Couples- separate or combined finances?

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  • McChubbyruewho
    McChubbyruewho Posts: 194
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    I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

    See that, I do not understand. if we couldn't both afford to do something then neither of us would go. And if one of us was short the other would help out. Having split accounts doesn't mean not sharing still!

    The only thing I don't understand is why should wouldn't want to pay for him I guess, cause if we wanted to go on a vation We would then put our money togther, cause we like being togther, but I guess if I wanted to go on vaction and I saved up but he didnt care and didn't save up then I would go bymysalef cause he could have saved up but didnt want too
  • AbbyCar
    AbbyCar Posts: 198 Member
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    I have been married for 10 years now and we have always have one joint account (to pay bills and such) and a seperate account each. We've have three children, so you can imagine that most of our paychecks goes in the joint account. This has worked for us very well. This way all the bills get paid, but we each have a little bit of our own freedom. If he wants to buy an old junker to fix up, he can and if I want to buy clothes or something I can. Neither of us has to feel as if we need to ask permission from the other.
  • McChubbyruewho
    McChubbyruewho Posts: 194
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    Personally I believe that when you get married you become ONE unit. That's what marriage is to me so we have one account. It is about working together and compromising.

    not to be a meanie but do you guys have the same clothes? lol, there are area"s were we differ =)
  • wjewell
    wjewell Posts: 282 Member
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    One family, one marriage, one bank account.


    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.
    I'm with you. I just don't get it. I wouldn't marry a person I wasn't comfortable sharing my finances with.

    It's simple, he clearly was cr@p at saving and spent his money whilst she saved so she could have a holiday.

    Maybe he had more bills than she did? I have a car payment that my fiance doesn't have.. That's an extra $600 a month that he has and I don't and he makes double what I make. I also have student loans he doesn't have... So that makes me a crap saver? No. Pretty ridiculous to judge a guy you don't even know.
  • breeanreyes
    breeanreyes Posts: 228 Member
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    my hubby and I have shared accounts and have since we got engaged, we have our household personal account which his paychecks go into to pay the bills, I am a massage therapist with my own business so I have a business account that he is also on, the money I make goes to any extra bills, food, gas, fun etc. We both have complete access to both accounts. my S/O prefers that I take care of the finances and just asks me what account to take $$ out of if he needs it, and we have a standing rule that we talk over any extra purchases above and beyond the standard living expenses, I ask him if it's ok even though he doesn't know what we have, and he asks me. It works out great for us, money has NEVER been something we've fought about, he knows I'm better at managing it and it relieves that stress off of him. I do talk to him about our debt, he knows how much we owe so we can both make educated decisions. I think it's to each his own, but in our relationship everything is in both of our names, if I have a credit card in my name then he has a card for the same account and if he has one in his then I have a card for that account as well, that way we have access to everything in case of emergencies.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Joint accounts typically means more money in the account so less fees and higer interest rates plus additional perks. I've been in finance for over 20 years. My recommendation is joint accounts. If you absolutely insist on separate accounts then I suggest having a joint account for household expenses and small separate accounts for your own wants. Really though, if your relationship will be doomed with a joint account because he will get mad if you buy a pair of shoes or she will get mad if you buy a DVD then you aren't in a stable relationship in the first place. Also - never, ever, ever create a joint account if you aren't married. That's just asking for trouble. Yea, yea someone will come along and say "Well I've been living with my boyfriend for 15 years and we have a joint account and everything is great." Fine. Good even. But that's hardly the norm. If someone came along and said "Well I chain smoked around my kids and never used car seats and they're perfectly fine" are you going to say "Oh, well that must be fine then." or are you going to say "Congratulations on lucking out."?
  • dtiapril
    dtiapril Posts: 41
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    We combine. Both get paid into a joint account and on 1st of the month we work out all the bills and household shopping and a standard amount of savings goes. We leave a bit of excess for other bits that crop up, and then share out whatever is left 50/50 (usually around £200 or so a month each).

    There's always some leeway in the joint to buy random stuff occasionally that's for both of us, but for DVDs and shoes we would normally use personal accounts. It's not totally strict, if we go out on a night out together we'll just use joint money, and work clothes and other necessities come out of joint aswell.

    The pocket money is simply to prevent the arguments. Until recently I smoked and he didn't which was obviously a tricky one. I bought *kitten* with my money, he bought himself coffees and magazines, everyone happy.

    I earn quite a bit more than my other half, but we live together and we're in it together so I don't think it would be fair for me to have more 'nice things' than him, and I certainly wouldn't go on a holiday and leave him behind!! One day he may be earning more than me and I'd hate to see it the other way around too. Everything is shared, I don't see how it could work any other way when you live with someone...
  • dtiapril
    dtiapril Posts: 41
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    For me and my SO (we've lived together since June '10) we basically, share the bills but split the rest.

    - Payday money goes into our separate banks.
    - I work out the budget, what bills and stuff we have to pay etc etc
    - Money gets transferred according to what direct debits come out of where (yay for internet banking!)
    - Excess money that isn't needed for bills is split down the middle, and sent off to each account.
    - We either keep track personally of what money is spare, or we take it out in cash.

