Boy do I need to move out.
Replies
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Ask her to stop buying groceries for you, that you are an adult and will buy your own groceries. Go out and buy healthy things to eat.
Realize you will always face temptation. It is harder when it stares you in the face everyday. Put the unhealthy snacks somewhere out of site.
You are 21. It is time to consider and start preparing to move out and take responsibility for yourself, your eating and your life.0 -
Stop mentioning foods you don't want her to buy. Obviously she's going to go out and buy them.0
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I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...
with all due respect, i don't really think jumping down a 21 year old girl's throat about being "entitled" and a "brat" is entirely constructive either...
call me crazy.0 -
as a 20 year old who lives with her parents and is working on her undergrad, i agree with everyone who's telling her to either not eat the food or suck it up and move out.I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
you can, most likely, afford to get a crappy apartment with some roommates while working part time in college. it won't be fun, but unless you're already paying your loans off, it's doable.
when i'm at home, my parents buy almost all my food. they buy all the produce, dairy, bread, pasta, etc., and i, a vegetarian, buy the foods that only i eat (tofu, soy products, quorn, etc.). i don't complain when they bring home something that's not good for me, even if i love it. in fact, i keep a bag in the fridge that's full of chocolate and candies because i know that i will either slowly work my way through them or they will go bad and have to be thrown out. there are multiple blocks of extra sharp cheddar in the fridge, and i'm the only one who likes extra sharp. how do i deal with all this cheese and chocolate? simple! i don't eat it.
it's not brain surgery. if there is something that is not good for you and you feel that eating it would be a serious detriment to your weight loss, you don't eat it. if you feel that there is absolutely no way for you to not eat it, then you avoid it (in her case, move out).
you don't tell your parents what to do or scold them for not doing what you told them to. you say "hey, i'm trying to get healthy, and when you bring home _____, i find it extremely difficult to stick to my goals. could you please bring home ___(healthy alternative)___ instead, or else not bring this home so often/at all?"
my mother would beat me if i "scolded" her for bringing home chocolate. it's the mother's job to scold, not the daughter's.0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...
with all due respect, i don't really think jumping down a 21 year old girl's throat about being "entitled" and a "brat" is entirely constructive either...
call me crazy.
Okay, crazy.
The OP does sound entitled. If a 21 year old is still living off mommy and daddy's dime, and if they're not happy with the living conditions, rules, food, etc. it's time to move out and accept all the privileges and responsibilities that go along with being self-supportive. Until then, have a little more respect for the people who brought you into this world. Or buy your own darn food.0 -
I don't think it's necessarily sabotage or mean-spirited...your mother might just not believe you. For whatever reason, she could think you're just going to give up the "healthy thing" in a couple days, or is just trying to be nice and get you what she knows you like. But the fact is, it doesn't matter. You have some options:
1. Move out. You're an adult, support yourself if possible. You may need to make a LOT of sacrifices (additional part time jobs, multiple roommates, a terrible apartment in a not-great area, etc.), but it's worth it if you value independence.
2. Do all your own grocery shopping. Speak with your family about this, and get your own shelf in a cabinet and your own section in the fridge. This will only work if you can communicate with your family about it.
3. Continue to let your mom buy all the food, and just choose to eat what you want, and don't eat the junk. Tell her you're not eating the junk. But you're going to have to prove you're not eating it for the message to get across. Don't throw it away (might as well wear a sign saying "I'm an entitled brat"), just don't eat it. If you throw it away your mom could figure you ate it, and buy more.
It's important to realize that no one is going to believe you if you just say "I'm eating healthy now. Don't buy cookies" or whatever. You need to prove you're making a change for people to believe you. Don't blame your mom.0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...
with all due respect, i don't really think jumping down a 21 year old girl's throat about being "entitled" and a "brat" is entirely constructive either...
call me crazy.
So scolding her mother is A-Ok behavior at 21?
Call me crazy, but that's just ridiculous.0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...
with all due respect, i don't really think jumping down a 21 year old girl's throat about being "entitled" and a "brat" is entirely constructive either...
call me crazy.
Okay, crazy.
The OP does sound entitled. If a 21 year old is still living off mommy and daddy's dime, and if they're not happy with the living conditions, rules, food, etc. it's time to move out and accept all the privileges and responsibilities that go along with being self-supportive. Until then, have a little more respect for the people who brought you into this world. Or buy your own darn food.
I understand all that - but would you say that to the girl in real life? the anonymity of the internet lets everyone act like pricks to each other when they would never do so in person.
I was a *kitten* when I was 21. Most of us were. But does that mean it's our responsibility to make fun of the girl and make her feel like crap? Or is there a better way of going about it? Insults aren't particularly helpful. They hurt other people and they make you look bad... so why do it?0 -
So scolding her mother is A-Ok behavior at 21?
Call me crazy, but that's just ridiculous.
and it's YOUR job to police that? come on.0 -
Anyway, I'm not gonna get caught up in another argument like this, so OP here are your options, you'll choose what's best for you:
1) Move out and learn to be self-sufficient. You'll have to do it at some point anyway. Might as well when you've still got a bit of a "safety net" in your parents
2) Throw out the food/Give it away
3) Sit down and actually have a conversation with your mother that doesn't ATTACK or SCOLD but just says "this is where I'm coming from, this is why I don't want these foods in the house." Who knows... may work wonders.
Good luck!0 -
I gotta say, I'm impressed by all these judgmental people who had their **** all figured out at 21. Hats off to you.
:noway:
With all due respect, I think you're missing the point...
with all due respect, i don't really think jumping down a 21 year old girl's throat about being "entitled" and a "brat" is entirely constructive either...
call me crazy.
Okay, crazy.
The OP does sound entitled. If a 21 year old is still living off mommy and daddy's dime, and if they're not happy with the living conditions, rules, food, etc. it's time to move out and accept all the privileges and responsibilities that go along with being self-supportive. Until then, have a little more respect for the people who brought you into this world. Or buy your own darn food.
I understand all that - but would you say that to the girl in real life? the anonymity of the internet lets everyone act like pricks to each other when they would never do so in person.
I was a *kitten* when I was 21. Most of us were. But does that mean it's our responsibility to make fun of the girl and make her feel like crap? Or is there a better way of going about it? Insults aren't particularly helpful. They hurt other people and they make you look bad... so why do it?
In real life, would I say that she sounds entitled? Absolutely. That's not an insult, just an observation. I wouldn't call her a brat. I must've missed that.
I guess I see it a bit differently as someone who was 21 many moons ago and currently a parent to two teenagers. There comes a time for a young adult to make their own way in the world and to start taking some personal responsibility especially if they're unhappy living with mom and dad. I think the OP is beginning to understand that, thus the title of her thread.0 -
I'm sorry you have to deal with some of these responses from people.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I'm 28 and still live with my mom. I'm legally disabled, so is my mom. All of her money goes to the rent for both of us and all of mine goes for food/bills (so I pay my half of the rent, half of the bills, and half of the food). I graduated from college last year and need to work on my demo reel for job applications. I'm 3D animation and the demo reel takes 6 to 8 months (then I'll get a job outside the county and live on my own).
To everyone yelling at the OP to leave the house because she's "too old" don't seem to take into account any physical or mental problems she may be dealing with that she might not want to reveal. Not to mention the economic climate of her location.
Some years are good and I can go about everything like a normal person, but then I'll have a health setback, the depression will kick in and I'll be sleeping up to 14 hours a day and watching tv or surfing the internet for the rest.
So basically, I could live with my mom and get my health straightened out or I could since I live in a college town, spend the same amount of money to share a two bedroom apartment with three other roommates who probably aren't going to be very supportive when I have a hard time getting out of bed for a few months and have to wake them up at night because I need to go to the hospital and am too sick to get there myself.
I'm fortunate, my mom understands all of the crud I go through and in turn I understand the things she goes through. She would never do what you described to me and I would never do that to her.
I'm just going to call a spade a spade, your mom is abusing the power she has over you.
First, I'd have a discussion like CoachReddy suggested. If she still bought the item (since only you like that item and no one else does), I'd return it and give her the money (being nice about it at first). Eventually she'll get it. What you might want to do is get a part time job if you are physically and mentally able to and get your our groceries. Save the rest of your money in case your mother starts exhibiting that behavior on other subjects so you can move out.
The people yelling at you to "grow up" are forgetting that mom needs to treat you like a grown up and that means respecting your wishes. Certainly do your best to continue to be more adult, but your mom needs to learn to cut those apron strings and no longer making decisions for you.
Good luck.0 -
Ask her to hide them so you can't find them, if they're something she wants to eat and you can't. If she's buying the groceries, she will buy what she wants.0
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Moms house, moms rules.
Move out. It's time.0 -
^ THIS!!!!!0
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I think the OP has a point if, like she said, she is the only one who eats the items she has asked her mom not to purchase. If that's the case, what is it, other than sabotage?
^THIS!!!!0 -
The people yelling at you to "grow up" are forgetting that mom needs to treat you like a grown up and that means respecting your wishes. Certainly do your best to continue to be more adult, but your mom needs to learn to cut those apron strings and no longer making decisions for you.
Mom's house, mom's rules, and if she wants to treat you like a child she has every right. If you don't like you do something about it. You have no control over other human beings, so while of course she can try to have an adult conversation about the matter (something that doesn't involve "scolding", and actually discusses the issues and the purpose), she can't control the outcome. Mom can buy whatever she wants. And you can either deal with it being in the house, get it out of the house, or get yourself out of the house.
