Any spouses with separate bedrooms?

Options
2456

Replies

  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
    Options
    My fiances refuses to sleep without me..in fact, even if we argue and I'm like "I'm going to sleep DOWNSTAIRS!" He comes downstairs just to beg me to at least sleep in the bed. I give in, but he loves the cuddles. So no sleeping in separate beds for us, but if it's works for other couples, that's great.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    Options
    Do what works for you and makes you happy. Ignore the naysayers. There's nothing weird about separate sleeping arrangements as long as your marriage is soild. Lots of couples do it. In fact, getting more/better sleep could quite possibly make for a better marriage altogether. Good luck!
  • Chelle_Davis
    Chelle_Davis Posts: 241
    Options
    My in-laws had separate bedrooms, and they loved the arrangement. They would usually sleep together, but it worked well if one of them was sick, one of them was snoring horribly so the other couldn't sleep, and if they got mad at each other... lol. They still have a beautifully vibrant relationship and adore one another. Seems to work for them! :)
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    Options
    My mom tells me all the time if I move in with my bf to get a two bedroom. She and my dad have been together 22 years and still are very much in love but she HATES sleepign near him because of a lot of issues. They got a special bed for her back that adjusts so it's kind of like two beds attached so that helped but then she says that he snores and so most of the time she sleeps int he basement on our giant man eating sized couches anyway and gets better sleep for both of them. When I move out my bet is she comandeers my old room. Or when my brother goes away to school in the fall because that might be before I leave.
  • TropicalFlowerz
    TropicalFlowerz Posts: 1,990 Member
    Options
    I think it makes sense on a lot of fronts. Especially if you have really different schedules. I would be careful though that your marriage doesn't turn into just being roommates. You might have to take special care for that not to happen. But, I do see hat as reasonable. I mean, you're just sleeping. No big deal.

    I AGREE W/ THIS GUY!,.... just be careful ,...keep it spicy.
  • Sweet_Potato
    Sweet_Potato Posts: 1,119 Member
    Options
    We have separate rooms. She's still not "out" to her coworkers and certain family members, so it avoids awkwardness when giving someone a tour of our house. And because our house was built in the Victorian era there isn't enough closet space in either bedroom for all our clothes. I also like having my own little space that I can decorate in my own style (which is a bit different that the agreed-upon style of the rest of the house). I usually don't sleep in my bedroom, but it's where I have my clothes and where I get changed.
  • forgtmenot
    forgtmenot Posts: 860 Member
    Options
    We do sleep in the same bedroom and when he has to go on a business trip I have a hard time sleeping without him there. I couldn't imagine choosing to sleep in seperate bedrooms. My parents however, did sleep in seperate rooms, my mom said it was because my Dad snored. I do think that it hurt their relationship in the long run, but there were many other issues they had as well. They divorced when I was 7. Not saying you will divorce if you sleep in seperate beds though! If it works for you and you both are happy then I see nothing wrong with it.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    Options
    My first suggestion is to not compare your marriage to others for what is "normal" what is right for your relationship is all that matters.

    Now that being said, my husband and I found when we first started living together that sleeping the in the same bed was a challenge. We would constantly wake the other to the point that neither one of us were sleeping.

    After several years and a new bed, things are better now. It sounds awful, but we barely touch at night. We have a huge bed, and both have pleanty of room and we LIKE it that way (perhaps it was being single for so long that neither of us had to share). In addition we also have a spare bedroom. Which if my husband (or myself) ends up not being able to sleep...one of us will go in the other room. It's not about closeness or cuddling...it's about getting a good nights sleep to function the next day.

    But I can tell you I do know a couple where they have two master bedrooms...his and hers. Their work hours and sleeping patterns are so different when they built their house that is how they designed it. It had nothing to do with lack of romance or love, it was about function.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    Options
    Sometimes I think I would like it as my hubby and I are very very different sleepers. He's a cuddler and I can't stand anyone touching me when I'm asleep. (Cuddling while falling asleep is not a problem. . .just don't touch me while I'm asleep.) But, when he went away for just 3 weeks to Africa for a mission trip, the first couple of nights were great! Whole bed to myself. No one bothering me. But by the 3rd night I was restless and couldn't get comfy without him. It was a long 3 weeks.

    Maybe a king sized bed, but I don't think I could do separate rooms. . . . yet!! LOL
  • jknoell
    jknoell Posts: 254 Member
    Options
    I think it makes sense on a lot of fronts. Especially if you have really different schedules. I would be careful though that your marriage doesn't turn into just being roommates. You might have to take special care for that not to happen. But, I do see hat as reasonable. I mean, you're just sleeping. No big deal.

    ^^This!

