Any spouses with separate bedrooms?

iorahkwano

Didn't couples have seperate beds all the way into the 50's?

Anyway, my parents have had separate rooms for 15-20 years. It started off because my little brother kept wanting to sleep in bed with them and there wasn't enough room so my dad started sleeping on the couch downstairs.

Even when my brother was too old to jump in the bed, my dad still slept downstairs because it was more comfortable. He's a snorer, a smoker and likes his room temperature warm, while my mom likes the room cold & is a non-smoker. So 2 separate rooms work out for them.

NCchar130

It bothers me sometimes but my husband normally sleeps in our spare bedroom. This started purely because he works odd hours versus my banker's hours. I am in bed around 10 most nights and up around 6. He may go to bed at 7 pm to be up by 3 or 4 or may have a day where he's going to sleep until 10 am because he doesn't have to be to work til noon. On weekends, he sleeps with me in our bedroom. It hasn't affected our sex life or anything like that. It mostly bothers me because I miss the half-asleep snuggling in the middle of the night we both do. But I can't deny we both sleep better and more soundly especially when someone has a cough or something plus the bonus of not being disturbed by the other's alarm or dressing in the morning.

shelbysp8

My husband travels now 3 days a week. I do enjoy having the bed to myself but I also enjoy having him there too. Snoring is a problem for us too, but like others he had the sleep test and now has a CPAP machine too. IT HELPS A WHOLE HELLAVA LOT!!!!!!!! But every now and again the air leaks and THAT drives me CRAZY and keeps me awake!
Me personally , I wouldn't want to have separate rooms, it just feels like too much of a separation, but that's just me.

LynnieG85

oh, HELL yes. i love having my own bedroom. he didn't like this idea at first, but he snored so badly it kept me awake. (he had sleep apnea.) and he's one of those people who has very physical dreams.
he has:
played basketball with my head
typed on my stomach
gone cow tipping in his dream and after the cow was tipped, he kicked it ( i was the cow)
fought ninjas at mcdonalds because they were trying to kidnap our daughter
dreamed about being attacked by hundreds of lizards, leaping out of bed flailing his arms and legs while screaming like a 6-year-old girl
gone bug-huntin' with his fists
killed MILLIONS of 'bad guys' and therefore saved my life over and over again
and the list goes on and on...and i usually end up on the receiving end of the physicality and it's not a good way to be waked up. trust me on this.

This gave me a good laugh, thanks!

Charlie003

Snoring is another factor. Good lord, that man can shake the windows! I've read its starting to trend having "separate spouse spaces" and I really don't think it would hurt our marriage. Half of the time I go to bed before he does and he gets up before me anyway, so really, its not like we are "spending time together".

This is why I sleep on the couch more often than not.

IntoTheSky

I cannot imagine falling asleep without his arm thrown over my body, and his body against mine. Waking up in the same cradled position that I fell asleep in the night before. Not being able to hear his breath in my ear as we drift off. It is my favorite part of every day.

MdmAcolyte

Thanks for your insight everyone!

_SusieQ_

He has his stuff in the master bedroom and I have all of my stuff in the guest room. This is mostly b/c he is OCD and I'm a slob, so it cuts down on fighting. As far as sleeping, he snores, a lot. So I typically fall asleep on the couch every night, then whenever I happen to wake up I stumble into the bedroom and collapse for the rest of the night. Not the best situation I realize, but after 20 years it seems to be what works now.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I did this at 3am last night. Apparently my husband was awake as well so we had sex. If he was in another room we'd miss out on occasions like this.

RobfromLakewood

One of the best parts of losing 50+ pounds was the end of my snoring and not having to leave my poor sleep deprived wife at night. For us, we loved each as much before and after we slept separately, but I felt there was a more intimate (not referring to sexual intimacy) about sleeping in the same room.

But if sleep isn't happening for the other, I'm glad we had the extra room. I felt guilty that I woke her up throughout the night.

whitehairedguy64

Yes, we have separate rooms and for the most part she is in "hers" and I am in "ours". Our marraige is not "normal" nor is it healthy. The separate rooms started many years ago when she would get angry with me (something that happens multiple times a week) and then she'd sleep in the "other" room, now known as "her" room. It was expected that I would beg her, note the word - beg, to get her to come back to "our" room, which initially I did. I tired of that game years ago. She knows where "our" room is and if that's where she decides to sleep, fine, and if not, fine.

Then there's the issue of snoring. If I breath, that's considered snoring. She has awakened me numerous times with her snoring, something she strongly denies. I'm the one who snores.

There's more, but the above is enough.

jennielou75

I sleep in the spare room during the week because I get up an hour before my OH. I also used to snore very badly so I moved because of that. I now don't snore as much but this routine suits us. During the weekend we are together in the same room. It sorta seperates work days and fun days!!!

TheConsciousFoody

My grandparents had desperate bedrooms for a long time. My grandma liked the room cold with a fan on and my grandpa liked the room warm. They loved each other so desperate rooms can work for some people. There have been times I've gone and slept on the couch because my bf was snoring so loudly.

hbrittingham

My husband had gained a lot of weight and was snoring horribly at night. Finally he moved into the spare bedroom. That lasted approximately 2 months, during which time he lost 40+ lbs. Now he's back in bed with me and hardly every snores. And we get to snuggle to fall asleep and during the night when one of us wakes up. I prefer that to sleeping alone any day.

Jersey_Devil

There is a "King of Queens" episode about this. They decide to try sleeping in separate beds. funny episode.

