Any spouses with separate bedrooms?
MdmAcolyte
Posts: 382 Member
in Chit-Chat
Sounds odd to some, I know, but I am considering proposing this to my husband. He travels a lot and when he's home, we have the hardest time being able to sleep together. Literally. We have a healthy relationship, etc., and for the most part, he's already got his own "separate" bedroom where he gets dressed in the morning so he won't wake me up, AND he's slept in there a few times already since our "readjustment" period takes a toll on both of us.
Just wondering if that's worked for anyone else ~ and hear any pros and cons.
Just wondering if that's worked for anyone else ~ and hear any pros and cons.
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Replies
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My grandparents had seperate bedrooms as they got older for many of the same reasons. Mostly not waking the other getting up to go to the bathroom and snoring issues. My wife and I sleep on a king size matress. Most of the time I don't even know she's there.0
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My husband travels with his work also and is only home on weekends. We have such a hard time sleeping together because we are used to sleeping alone. He snores very loudly and keeps me up most nights when he is home. He does sleep on the couch more than with me because he does not want to keep me up all night with his snoring. I dont necessarily like it, but I am so used to sleeping alone that I get very aggravated at the snoring. I dont know what the answer is, but I am sure it works for some people.0
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I think it is weird and I wouldn't do it, but if it works...0
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Could make for some interesting role play0
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My husband and I do... He doesn't travel often any more... but he doesn't like the mattress in our room... so he is sleeping in the guest bedroom for now until we get a new mattress...0
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Snoring is another factor. Good lord, that man can shake the windows! I've read its starting to trend having "separate spouse spaces" and I really don't think it would hurt our marriage. Half of the time I go to bed before he does and he gets up before me anyway, so really, its not like we are "spending time together".0
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More often than not, my Boyfriend has to fall asleep on the sofa watching tv. He cant fall asleep with silence. So i often go to bed when im tired and leave him on the sofa. When he wakes up from falling he asleep he then comes to bed.
It's a weird set up but it works for us.
If you're both happy with the set up and have a good relationship then that's all that matters =]0 -
I think it makes sense on a lot of fronts. Especially if you have really different schedules. I would be careful though that your marriage doesn't turn into just being roommates. You might have to take special care for that not to happen. But, I do see hat as reasonable. I mean, you're just sleeping. No big deal.0
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My husband works nights and mostly sticks to that schedule even on his days off - unless we have something planned that requires him to be up during the day.
We only sleep together about 1-2 times a month. Honestly, I love having the bed to myself. Neither of us sleep well when we are together. It hasn't affected our relationship in the least.
To each their own.0 -
I cant even imagine not sleeping with my husband when he is home. He is deployed right now and I hate being without him. Even when he is home he wakes up way earlier than me but I like to wake up and get him coffee and say goodbye before he leaves for work. Sleeping in separate bedrooms seems like crazy talk to me.0
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My wife threatened to a few times before I got a CPAP.0
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JBU0
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My husband travels with his work also and is only home on weekends. We have such a hard time sleeping together because we are used to sleeping alone. He snores very loudly and keeps me up most nights when he is home. He does sleep on the couch more than with me because he does not want to keep me up all night with his snoring. I dont necessarily like it, but I am so used to sleeping alone that I get very aggravated at the snoring. I dont know what the answer is, but I am sure it works for some people.
I used to snore so badly that my wife would sometimes go to another room. One night she watched me as I snored and she noticed that would stop breathing for long periods.
I went to a sleep specialist and had a sleep study done. Turned out I had sever sleep apnea. I stopped breathing, for 10 seconds or more, 75 times in an hour.
I now use a CPAP and don't snore anymore. My wife and I both sleep better. The only time she has a hard time sleeping is the rare occasions when I travel.0 -
Is the doghouse considered a separate bedroom? Had to sleep there on a few occasions0
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oh, HELL yes. i love having my own bedroom. he didn't like this idea at first, but he snored so badly it kept me awake. (he had sleep apnea.) and he's one of those people who has very physical dreams.
he has:
played basketball with my head
typed on my stomach
gone cow tipping in his dream and after the cow was tipped, he kicked it ( i was the cow)
fought ninjas at mcdonalds because they were trying to kidnap our daughter
dreamed about being attacked by hundreds of lizards, leaping out of bed flailing his arms and legs while screaming like a 6-year-old girl
gone bug-huntin' with his fists
killed MILLIONS of 'bad guys' and therefore saved my life over and over again
and the list goes on and on...and i usually end up on the receiving end of the physicality and it's not a good way to be waked up. trust me on this.
also, we have different 'bediquette'. he likes a warm room, light blanket. i like the temp set on arctic tundra with lots of blankets. i like dark and quiet, he can sleep whenever, wherever. he likes to sleep with the dog. i say, 'no thank you'.
there's no 'right' way to do it. you can have separate beds if you want, and if you don't like it, then sleep in the same bed. one bed could be for sleeping, and one for NOT sleeping.
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I think it depends on the couple, if you guys are still really intement then yes that would be fine, my great grandmother and Greanfather, loved each other very much, but she couldn't stand the smell of smoke on his clothes so they had seperate room for years, she still cooked from him and they went to church toghter, but when it was night night time,
my hubsand and I have at many times worked defferent schedules, so while he was sleeping I was at work and vise versa, so that was pretty much having defferent rooms, I feel lonley not having him there to kiss randomlly at night, so its not for me or him cause he would sometimes make me lay there with him while he slept and I was seaching the internet on my phone lol, but as long as you are both intament then it will work out
no one relastionship is the same0 -
oh, HELL yes. i love having my own bedroom. he didn't like this idea at first, but he snored so badly it kept me awake. (he had sleep apnea.) and he's one of those people who has very physical dreams.
he has:
played basketball with my head
typed on my stomach
gone cow tipping in his dream and after the cow was tipped, he kicked it ( i was the cow)
fought ninjas at mcdonalds because they were trying to kidnap our daughter
dreamed about being attacked by hundreds of lizards, leaping out of bed flailing his arms and legs while screaming like a 6-year-old girl
gone bug-huntin' with his fists
killed MILLIONS of 'bad guys' and therefore saved my life over and over again
and the list goes on and on...and i usually end up on the receiving end of the physicality and it's not a good way to be waked up. trust me on this.
also, we have different 'bediquette'. he likes a warm room, light blanket. i like the temp set on arctic tundra with lots of blankets. i like dark and quiet, he can sleep whenever, wherever. he likes to sleep with the dog. i say, 'no thank you'.
there's no 'right' way to do it. you can have separate beds if you want, and if you don't like it, then sleep in the same bed. one bed could be for sleeping, and one for NOT sleeping.
hahaha I feel like you both should be a sitecom lol because of his sleeping antics lol0 -
CPAP your snorers, spouses and SOs! Mine used to be absolutely terrifying until he lost some weight (helped a lot) and got a CPAP (eliminated). They're not comfortable and it's definitely an adjustment, but from what I understand, snoring is usually indicative of more severe problems (as others have mentioned), and it's worth the piece of mind.0
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My parents had separate sleeping arrangements because of his snoring. They ended up more like roommates than husband/wife... then my dad started cheating... then they got divored. Just a thought.0
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I cannot sleep without my husband when he snores I make him roll over and he stops. But my grandparents do have seperate rooms, for the snoring factor.0
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My fiances refuses to sleep without me..in fact, even if we argue and I'm like "I'm going to sleep DOWNSTAIRS!" He comes downstairs just to beg me to at least sleep in the bed. I give in, but he loves the cuddles. So no sleeping in separate beds for us, but if it's works for other couples, that's great.0
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Do what works for you and makes you happy. Ignore the naysayers. There's nothing weird about separate sleeping arrangements as long as your marriage is soild. Lots of couples do it. In fact, getting more/better sleep could quite possibly make for a better marriage altogether. Good luck!0
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My in-laws had separate bedrooms, and they loved the arrangement. They would usually sleep together, but it worked well if one of them was sick, one of them was snoring horribly so the other couldn't sleep, and if they got mad at each other... lol. They still have a beautifully vibrant relationship and adore one another. Seems to work for them!
