husband put pressure on me

Faye_Anderson

Your ticker says you want to lose 17kg, that's the difference between healthy weight and obese for me so maybe he's trying to help you to want to get healthy. In the 12 months since you joined you could have quite easily achieved this so maybe he sees that you have been too lazy to do anything about it and is giving you a nudge? :ohwell: :flowerforyou:

violetfem

I think men/husbands sometimes want their wives to lose weight for the right reasons. Your husband may want you to be around longer and not get ill (e.g. diabetic). He may worry that you will bet so heavy it's hard to do some really fun things. I think it can be a sign of loving you. Look at it that way. :-) He loves you! and you should too! Good luck.

SDHudgins1976

So many people have said something along the lines of what I've been thinking.
If he's coming from the approach of you need to do this to be healthy, so we can have a long life together (or so you can be around for the kids for a long time) etc, that's one thing. My husband has expressed concerns along those lines, and while it hurt a little bit, he never was trying to force me into anything, made it clear he loves me, and is still attracted to me. The latest in the line of him saying something was "Hey lets start walking again."

You do have to decide to do it because you want to, no matter the reason. Would be glad to be on the journey with you

hellraisedfire

So many people have said something along the lines of what I've been thinking.
If he's coming from the approach of you need to do this to be healthy, so we can have a long life together (or so you can be around for the kids for a long time) etc, that's one thing. My husband has expressed concerns along those lines, and while it hurt a little bit, he never was trying to force me into anything, made it clear he loves me, and is still attracted to me. The latest in the line of him saying something was "Hey lets start walking again."

You do have to decide to do it because you want to, no matter the reason. Would be glad to be on the journey with you

agreed. also, you HAVE to remember, he's a guy. don't take this personally guys, I love most of you but we all like to think that they're going to come up with something sweet and witty like in the movies. doesn't usually end up that way. so perhaps when you think he's being insensitive by putting pressure on you... that's the only way to show he cares.

missythomas927

Ha, I noticed that too.

Robin_Bin

We're allowed to tell loved ones to stop smoking or not do other bad habits but losing weight is sacrosanct. Maybe this is why we have such a horrific problem in this country.

I've seen the same range of responses to pressure about quitting smoking, having children, drinking less alcohol (or other drugs), eating healthier, exercising more, finishing an educational degree or getting a new job. I don't think losing weight is any different in terms of pressure from significant others.

Changing habits or lifestyle is hard. Nagging and pressure rarely work -- and when they do, they often cause other issues. For the most effective results, the person changing has to want to change. Friends and loved ones can provide support or make it harder, but with rare exceptions, they cannot make it happen.

lilkim62

My husband makes comments too and what's funny is he is more overweight than me. Somehow men look in a mirror and think they look good. It's easy to say ignore it, but I know it hurts. My husband only brings it up when we're in a fight so I know it's to hurt me and I think it's because he knows he doesn't look as good either and wants to remind me I'm getting up there too. I think it's a lot of insecurity. When I was losing a lot of weight before he told me not to lose too much because I think he was feeling uncomfortable with people saying I looked good. Have a talk with him. Let him know how you feel and if you want to lose weight and he wants you to then he needs to help you. I used to work with a guy whose wife was gaining a lot of weight and constantly whining to him about it, but then she'd go eat a bag of cookies. We've been there and understand where she was coming from, but his perspective was different. He didn't know how to help her. She was 4 months pregnant and had already gained 40 lbs. I told him don't say anything about her weight, but go for a walk with her. He had to force her to do it, but they started doing that and other healthy things together. She slowed down the gain during pregnancy, lost it afterwards and they got to spend quality time together. My point is maybe he just doesn't know how to help you and wants you to help him help you. Or maybe he's just a jerk and not much you can do about it. Now I need to take my own advice and have a chat with my husband!

sbbhbm

Yes Dave, I would have done it without his ultimatum. I've actually already lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks since I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's and put on thyroid medication. My weight gain wasn't even my fault. I've never been unhealthy or an over eater. I gained the weight from having a baby, and it just hasn't come off. I went to the doctor because my hair started falling out, and he tested my thyroid. My doctor said being pregnant probably triggered the thyroid problem, and is why I haven't been able to shed the baby weight. I don't over eat. Granted I am not as active as I used to be, working full time and taking care of my family leaves me pretty wiped out. My husband is a full time college student, and I've been our sole source of income for the past three years. But the meds are bringing up my energy, and I've been able to work out every day without feeling like I'm dying. I joined mfp because I wanted to see what my body was actually doing. I haven't even really "dieted", I just log the same things I've been eating for the past three years to see if it is all the thyroid or if I was contributing by my eating habits. So far my daily calories consumed have been around 1500, and I eat pretty much the same as I've been eating. That has been the hardest part- knowing I wasn't doing anything particularly wrong, and still being punished by my husband for it. Even now that I've been diagnosed with a thyroid problem, he says my meds are just a placebo and that I'm using it as an excuse.

moonsforeyes

for success, YOU have to want it. Not someone else.

missability

I have to ask, what kind of pressure? Is he being down right nasty? I mean there is a difference between gently and kindly telling you all the health reasons for why he would like to see you lose the weight, and degrading you in private and in public, making you feel worthless, unlovable, guilty, sad, etc.... If he is doing that, he is not a husband, he is a bully, who has to make those around him feel "less than", to heighten his own sense of self worth. I would suggest that if he is being kind and considerate in his "pressuring", than it would make sense to sit down and have a talk with him about how it makes you feel, and what he could do to help, make him an active part of the process. But if the pressuring is on the side of degrading, then I would take a look at not only his underlying motivation to be nasty to you, but more importantly, what makes you stick around and accept his behaviors? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, and one of the many ways we accomplish this, is by staying in a negative situation because it gives us a built in excuse for many things we do. It can become a vicious cycle, and life is just too short.

PapaverSomniferum

I had an abusive X that was so obsessed with me losing the baby weight rapidly after giving birth to his kid, I spiraled into something that resembled an eating disorder and got down to 90lb.

Do NOT lose weight to please another person.

not not not not ever. be your own person.

Squidgeypaws007

My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.

But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.

Hell yeah, good going - I'm glad you're not letting yourself be bullied into being a doormat. Saying "you're overweight and I'm worried about you" is one thing, telling you you're embarrassing for being overweight is another. Make sure you get a real hottie after him too

mshumate3

I wish I had a "like" button....lol.

lovechicagobears

That has been the hardest part- knowing I wasn't doing anything particularly wrong, and still being punished by my husband for it. Even now that I've been diagnosed with a thyroid problem, he says my meds are just a placebo and that I'm using it as an excuse.

This part right here would have me packing, either my stuff or his stuff. There is no way that's okay.

speedisoverrated

he says my meds are just a placebo

If he's actually said that, I'd suggest he's not in possession of the family brain cell this year.

Heartmyjrt

I completely agree!!!!

It kind of depends on his approach. If my boyfriend said, "I'm really concerned. I love you so much, and I'm worried we won't be able to enjoy a long life together. I don't like seeing you unhappy and unhealthy. Is there anything I can do to help?" it would embarrass me, but it isn't necessarily mean or uncalled for.

Now, if he said, "You really need to lose some weight. Why can't you just stop eating and go jogging or something? You'd look so much better if you lost 100 pounds," or something like that, I'd be PISSED, and we wouldn't be together much longer.

The difference is that in the first example, he makes it clear that he still respects me and loves me. In the second example, he sounds like a judgmental a** who doesn't care about my feelings. It's not so much the words as the attitude.

Kimberlylewis5453

So weird, I JUST had an argument with my significant other about my weight as well. At first I was hurt, but it was the way he approached me about the topic. I have been a little depressed for a couple of months which leads me to stay at home and read and eat a lot of cookies. I LOVE sweets and can be pretty addictive about it. My boyfriend use to be very overweight and he lost 130lbs. The way I was reminded him of his former self which caused him to become very worried. He said that my eating habits reminded him of the way he use to eat, he said that I was lucky to have the metabolism that I have, otherwise I would probably be really over weight like he was. After our fight I was able to take a step back and look at the entire picture, now I know that he was genuinely looking out for me and honestly I'm glad he brought it up because he gave me that extra push of motivation.
Let's just say, I got a big dose of "Tough Love."

Lalasharni

I have a girlfriend who had a gastric band fitted to please her partner. She weighed 300lbs and now weighs 160. It took her a year. He now says that she would look better if she had surgery to remove the excess skin. Jeez. I would have been outa the door!!
you do it for yourself girl. If he doesnt like what you are, then tell him that you'll lose weight when you want to and feel that you are ready. You need support, not pressure.

Doodlewhopper

My take may be different. I married a very fit, thin man. We did a lot of activities together and enjoyed life. Over the last 10 years he's eaten himself into being morbidly obese and spends most of his spare time in his lazyboy chair watching Pawn Stars. He can barely breathe going up a flight of stairs and doing any kind of physical activity is out of the question.

I nag him to lose weight because he's killing himself with food and we no longer do any of the activities that brought us together to start with. Maybe the OP's husband feels the same way. It's great to say to love me for who I am but if who you are now isn't the person that he married then maybe he has a point.

Love & commitment must be grounded in consideration & responsibility.

Destructive lifestyles of one affect the other; obesity poses similar risks as does smoking, drinking, or drugging; and the consequences of these unhealthy pursuits affect both. Mutual health is a valid concern for a devoted couple. A loving relationship cant be one way, or it becomes servile.

We have a responsibility to our partner. It's not fair to expect one to sacrifice his or her right to a happy and productive life without trying to mitigate the risks.

The price of being married to someone who irresponsibly indulged in an unhealthy lifestyle is an unjust & dehumanizing sentence. I couldnt live with the knowledge that I forced my lover in to having to sit at my bedside tending to my personal needs because I was selfishly indulgent.

One's happiness is a compilation of the pair's.

de•vo•tion (d-vshn)
n.
1. Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle.

sarahrbraun

Hi just would like some feedback in regard to anyone who has a husband or partner that keep putting pressure on you to lose weight .

In my case, I DID want to lose weight. It frustrated me that hubby ( who has put on 60lbs himself in the last 20 years) thought that being the diet police was the way to "help" me. I finally told him that I did want to lose weight, but I felt like I didn't have the tools I needed...that I felt like if I had a Y membership I could get the job done. Finally 11 months ago he got me the membership--and I have lost 33 lbs. He is renewing my membership next month, and I am aiming to lose another 40-50 lbs this year. He is seeing the benefits in the bedroom :blushing: