husband put pressure on me

65please
65please Posts: 4 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi just would like some feedback in regard to anyone who has a husband or partner that keep putting pressure on you to lose weight .
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Replies

  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    You have to do it for YOU...not because someone tells you you HAVE to..if your heart isn't in it, you may find it tough.
  • helenx55
    helenx55 Posts: 48 Member
    You'll never lose weight with pressure, you have to do it for you its a hard enough challenge without living up to
    someones expectations.
  • FluroFaye
    FluroFaye Posts: 130
    It sounds harsh...and it is...but you need a serious chat with your husband. If he can't love you for you, then he's not a husband...he's a pest that's just going to bring you down.

    If he's suggesting it in a way so you cn be healthy and even offering to help you, that might be okay, but if he's trying to change you (even if you do need to lose weight, I don't know) there could be some issues that you need to address before you address your weight.
  • slimsdown
    slimsdown Posts: 122 Member
    unless he had genuine medical knowledge as to push you into dieting, just ignore him, or better yet..... make the same salad every day for lunch and dinner for a week, if he dosent rip his hair out he will get bored. least then he will know how hard it is to miss foods.

    let me know how you get on :-)
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    Agreed. You have do it for yourself.
    I am fortunate that I never had to deal with this regarding my husband for all the years (37) we have been married, most of which I have been overweight, and I am thankful for that. I am pretty sure that he would have preferred a more fit wife, but has never said a word about my weight.
    It would definately be a difficult challenge to deal with in a relationship, but so are many other issues.
    I wish you the best of luck.
  • scruffykaz
    scruffykaz Posts: 317 Member
    He should be encouraging you not putting pressure on you. I agree with the other posters that you should have to do it for you. If he keeps putting pressure on you to lose weight it'll just make you feel rubbish about yourself and you'll find it harder to (for me, impossible) to lose the weight.

    Losing it (for me) has been about having my own personal motivation not having somebody harp on at me constantly. What is his weight like? Does he smoke/drink/do anything that you don't like or is he a specimen of human perfection? I doubt it. Do you pressure him to change these habits?

    This kinds of thing irritates the crap out of me because the relationships in your life should be about mutual respect, loving each other regardless of imperfections and encouraging each other to reach those goals (amongst other things) but one of the key ingredients (for me) is knowing that you are loved and supported unconditional....not being put pressure on
  • simonspurr
    simonspurr Posts: 1
    You dont mention in your post if you are indeed overweight to the point that a medical professional would tell you that you would benefit from doing something about it.

    If you are, then perhaps your husband is simply trying to prompt you in to action because he loves you / is worried about you / doesn't want to see you developing weight related illnesses. Don't use the fact that his manner is a bit abrupt or unsubtle as an excuse to rubbish what he is trying to say - perhaps he has been trying to help in a more subtle way for some time and is getting nowhere so has upped the volume a bit. Perhaps he is simply bad at communicating. Doesn't mean he doesn't care or that what he is saying is correct and if you engaged in the discussion perhaps you would find that working together on the problem wouldbe good for you both.

    If you do not have a weight issue - ie are at a reasonably healthy weight, and it looks like he is comparing you to the abnormally skinny yoga-bunnies he sees on TV / the magazines, then yes - as some of the other posts suggests - perhaps you should push back on him. Hope helps.
  • jo_marnes
    jo_marnes Posts: 1,601 Member
    Why are you on this site? If you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you don't, ignore your husband. But YOU logged on to this website.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    I am now the spouse who finally got her health in the right priority and am trying to help my husband as he is almost out of the "trying" stage to the "doing" stage. It is a much harder and gut wrenching role to be in . My husband had graves disease, had his thyroid removed, and has high cholestrol and is 60 to 80 pounds overweight and is classified as obese by the charts. He just had a very bad reaction to a med so he is going to have to be a very restrictive diet .

    He is doing well this week and i have no junk food and plenty of good healthy on his plan food available..we have an ellipitcal and stationary bike as well as weights ... It is all about doing in our home. I wouldnt trade my husband for any other man in the world. And i will help him any way I can to regain his health, but i know it comes from within, just like it did me.
  • mrsmcg97
    mrsmcg97 Posts: 53 Member
    My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.
  • Firefox7275
    Firefox7275 Posts: 2,040 Member
    Start nagging him to have a manhood enlargement operation.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
    Agreed.
    Why are you on this site? If you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you don't, ignore your husband. But YOU logged on to this website.
  • merzback
    merzback Posts: 453 Member
    Do NOT do this for your husband or anyone else. Do this for you. Your husband sounds judgmental.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    My take may be different. I married a very fit, thin man. We did a lot of activities together and enjoyed life. Over the last 10 years he's eaten himself into being morbidly obese and spends most of his spare time in his lazyboy chair watching Pawn Stars. He can barely breathe going up a flight of stairs and doing any kind of physical activity is out of the question.