And if I ever threw away food that my mom bought, even if she bought it knowing I was the only one who liked it? Damn, they'd be hell to pay. That's just so incredibly rude, obnoxious, and disrespectful.0 -
I'm sorry you have to deal with some of these responses from people.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I'm 28 and still live with my mom. I'm legally disabled, so is my mom. All of her money goes to the rent for both of us and all of mine goes for food/bills (so I pay my half of the rent, half of the bills, and half of the food). I graduated from college last year and need to work on my demo reel for job applications. I'm 3D animation and the demo reel takes 6 to 8 months (then I'll get a job outside the county and live on my own).
To everyone yelling at the OP to leave the house because she's "too old" don't seem to take into account any physical or mental problems she may be dealing with that she might not want to reveal. Not to mention the economic climate of her location.
Some years are good and I can go about everything like a normal person, but then I'll have a health setback, the depression will kick in and I'll be sleeping up to 14 hours a day and watching tv or surfing the internet for the rest.
So basically, I could live with my mom and get my health straightened out or I could since I live in a college town, spend the same amount of money to share a two bedroom apartment with three other roommates who probably aren't going to be very supportive when I have a hard time getting out of bed for a few months and have to wake them up at night because I need to go to the hospital and am too sick to get there myself.
I'm fortunate, my mom understands all of the crud I go through and in turn I understand the things she goes through. She would never do what you described to me and I would never do that to her.
I'm just going to call a spade a spade, your mom is abusing the power she has over you.
First, I'd have a discussion like CoachReddy suggested. If she still bought the item (since only you like that item and no one else does), I'd return it and give her the money (being nice about it at first). Eventually she'll get it. What you might want to do is get a part time job if you are physically and mentally able to and get your our groceries. Save the rest of your money in case your mother starts exhibiting that behavior on other subjects so you can move out.
The people yelling at you to "grow up" are forgetting that mom needs to treat you like a grown up and that means respecting your wishes. Certainly do your best to continue to be more adult, but your mom needs to learn to cut those apron strings and no longer making decisions for you.
Good luck.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
best advice of thread.0 -
I scold her for it and she just laughs and says "don't eat them"
You scolded your mother? SHE bought the groceries. She can buy what she wants. Shame on you.0 -
she just laughs and says "don't eat them"
I agree with your mom.
Yeah, but why does mom insist on buying them if no one else in the house eats them? That just seems passive aggressive (or plain mean) to me. You could also just throw them away if no one else is going to eat them. Or take them to work / school, etc and give them away. Maybe that would make your point more clearly.
Good luck! Enjoy your new place ;-)0 -
I have to say that despite the fact that you live at home and your mom buys the food, i don't think it's wrong to address sabotage, etc. If your mom cares, she will want to help anyway she can. Explaining to her, yet again perhaps, that in most cases, you just don't eat the bad things, but in a few, it is so irresistable that you can't seem to help yourself and ask her if she buys them, to not even let you know they are there (aka hide them). When all else fails, i vote you throw them out and pretend you ate them. Yes, it's not honest, but at least they will be gone and she will see that they are indeed "irresistable".
And i'm a mom of a 20 and 22 year old, one of which lives at home and eats my groceries. So the shoe fits!0 -
Well you can either throw the item away and stay or move out. If you keep throwing the item away may be she will get the hint.
This is the most ridiculous thing to say!
OP, be thankful that your mom provides place for you to live and buys groceries. Get self control to resist temptations, and if you slip, don't make a tragedy out of it, but get on track asap.0 -
Throw them away and tell her you gorged on them! You can have a mini "I told you so" moment without really doing it :laugh:0
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LMFAO.
Best.
Post.
Ever.0 -
Jeez, what a first-world problem. When you have an environment of your own, you can control it. Until then, you're just going to have to learn to resist that stuff.0
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You don't "need" to move out...you need to ask your mom why she is trying to sabotage you & chuckling about it? Afraid you'll succeed? She may have some resentment or issues if she wants to see you fail....Your tummy doesn't know what your fav food is, only your head. Tell your head something new....get a new fav food. Stay strong....You can do it!0
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Maybe mom is a little scatter-brained. I've offered up something to one of my two adult children and had child tell me "you know I don't like that!" Ummmmmmmmmm, maybe I SHOULD have known. But I didn't. Some people do things out of habit without thinking it through.
So cut mom some slack. She's not necessarily sabotaging her daughter on purpose.0 -
Also, remember to be grateful they're still providing for you. Seriously.
(Says the 23 year old still living with her mom. Granted I did pitch in $1250 of my life savings to renting this house but that doesn't make me any less grateful to have a roof over my unemployed head and food in my unemployed stomach)0
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