How long before you dump your pals????

1246

Replies

  • fresh_start59
    fresh_start59 Posts: 590 Member
    In reality, my answer would have to be "It Depends."

    I'm new to MFP. If I have a friend who goes AWOL for 10-12 days without posting a note about being busy, on vacation or saying they will be off MFP for awhile, and they do not respond to the two or three messages I send, I delete them.

    Why? Frankly, it is because they were not my "friend" or my "pal" or even my "acquaintance." I'm not saying that to be mean. It's just the truth.

    That said, there are already a couple MFP "friends" on my list that are growing on me. I think as we interact more on the boards, on our homepages, and via messages, we will have a chance to become close acquaintances and maybe even friends (without the quotation marks). If one of them goes AWOL, I will likely keep them in friends list for several months, maybe indefinitely.

    BTW ... I did not join MFP to make friends. I came here to get healthy (or as healthy as I can be). After 50 years of worrying about, caring for, and catering to others wants and needs, I am finally learning that the only way I am going to be healthy is if I take some time to focus on me. Some may call it selfish. I call it survival.
  • MissyJessy
    MissyJessy Posts: 1,279 Member
    30 days to 60 days depending on if it was a planned time off if you just drop off the face of the planet im dumping you... sorry but this is a support network not a place for me to baby you everytime you fall off the wagon either you want this or you dont and if you just fall off for 2 months then your not ready and you dont want it bad enough.
  • Destinationa
    Destinationa Posts: 23
    I like people that don't dump. I'm not freaking perfect. :D.. So if I happen to have a busy week and don't log on but contnue to carry on my healthyness out of my fitness pal its not the end of the world for me!

    Add me if you won't dump me :) I need more buds that don't wanna dump me just coz I'm not consistent with MFP
  • littlewhittles
    littlewhittles Posts: 402 Member
    Pretty similar for me. Or, if you log in once every few days, but don't actually use your diary or post. No offense, but little gets added to my experience as a "pal" if we don't interact, ya know?
  • myturningpoint
    myturningpoint Posts: 22
    I guess I'm the only one who dumped her friends because they were awesome and I was not. I had a ton of friends... some really sweet, fun and supportive friends. But while I log in consistently... I will not consistently interact, or log, or whatever right now. Just too much pressure. I'd rather this be just about doing what I can, than trying to keep up with a ton of (admittedly awesome) people.

    EDIT: A lot of the responses on here are confirmation I made the right choice, at least for some friends. Many have expectations - i.e. I comment on you, so you comment on me. I

    ... But I don't need that. I don't need friends with tons of expectations.
  • JasMikkol89
    JasMikkol89 Posts: 77 Member
    yea i started unfriending people who dont log in for 7 days, i need support, haha.
  • Guamybear
    Guamybear Posts: 1,061 Member
    Is there an etiquette for dumping friends who aren't logging in??

    I'm giving them 7 days then their out. Grrrr you've got to be in it to win it.lol

    What about you?

    I do the same...
  • Studiousone75
    Studiousone75 Posts: 23 Member
    I have only four friends with one of them not logged in for two months. I friended a guy and he sent a webpage message which I tried to reply to within a couple days only to find he dumped me already.

    I am interacting with the three friends still logging in, though. I probably won't add more friends but stick with and cultivate the ones I have.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    7-10 business days, may be longer if there is a holiday. :laugh:

    I don't unfriend unless they Offend.:flowerforyou:
  • Poorgirls_Diet
    Poorgirls_Diet Posts: 528 Member
    Normally a month but I do send three emails just to make sure they are alright and if no reply after that they are gone. I also give support to those who support me but I will be doing a delete soon as there is no point in having loads of friends and no interaction
  • margieparkins
    margieparkins Posts: 591 Member
    I dump pals if no one responds to my efforts, I seem to spend so much time giving but not receiving, seems like I am travelling alone.keep trying Margie, that's what I tell myself everyday,
  • Midnight1210
    Midnight1210 Posts: 134 Member
    I personally don't like unfriending. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes life happens and situations change and you can't long on for a while. You never know what their reason is for vanishing for an extended period. Family, health or computer issues - you never know.

    When I was away for nearly a month due to a virus that completely destroyed my computer and forced a from-the-ground rebuilt (I don't have a store bought machine, it was built piece by piece by a friend so it takes longer to put back in order) I lost a lot of people I thought of as MFPals I could count on. That really stung. Even so, a lot of them hung on for me and are still some of my best supporters. :bigsmile:

    I don't ask or expect much of MFPals - only that they're reasonably active and they try to comment and offer support from time to time on my progress.