    I nag him to lose weight because he's killing himself with food and we no longer do any of the activities that brought us together to start with. Maybe the OP's husband feels the same way. It's great to say to love me for who I am but if who you are now isn't the person that he married then maybe he has a point.
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
    It won't work unless you want it for you.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
    It kind of depends on his approach. If my boyfriend said, "I'm really concerned. I love you so much, and I'm worried we won't be able to enjoy a long life together. I don't like seeing you unhappy and unhealthy. Is there anything I can do to help?" it would embarrass me, but it isn't necessarily mean or uncalled for.

    Now, if he said, "You really need to lose some weight. Why can't you just stop eating and go jogging or something? You'd look so much better if you lost 100 pounds," or something like that, I'd be PISSED, and we wouldn't be together much longer.

    The difference is that in the first example, he makes it clear that he still respects me and loves me. In the second example, he sounds like a judgmental a** who doesn't care about my feelings. It's not so much the words as the attitude.
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
    It is all in your attitude. If you do it for him you are going to resent him
  • Rhozelyn
    Rhozelyn Posts: 201 Member
    Yes weightloss needs to be for you but sometimes we need an external push to lose weight. Your hubby loves you and don't mistake his "pressure" for spite...it's most likely out of love and concern because he probably knows that you want to lose wight and that the benefits of being a healthy are huge. Of course attraction may be a factor let's face it ....sometimes we gain weight and don't find ourselves attractive and realistically spouses may struggle with it too. So if YOU want to lose weight thank your hubby and ask for his support. I am overweight but I also try and encourage my family to try and lose weight not for vanity and aesthetics but for health. That can never be a bad thing.:smile:
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
    My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.

    Tee Hee!
  • ErzaScarlet
    ErzaScarlet Posts: 64 Member
    If you are overweight perhaps your husband or partner is just concerned for your health, but you need to tell your husband that it is not appropriate for him to put pressure on you to lose weight, instead he should try and support you when you are ready to lose weight.
  • Mac_X
    Mac_X Posts: 110 Member
    This is honestly the reason I am on MFP. I told my wife, "If you push me, it will eventually, even subconsciously, turn to "nagging" and I will start to resent you for it. I don't want that in our marriage." So I turned to here. My MFP pals push me and cheer me on, and if I get annoyed at one or two of them for pointing out inconsistencies in my behavior it doesnt really effect my relationships AND it helps to have so many sets of eyes on it because I NEED that.

    All my wife has to do is sit there and reap the benefits of having a healthier husband.
  • garyobesedeleted
    garyobesedeleted Posts: 117 Member
    Why are you on this site? If you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you don't, ignore your husband. But YOU logged on to this website.

    ...says the skinny person
  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
    dont put up with anyone telling you , you have to change , were non of us perfect .... i bet your husband isnt either !!
  • garyobesedeleted
    garyobesedeleted Posts: 117 Member
    Do Six weeks to OMG
  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
    My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.



    hahahha well said ......i'll remember that i think :)
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    I was 278 pounds at my worse....and my wife simply said she was just no longer attracted to me fat.
    33323822_1748.jpg
    I am thankful that she was honest!
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    I have tried everything to get my wife to workout and get in shape. She can barely walk due to bad knees.
    She gets jealous of me after I have dropped 60lbs. But I put in the work.
  • shadowfeet33
    shadowfeet33 Posts: 45 Member
    I guess I would need more information, if he is truly concerned about your health and well being or just being ugly about it. I know in my experience, any time my goal was anything other than my health and to feel better, I didn't last long.
  • LetsGetFitMama
    LetsGetFitMama Posts: 102
    I am the partner who is pushing my partner to lose weight. I am on the journey myself and thought it would be great for us to do it together. Now, I will say, my b/f does have health issues, he has been referred to a gastric bypass surgeon due to his size so for me, I feel like me saying "Lets do this together, you need it, I need it!" should be seen as a good thing and not negative. Problem is, I think I am way more motivated than he is. The other difference between himself and I is that he has been overweight most of his life, I have not and I think he somewhat fears how he might look without the weight. I keep asking him if I am bugging him too much cause I don't want to FORCE him but thus far he said what I am doing is fine.
    Communication is key. If you are overweight, and have or have had health issues related to the weight then perhaps he just wants whats best for you and your health. Talk to him about it :-)
  • Lyssa62
    Lyssa62 Posts: 930 Member
    My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.

    LMFAO -- I'm glad somebody said it. I was going to ask her how much her husband weighed..cuz that could be lost quickly. :drinker:

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