    My husband has been in the Navy, lived and went to school in a different state and saw us on weekends, and now is at a 2-month training for ATC. He and I do not have seperate bedrooms, but I understand what you are going through. It is very hard to go for an extended amount of time sleeping alone and then having to readjust every time they come home. I used to completely HATE the idea of seperate bedrooms, and while I do not think we need seperate bedrooms (yet), I now totally understand those that do. But like the above poster said, you have to be very careful that when you guys have fights or problems, you don't let stuff fester enough to cause a rift in your marriage. My fear would be that I might wake up one day and feel like I was living with a roommate rather than a spouse. The distance of seperate bedrooms has a greater risk of staying mad and keeping grudges.

    More power to you to make it work!! Go for it!
  • iorahkwano
    iorahkwano Posts: 709 Member
    Options
    Didn't couples have seperate beds all the way into the 50's?

    Anyway, my parents have had separate rooms for 15-20 years. It started off because my little brother kept wanting to sleep in bed with them and there wasn't enough room so my dad started sleeping on the couch downstairs.

    Even when my brother was too old to jump in the bed, my dad still slept downstairs because it was more comfortable. He's a snorer, a smoker and likes his room temperature warm, while my mom likes the room cold & is a non-smoker. So 2 separate rooms work out for them.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
    Options
    It bothers me sometimes but my husband normally sleeps in our spare bedroom. This started purely because he works odd hours versus my banker's hours. I am in bed around 10 most nights and up around 6. He may go to bed at 7 pm to be up by 3 or 4 or may have a day where he's going to sleep until 10 am because he doesn't have to be to work til noon. On weekends, he sleeps with me in our bedroom. It hasn't affected our sex life or anything like that. It mostly bothers me because I miss the half-asleep snuggling in the middle of the night we both do. But I can't deny we both sleep better and more soundly especially when someone has a cough or something plus the bonus of not being disturbed by the other's alarm or dressing in the morning.
  • shelbysp8
    shelbysp8 Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    My husband travels now 3 days a week. I do enjoy having the bed to myself but I also enjoy having him there too. Snoring is a problem for us too, but like others he had the sleep test and now has a CPAP machine too. IT HELPS A WHOLE HELLAVA LOT!!!!!!!! But every now and again the air leaks and THAT drives me CRAZY and keeps me awake!
    Me personally , I wouldn't want to have separate rooms, it just feels like too much of a separation, but that's just me.
  • LynnieG85
    LynnieG85 Posts: 157 Member
    Options
    oh, HELL yes. i love having my own bedroom. he didn't like this idea at first, but he snored so badly it kept me awake. (he had sleep apnea.) and he's one of those people who has very physical dreams.
    he has:
    played basketball with my head
    typed on my stomach
    gone cow tipping in his dream and after the cow was tipped, he kicked it ( i was the cow)
    fought ninjas at mcdonalds because they were trying to kidnap our daughter
    dreamed about being attacked by hundreds of lizards, leaping out of bed flailing his arms and legs while screaming like a 6-year-old girl
    gone bug-huntin' with his fists
    killed MILLIONS of 'bad guys' and therefore saved my life over and over again
    and the list goes on and on...and i usually end up on the receiving end of the physicality and it's not a good way to be waked up. trust me on this.

    This gave me a good laugh, thanks!
  • Charlie003
    Charlie003 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Options
    Snoring is another factor. Good lord, that man can shake the windows! I've read its starting to trend having "separate spouse spaces" and I really don't think it would hurt our marriage. Half of the time I go to bed before he does and he gets up before me anyway, so really, its not like we are "spending time together".

    This is why I sleep on the couch more often than not.
  • IntoTheSky
    IntoTheSky Posts: 390 Member
    Options
    I cannot imagine falling asleep without his arm thrown over my body, and his body against mine. Waking up in the same cradled position that I fell asleep in the night before. Not being able to hear his breath in my ear as we drift off. It is my favorite part of every day.
  • MdmAcolyte
    MdmAcolyte Posts: 382 Member
    Options
    Thanks for your insight everyone!
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Options
    He has his stuff in the master bedroom and I have all of my stuff in the guest room. This is mostly b/c he is OCD and I'm a slob, so it cuts down on fighting. As far as sleeping, he snores, a lot. So I typically fall asleep on the couch every night, then whenever I happen to wake up I stumble into the bedroom and collapse for the rest of the night. Not the best situation I realize, but after 20 years it seems to be what works now.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Options
    Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I did this at 3am last night. Apparently my husband was awake as well so we had sex. If he was in another room we'd miss out on occasions like this.
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
    Options
    One of the best parts of losing 50+ pounds was the end of my snoring and not having to leave my poor sleep deprived wife at night. For us, we loved each as much before and after we slept separately, but I felt there was a more intimate (not referring to sexual intimacy) about sleeping in the same room.

    But if sleep isn't happening for the other, I'm glad we had the extra room. I felt guilty that I woke her up throughout the night.

Categories