    Friends go AWOL longer than 3-4 months - I have to consider letting them go because it is obvious that their heart isn't into it.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    Usually like 3 weeks since by that point, it's almost a habit so *shrug* though I was a little upset that I got deleted by a couple people after I quit... but I do understand so, hey, if they come back and want to be friends, you can always re-add them if you feel guilty lol
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I only delete people if they don't interact with me, but interact with lots of other people.
  • LetsTryThisAgain54
    LetsTryThisAgain54 Posts: 381 Member
    Never! I don't care if people log or talk to me. It doesn't matter and it's not that important to me to dump anyone. I lost 3 friends today and I don't even know who dumped me. All I know is my number of friends went down. I really don't care! lol!
  • JoyfullMovement
    JoyfullMovement Posts: 108 Member
    I never dump friends for not logging in. I have a few who have been MIA for a couple of months. What if they come back and find all of their friends abandoned them? I wouldn't be much of a friend would I? They aren't causing any trouble and if MFP has a friend limit, I'm nowhere near it.



    I agree! I try to support friends through thick and thin. You never know what is going on in their lives. If they come back, they may need support more than ever. I try not to have expectations of my friends or judge them negatively.
  • AliciaStaton
    AliciaStaton Posts: 328 Member
    Hi I dont tend to dump to be honest, I have one friend who dump me whose live style was not healthy, and was not ready to change her life. I am lucky to have some great MFP friends who are great, but at the end of the day this is all about your journey :blushing:
  • mfoy94
    mfoy94 Posts: 228 Member
    I try to comment on their page or send them a message telling them to come back or something. If it seems pretty obvious to me that they aren't ready to be committed then I will trim my list down. I am not here to make "friends" I am here to change my lifestyle. Its helpful to have ACTIVE people that will comment on my things as much as I comment on theirs.

    I am not actually friends with any of these people, hell i dont even know any of their names. They are other individuals who have a goal in mind like me. I throw motivation their way and they throw it mine, if you aren't up to that then move along.

    So I guess it "depends". If its someone who I've communicated with for a while, I will try harder to bring them back and motivate them than someone who could never be bothered to say a word to me. I like to keep my friends list trimmed so that I can be directly involved with those few dedicated people. I will always accept a friend request but I do have some expectations for being on MY list. (i.e, if you dont have easy internet access and you dont log every day, you probably wont be successful, sorry not sorry but I dont need that clutter on my list when I am looking for the people I am actually interested in).
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    I do after a month, because I understand life gets crazy from time to time, even myself I havent logged in for a week before, so i give them the benefit of the doubt, and wait a month before i dump them.
  • glitteredgrave
    glitteredgrave Posts: 194 Member
    I don't dump friends :)
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    i givem a week or two then clean house. Luckily most of my friends on here are as dedicated with the same goals.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Usually after about 2 weeks to a month, unless it's someone I know in real life. I've been here a long time, so I ended up with a lot of friends. If I don't delete people who are inactive, I run out of space.

    I'm a crappy friend anyway, but the way I figure it, support is a two way street. Why should I "be there" for someone who isn't also there for me?
  • Iceman420
    Iceman420 Posts: 195
    I would never dump anyone. Things happen in life, you can't be on MFP all the time.
  • jmkmomm
    jmkmomm Posts: 3,247 Member
    I don't mean to be cruel but if I find that friends don't have the same kind of philosophy about their eating as I do then I delete them.
  • MBNagel74
    MBNagel74 Posts: 444 Member
    I haven't dumped anyone yet, but I am getting ready to. I have a few who are never on, don't interact, and I wonder what they are here for. I want to be supportive, and, in return, be supported. I am finding there are "friends" who are simply trying to rack up their counts. This is MFP - not Facebook.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    Is there an etiquette for dumping friends who aren't logging in??

    I'm giving them 7 days then their out. Grrrr you've got to be in it to win it.lol

    What about you?

    you have way too much time on your hands if you're following them so closely in order to care if they are off for 7 days. sometimes life gets in the way of this website. this website just isn't the most important thing in life.
  • dfair1967
    dfair1967 Posts: 91
    30 days. I don't have time for people who are wishy washy about making a life style change. Though there are some exceptions.
  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
    4 weeks. Just never know if they are on vacation or off the grid.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    Changing life styles is tough. It may take a few tries but it would be nice if "friends" didn't dump you at the first sign of trouble. Of course, you could just be like me and not have friends. I don't worry about getting dumped by friends that I never had. :wink:

    once you start posting more on this forum, you'll get more friend requests.

    if you change your avatar to a hot chick who isn't you like i did, you'll get endless friend requests. good times.
  • wannadance
    wannadance Posts: 59
    I never dump friends for not logging in. I have a few who have been MIA for a couple of months. What if they come back and find all of their friends abandoned them? I wouldn't be much of a friend would I? They aren't causing any trouble and if MFP has a friend limit, I'm nowhere near it.

    ^^ this.. I NEVER dump simply for not logging in - that's just stupid IMO - just because someone hasn't logged in for a while doesn't mean they're not working their butt off in the real world - they simply aren't screaming it to the cyber world.

    Life gets hectic and other things can eat up your spare time, so there is no way I will be punishing any of my friends for having a life outside of cyber space (plus i like my friends). And to be honest - if and when you do fall off the wagon (cause no body is perfect and you'll have tough days and even weeks) wouldn't you like to log back on and know that you still have a support system in place with encouraging friends to help you get back on track????????? just sayin

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