Couples- separate or combined finances?

MelBristol

Of course it's combined! My husband is useless with money LOL We have a joint bank account where our incomes go in and all the expenses are paid and there is a savings account attached to it where all the rest of the money goes. Mind you it will be nearly empty now because we are exchanging contracts on another property very soon.

I like knowing where our money goes. Sadly it's mostly tesco, sainsbury's and tesco garage LOL I log online to look at the statements every few days. It's all simple and clear, no secret spending, my husband is my best friend. If one of us wants something badly and we can afford it, we buy it! If we can't .. we keep on dreaming and trying lol. I know he wants a maserati one day but right know we better get a few buy to let properties for pension

IslandDreamer64

We keep it all separate and it works fine for us. We split the bills--he pays for cable TV, heating oil, anything that needs to be fixed, our major BJs (warehouse club) shopping trips, and half of the property taxes. I pay for the phone, electric, internet (he doesn't use the computer at all), day to day grocery shopping, and half the property taxes.

I think it works for us because we met and married later in life and were both used to paying all the bills.

body_in_progress

My partner and I have just joined accounts. We still have our own private account that we can buy what we want with the amount we have decided we get each week, the rest of the money goes into a joint account for bills, food and rent etc. It is working well because we are saving for our own house and the savings is jumping up a whole lot more than what it was in our own private accounts. I don't think I could marry someone who doesn't want to join lives completely. If you have a set amount each week, you can still buy what beer/shoes you like and it doesn't make any difference to the joint money.

MelBristol

The wife should give the husband all her money and she in turn gets a roof, food, and MAYBE a small allowance. I'm shocked that is isn't common practice. No wonder the economy collapsed.

It's the other way round! In our household hubby puts all the money into the joint account. He gets a roof, food and don't even need an allowance. It works great!

RonnieLodge

I think a bit of both is best. But it depends very much on the couple and your individual spending styles.

Thankfully my husband and I are not keen on using credit cards and live within our means.

The household bills are budgeted for/added up and we split that amount.
We have our own pay go into our own bank accounts and the agreed amount gets paid into a third account - the 'joint' account (that can be either under both names or under one person's name, but both have access).

Recently got a mortgage and part of the mortgage arrangement was that both our incomes are paid into a joint account so after figuring out how much is to go towards bills and what is left to spend, we now siphon off agreed 'pin money' into our seperate bank accounts. That is our money to spend how we like.

We don't fight about money or have problems with the other purchasing stuff.

Friends of mine have gone so far as to have total control of all income and giving a stipend to their partners once a week/month, which I think is a little strange. Some combine absolutely everything. I think a little of both works best.

Jongfaith

my ex and I combined everything but my current is totally irresponsible soo its all seperate! Everything is in my name and I demand his portion of the bills every month.... relationship by relationship basis I would say

2hobbit1

We kept the accounts separate and had one joint credit card. We decided who was responsible for which bill and had that bill in the respective name. Personal savings, investment and retirement accounts were kept separate. We both had college funds set up for our son. We bought our own toys with our own monies - expenses for the house were split.

We lived within the lowest income - any extra monies on either side was saved or invested. Glad we did it that way - once Sponge Bob decided he did not want to go to work anymore, I could still keep the house hold together until my son was ready to move on. Then I moved on with him! No concern for Sponge Bob cleaning me out. I currently am well set for retirment, and am able to finance my sons college expenses as needed.

Would not do it any other way!

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

For bills, combined. For personal things that I just want because I want them, separate.

RonnieLodge

One family, one marriage, one bank account.

We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

You are old fashioned.

These days women have salary paying jobs outside the home before getting married so they are quite used to being financially independent.

heatherselway

I am in the military and currently physically separated from my husband (he's in Korea) currently we have nothing jointly but when he gets back (In March, yay!) we will have one joint account for our basic allowance for housing checks which will cover everything from rent/mortgage plus utilities and our base paychecks will each go into our respective bank accounts as we both have credit cards, car payments ect..

christine24t

Talking about this with my s/o today and thought it would be interesting to discuss on here. We have some couple friends who completely combine their finances and then end up arguing over who spent what on beer/shoes etc. My s/o and I have pretty much decided to keep our finances (even once we have a mortgage/kids etc) separate, splitting our expenses down the middle and then what we do with the rest of our $ is our own business.

I feel like it works for us. I think sharing a bank account is pretty antiquated and can be risky if a relationship goes sour, and I like having the freedom to spend what I please on my clothes/treats/death ray parts.

