No support from family or boyfriend...
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we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
Who cares? She could call him the big pink bunny in her life if she wants. That's not the point of this post, but way to try to out-snark everyone on something completely meaningless. You should get a prize.....
I wasn't trying to out-snark anyone in some desperate cry for approval. I really don't give a flying leap who likes me and who doesn't. I was simply expressing my thoughts on how crazy it is to call someone your husband when you aren't married. The OP put it out there, and I commented on it. If she didn't want anyone to ask for clarification (and I was NOT the only one asking), then she shouldn't have used confusing terms.0 -
Awesome advice you hit every point and was compassion about it. Sometimes it is how you talk to(write) a person that determines if they taken in what you are trying to say. Good job!At the end of the day, I think you have gotten some good advice out of this post (minus useless comments about calling your boyfriend your husband, etc). As much a pain as it is to be in an environment where you aren't supported, you can still have great success. Of course it would be nice to be surrounded by parents, friends, and significant others that had your back 24/7. Someone to push you to stick to those workouts or do a fitness challenge with you, someone to cook healthy meals together, someone to stop you from slipping back into old habits...we would all love that. Agreed, it would make things much more simple. I think there's probably one in fifty people who live in that idea environment. At the end of the day, no matter how much it sucks, the people in your life will only change if and when they want to. I still live at home with my parents, both of whom are overweight. They eat bad food and too much of it, have no desire to exercise, and really I think anything I've tried to explain to them goes in one ear and out the other. My mom continues to buy pills and powders and supplements and is forever confused why they don't work when she doesn't change what she eats or how active she is. You can always be positive and offer advice, ask them to come with you to the gym, cook them something healthy...but you can't make them change. I do things on my own. I work out alone, buy food alone...you get the idea. I don't think people were trying to be negative or upset you, but their point is that even though you may be fighting an uphill battle, it's still YOUR battle. You can achieve all your goals, whether they go along for the ride or not. Take time, look over your priorities. How bad do you want it? How important are these goals to you? What do you gain from them? Make a plan and keep those priorities fresh in your mind 24/7. If you're in a situation where something you're doing doesn't align with what you're trying to achieve, take note of it and make the change. You can't change your boyfriend or his mom, but they also don't get to make your choices either. Stick to your guns, do what needs to be done, and if they have a problem with you doing what is best for you and bettering your life, then I'd start to wonder what you mean to them.0 -
My heart goes out to you. Anytime I say I am going to do it this time the reply is "I heard that song before." It hurts, but I keep praying for the day I reach my goal. I just had a set back. In 3 weeks I gained almost 13 pounds back. My back went out yet again. I got depressed, angry and felt like a failure yet again. I got up and dusted myself off. I am moving forward. I don't go to a gym. I sometimes can't walk. I use my chair and do exercise in the chair. I use bands for strength. I have exercise equipment here that was given to me in the past before back issues. I bought a bike at a thrift store for $10. When I can sit and stand I am on my bike and treadmill. My row glider I have to use caution. I am starting again 10 minute walks at 2.0/ 3 times a day and riding the bike 10 minutes. I will increase as body allow. I make sure I get 30 minutes total daily.
You can even use your broom as a bar and add bags with cans in it for the weight. Use your internet for aerobic videos. Step stool for stepping(be careful that it don't move) The length of your yard as your track. Outdoor steps for stair climber. Empty gallons of milk containers fill with water, one in each hand and do lunges. The list go on and on. We can't allow others to block our goals. When there is a road block find another route. I have to. When I can't move and on bed rest. I will do low carbs. It will be hard because I like real country food, not diet food. You will do it, believe in yourself and look for ways to reach your goal.:bigsmile:
^ What she said, but in a much nicer way then what I'm about to say.
Stop with the excuses. Yeah, you may think I'm being "mean", but it's the truth. I've been there and I know how hard it can be to have no support but guess what..the only reason I'm this way is because of me. So it is up to me to make changes. No one is force feeding me bad food. No one is tying me down so I can't exercise.
The only person I know at the moment in this place I'm at is my mom. And she's not exactly supportive or helpful in my weight loss. But you know what happens if she goes and buys fast food or junk food? I either ignore it or if I eat it, I make sure to budget it in or/and work it off.
