Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

laurasimmons

I think it can yes.

Hellbent_Heidi

You should be physically appealing to your partner.

THIS!

Letting yourself go can absolutely ruin a relationship. If they aren't attracted to you anymore, they're more likely to become attracted to someone else!

sleepytexan

told me if I lost weight and cleaned the house more he would find me more attractive.

I told my husband before I agreed to marry him that I'd find him a lot more attractive as long as he was prepared to maintain my housekeepers.

coderedjulia

I do agree that staying in shape and losing weight can help a relationship and maybe be a little more towards your favor, but it won't last long. At the end of the day, theres more to a relationship than your appearance.

x_ItNeverEnds_x

Personally I think you should be with someone for more than just there looks. Imagine if you were blind, would you still love them with out seeing them? If the answer is no because they suck as a person then you shouldn't be with them.
As for keeping yourself in shape, I think that should be a person health choice not something you have to do to be loved. It should be done out of love and respect for yourself.

My guy is a bigger man and not in the best shape but I love him. It's his personality and intelligence that turns me on.

taliesyn_

If someone can love me at this size then I owe it to them as much as I do to myself to do what is necessary to give me a good chance of longevity (and that's outside the sheets as well as between them!). I know a couple where one half is diabetic and literally eating himself to death (candy, ice cream etc. etc. etc.). It is killing her to see it happen as she is utterly in love with him and it breaks my heart to see it all.

LucyT4dieting

Let's face it....everyone has a certain "type" that they find attractive. When I married my first husband, he was extremely thin. Over the years he steadily gained weight through compulsive behaviors until he was obese. Of course, there were other things that drove us apart, but I was not sexually attracted to him, and therefore, we had very little sex. He told me I was frigid. Now I am in a second marriage to a very thin man, and let me tell you, I am most definitely NOT frigid! The sex is often and amazing! I think I am just attracted to men with a thin build. But I guess that's why there's chocolate and vanilla, right? I hate to think of myself as shallow, but size DOES matter when it comes to sexual attraction. Sorry if this offends anyone. It was not my intention to do so.

x_ItNeverEnds_x

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

I like this

meghan6867

Shockingly, I agree.

Then again, I do think that there's something to be said about mutual appreciation. If your partner doesn't appreciate you and your appearance, happiness, and well-being... chances are likely that you eventually won't respect yourself either and you will much more prone to "letting yourself go."

It's a vicious cycle.

mojohowitz

Part of loving a partner is taking care of yourself so that you are able to take care of them. If that notion is not reciprocatd than the other person is simply being selfish. If we are a team I expect you to give me your best and I will give you my best. If you are not taking care of yourself you are putting your selfishness first. Deal breaker. Good bye.

Valera0466

I think a lot of people mistake "my partner doesn't care what weight I am" when in reality he/she probably does care about your weight but loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or lose you... but it probably in a lot of cases bother him all the same, but out of respect he/she will say nothing.

You can indeed be with someone and deeply in love with them BUT not find them physically attractive and still stay with them. But would you really want your partner to be thinking that and not saying anything to you because he/she doesn't want to upset/lose you/lose intimacy etc?

If you have no real reason (e.g. health issues) why not try to remain fit and healthy for a longer life together?

This

lilcupcake213

Unfortunately, I think it can ruin a relationship. As much as I'd like to believe the whole "they should love you for you" speech....sometimes that just simply isn't the case. People are attracted to one another based on looks. I never saw anyone say "hey, that girl is really good in math I should go talk to her" That just isn't the way it is. If you let yourself go and the attraction between you and your partner slowly dwindles away...sex goes away. And if sex goes away, you get cranky, which in turn you fight with each other and then everything is just *kitten*.

Hellbent_Heidi

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

Relationships aren't just about LOVE though... you can love someone with all of your heart and yet be repulsed by seeing them naked....it doesn't go hand in hand. Mutual attraction (and yes, SEX!) is important to a committed relationship between two people, and if you're turned off by them physically, you can't fake that :ohwell:

I know tons of people whose relationships failed because of these situations...and lots of people who cheated or were cheated on too...so don't kid yourselves into thinking that your SO isn't necessarily bothered if you've let yourself go.