What's your opinion on the subject?

I think the split thing will backfire once you have a child, and actually CAUSE problems instead of stop them.

When you have a child, that will lead to arguments of "Well, I bought diapers last week so it's your turn" or one of you will end up spending more money on her from your individual account and create resentment.

I think it's best to have a shared account where you contribute some of your paycheck, and that goes toward expenses for the house, mortgage, insurance, car payment, children, etc. and then separate accounts with a smaller amount of your paycheck for your fun expenses - ie: new purse for you, sports equipment/hobby stuff for him.

When you get married, you're married to that person. Why not put your all into it?

christine24t

We have our own separate accounts and no joint account. My OH pays for the rent, electric and internet. I pay for food, the car and buying things for our daughter. we pay for own bills like mobile phone etc.

That'll be fun when she gets older and wants more expensive clothes, etc.

I'm sorry to all who believe in separate accounts. I don't see how it works.

Read this: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2007/08/long_division.html

kerriberry74

Kind of an interesting read as I have had this discussion with a friend quite a few times in the past. Here's one aspect that I did not see mentioned in the responses.

My friend was always of the 'once you're married you share everything' type- she doesn't even have her own e-mail account. My parents have both joint and separate accounts, and should I find Mr. Right, I will do the same. My friend could not understand that view since that was not how her family operated.

So, she faithfully handed over every cent she made to her husband. They hit a rough stretch in the marriage. First, her husband threw her out of the house. A month later, he got her an apt, gave her an allowance, most of which ends up going into her gas tank, but she could still use the debit card for groceries for the family (she spent her days at the house when everyone was gone- cooking, cleaning, ect). A few months down the road, and more problems pop up and he cut her off of everything- no bank acct., she's off all credit cards (ALL cards were joint). She nearly had a meltdown when she learned that- she had maybe $20 in her wallet at that point. Now, she has come around and said straight out that if she and her husband do work things out, she will still keep some money in a separate account. The point being that even the most seemingly long, stable relationships can go downhill; having a separate account is not necessarily a bad thing.

SmartAlec03211988

Not currently in a relationship, but when I was... separate. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

charliesgold

We have split accounts and we split the bills evenly. It just works for us and has for the past 12 years. We don't do the "toys for me but not for you" idea though, whatever we have left after bills we usually spend on each other anyway LOL But if there is significant "extra" left (when does THAT ever happen?????) we discuss what should be done ie: savings, taking a trip etc.

Hbazzell

Hubs and I have our own savings and checking accounts left over from before we got married. We also have a joint savings and checking. Seems excessive to some but it works for us. Our pay checks goin to separate and gifts (like xmas.hanukkah) go in to our joint. We also put our tax returns into outr joint. And we only use our joint one for big expenses like new couch. We share expenses otherwise and pay out of our separate accounts. Sometimes he gets groceries, sometimes I do. Yesterday I was short on money before payday so he got my oil changed for me. whata sweety.

redragtop05

I've been married for 25 years so what's his is mine and what's mine is his

pudadough

Best solution I have heard is having 3 accounts. One for each of you (which you probably already have, being adults and all) and a joint account. Each of you pays an equal amount into the joint account for things like mortgage and car payments and you get to keep the rest and spend it as you please from your personal account, no questions asked. I could work with that. I would probably have an issue with a SO giving me a hard time for spending money on things he thought we frivolous. Hell, I had a boyfriend give me irrational crap for finances and I dropped him. Like a hot rock.


3 accounts. Sounds like a plan to me.

shaynak112

My boyfriend and I are in a serious, committed relationship but we are only 22 and not married !! (although living together) He makes about twice as much as I do. We have separate bank accounts but we also have a "mutual" bank account. So, if we're making a purchase together, we transfer money into that account and make the purchase.

I don't know if I'd want to completely combine my finances. I like having them separate, so I can buy what I want. And no one is on my back about buying too many clothes LOL! (Not that he really minds, but I don't feel like explaining it every time hahah). Plus he spends money on who knows what, and I don't need to know all the details. As long as we're saving money, not in debt, etc., then all is good! I don't expect things would change much if we got married. We do want to get a mutual credit card at some point (for larger purchases, which we will probably make in the future, ex. new furniture).

My parents have combined all their income. I'm not sure why. My mom has a spending problem and my dad is the complete opposite, and my dad is the one that earns most of the money. But he really has control over their finances, for the most part.

peckish_pomegranate

Separate.