How do you know someone is the one?
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When someone cuts off the head of the Kurgan with Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez's sword and goes through the quickening.
Wait, am I the only one who went right to the highlander reference?0 -
My formerly super unromantic self is *cringing* at the thought of responding to this, but he brings out all of the mushy gushy stuff in me and I have to share.
He laughs with me.
He cries with me.
He plays with me.
He makes me want to give and serve because he does the same for me.
I know he will be there if I need help, but he also lets me accomplish things on my own.
He helps me learn to be a better parent.
For the first time in my life, I feel completely safe, protected, and cherished.
:blushing:
:blushing:
That made me tear up in the best way, because I remember your formerly super unromantic self. Unbelievably happy that you can write this now.
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You feel like your best version of yourself when you are with him. You have similar goals and lifestyles, and want similar things for the future. You have similar ways of handling money (if you don't, you're going to be fighting about it for your entire marriage!). He is supportive of your hopes and dreams, and you are supportive of his. You have known him long enough to have had time to observe his behavior in a variety of settings, and admire his character. His actions match his words (does he say he loves you but then screams and yells at you? If so, maybe think twice!). How does his father treat his mother? Remember, that is his role model for marriage!
Yeah, that heart-pumping attraction has to be there, too. But don't let it sway you from looking at the issues of compatibility! Just because someone makes your heart throb doesn't mean he would make a wise marriage choice.
Good luck!
This is a perfect example!!0 -
He will make you want to be a better person. You will feel like you are getting the better end of the deal. You will want to negotiate rather than fight. You will know without doubt that they love you. You won't even wonder if they would ever cheat on you. You won't be able to picture a life without them.0
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My teacher who was and still is a bit of a goof ball said to me once. "I love my wife more than anything in the world. What is love, how do you know it's real? Would you still love that person if they had they're face burned off in a car crash, and became disabled? That's love."
Ermm... I guess he's right? Haha!
On a lighter note, in a movie I watched, this guy said something to the effect of, "Ask yourself one question, would you be able to live without them? Think about it, and when you think about it, think about it again."
Those two kinda stuck with me.0 -
It's different for everyone. Only YOU can answer that and you'll know when you know.
I met Tom when I was 17. We dated for almost a year and broke up because we were too young and not ready for a relationship like that. It was too big for us, too much, too real. We weren't ready.
We dated other people and went about our lives. A few years down the road we were at a family wedding and were both there. I had just had a bad break up as did he and our mothers kind of made sure we ended up dancing next to each other on the dance floor. We were together again for a few months and broke it off again for the same reasons as before. This wasn't for us.
Went on with our lives again and started really growing up. Got jobs, moved out, lived life. I married a man (if you can call him that) for all the wrong reasons and then IT happened. He had been in a horrible motorcycle accident and was on death's doorstep. When I found out the following day at work I just about fainted. I had to sit down, the contents of my stomach turned to liquid, I was as pale as a ghost, nauseous and the room started to spin.
At that exact moment, whilst married to another and struggling with the loss of my mother, I had clarity. I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that he was the one. For the first time in my life I could not imagine living in a world without "My Tom".
That is what's engraved on my wedding band. "My Tom 10-31-07". In the month that followed, I gathered my strength, left my captor, moved in with family and started over.
“Only after we lose everything, are we free to become anything”0 -
if you have to ask, they're not the one.
Took the words right out of my mouth.0 -
YOU JUST KNOW.0
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Most romantic thread ever. My heart is melting as I read some of the comments.0
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My husband and I have been together for 23 years. We both just knew. He had chased after me for about 6 months trying to get me to go out with him. I wasn't interested. He invited me to his apartment to watch the superbowl (23 years ago this coming Sunday) and I saw a side of him that I really liked. We were instantly a couple. He came home with me on Valentine's Day and never left. We got married 18 months later and have been married almost 21 years.
Marriage and relationships take a lot of work. But I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did 23 years ago. I can't imagine my life without him in it. He tells me every single day that he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am. I feel very lucky to have him as my husband and my best friend.0 -
When you dont have to ask yourself if the are the one
Bingo!0 -
I agree with those above that say "when you don't have to ask". The fact you are asking this question probably proves (at least it does to me) that the person you are inquiring about is NOT the "one". Its so frustrating, I know, to hear people say "you just know it"....but, in reality, you really do "just know it".
I met my first wife and almost immediately "knew it"...... she "just knew it" as well, in fact, the night we first met we barely spoke to each other, and we were each dating other people. Years later her best friend was telling me about that night and how my 1st wife called her that very evening and told her that she'd just "met the guy I'm gonna marry". Had it not been for the cancer, I'm sure we'd still be together. That wasn't meant to be I guess.
But, in every cloud there is a silver lining, right? After several failed attempts at re-dating, I was strongly decided to never re-marry. I'd had enough and figured I'd already had "my one". Turns out I get a second chance, or should I be more appropriately stating that I get my "one" twice. My current fiancee only reminds me of my first wife in one way, and that is that I know that she is "the one". Not a question about it, and I can't explain how I know that, ...... I just do. I can't imagine my life without her, and there isn't a single person on this earth I'd rather be with at pretty much every waking moment of my existence. Even just visiting friends and/or family isn't the same if she isn't there..... I don't enjoy it as much.
