Cousinly Love

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Brianna72994
Brianna72994 Posts: 887
in Chit-Chat
Hey guys! So I'm looking for some opinions, sorry if this is kind of long.




My boyfriend and his female cousin are very close. They are close in age, she is only two years older than he is. But I'm starting to feel like they are a little too close, if that's possible? They talk on the phone pretty often, they have sleepovers (she sleeps on the floor), she wears his sweatshirts and stuff, she's always stopping by his house unannounced, even when me and him are spending time together, and she usually stays for a couple of hours. He gives her multiple hugs whenever he sees her, and I feel like he ignores me whenever she is there. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets mad and short-tempered. I guess I'll get to the point. It really bugs me. Is it possible that they are TOO close? (I dont have any close cousins so I'm not sure)


Any opinions/advice would be appreciated, thanks!
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Replies

  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Are they 1st cousins or kissing cousins?
  • mavrick7
    mavrick7 Posts: 1,607 Member
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    @bid1994 - I wouldn't worry about it. My first cousin(male) and I are extremely close. We have remained close since our childhood and remain closer than our brothers and sisters.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    @bid1994 - I wouldn't worry about it. My first cousin(male) and I are extremely close. We have remained close since our childhood and remain closer than our brothers and sisters.

    But thats normal for male cousins to be close. But he is a male and she is female. I'm just not sure if I should be concerned or not.. I mean I know he wouldnt cheat on me with her, thats disgusting. I just wonder if they are TOO close and if I should say something.
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
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    It sounds like they are just best buds
  • musikalmami237
    musikalmami237 Posts: 214 Member
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    I was in a relationship years ago with a guy who was like that with his female cousin. Was very annoying so I know where you're coming from.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    I was in a relationship years ago with a guy who was like that with his female cousin. Was very annoying so I know where you're coming from.

    I'm glad someone understands. It's very annoying.
  • d_Mode
    d_Mode Posts: 880 Member
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    I wouldn't worry about it...I have a female cousin I am very close to...she spends the night when she needs to get away, we hug and basically cry on each other's shoulders from time to time and basically she's like a sister. We always can make each other laugh, no matter what or how long it's been since we see each other...
  • Cheryl_Catrair
    Cheryl_Catrair Posts: 61 Member
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    No win situation to give him a hard time about it. In my opinion, it's best to accept it or if you really feel it's out of line then move on. I think cousins are often very close regardless of gender.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    I wouldnt say that I'm jealous of her, just sometimes I feel left out. Especially when she comes over, because he kind of ignores me when she is there.
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
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    My first thought is....

    1) Are they really cousins? Or did he just tell you that and you are taking his word for it?

    2) Sleepovers? Are you sure she's not just crashing at his pad for convenience?

    3) How touchy feely are they really?

    Unless you are the extremely possessive type, you should trust your instincts if its botthering you. I say this because you say he gets mad when you try to talk to him about it. Spider-senses are tingling.....

    Sorry to be the devil's advocate here, but the way you describe it....
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
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    My mom's generation of our family is all like that, regardless of sex or gender. They've even slept in the same bed, doesn't mean they're rolling around in it doing the dirty but they love and trust each other and if circumstances came down to it I'd probably do the same. We all love each other very much, no incest about it so I wouldn't be worried about that until you actually have more of a reason than 'they hug a lot'.

    But if it really bothers you that much, talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him you feel a little neglected when she's over and you know it's not intentional but it hurts you. OPEN COMMUNICATION IS A GOOD THING.

    All the luck to ya. c:
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    My first thought is....

    1) Are they really cousins? Or did he just tell you that and you are taking his word for it?

    2) Sleepovers? Are you sure she's not just crashing at his pad for convenience?

    3) How touchy feely are they really?

    Unless you are the extremely possessive type, you should trust your instincts if its botthering you. I say this because you say he gets mad when you try to talk to him about it. Spider-senses are tingling.....

    Sorry to be the devil's advocate here, but the way you describe it....

    1) Yes they are real cousins, I'm positive

    2) I'm not sure why they have sleepovers. She doesnt live too far away, probably like 10 minutes away

    3) They just hug alot
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    I wouldn't worry about it in "that" sense...I have a female cousin that is one of my best friends...love her to death and we are very close. I am closer to her than my own sister in many respects...largely due to age and having more in common. That said, you should probably talk to your boyfriend and set some boundaries...like when you're just hanging out having some time together, it's probably not the best time for her to pop in for a sleep over, etc. When my wife and I were dating, we had to have such a conversation...not in RE to my cousin, but my buddies were always popping over with 6 packs of beer, etc. At the time, I was completely oblivious to the fact that this bothered my now wife until she spoke up...otherwise it just seemed like one big party and everyone was having a good time.
  • maxwellcoffeebean
    maxwellcoffeebean Posts: 66
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    Me and my female cousin are just like that. We are best friends and always have been. We hang out all the time and can talk about anything. This is normal.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Me and my female cousin are just like that. We are best friends and always have been. We hang out all the time and can talk about anything. This is normal.

    But does she just randomly stop by without saying anything, even when you are with a girl? Thats the part that bugs me.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    My guy cousins are like brothers. We grew up together and hang out whenever we can. Since they are family, it's not a big deal if we drop by each others' places unannounced.

    Open communication is good, but be careful. Tell him how you feel honestly, but be sensitive and let him explain. Sounds like they're close enough that if he has to choose between you two, you will lose.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    My guy cousins are like brothers. We grew up together and hang out whenever we can. Since they are family, it's not a big deal if we drop by each others' places unannounced.

    Open communication is good, but be careful. Tell him how you feel honestly, but be sensitive and let him explain. Sounds like they're close enough that if he has to choose between you two, you will lose.

    I would never make him choose, she is family. I just feel like she should at least text or call and ask if she can come over, instead of just dropping by. He is my boyfriend and I feel like I deserve some alone time with him
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    This is pretty strange, IMO.
    It's one thing to have a close relationship, but to be having "sleepovers" when she lives in the same city and they are how old? I find that odd.
  • RollinDawg
    RollinDawg Posts: 235 Member
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    Is this in Alabama? Nothing unusual at all then.
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    He is not going to change...so you have to decide if you can live like this. Would you marry a guy like this? Would you want to have kids with a guy like this? If the answer is no then you're wasting not only your time but his.

    Personally I wouldn't want to.

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