I invested in an elliptical. And next year, I'm planning on joining a gym. If you can't do either, there are free workouts you can do from On Demand or youtube/hulu videos. There are so may things YOU CAN DO...but YOU are the one choosing not to do them. Your situation and issues aren't so insurmountable that there isn't a solution.
Like I said, you say that you've got no support - neither did I. That's why I came to MFP community and I've gotten some great online support. And the best support I've gotten is actually from those people you have said are mean.
I'd much rather have someone, like the lovable Yoovie
- kick me right in my butt and tell me to stop having a self-pity party and DO something about it. The things people have said are the truth.
You want to change - do something about it. Stop making excuses and blaming everyone else. Take responsibility for your own actions and your life.0 -
Oh does she force-feed you? Does she shovel food down your throat while you're tied up helpless? Oh she doesn't? So, quit making excuses and take responsibility for your actions. You're an adult for God's sake!!! *smh*0
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I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!0
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I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
^^^^ Another excuse maker. It's nobody else's fault, don't rely on others for support, BE YOUR OWN SUPPORT SYSTEM.0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
^^^^ Another excuse maker. It's nobody else's fault, don't rely on others for support, BE YOUR OWN SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Yeah, I think that even in the movie she realized that she had to take charge of her own life and that she'd been making excuses. Basically, she learned to be accountable for her actions.
And how is it negative to tell someone the truth? Just because it's straight out and not sugar coated doesn't make it negative.0 -
People keep referring to all these "negative" posts but what I see are people telling it to her straight without sugar coating anything. If not here, where we should get that sort of feedback?
When I read the OP, I too, saw it full of excuses and full of a bunch of irrlevant information about what everyone else in her life is doing. What the people around you do DOESN'T MATTER. If you really want this, I have good news - you have complete control over it. Only you decide what you put in your mouth. It's up to you to move more. Heck, use not driving as the perfect reason to move more. Get a bike. Walk to the bus. Walk period.
Do I accues my husband of not being supportive because he doesn't get up with me at 4:20 am to exercise? Of course not, that would be ludicrous. Is his having 10 pieces of Halloween candy in front of me while I have none unsupportive of him? No. Why would it be? I've made the choice to not eat that. He hasn't made that choice. We're individual people capable of making our own choices.
Decide how much you really want this - in the end you'll get more satisfaction achieving your goals knowing you did it by relying on yourself and your own resolve.0 -
lol I love how people think we are so completely stupid that we can't notice when someone makes a fake profile to 'come to the rescue' and belittle everyone that is not motivated by the same things they are.0
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we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
its not crazy. i call my SO who ive been with my husband all the time even tough we arent married. to me it symbolizes that we are life partners and have been together more than like...3 months...0 -
we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
its not crazy. i call my SO who ive been with my husband all the time even tough we arent married. to me it symbolizes that we are life partners and have been together more than like...3 months...
Oh more than 3 months, every boyfriend I've had since I was 12 I went out with for over 3 months. I guess I've been married a hell of a lot...I'm due a staggering amount of alimony.....0 -
I guess I"m failing to see why your mother in law wanting to pop through the drive through for fast food has anything to do with your choices. I personally don't consider support to be everyone around me changing their lifestyles for my benefit. This is my thing...I own it...it's not anybody elses responsibility. I don't expect my wife to stop eating potato chips just because I'm not eating them...I don't expect her to stop drinking sodas just because I'm not drinking them...etc, etc, etc. Support is, "hey...you're doing a good job....that's great...keep it up," etc, etc. Sometimes support is also, "what the hell are you doing?"