So the short answer is: (1) You will just "know", and if you are asking the question, then this one isn't it. And (2) don't put too much stock into the whole "one" thing, as at different times in your life, different people will be the right fit for you. And, when they are "the one" at that time in your life, as you change so will they, but you will change similarly and your love will grow each and every single day.0 -
Thank you for all the input. I'm sadly very confused about many things right now. I love my other half to pieces, but don't know if I'm still in love. We do a lot of things mentioned: are comfortable around each other and all. But do I want my kids to be just like he is; no. Not all of our views are the same.
I can't picture a life without him, but some things don't know if I can't picture the rest of my life with him. He is willing to change (so he says) to do the things I want/need. But change can take so long, and be a risk. Plus, I don't know if I actually want him to change. I love his spirit, I just don't know if it is 100% compatible with that of mine
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If anybody has to "change" to make it work..... then he is definitely NOT the one. Just my two cents' worth0
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You feel like your best version of yourself when you are with him. You have similar goals and lifestyles, and want similar things for the future. You have similar ways of handling money (if you don't, you're going to be fighting about it for your entire marriage!). He is supportive of your hopes and dreams, and you are supportive of his. You have known him long enough to have had time to observe his behavior in a variety of settings, and admire his character. His actions match his words (does he say he loves you but then screams and yells at you? If so, maybe think twice!). How does his father treat his mother? Remember, that is his role model for marriage!
Yeah, that heart-pumping attraction has to be there, too. But don't let it sway you from looking at the issues of compatibility! Just because someone makes your heart throb doesn't mean he would make a wise marriage choice.
Good luck!
THIS. Plus...it should be easier than falling off a log.0 -
-When you don't have to ask that question.0
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it helps if they look at you like this
even if you are functionally disabled.
.
.
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at least, that's how i knew. 0 -
You feel like your best version of yourself when you are with him. You have similar goals and lifestyles, and want similar things for the future. You have similar ways of handling money (if you don't, you're going to be fighting about it for your entire marriage!). He is supportive of your hopes and dreams, and you are supportive of his. You have known him long enough to have had time to observe his behavior in a variety of settings, and admire his character. His actions match his words (does he say he loves you but then screams and yells at you? If so, maybe think twice!). How does his father treat his mother? Remember, that is his role model for marriage!
Yeah, that heart-pumping attraction has to be there, too. But don't let it sway you from looking at the issues of compatibility! Just because someone makes your heart throb doesn't mean he would make a wise marriage choice.
Good luck!
This is great! ^^^^0 -
If anybody has to "change" to make it work..... then he is definitely NOT the one. Just my two cents' worth
^^THIS is also true.0 -
damned if I know...I don't think I've ever really been in love...but I think it is when you want to walk away but can't.
No wait, that is when they tie you up....
<shrug>0 -
When you dont have to ask yourself if the are the one
Pretty much this.0 -
They don't wake you up on the way out
^^^ Agreed!!0 -
They don't wake you up on the way out
LOL!0 -
When he dutch ovens you until you cry, but don't go home.0
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I think you just know. It's that feeling you get when you are around them, or the fact that you can't stop thinking about them. The anxious butterflies you get when you get to see them. It's a special feeling, something no one has ever given you before. I know its so cliche to say "you just know", but you do. It's a once in a lifetime never wanted anything else as much as a life with them kind of feeling. It's magical.0
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My ONE has got some flaws, as do i. You love them for who they are. You know everything about them and still can't live without them. You both want to make each other happier than they have ever been. He treats you the way you need to be treated. If there's the odd amount of meatballs, we both offer it each other a thousand times because we don't want to deprive the other. You just know that as long as your both together you can get through everything. There are lots of little things, the way he kisses my forehead, he always wants to cuddle, he carries the heavy bags, little things. You know when you see your future, and they're with you every step of the way.0
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unlocks the driverside door for you while they are inside the car...duh. sheesh havent you watched "a bronx tale"?
Thought I was the only one left that knew this was the true test!!!!!0 -
When they make you a better person, just by being with them. They love you no matter what - whether your 100 lbs or 300 lbs, whether you screw up and make stupid decisions or smart ones, they always have your back. If you can't imagine spending a single day without them.
If you can go through good times and bad... to hell and back and still stick together then you know. Poor, rich, happiness, death, etc. If you can go through it all and come out together and stronger than ever you are set.0 -
I don't believe in "the one". I think you need compatibility, attraction, and a host of other things, but to me the most important thing to a successful relationship is that you decide mutually that there will be nothing between the two of you but complete and total honesty. Hiding your feelings, avoiding talking out sensitive issues or telling "small" lies will generally lead to subtext in relationships. Subtext, where actions, feelings, and words don't match, and the two of you are playing head games with each other is the death knell to a mature healthy relationship. Source: married for ten years to a guy and we've had disagreements, made our way through infertility, health problems, financial problems, and all sorts of stresses, but we've never once had a fight. We talk about things like grown ups and we compromise and we find solutions.0
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When they can bend the matrix to their will.0
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