    Advantages:
    - Nobody loses out because they earn less. Even though we earn the same, in theory I could earn £800 and him £1200 and we'd still have the same money each to spend on ourselves.
    - My money is my money, and same for him. I get to spend all my money on clothes or useless crap if I want to, guilt free! He gets to spend his money on whatever he wants. No complaints, it's all equal.

    Holidays and big things like that are saved up for together. Eg: We might put £100 aside one month, that will come out of "bills money"

    This sounds exactly like us. I don't understand why a high earning partner should have more nice things. We both work 40 hours a week. At the moment I'm slightly higher up the ladder in my career than my partner, but he still works just as hard as me so I don't think it's fair that I go out and have new clothes and he's broke all the time.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    People that don't understand either have an awesome partner, or they haven't yet been in a marriage or a serious relationship. If you and your spouse put together a plan, some for bills, some for savings, some for vacation, and then all the sudden she's parading around in new clothes, you're like WTF! I'm pretty fiscally conservative. Not too many women I've been with share that view at all. So, the next time, if there is a next time (highly unlikely), everything will be separate.
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
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    People that don't understand either have an awesome partner, or they haven't yet been in a marriage or a serious relationship. If you and your spouse put together a plan, some for bills, some for savings, some for vacation, and then all the sudden she's parading around in new clothes, you're like WTF! I'm pretty fiscally conservative. Not too many women I've been with share that view at all. So, the next time, if there is a next time (highly unlikely), everything will be separate.

    That's one of the reasons I do it the way I do. My current wife is awesome, and very responsible, My ex wasn't, but we also have other reasons, too. I have to pay child support, and alimony, so it isn't fair for my wife to have to share that burden. I pay that out of my money, as well as buy groceries for when my kids come over. My wife is very determined to maintain a feeling of independence, due to issues she has had to deal with in her life. I respect that in her, and love that, also. I am very proud of my wife, and what she has accomplished. I love knowing that she is responsible with her money, but that if she wasn't, I would be okay, still, and the bills would still get paid.
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
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    The wife should give the husband all her money and she in turn gets a roof, food, and MAYBE a small allowance. I'm shocked that is isn't common practice. No wonder the economy collapsed.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    The wife should give the husband all her money and she in turn gets a roof, food, and MAYBE a small allowance. I'm shocked that is isn't common practice. No wonder the economy collapsed.

    Haha.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    I combine because the thought of having to "Borrow" money from my husband when I run out is ridiculous to me. Plus it helps us budget. A girlfriend of mine says that she would never trust another person that much to combine incomes. Why would you marry someone you cannot trust?
  • danifo0811
    danifo0811 Posts: 542 Member
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    Joint account. He makes way more than me and we have had periods of unemployment, schooling and maternity leave. Our money is our money. We have our goals and are on the same page. We each have $100/ month no questions. Other things are on an as needed basis ... clothes, electronics, furniture, vacations.

    I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't have the same goals. I also think it is simplistic to say separate accounts means no fighting about money. I also don't understand how it makes things easier if you split up unless one person screws the credit rating and takes the money.
  • rnicks3
    rnicks3 Posts: 1
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    100% Combined, so much easier!

    We both get an equal allowance every month that we are free to use on whatever we want, this prevents any arguments about spending money on "stuff".
  • Fat_Bottomed_Girl
    Fat_Bottomed_Girl Posts: 354 Member
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    My wife and I each have our own separate accounts and one joint account. We pay our bills and joint stuff like dining out, entertainment, groceries, savings, from our joint account. And our solo accounts are for our own pleasure and/or bills.

    I make considerably more than her, so we came up with a percentage that both kick in to the joint account. That way we both feel we are paying our fair share.

    We split it half and half, and then have a joint, but this is what I THINK we should be doing! :)
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
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    My wife and I each have our own separate accounts and one joint account. We pay our bills and joint stuff like dining out, entertainment, groceries, savings, from our joint account. And our solo accounts are for our own pleasure and/or bills.

    I make considerably more than her, so we came up with a percentage that both kick in to the joint account. That way we both feel we are paying our fair share.

    We split it half and half, and then have a joint, but this is what I THINK we should be doing! :)

    Who paid for the joint?
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
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    We have a joint checking account, with a separate savings account that I put money in. He knows about it and exactly how much is in it. He says he trust me with the money more than himself, so he doesn't care to have access to it. I have my own checking and savings account, one that is still linked to my student loans and credit card bill. We only keep that one to have our foot in 2 banks for back up if ever needed. :). He is the bread winner, i'm a stay at home mom.
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
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    I've done both in the past, separate is easier for me personally. I'm good with money but no one I've been with seems to be as responsible unfortunately.

    I'm not good enough with my finances (not terrible, just not great), so part of my check goes to credit union mortgage, property tax and presents (b-day, Xmas, Chinese New Year) and then the rest of my check goes to bank account, where outside of some monthly expenses and minimal cash on hand for the month, I send the rest to my wife who handles all the bills and tells me if I'm charging too much for our income.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
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    Ours is all lumped into one account... I have 4 accounts technically but they are not separated for that reason.... more for separating quickly liquidated money without penalties (secondary checking) and also savings is split into two accounts... One for long term and the other for short term stuff like Christmas or big expenses.

    I am the financial guru though. No arguments here as every penny is accounted for. And we get our set amounts. I use a budgeting program that works like absolute magic to keep things balanced.

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