I don't want a big wedding...how do I stop this???

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  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    The most important thing to do is (1) not get yourself in debt, (2) please yourself first, then others (only if they contribute), (3) DON'T stress yourself out.. it's very easy to get overwhelmed! and lastly, (4) Invite as many people as you wish- remember, the more people you invite, the more present's you'll have to fork over afterwards. :bigsmile:

    LOL! we would like presents, I am not gonna lie! :)
    I love your points, and we are moving towards that. Things are going to be fine! :)
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    I got engaged a month ago, and things started developing very quickly with wedding planning. I've never been one for much fanfare, but I got caught up in the excitement of it all. Last week I secured our church and reception venue, and I went to a bridal show yesterday and realized.....I do NOT want this.

    No contracts have been signed, nothing is in stone, but ideally I'd love to have a small intimate ceremony with only our closest loved ones followed by a formal dinner party. That's it. My parents are on board, but I am nervous my future mother-in-law will be disappointed. It's important to her that we get married in a church.
    I know this is our day, and ultimately need to do what makes us happy, but somehow I feel like a failure as a woman not to want all of the bells and whistles.

    What's the best way to handle this situation??

    Put your foot down NOW. Mother in Law will get over it. You are not religious so you can always say to her you don't want to be hypocritical by getting married in a church. Also, saying that you would rather spend the money on a home or your honeymoon instead of a big party.

    As for feeling like a failure for not wanting bells & whistles - the wedding industry is designed to do that. It is all about getting you to spend spend SPEND because if your wedding day isn't PERFECT your life will be OVER. OVAH!!! :/

    It is completely ridiculous and really quite sinister - but try to avoid it if you can. It becomes easy when you realise it is all cookie cutter guff of wearing a horribly expensive white strapless dress (despite never wearing something like that ever and regardless of whether it suits you or not).

    I recommend a website called www.offbeatbride.com for great ideas and a wide range of different budgets.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    Just say no!
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    [/quote]


    As for feeling like a failure for not wanting bells & whistles - the wedding industry is designed to do that. It is all about getting you to spend spend SPEND because if your wedding day isn't PERFECT your life will be OVER. OVAH!!! :/
    [/quote]
    YES...and that was the vibe at this bridal place that made me sick yesterday! ugh
  • BamBam125
    BamBam125 Posts: 229 Member
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    As for feeling like a failure for not wanting bells & whistles - the wedding industry is designed to do that. It is all about getting you to spend spend SPEND because if your wedding day isn't PERFECT your life will be OVER. OVAH!!! :/
    YES...and that was the vibe at this bridal place that made me sick yesterday! ugh
    [/quote]

    Yeah, that's why I skipped those shows. I knew I preferred the smaller size and those shows cater to the bigger is better weddings, so I didn't bother with any of them.

    Etsy and The Offbeat Bride.com (Seconded!), however, were great sources of inspiration.
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    As for feeling like a failure for not wanting bells & whistles - the wedding industry is designed to do that. It is all about getting you to spend spend SPEND because if your wedding day isn't PERFECT your life will be OVER. OVAH!!! :/
    YES...and that was the vibe at this bridal place that made me sick yesterday! ugh

    Yeah, that's why I skipped those shows. I knew I preferred the smaller size and those shows cater to the bigger is better weddings, so I didn't bother with any of them.

    Etsy and The Offbeat Bride.com (Seconded!), however, were great sources of inspiration.
    [/quote]

    I am noting offbeatbride.com! sounds up my alley. it was just nauseating yesterday. My best friend told me it was something I should experience and did I ever. Never again. never!
  • itsmaymee
    itsmaymee Posts: 45
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    Only you know what will make your wedding day perfect. But I am curious...is it the big wedding you don't want or the big reception?
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    Only you know what will make your wedding day perfect. But I am curious...is it the big wedding you don't want or the big reception?

    I didn't want the big huge reception (didn't want big thing with a dj, dance party). That also came down to sticking to a budget, and just seeing the number go up and up (at nearly $50 per person) made me sick. We are going to have about 100 people, but it will be appetizers, light lunch menu
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    I let my Mom take the reigns of my wedding and run with it. What did I get? Something she wanted; not something I wanted. 11 years later I still am angry about how I let someone else wants to supercede mine on MY wedding day.

    Do what you and your Fiancee wants. If your MIL has issue then you know that you don't need much of a relationship with her anyway.
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    I let my Mom take the reigns of my wedding and run with it. What did I get? Something she wanted; not something I wanted. 11 years later I still am angry about how I let someone else wants to supercede mine on MY wedding day.

    Do what you and your Fiancee wants. If your MIL has issue then you know that you don't need much of a relationship with her anyway.

    I'm sorry things didn't go your way, but thank you for this advice. I am really happy with the way things are developing for us and my MIL is nice, and she said she doesn't want to be monster in law. lol. it's just new for all of us really but I think we've found a nice middle ground :)
  • CaptainMilda
    CaptainMilda Posts: 127 Member
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    Me and my husband weren't church people and we do not like being the center of attention (church, party, bachelorparty) so we decided to get married at city hall and not tell anyone - we kept it a secret for 4 months - we sent out a wedding picture for our families at Christmas, telling them that we got married - they thought it was super sweet and respected our decision.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
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    Talk to your fiance.

    He can then talk to your future MIL.

    Job done.

    Yup. This is what I was going to say.
  • twill68
    twill68 Posts: 84
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    hey that was rude don't say that to her just break up how annoying!
  • mrpurdy
    mrpurdy Posts: 262 Member
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    This happy ending was planned in a month. We got married in an open-air shelter in a local park in the snow in front of our immediate families. The "reception" was dinner out with our families in our favorite restaurant. Cost @ $1000 for everything. I'm happier than I ever would have been dropping a fortune on a large wedding!

    Wedding_zps6f136fae.jpg

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