marriage or friendship?

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Replies

  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
    Seven
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Meh. I like being married. Most of the time.
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
    Honestly, just based on your responses you're not ready for a marriage, in part because you don't seem to understand what one means. Marriage isn't meant to "subtract" from your life; if you're worried about losing your ability to hang out in a bar with the guys, find a girl who's cool to do that or who doesn't mind you going; worried about losing your personal time? set boundaries, don't move in together right away, ensure you still have separate habits, hobbies and friend groups.

    When you marry someone, it's like making them your official partner. You make a commitment to make each others lives fuller; to bring laughter, joy, sadness, new opportunities, and in many way to be co-dependent, whether that's sharing the bills, caring for a child or just having someone to love and support you through the challenges of life.

    You seem very focused on your age and concerned about the quality of women you'll find now that you're "getting older". Don't marry someone because of that.

    I'm 21, my boyfriend whom I've been living with for 1.5 years, is 30. Age isn't the taboo factor it used to be, so if you decide you want a younger woman, I'm sure you can find one. But again, age is a silly qualifier that should likely fall way down the list somewhere below personality and sexual attraction.

    For now, my advice would be to date (that's how you meet that special someone to marry, should you and they so choose) and judge people on their worth to you; do you have things in common? do they make your life better, worse, or are you indifferent to them? I think once you find someone you really care about and have a strong relationship with them, you'll be in a much better position to decide if marriage is right for you.

    While I've been living with my guy for a while now and he's told me many a time that he wants to marry me, we're both on the same page about the fact that really that doesn't need to happen right now. It will happen eventually, because I do believe in marriage as an institution and see it as that culminating commitment to be with someone forever and my guy sees it the same way. But realistically, I just graduated university, I've got debt that I consider to be my own only, I'm trying to enter a career field that might involve travelling etc.

    As you can see, just a few factors go into a marriage and whether it's right for you. Do what makes you happy; and please marry someone you're friends with, they really should not be separate things.
  • icu814me2
    icu814me2 Posts: 212 Member
    I think BOTH is optimal. :laugh: :drinker:

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