Boyfriend is a Job Jumper

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  • hearthemelody
    hearthemelody Posts: 1,025 Member
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    He says "I will never let a job define me". Uhhh, okayy?

    I hate to break it ya, but we ARE defined by our jobs. We are more than our jobs, sure, but our jobs are also who we are.
  • soloflexman
    soloflexman Posts: 2 Member
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    Sounds like someone hasn't found his place in life yet. Honestly, I'll go out on a limb and say that his personal life is pretty similar, right? Always jumping from one hobby or thing to another... If this guy seems to always be easily distracted by 'new' and 'flash', might want to sit him down and see about getting him checked for ADH or even ADHD. Or he's just hasn't find that job or activity that will keep him engaged... some people are just wired differently. You've already invested 2 yrs - what do you want?
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Okay guys I need some advice.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and of course I love him. But he can't keep a job for more than 3 to 6 months. During the time I have been with him he has:

    been a general contractor (quit)
    opened his own moving business (quit)
    GM at Chipotle (quit after a few weeks)
    GM at Wendys (got fired)
    GM at Hardees (quit)
    GM at KFC (got fired)
    GM at Perkins (got fired)

    Thankfully he has always paid his side of the bills (even if he barely scrapes by until he gets another job). I told him its a problem and he needs to stop doing it because its too stressful on us. Am I just over reacting or what?

    I'll try a serious answer. (note I said TRY)
    Has he been tested for ADD/ADHD? I totally think this is an overused diagnosis in children (MY OPINION), but I have known a few adults that have been treated for this and have had life altering changes in behavior, to the better. That's one thought.

    Also, I would work very hard on being more independent, i.e., be sure you can support the two of you, b/c it's going to get to that point.

    ^^^^This
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
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    Okay guys I need some advice.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and of course I love him. But he can't keep a job for more than 3 to 6 months. During the time I have been with him he has:

    been a general contractor (quit)
    opened his own moving business (quit)
    GM at Chipotle (quit after a few weeks)
    GM at Wendys (got fired)
    GM at Hardees (quit)
    GM at KFC (got fired)
    GM at Perkins (got fired)

    Thankfully he has always paid his side of the bills (even if he barely scrapes by until he gets another job). I told him its a problem and he needs to stop doing it because its too stressful on us. Am I just over reacting or what?

    This is a sticky one. Personally I don't think you are over reacting. Money is one of the biggest stresses of a relationship, if you are not on the same page.

    I don't know how old he is, but he shows a lack of maturity. This is NOT a time to be picky with a job, and the excuse that "not having a job makes it easier to find a better job" is BS. I don't know if that's an excuse he may have given you, but I have had this issue myself with a BF.

    It came down to this for me, if you intend to be with him for the long haul, are you prepared to deal with this forever? What is he going to do if you have children (if you want them)? If he can't demonstrate that he is stable enough or mature enough for that matter to hold a job, what is your bottom line?

    It really comes down to what you want and what you expect. Because in the long run you can't control him, and if you let him do it why wouldn't he keep doing it?
  • Hksalex
    Hksalex Posts: 144 Member
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    well considering he does look for a job... what he need is a career...

    yeah he may suck at holding a job. but at least he attempts to find one lol..

    but i seriously LOL'd at the got fired from all the fast food places.. not trying to be a ****.. but DAMN!

    you need to give him and ultimatum.. either tell him that he needs to change or your going to have to leave him because if he is unwilling to hold a job to support him self... or you (god-forbid anything were to happen)

    then he isn't willing at all to hold your relationship..

    he just needs motivation... just like we all need motivation to get healthy.. considering you already put up with it for the past 2 years i can say you really do care for him and want him to be successful in life.. maybe take him to counselling? figure out what it is that makes him act the way he does.. if all else fails.. you know what to do..
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
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    sounds like a loser, sorry, dump him. you think its bad now? imagine being married to him and having to support him because he has issues.
    "I'm 6'11" and a former basketball player. Life got the best of me and I am working to get down to my ideal weight"

    Don't judge till you know the whole story guy
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
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    people miss the point here..it's clear this guy WANTS to work, OP dosn't say he sits home unemployed all day, but just seems to pick the same kind of job that clearly arn't the right ones for him. does he have any special skills or passions he could tun to??

    Maybe the special skill or talent he should cultivate should be not getting fired from jobs.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    Look at the bright side.

    At least he doesn't have $100k in student loans weighing him down! or maybe he does and this is worse then we thought...
  • Rayman79
    Rayman79 Posts: 2,009 Member
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    He'll change after you're married.

    If not, a couple of kids'll do the trick!
  • sktllmdrhmzz
    sktllmdrhmzz Posts: 189 Member
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    Thankfully he has always paid his side of the bills.

    I guess this doesn't mean anything.
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
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    my gf is all pissy cuz i keep weighing my bacon like 8 times a day at diffrent houses ,should i just dump the gf or lay off weighing my bacon when i sleep over at her house?
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
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    Life is about responsibility and responsibility is about keeping a job to pay your way. If he's leaving jobs without having another job to go to you have a problem. Obv I don't know him but he doesn't sound very mature and if you want a mature/adult relationship he may be the wrong person for you in the long run.
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    Lol. He has actually already worked at Sonic as a GM. Thats the thing... he's 30 years old and has probably had 100 jobs in his life! Its freaking crazy.

    Sooo find someone else. You're a pretty girl. You will have no problem finding someone who has some drive in his life.

    THIS^ You're gorgeous. Please hold yourself to a higher standard, and find someone good enough for you, and your work ethic.

    What also worries me is: he says he "will never let a job define him". It sounds like he is confused on what should and should not define a person. So, what if a little down the road he decides he doesn't want "being your boyfriend" or "being a father" to define him either? Scary thought...
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
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    Yeah, tell him he needs to either be a man and start bringing home the bacon, or it's not going to work between you two. If you don't put an end to this, you're setting yourself up for some financial difficulties in the future. Money problems can create big issues in relationships... If he doesn’t grow up and learn to deal with having to go to work, I would leave him...
  • ruststar
    ruststar Posts: 489 Member
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    How does he keep getting GM jobs with such a sh!tty track record? Unbelievable

    Noo idea! I think he fakes up his Resume to look more reliable.

    So not only is he a lousy employee but he's an outright liar. Great marriage material. If you stay with him, expect to spend the rest of your life supporting him. If you're okay with that, great, but if you want someone who will be an equal partner, this guy probably isn't going to meet expectations.
  • AbbieZabba
    AbbieZabba Posts: 110
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    Just break up.

    ^^^^This
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    he should get a job where he can tell people how to interview for a job. Apparantly, he is good at it
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
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    1.Send him to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
    2. Military school.
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
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    My ex-husband was like this. Unfortunately, I believed all the stories he told and it wasn't until we'd been married a while that I realized that he was never going to be stable. It turns out my worst fear was true: If he can't be satisfied with his job, can he ever be satisfied with his woman? Turns out the answer was no and when I knew for sure he was also quitting and starting up with women, we divorced. We met more than 20 years ago. I wished I'd walked when I was only few months in. I didn't want to judge him. But, you can judge his character and his work history without judging him. That's fair enough. Believe you me, you don't want the father of your children struggling for gas money at 50. More power to you. Go in peace.
  • Alpha12
    Alpha12 Posts: 251 Member
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    He'll change after you're married.

    For the worse......

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