Best response to a telemarketer.

rfsatar

Telemarketer: "I'm calling from Microsoft. There's a virus on your computer. We'll help you fix it."
Me: "Huh? I don't own a computer."
Telemarketer: "... what? You must own a computer."
Me: "I don't own a computer!"
Telemarketer: "Oh."

First time - I told them I was a VP for Norton.
Successive times, I trotted downstairs and fired up my PS3 and tried to explain the cross bar thingy while they were bleating about "click Start, Run" ... Did it with the Wii and my iDevices.

I don't think that they have rung back since!

RBXChas

About 2 minutes my childhood dog died (back when I was 21), a telemarketer called our house. My mother, thinking it was my brother calling us back after we were leaving messages to him to get home ASAP, didn't look at the caller ID and just picked up. She was in tears, and the telemarketer said something or other, to which my mother replied, "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. Our dog just died."

The telemarketer started crying and apologized profusely!

mmckee10

Best ever telemarketer joke:


The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer"?

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling.

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."

I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody.

At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

omg! Lmao! this /thread

clydethecat

sometimes i talk to them, they say their spiel, i say, "so how does that make you feel" they say "what", i say, "tell me about your childhood". they normally hang up after that..

but mostly i jsut hang up when they ask if i'm there.

penrbrown

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

True or not this story is hilarious.

bugaha1

I use to say can you hold for a sec? and then lay the phone down till I hear the disconnect. Once I was bored and a credit card company was pushing their card. So I listened and listened and listened and every time they ended with a question I said no thanks. I said no thanks 12 times and it took forever lol

coolraul07

*bump* for best... telemarketer... joke... EVER!
:drinker:

Best ever telemarketer joke:


The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer"?

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling.

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."

I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody.

At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

TheRoadDog

My favorite. Just did this the other day. Both my wife and daughter were sitting there when the telemarketer called.

I answer the way I always answer. "This is Mike."

Guy breaks into his speel, and I said, " What are you wearing?'

My daughter looks at my wife and says, "He kidding. There's no one on the line."

Telemarketer is quiet for a moment then haltingly starts his speel again.

Me: "I'm all alone here. What are you wearing?"

My daughter doesn't believe me, so I hand her the phone just as the telemarketer starts in again. She hands the phone back to me and gives my wife an incredulous look. Unbelievably, I barely threw this guy off his game.

I use that method most times now. Works quite a bit. If it doesn't, I just hang up on them. But...I'm a legend in my own home now.

digitalbill

I had one trying to sell me a home security system.

Telemarketer: ... But don't you want your family to be secure?

Me: Sir, I have two dogs and a .357 Magnum. I think I have it covered.

Telemarketer: Have a nice day sir.
'click'

tomomatic

Next time I get a telemarketer, I'm just going to do the "And then...." thing from Dude Where's My Car.

classycouture

My bf gets calls from telemarketers selling viagra. He plays along with them and has them explain all about it, then he says he'll buy some, but only if they let him try it on their wife and daughters.

Win.

UsedToBeHusky

It's so sweet that you thought of me for this! I feel so special and hand-selected - just like you said.

I've actually pre-approved you for life insurance!! (I work for an insurance company) Congratulations!!! When can you come in for your appointment? When you do, we can discuss my product AND yours!
....
dead air...
click.

Oh Snap! turn the tables on them!!! haha.
I'm totally trying this one next time.

Hahaha!

Hello Mrs. So-and-so, would you be interested in a subscription...

Hello, would you be interested in a burial plot?

I want to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.:laugh:

imfivebyfive

If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.

mamasmaltz3

I did this once a long time ago and totally forgot about it until I was reading through this thread. I answered the phone and when they asked if my husband was available I responded with "No! I haven't seen that SOB in three days and if you find him tell that b#%#% to go to h#%^! The person apologized and got off the phone really quickly.

MonicaLee92

Looking from the caller ID i'd know when it was one. I'd pick up the phone, scream as loud as I can AHHHHHHH then hang up lol

sassylilmama

I have a young voice so I just tell them my parents aren't home. Works every time.

rfsatar

Here 's what I am going to try next:
Spam Caller: you have a virus on your machine
Me, waving hand over phone like a Jedi:
I don't have a virus in my machine.
These aren"t the PC's you're looking for
you can go about your spamming business
Move along. ...

penrbrown

If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.

But... but that's so reasonable. ):

RBXChas

If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.

A lot of these calls are now originating outside the country, and thus they cannot be prosecuted. Do you ever get those recorded calls from "Rachel at Card Services?" Yeah, those... Not from the US.

SwimFan1981

Just hang up :smokin: