husband put pressure on me
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A year and a half ago my husband asked me to take a look at myself and decide if I was happy with what I saw, I wasn't. At 255 lbs and nearly 52 years old I needed to get a grip. I agree with the others that you have to do it for you, but sometimes it takes someone else to give you a kick in the butt to get you moving in the right direction. Since that time I have lost 60 lbs and am working towards my last 20. I was upset with him at the time, but looking back it was one of the smartest things he ever did and I can now run circles around the guy. Not to mention I get plenty of attention from other men now so if he ever pisses me off enough there are others waiting in the wings.0
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Its not about your husband, he should like/love you for who you are. If you want the change, and are truly ready to make this lifestyle change , and it is a lifestyle change, this is the only time it will work. Not because of pressure from some one who thinks you should look a certain way or weigh a certain amount. If you are in fact happy with yourself, and your health. i wouldnt worry about what other people think. And I would consider some kind of professional counseling for how to handle this type of thing in your relationship. Good luck
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well...you signed up here over one year ago and made one post about a dress....maybe your husband has another side to this story?0
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Maybe she logged on because of all the pressure she felt from a husband that is putting all this pressure on her and she wanted some feed back from people she thought would be sensitive to her plight, not like you0
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Divorce.0
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Certainly true that you have to do it for yourself - on the flipside though, I do wonder why people hadn't suggested I lose some weight when I was overweight.
Works both ways I guess. There are right and wrong ways to do it, essentially he's concerned or he's being unhelpful. Either ignore him, listen to him and lose weight or listen to him and think 'I'll lose it for myself, not because you're badgering me'.
I sound like Jeremy Kyle. I'm hushing now.0 -
Mokey51, I love the quote in your avatar....really hit a note for me!
I adore the bones of my husband, even though sometimes he is very unsubtle in his "helpful" comments. We both need to lose a good 30lbs, although we both attempt to do so in different ways, and we don't really do it together. He sometimes puts his foot in it and gets a volley from me when I'm upset, but I know he means well. He's just as fat as I am, which I remind him if he starts givin it the biggun.
Try to see past your initial hurt and try to work out if he is genuinely trying to help, because he loves you and wants you to be fitter, happier and healthier. If he does, he'll withstand some tears and wounded looks from you in order to achieve his goal, which is for YOU to be happy and well. Perhaps he's just not good at expressing himself.
If he can't or won't reformulate his words to be more acceptable, loving and supportive, and continues to make mean, sarcastic or even spiteful comments, then maybe you need a serious talk.
But I do agree with what's been said - if YOU are not ready to lose weight and change your habits, it honestly won't work.
Good luck!0 -
I suppose I'm semi-guilty of this. I am very health conscious and I try to get my husband to eat more veggies, and work out with me. Not because I want him skinny because I don't really care about how he looks. He has diabetes and high blood pressure in his family, and I don't want him to deal with that. We don't have kids yet and when we do, I want him to be able to run around with them. My parents were in their 40's when they had me, so they were too tired to play with me 90 % of the time... I lived a boring life. Lol. I want him to be able to play football with them and swim with them and stuff.0
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Maybe she logged on because of all the pressure she felt from a husband that is putting all this pressure on her and she wanted some feed back from people she thought would be sensitive to her plight, not like you
maybe
maybe not0 -
I agree with so many of the others here... If you aren't doing it for YOU, then why?
My husband is nothing but supportive. He doesn't push, nag, or make any negative comments. Why? Because he loves me for me. I CHOSE to make this life change... I WANT to be healthy...
On a side note, my first husband was a complete *kitten* who did push and nag and tell me I wasn't good enough - even after losing 60+ pounds. Guess what? I divorced him and moved on.0 -
I think this is completely dependent on WHY he's putting pressure on you to lose weight. is it that he wants a hot, sexy wife to brag about? (which is NOT necessarily a bag thing). or, does he want you guys to have a long, healthy life together?
As said before, you need to do it for you. let him know he needs to be supportive, not pushy. he can't know how you're feeling if you don't let him know. 0 -
Do you want to lose weight?
if so, tell him how he can support you -- even if it's by shutting up. Many people don't react well to pressure and push back -- even if it means doing something counter productive. If he can help you in other ways, great.
If it's not your decision to lose weight, it's not likely to work out well, and very likely to end up with you weighing more -- yo-yo dieting etc. So you need to have a serious talk about that disagreement.
In one couple I know, someone said... paraphrased "I love you and will love and take care of you if you get a disease related to your poor health habits, but I'd resent it, and would much rather have you healthy and with me for a long time." Much more effective than criticising or nagging.0 -
It would be easier to Lose the Husband!0
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It would be easier to Lose the Husband!
really?
who pays the bills?
how can you say this without knowing anything other than he is concerned about her being over weight?
maybe he cares and is tired of hearing her say she will start next Monday.0 -
Why are you on this site? If you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you don't, ignore your husband. But YOU logged on to this website.
...says the skinny person
She's lost 55 pounds. There's no need to be snarky about her achievement.0 -
We're allowed to tell loved ones to stop smoking or not do other bad habits but losing weight is sacrosanct. Maybe this is why we have such a horrific problem in this country.0
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My husband was the one who, without my consent, told a friend I was interested in a weightloss contest and that I'd be there at the gym that night. I was really pissed with him! After I got over my initial nerves, I went and participated in a 6 week challenge...and WON. Now I've been a member of the gym since March and I couldn't be happier.
In a way, my husband 'pushed' me to do it (you can't do anything do don't want to do) but I'm glad he did. I am a better person for it and although I started off with some pretty bad reasons for wanting to do it, I've changed my mind to believe this is about ME and that I deserve this.
Take what your husbands say as their way of putting their foot in their mouths. Sometimes they say things with honest intentions but they come out kinda rude.0 -
There is an echo chamber of bitter people on MFP who's answer to everything is "break-up, divorce"...It would be easier to Lose the Husband!
really?
who pays the bills?
how can you say this without knowing anything other than he is concerned about her being over weight?
maybe he cares and is tired of hearing her say she will start next Monday.
Misery loves company!0 -
There are always 2 perspectives in every exchange/relationship. We cannot possibly know the back story in this marriage. OP, I know what he said hurt you, regardless of his motivation or intent. What I can tell you is that making a commitment to improve your health, to get strong and fit, will be one of the best things you've ever done for yourself. My advice is to take your husband out of the picture for a moment (not literally) and quietly set about changing your life. There are many folks on this site to give help and encouragement along the way.
edit to correct typo0 -
Like I said earlier sometimes it takes someone you love to give you a kick in the butt to get you moving. It worked for me too.0
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Obesity is becoming it's own victim group.We're allowed to tell loved ones to stop smoking or not do other bad habits but losing weight is sacrosanct. Maybe this is why we have such a horrific problem in this country.
The "F" word is now FAT.
And yes, it's no wonder why our nation has become so fat and getting fatter.
This whole attitude is absurd.0 -
Me and my soon to be ex....I have always put pressure on him to get healthy AFTER we had children. He was 375 at his highest. We have four children and I didn't want me and the kids to loose him......now....I hope he gets to 450...lol0
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Hi just would like some feedback in regard to anyone who has a husband or partner that keep putting pressure on you to lose weight .
What kind of pressure? Does your husband love you dearly? I still thank my husband for being the *only* person willing to tell me the truth about my weight. Just as when I was drinking too much, he was my wake-up call.0 -
My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.
But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.0 -
LOVE your response!0
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My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.
But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.
if he didnt say anything, would you be here trying to improve yourself?0 -
I had the opposite husband. The one who asked why I had to work out, or why I counted my calories. Why I wasn't just eating what I wanted. It was hard to have someone so important being so hard on me about making a good change in my life. It made me think twice about committing to it. Then I chose me. I made the decision to say, this is for ME. To make me happy. To make me feel better. If I am unhappy with ME then how can I be happy with anyone. When I chose me (it was a rough two year journey to loose 100 lbs) he saw me transform into a very grumpy disturbing person, to a very confident healthy woman. So my reason for pouring my life story on here is to allow you to see that when your pushing and want to give up, you will if your doing this for someone else. You will put the focus on someone else, putting the blame on them and not finish. You need to be able to say in the hard times, I need this. I am doing this. You will not regret the decision and you will never want to be in that unhappy place again.0
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My husband used to be like that but I told him I could very easily lose 155 pounds over night. That put an end to it. Now we work out together and watch what we eat together and he recognizes how hard it is.
LOVE your response!!!!0 -
My take may be different. I married a very fit, thin man. We did a lot of activities together and enjoyed life. Over the last 10 years he's eaten himself into being morbidly obese and spends most of his spare time in his lazyboy chair watching Pawn Stars. He can barely breathe going up a flight of stairs and doing any kind of physical activity is out of the question.
I nag him to lose weight because he's killing himself with food and we no longer do any of the activities that brought us together to start with. Maybe the OP's husband feels the same way. It's great to say to love me for who I am but if who you are now isn't the person that he married then maybe he has a point.
This may not be popular or politically correct, but it's pretty darned accurate.0 -
My husband told me two weeks ago that if I don't lose weight he's going to divorce me. I am a size 10. He wants me back down to a size 4. He says as far as he's concerned, since I'm not the same size, I'm not the same woman, and he doesn't look at me and see his wife. We stay home because he is embarrassed to be seen with me in public. When we run into his old friends at the store, he won't even introduce me.
But I'm not doing this for him. He can go straight to hell. I'm doing this for me. And when I'm thin and hot again, I'm going to divorce his shallow *kitten* and find a real man that will love me for me, and not just to have a trophy on his arm. And yeah, I'm going to wait until I'm thin again, because if I left him now, he'd be happy about it, and I want that *kitten* to regret losing me. I have been a good wife, and he has no problem admitting that the only reason he's unhappy is because he doesn't like the way I look.
you're a badass.
imo, motivation is motivation.0
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