husband put pressure on me

Options
135

Replies

  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    Options
    I think this is completely dependent on WHY he's putting pressure on you to lose weight. is it that he wants a hot, sexy wife to brag about? (which is NOT necessarily a bag thing). or, does he want you guys to have a long, healthy life together?

    As said before, you need to do it for you. let him know he needs to be supportive, not pushy. he can't know how you're feeling if you don't let him know. :)
  • Robin_Bin
    Robin_Bin Posts: 1,046 Member
    Options
    Do you want to lose weight?

    if so, tell him how he can support you -- even if it's by shutting up. Many people don't react well to pressure and push back -- even if it means doing something counter productive. If he can help you in other ways, great.

    If it's not your decision to lose weight, it's not likely to work out well, and very likely to end up with you weighing more -- yo-yo dieting etc. So you need to have a serious talk about that disagreement.

    In one couple I know, someone said... paraphrased "I love you and will love and take care of you if you get a disease related to your poor health habits, but I'd resent it, and would much rather have you healthy and with me for a long time." Much more effective than criticising or nagging.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    Options
    It would be easier to Lose the Husband!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    Options
    It would be easier to Lose the Husband!

    really?

    who pays the bills?

    how can you say this without knowing anything other than he is concerned about her being over weight?

    maybe he cares and is tired of hearing her say she will start next Monday.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
    Options
    Why are you on this site? If you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you don't, ignore your husband. But YOU logged on to this website.

    ...says the skinny person

    She's lost 55 pounds. There's no need to be snarky about her achievement.
  • Codefox
    Codefox Posts: 308 Member
    Options
    We're allowed to tell loved ones to stop smoking or not do other bad habits but losing weight is sacrosanct. Maybe this is why we have such a horrific problem in this country.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Options
    My husband was the one who, without my consent, told a friend I was interested in a weightloss contest and that I'd be there at the gym that night. I was really pissed with him! After I got over my initial nerves, I went and participated in a 6 week challenge...and WON. Now I've been a member of the gym since March and I couldn't be happier.

    In a way, my husband 'pushed' me to do it (you can't do anything do don't want to do) but I'm glad he did. I am a better person for it and although I started off with some pretty bad reasons for wanting to do it, I've changed my mind to believe this is about ME and that I deserve this.

    Take what your husbands say as their way of putting their foot in their mouths. Sometimes they say things with honest intentions but they come out kinda rude.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    Options
    It would be easier to Lose the Husband!

    really?
    who pays the bills?
    how can you say this without knowing anything other than he is concerned about her being over weight?
    maybe he cares and is tired of hearing her say she will start next Monday.
    There is an echo chamber of bitter people on MFP who's answer to everything is "break-up, divorce"...
    Misery loves company!
  • elizabethis
    elizabethis Posts: 155 Member
    Options
    There are always 2 perspectives in every exchange/relationship. We cannot possibly know the back story in this marriage. OP, I know what he said hurt you, regardless of his motivation or intent. What I can tell you is that making a commitment to improve your health, to get strong and fit, will be one of the best things you've ever done for yourself. My advice is to take your husband out of the picture for a moment (not literally) and quietly set about changing your life. There are many folks on this site to give help and encouragement along the way.

    edit to correct typo
  • roadtripper23
    roadtripper23 Posts: 33
    Options
    Like I said earlier sometimes it takes someone you love to give you a kick in the butt to get you moving. It worked for me too.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    Options
    We're allowed to tell loved ones to stop smoking or not do other bad habits but losing weight is sacrosanct. Maybe this is why we have such a horrific problem in this country.
    Obesity is becoming it's own victim group.
    The "F" word is now FAT.
    And yes, it's no wonder why our nation has become so fat and getting fatter.
    This whole attitude is absurd.
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    Options
    Me and my soon to be ex....I have always put pressure on him to get healthy AFTER we had children. He was 375 at his highest. We have four children and I didn't want me and the kids to loose him......now....I hope he gets to 450...lol
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Options
    Hi just would like some feedback in regard to anyone who has a husband or partner that keep putting pressure on you to lose weight .

    What kind of pressure? Does your husband love you dearly? I still thank my husband for being the *only* person willing to tell me the truth about my weight. Just as when I was drinking too much, he was my wake-up call.
  • sbbhbm
    sbbhbm Posts: 1,312 Member
    Options
    My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.

    But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.
  • olores
    olores Posts: 257 Member
    Options
    LOVE your response!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    Options
    My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.

    But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.

    if he didnt say anything, would you be here trying to improve yourself?
  • becky6m
    becky6m Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    I had the opposite husband. The one who asked why I had to work out, or why I counted my calories. Why I wasn't just eating what I wanted. It was hard to have someone so important being so hard on me about making a good change in my life. It made me think twice about committing to it. Then I chose me. I made the decision to say, this is for ME. To make me happy. To make me feel better. If I am unhappy with ME then how can I be happy with anyone. When I chose me (it was a rough two year journey to loose 100 lbs) he saw me transform into a very grumpy disturbing person, to a very confident healthy woman. So my reason for pouring my life story on here is to allow you to see that when your pushing and want to give up, you will if your doing this for someone else. You will put the focus on someone else, putting the blame on them and not finish. You need to be able to say in the hard times, I need this. I am doing this. You will not regret the decision and you will never want to be in that unhappy place again.
  • olores
    olores Posts: 257 Member
    Options
    My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.

    LOVE your response!!!!
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
    Options
    My take may be different. I married a very fit, thin man. We did a lot of activities together and enjoyed life. Over the last 10 years he's eaten himself into being morbidly obese and spends most of his spare time in his lazyboy chair watching Pawn Stars. He can barely breathe going up a flight of stairs and doing any kind of physical activity is out of the question.

    I nag him to lose weight because he's killing himself with food and we no longer do any of the activities that brought us together to start with. Maybe the OP's husband feels the same way. It's great to say to love me for who I am but if who you are now isn't the person that he married then maybe he has a point.

    This may not be popular or politically correct, but it's pretty darned accurate.
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    Options
    My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.

    But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.

    you're a badass.

    imo, motivation is motivation.

Categories