Something you might want to consider is sitting down and planning out your meals and snacks for the week...then you hit the grocery store on one of your mother in laws fast food runs...but you have all of your nutritious goodies for the week at home.0 -
I know how you feel to some extent.. I mean I'm on MFP with both my sisters and none of us live in the same place so we rely on this site and phones, I'm the biggest of the 3 of us and my boyfriend can quite often just want to gorge on junk and he's tiny. REALLy skinny and never puts on a pound which makes it harder to avoid it. I've also been off work the last 9 weeks due to a back injury and i know i've put on weight due to lack of exercise and my boyfriend cannot cook which means we've had microwave meals and take out most nights
but i think after talking to him and telling him how i feel things are going right... so i think the best thing to do is talk to them. tell them this is something you need to do for yourself and their help and support would make it a lot easier for you. They'll understand... might just take time... 0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
Sometimes support comes in the form of "tough love." Sugar coating everything rarely gets anybody anywhere.0 -
we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
its not crazy. i call my SO who ive been with my husband all the time even tough we arent married. to me it symbolizes that we are life partners and have been together more than like...3 months...
Oh more than 3 months, every boyfriend I've had since I was 12 I went out with for over 3 months. I guess I've been married a hell of a lot...I'm due a staggering amount of alimony.....
you know what I mean. i just threw 3 months out there as a rather new relationship where not alot has been tied together as of yet.. 17 years is a long time... even if we choose not to spend the $$ to officially get married at this point. what would change??0 -
You just have to decide that you are going to do this regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does, and then do it.
Choose some things off the fast food menu that you can eat, and log it. Get the chicken and don't eat the bun to save some calories. Get the side salad and chili off the dollar menu. Or don't eat there at all, have all your meals planned for home.
Exercise more. You don't have to join a gym, you again just have to decide you are going to do it. There are tons of free resources on the internet.
Willpower, you just have to find it within yourself and start using it, and the more you use it, the more you will develop.0 -
Wow, so the title of the thread of "no support from boyfriend," the first post talks about how there's no support from the boyfriend, then a later post goes on about how wonderfully supportive her boyfriend is. There are some serious issues here, but I don't think the boyfriend is the problem...
The issue is she is putting the blame for her failure to lose weight on everyone else but herself. This reminds me of the 22 year old who whined about how her parents don't cook anything healthy. How they take her out to eat at fast food places. Are they holding you down and shoving that food down your throat? NO! Then get moving and stop making excuses. Gess your old enough to take care of yourself. Unless you have a medical reason for not having a drivers license then go get it. Stop depending on everyone else for everything. Gess I was married with kids at your age and worked full time plus took care of a house. Get moving girl and stop pointing fingers.0 -
I was simply expressing my thoughts on how crazy it is to call someone your husband when you aren't married.
One wonders how you make it through a day in the real world0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
One of the most important parts of weight loss, certainly pertaining to calorie-counting, is holding yourself accountable for what you eat and being honest with yourself.
It's not cruel to help someone realize that she is taking the wrong approach by making other people responsible for her goal.0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
Sometimes being supportive means telling the truth. It does no one any good for anyone to have his or her "friends" reinforce the reasons why they keep failing to succeed. The fact is that numerous studies of how people have managed to lose a substantial amount of weight and keep it off have proven that people who refuse to stop making excuses for their failures (medical issues, lack of support, etc.) are not nearly as likely to succeed. If I ever start making excuses, I expect my MFP friends to tell me the truth - that I need to stop it! No one can keep me from meeting my goals EXCEPT ME!
My wife and kids have not changed their eating habits one iota since I started this journey in May and most nights I have to buy groceries and cook or buy dinner for the rest of the family because my wife doesn't have time - and at the same time I have to shop for and cook every single one of my own meals day after day. It's not fun. And no one goes to the gym or on a run with me (although one of my sons did for awhile). I do get frustrated about it occasionally - but I refuse to stop eating what I know I should be eating or to break down and eat the same "tasty" crap the rest of the family is eating just because it looks good and would be MUCH easier to do. I tried that approach for years and all it got me was morbid obesity, hypertension, and diabetes.
If the OP is looking for "friends" to tell her that she would be perfectly justified and might as well give up because her boyfriend/husband and mother-in-law aren't supportive enough, she can't look to me. I'll try to be as supportive as I can by telling her she can still love them but that she can't let their bad choices have ANY impact on her choices - and that she can find the strength to make good, healthy choices, no matter how hard her circumstances are. And then cheer her, encourage her, support her, help her get back up when she inevitably isn't perfect, etc. That, to me, is what MFP friends should do, not support self-defeating pity parties without giving real help and advice.0
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