Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

tyraun_b

I don't care what anyone says....keeping yourself together plays a BIIIGGGG role when it comes to keeping a spark in a relationship, sex and intimacy. if a person gets so complacent with themselves that they just let themselves go, and they don't want to change it, do you think that you would last in that relationship? Mind you....you are very supportive, as well as a avid believer in staying in shape and wanting to look good not just for you, but for them too!!! What would you do?

AntWrig

You should be physically appealing to your partner.

mogletdeluxe

Sensitive one, this.

I'm lucky enough to be with a man who has loved me at all sizes. But I started losing weight pretty early on in our relationship, and despite the loss being slow he appreciated and supported the efforts I was making.

Not a plug, honest - but I did write about this recently (http://russianweightsandsmallerplates.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/sports-bras-partners-and-back-braces/) and I maintain that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy or attractive for your partner, or indeed their support and guidance about it.

I feel like if I let myself go now, to me it feels like I don't care about what he thinks about my appearance; or whether he finds me attractive or not is unimportant. It'll also say more about my relationship with myself, and if that crumbles then my relationship with my partner ultimately will do.

I'm all for partners being accepting of bodily changes and unconditional love. But I don't understand blind blanket support, or feeling like you can't address the issue with each other.

On a more crass level - I want to be the slinkiest mofo my partner has ever laid eyes on. Nothing wrong with that!

xsmilexforxmex

If you don't respect yourself enough to keep yourself in shape then you really have to hope that person loves you. I personally feel like with the issues I've had it has affected my relationship but because I have pushed him away.. I was never making time for myself and when I started to he had problems with it. So yes, letting yourself go can ruin a relationship, but it's not always the letting go part.

Boolietta

Both my partner & I have changed physically since our relationship began; initially both gaining some weight and, more recently, getting healthy and losing it again (& then some). Our relationship has been good throughout, being based on years of friendship & trust and not just physical attraction. Having said that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find my partner most attractive now, nearer a healthy weight & vice versa. More important through, is that we’re both feeling pretty good about ourselves at the moment. Feeling attractive and confident makes you more sexy – fact - and so being in better shape is beneficial in that sense, plus we’re doing stuff together while we try and get in shape & having fun together. So, letting ourselves go a bit wouldn’t, and didn’t, ruin our relationship – not even close – but getting healthy & looking & feeling better has given us a bit more of a spark.

llaurenmarie

Bump

I just began a new relationship and we are both interesting in getting in better shape TOGETHER
It's so exciting, I've never had a motivated partner

pinkraynedropjacki

I was thinish when I met my husband, I "let myself go" and put on 25kg. 16 years later we are still married & now that I've lost 30+kg I'm loving ME more so he's happy with that. He don't care how big I got, as long as I am happy....I wasnt but he was still there loving me just as much.

SquidgySquidge

My husband seems to find me attractive whatever weight I am, I'm a lot bigger now then when we met but that doesn't seem to bother him.

However, I feel very low in confidence with my weight and that would affect our relatinship sometimes.
It's all me though, not him!

chrishgt4

I would hate to think that because I was lazy and let myself go that I would just expect my gf to have to put up with me because she loves me.

Sure, it's nice if someone does love you no matter what, but why would you want to force the 'no matter what'?

sunsnstatheart

Self and mutual respect are important to a relationship as is physical attraction. If you let yourself go, it shows a distinct lack of self respect and can lead to a loss of physical attraction. By the same token, we all tend to go through cycles of one sort or another so we should be there for our spouses. There is a balance of love, support, encouragement and the occasional nudge.

50sBeachWalking

I think that if one person is taking care of themselves and the other one isn't can cause some relationship issues. There can be conficting priorities of taking care of yourself for yourself and your partner. It your partner doesn't have that, it can bring frustration and strains to a relationship. That doesn't mean that it can't be over come, but brings a fundimental difference that adds to any other issues that strain a relationship.

WendyTerry420

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

WendyTerry420

Both my partner & I have changed physically since our relationship began; initially both gaining some weight and, more recently, getting healthy and losing it again (& then some). Our relationship has been good throughout, being based on years of friendship & trust and not just physical attraction. Having said that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find my partner most attractive now, nearer a healthy weight & vice versa. More important through, is that we’re both feeling pretty good about ourselves at the moment. Feeling attractive and confident makes you more sexy – fact - and so being in better shape is beneficial in that sense, plus we’re doing stuff together while we try and get in shape & having fun together. So, letting ourselves go a bit wouldn’t, and didn’t, ruin our relationship – not even close – but getting healthy & looking & feeling better has given us a bit more of a spark.

Exactly! If your life partner is also your best friend, your relationship will only grow over the years. Eventually, we all get gray hairs and wrinkles and liver spots, etc. Realize that fact and choose a partner that will provide you a lifetime of good conversation. If you are blessed with a long life, sex and physical attraction eventually become meaningless.

WIChelle

I don't think so. My hubby has always been hotter than heck even when he gets some belly, wrinkles a few grays, is sick as a dog etc. . I have ranged over the last 22 years from a size 3 to a size 18 and I have never had one self conscious moment with my hubby EVER in any department. Obviously I am too fat and not in good shape but there has never been any lack of spark or fun in any part of the relationship. I guess that means I am very blessed to have found " the one" who loves me and finds me hot regardless of weight etc. I also feel very confident about myself regardless of my weight. I can honestly say would find my hubby smoking hot regardless of any flaws he may ever have physically. Granted his gorgeous physical packaging first caught my eye but that is not what I fell in love with.

I think letting yourself go as far as refusing to take care of your appearance ( bathing, shaving, dressing in dirty yucky, shabby clothes etc) would be a HUGE turn off. To me that is letting your self go. Gaining some weight would not.

leeanneowens

All I can say after reading some of these posts is that I am glad I chose to marry the man that I did. I "let myself go" as you put it. I weighed 123 lbs. 18 years ago when we got married and and with working full time, keeping house and doing whatever needed to be done for our 3 children, I found myself weighing 196 lbs. before I realized what I had done. During my fat time, I always knew my husband was attracted to me and loved me. He never made me feel any other way. He has treated me the same at 196 lbs as he did at 123 lbs. And it is no different at my current weight of 158. He loves me and I love him. It is that simple.

quirkytizzy

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This.

jennaworksout

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This.

agreed

Bumbeen

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This is a fantasy.

trojanbb

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This is a fantasy.

Exactly.

If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.

juliecat1

Absolutely!
Your SO might still find you attractive sure. But what about your own mental and physical health. I know when I hit my heaviest - I was miserable. I stayed in. I felt ugly. Zero confidence. I wasn't interested in doing anything and nothing was satisfying to ME because I was sad and depressed. That's the part that does the devastation.

quirkytizzy

Exactly.

If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.

Some men and some women will disagree, yes. Maybe even many of them. Those are not the people I would or will date.