SexyLovinmeCook

I agree it makes a difference.....physical attraction is just as important as the inner connection....I do think it can ruin a relationship especially if you weren't that way from the start and you let yourself go....I do this for me but I also want to be the hottest for my honey!

allisona28

BUMP

chellebublz

I think some men (and maybe some women too?) when they tell their partners they find them attractive at their higher weight, it is just insecurities. I honestly can't see how my fiance could be attracted to me right now, but he claims to be and doesn't care if I stay on target. In fact, brings home things that he knows I'm not allowed to have, like a sabatage attempt. He is just so scared that I will lose the weight and leave him, I know. He is on the bigger side too, I don't mind it too much, he's like a big teddy bear. But I am encouraging him to lose with me. Not because I'm not attracted to him anymore, but because heart disease runs in his genes and I want him to be with me for a very long time. And if he loses weight and gets attention from other women, I know he won't do anything so I will find it flattering and proud

Matt_Wild

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

Relationships aren't just about LOVE though... you can love someone with all of your heart and yet be repulsed by seeing them naked....it doesn't go hand in hand. Mutual attraction (and yes, SEX!) is important to a committed relationship between two people, and if you're turned off by them physically, you can't fake that :ohwell:

I know tons of people whose relationships failed because of these situations...and lots of people who cheated or were cheated on too...so don't kid yourselves into thinking that your SO isn't necessarily bothered if you've let yourself go.

This ^^^.

The times I've seen this happen I've not got the time to list. Its both the inner and outer connection that matter, health issues withstanding.

I've seen the larger a person gets the more they retract into themselves and the relationship dies through their lack of self confidence and esteem. When a person doesn't want to be physically intimate and previously were very outgoing in that respect, it kills a part of the relationship.

So where you have a relationship where one part isn't as physically attracted to the other person and not getting any physical love or intimacy the very deep connection when face to face, is lost. It is bound to effect things.

bekinator

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

Relationships aren't just about LOVE though... you can love someone with all of your heart and yet be repulsed by seeing them naked....it doesn't go hand in hand. Mutual attraction (and yes, SEX!) is important to a committed relationship between two people, and if you're turned off by them physically, you can't fake that :ohwell:

I know tons of people whose relationships failed because of these situations...and lots of people who cheated or were cheated on too...so don't kid yourselves into thinking that your SO isn't necessarily bothered if you've let yourself go.

i'd agree to a degree. it *should* bother my SO if i would go thru such a drastic change to throw my self-confidence out the window & begin a self-destructive process like forfeiting & neglecting my health. i also would have to think that it would change my personal happiness, which in turn would definitely affect our synergy- which is what makes great sex so great anyway. truth is, it would change things in the bedroom if i would do that, and honestly when he's lost his interest in taking care of himself while i hold a value in it, it turns me off.

but don't u think it's because i put attention to it? as a couple "becoming one" per-sé, he would know & feel that i put value on it, and in rebellion he forfeits his concern with taking care of himself and THAT is what starts to divide us. the divide happened before somebody started to let theirself go.

just my take on it anywayz.

AniyahsMommy324

I don't care what anyone says....keeping yourself together plays a BIIIGGGG role when it comes to keeping a spark in a relationship, sex and intimacy. if a person gets so complacent with themselves that they just let themselves go, and they don't want to change it, do you think that you would last in that relationship? Mind you....you are very supportive, as well as a avid believer in staying in shape and wanting to look good not just for you, but for them too!!! What would you do?

This one is a topic that my fiancé and I discuss frequently. I used to be small compared to what I am now. I gained 50 pounds while pregnant with my first daughter, and instead of losing the weight after, gained 15 more lbs! My 2nd daughter I didn't gain anything. I often ask my fiancé if he feels different about me bc of the way I look and my struggle with weightloss. He says no, but that if I let myself go and quit trying to lose and gain more, it could become an issue. Good thing I'm not gaining ever again! lol

pudadough

Talk to any couple that has been together for a long time. Like 30+ years. I think the majority of the time, looks play a secondary role. It necessarily has to in a real long term commitment.


This whole thread is proof that some people can be serial monogamists, but never married for the long haul. I mean, WTF are you going to do when your partner, gets, oh I don't know, OLD? Bald? Saggy? Scarred? Chronically ill? God forbid that person doesn't make your junk tingle all the time. You might actually have to get to know and love them as a person.