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My mom tells me all the time if I move in with my bf to get a two bedroom. She and my dad have been together 22 years and still are very much in love but she HATES sleepign near him because of a lot of issues. They got a special bed for her back that adjusts so it's kind of like two beds attached so that helped but then she says that he snores and so most of the time she sleeps int he basement on our giant man eating sized couches anyway and gets better sleep for both of them. When I move out my bet is she comandeers my old room. Or when my brother goes away to school in the fall because that might be before I leave.0
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I think it makes sense on a lot of fronts. Especially if you have really different schedules. I would be careful though that your marriage doesn't turn into just being roommates. You might have to take special care for that not to happen. But, I do see hat as reasonable. I mean, you're just sleeping. No big deal.
I AGREE W/ THIS GUY!,.... just be careful ,...keep it spicy.0 -
We have separate rooms. She's still not "out" to her coworkers and certain family members, so it avoids awkwardness when giving someone a tour of our house. And because our house was built in the Victorian era there isn't enough closet space in either bedroom for all our clothes. I also like having my own little space that I can decorate in my own style (which is a bit different that the agreed-upon style of the rest of the house). I usually don't sleep in my bedroom, but it's where I have my clothes and where I get changed.0
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We do sleep in the same bedroom and when he has to go on a business trip I have a hard time sleeping without him there. I couldn't imagine choosing to sleep in seperate bedrooms. My parents however, did sleep in seperate rooms, my mom said it was because my Dad snored. I do think that it hurt their relationship in the long run, but there were many other issues they had as well. They divorced when I was 7. Not saying you will divorce if you sleep in seperate beds though! If it works for you and you both are happy then I see nothing wrong with it.0
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My first suggestion is to not compare your marriage to others for what is "normal" what is right for your relationship is all that matters.
Now that being said, my husband and I found when we first started living together that sleeping the in the same bed was a challenge. We would constantly wake the other to the point that neither one of us were sleeping.
After several years and a new bed, things are better now. It sounds awful, but we barely touch at night. We have a huge bed, and both have pleanty of room and we LIKE it that way (perhaps it was being single for so long that neither of us had to share). In addition we also have a spare bedroom. Which if my husband (or myself) ends up not being able to sleep...one of us will go in the other room. It's not about closeness or cuddling...it's about getting a good nights sleep to function the next day.
But I can tell you I do know a couple where they have two master bedrooms...his and hers. Their work hours and sleeping patterns are so different when they built their house that is how they designed it. It had nothing to do with lack of romance or love, it was about function.0 -
Sometimes I think I would like it as my hubby and I are very very different sleepers. He's a cuddler and I can't stand anyone touching me when I'm asleep. (Cuddling while falling asleep is not a problem. . .just don't touch me while I'm asleep.) But, when he went away for just 3 weeks to Africa for a mission trip, the first couple of nights were great! Whole bed to myself. No one bothering me. But by the 3rd night I was restless and couldn't get comfy without him. It was a long 3 weeks.
Maybe a king sized bed, but I don't think I could do separate rooms. . . . yet!! LOL0 -
I think it makes sense on a lot of fronts. Especially if you have really different schedules. I would be careful though that your marriage doesn't turn into just being roommates. You might have to take special care for that not to happen. But, I do see hat as reasonable. I mean, you're just sleeping. No big deal.
^^This!
My husband has been in the Navy, lived and went to school in a different state and saw us on weekends, and now is at a 2-month training for ATC. He and I do not have seperate bedrooms, but I understand what you are going through. It is very hard to go for an extended amount of time sleeping alone and then having to readjust every time they come home. I used to completely HATE the idea of seperate bedrooms, and while I do not think we need seperate bedrooms (yet), I now totally understand those that do. But like the above poster said, you have to be very careful that when you guys have fights or problems, you don't let stuff fester enough to cause a rift in your marriage. My fear would be that I might wake up one day and feel like I was living with a roommate rather than a spouse. The distance of seperate bedrooms has a greater risk of staying mad and keeping grudges.
More power to you to make it work!! Go for it!0
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