And yes, I work with mostly men. Who seem to like to highlight to wifey that I snubbed their cooking. As men, they don't say it "that way" but that's what wifey hears. It's bad enough they hate on those of us females who work with their husbands. Why add to it if you don't have to?

My post was cut and paste from my blog post on the topic. These strategies also apply to parties and such.

How do you know what the "wifey hears"?

conniepeters1

I'm in the same boat - it's not easy, especially this time of year, someone is bringing something in daily. In the past I've stock-piled stuff if it's wrapped and taken it down to the breakroom of another floor, sometimes just take the first bite if it's homemade and then set it aside and toss later (thought I hate to waste a good cookie or baked good). Hang in there! Connie

ctooch99

But I don't keep crap food in my house, so why should I be subjected to it constantly in the workplace let alone be goaded into eating it? It's annoying.

Because in your home it's just you.

In the rest of the world, there's this thing called "other people." They exist. Lots of them. Around 7 billion, last I heard.

Right - and in the real world where we all live and work you obviously don't, there are also things called called "work place rules and employment laws" - Of the 7 billion people you refer to there are also a large number of them who smoke too - so by your logic they should be able to smoke and blow their smoke into your workplace every day and offering you the chance to smoke with them whether you want you want to or not? There is absolutely no difference at all with the exception that junk food is seen as something harmless and "yummy" while cigarettes are not.. Yet obesity and diabetes are as big (if not bigger) health problems than lung cancer is today. People simply need to leave their crappy junk food at home or keep it to themselves, it's no different.

I am nice to people at work, but I do not feel I should need to be in a position where I have to constantly turn down food and have to explain why or come up with bull**** to not offend some fat-*kitten* who knows better. It's ridiculous and intrusive.

Acg67

But I don't keep crap food in my house, so why should I be subjected to it constantly in the workplace let alone be goaded into eating it? It's annoying.

Because in your home it's just you.

In the rest of the world, there's this thing called "other people." They exist. Lots of them. Around 7 billion, last I heard.

Right - and in the real world where we all live and work you obviously don't, there are also things called called "work place rules and employment laws" - Of the 7 billion people you refer to there are also a large number of them who smoke too - so by your logic they should be able to smoke and blow their smoke into your workplace every day and offering you the chance to smoke with them whether you want you want to or not? There is absolutely no difference at all with the exception that junk food is seen as something harmless and "yummy" while cigarettes are not.. Yet obesity and diabetes are as big (if not bigger) health problems than lung cancer is today. People simply need to leave their crappy junk food at home or keep it to themselves, it's no different.

I am nice to people at work, but I do not feel I should need to be in a position where I have to constantly turn down food and have to explain why or come up with bull**** to not offend some fat-*kitten* who knows better. It's ridiculous and intrusive.

Lol no difference between cigarettes and "junk food"? In what fantasy world?

What if an in shape person offered you "junk" food and you were the fatty to them?

Galathea96

But I don't keep crap food in my house, so why should I be subjected to it constantly in the workplace let alone be goaded into eating it? It's annoying.

Because in your home it's just you.

In the rest of the world, there's this thing called "other people." They exist. Lots of them. Around 7 billion, last I heard.

Right - and in the real world where we all live and work you obviously don't, there are also things called called "work place rules and employment laws" - Of the 7 billion people you refer to there are also a large number of them who smoke too - so by your logic they should be able to smoke and blow their smoke into your workplace every day and offering you the chance to smoke with them whether you want you want to or not? There is absolutely no difference at all with the exception that junk food is seen as something harmless and "yummy" while cigarettes are not.. Yet obesity and diabetes are as big (if not bigger) health problems than lung cancer is today. People simply need to leave their crappy junk food at home or keep it to themselves, it's no different.

I am nice to people at work, but I do not feel I should need to be in a position where I have to constantly turn down food and have to explain why or come up with bull**** to not offend some fat-*kitten* who knows better. It's ridiculous and intrusive.

Wow, the holier than though attitude and the generalization here is hard to take.

I work in an office with 90 or so other people who bring treats every single day. Every. single. day. Guess what, all but one of us even push the overweight category. The people who bring the most food (brownies, sweet breads, croissants, chocolate, chocolate bread, chocolate criossants, gateaux, cookies, more chocolate ...) are actually some of the healthiest of us all and the furthest thing from fat. They run half marathons or even full marathons, ski from dawn to dusk, organize ice hockey matches, snowshoeing expeditions, lunch time runs, mountain hikes and even parachuting outings for everyone in the office. Every single one of us has chocolate and cookies (and fruit!) in our offices. Heck even the christmas decorations in the office are made of chocolate.

However, none of us accuse each other of sabotage or ambush or whatever have yous because we operate on the notion that everyone in the office is an adult. We can eat as much or as little as we want, our health and weight is up to us. If I overeat, it's my own damn fault. My co-workers don't owe me a thing when it comes to whether they bring treats to the office or not.

wibutterflymagic

Why do people think that they are sooooo important that not eating something offered is going to hurt anyone's feelings? Ever consider they don't really want you to eat one and are just trying to not hurt YOUR feelings and are offering you something? Or maybe they all have a bet on who can get you to eat the most? Get over yourself and tell them NO, I don't want it.

My typical response....."No thanks, I'm fat enough."

hahaha, I like that response. Sometimes I say no thanks, I don't eat crap anymore....Yes, I am passive aggressive.