Ivian_

oh, HELL yes. i love having my own bedroom. he didn't like this idea at first, but he snored so badly it kept me awake. (he had sleep apnea.) and he's one of those people who has very physical dreams.
he has:
played basketball with my head
typed on my stomach
gone cow tipping in his dream and after the cow was tipped, he kicked it ( i was the cow)
fought ninjas at mcdonalds because they were trying to kidnap our daughter
dreamed about being attacked by hundreds of lizards, leaping out of bed flailing his arms and legs while screaming like a 6-year-old girl
gone bug-huntin' with his fists
killed MILLIONS of 'bad guys' and therefore saved my life over and over again
and the list goes on and on...and i usually end up on the receiving end of the physicality and it's not a good way to be waked up. trust me on this.

also, we have different 'bediquette'. he likes a warm room, light blanket. i like the temp set on arctic tundra with lots of blankets. i like dark and quiet, he can sleep whenever, wherever. he likes to sleep with the dog. i say, 'no thank you'.

there's no 'right' way to do it. you can have separate beds if you want, and if you don't like it, then sleep in the same bed. one bed could be for sleeping, and one for NOT sleeping.

ROFL! I think we sleep with the same person. He's totally played basketball with my head numerous times. He also talks to me in his sleep language that perhaps a 2 year could understand and always seems to think I'm his motorcycle, as he's constantly throwing his leg over me and trying to start my boob.

We live in a one bedroom condo. I don't have the options you guys have, sadly :laugh:

BamBam125

Personally, I'd feel very uncomfortable with having separate rooms on a regular basis. It just wouldn't seem like being married to me.

Having said that, the other room or the couch does come in handy if one of us is sick and thus can't sleep well. I've given up when I had a stuffy nose, gone to the family room to curl up with hot tea and bad TV and woken up on the couch the next morning with Hubby hovering over me with a concerned expression.

He snores occasionally, but when I notice it, I just touch him--pat his back or stroke his arm or something. Somehow this makes it stop or he'll roll over and that makes it stop but doesn't wake him up. It's not a loud constant thing. I sleep like the dead, so I only really notice it if I wake up to use the bathroom or something and then can't get back to sleep because of it.

_DaniD_

We did when I was pregnant because I was a bed hog. He sometimes sleeps in his man cave which is awesome because I love to sprawl.

stines72

my mom and dad sleep in separate rooms, mainly because his snore shatters the sound barrier

3foldchord

Not seperate bedrooms, but my husband gets the couch a lot. I do miss him and don't like sleeping alone. But he refuses to take anything for his Restless Leg Syndrome and his kicking and twitching keep me up all night.

Pedal_Pusher

If it works for you use it but for me, hell no.

MinnieInMaine

Not separate beds but we do have separate covers because we're both bad at sharing them. We don't use a top sheet, just our comforters and we each have a 2nd blanket for this time of year when it's really cold. Makes for more laundry but totally worth the bother!

Also we go to bed at different times. He gets up earlier so he's usually ready for bed by 9pm at the latest. I'm not even close to tired by then (unless I'm sick) and if I try to go to bed when he does, I'll just lay there and toss and turn and worry about disturbing him so what's the point?! Plus he snores and that doesn't exactly help me fall asleep... So I just stay on the couch and watch tv or read or play with my phone until I'm tired enough that the snoring won't bother me. Works for us!

The only couple I know that has separate rooms is my grandparents-in-law. For them it's mostly the snoring thing.

AngelicxAnnihilation

When my fiancé comes to visit me I will kick everything and anything off the bed. I will move around all night in strange positions, make weird noises and probably fart -.- When I sleep without him here things usually sit on the bed for weeks and I wake up in the same spot I went to bed. When he is here, we usually end up sleeping side ways across the double bed lmao. There's really not enough room for me and him because he's really tall and I'm uh.. slightly overweight Regardless we sleep somewhat together, usually I'll sleep before him, be annoying in my sleep while he's playing xbox laughing at me before he goes to bed. When I wake up I'll wake him up to give him the whole bed. My parents on the other hand... My father has slept on the couch for as long as I can remember and I'm sure he would sleep on the balcony before he slept with my mother. I'm pretty sure they hate each other. It's all a matter of what works for you I guess.

Momm22boys

When our kids were babies my boyfriend and I has separate bedrooms. The babies slept in the room with me and he slept in his room. He had his TV, computer, and Xbox in there. That is until he burnt the house down. While I was at work he left a candle burning in his room and went to feed the kids lunch. We share a bedroom now that the kids are older and sleep in their own rooms.

McChubbyruewho

My parents had separate sleeping arrangements because of his snoring. They ended up more like roommates than husband/wife... then my dad started cheating... then they got divored. Just a thought.

pehaps it was the dreifting apart that made them want sepereate rooms, not that the seperate rooms made them drift apart. just a thought

LMT2012

Sleep is sacred, and 50 years is a long time to go without it. It can be lend itself to a fun "your place or mine" scenario, too.

JacksMom12

I would LOVE separate bedrooms. Our relationship is fine but we are on OPPOSITE schedules and I am the lightest sleeper on earth. I wake up when he comes home from work at 4 am, then he showers which keeps me up then having to get comfortable after he comes to bed... And just when I'm finally asleep... His snoring begins. 2 hours later, I'm up at the crack of dawn with a toddler. I would be a much less cranky momma if I had my own room. Don't think he'd go for it, however.

mattagascar

So a roomate with benefits? Sounds romantic

1ConcreteGirl

I have read studies that indicate spouses who have separate bedrooms have a better relationship in general.

Sounds like crap to me.

SoViLicious

Hmm... I know a few older couples and I mean they are in their 70's been married for over 50 years who does that. However, that will not fly in my home. The only separation we have are separate sheets. I tend to hog the sheets so he he keeps a spare.