Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I don't care what anyone says....keeping yourself together plays a BIIIGGGG role when it comes to keeping a spark in a relationship, sex and intimacy. if a person gets so complacent with themselves that they just let themselves go, and they don't want to change it, do you think that you would last in that relationship? Mind you....you are very supportive, as well as a avid believer in staying in shape and wanting to look good not just for you, but for them too!!! What would you do?

I feel very fortunate that my boyfriend has been loving and supportive, no matter my weight. However, I am extremely unhappy with being overweight, and I know we will both benefit greatly from me being healthy, fit, and happy with myself.

I zeroed in on the "they don't want to change it" part. Not wanting to improve or make positive changes would be hard to deal with. Then again, it took me quite a while to do something about my weight, so I imagine I would return the favor (his unconditional acceptance of me) and love him and stay supportive until he was ready to make healthy changes.

Skratchie

I find this immensely funny, being that yesterday, posters in this forum tore a girl up for mentioning a "rating system." Talk about hypocritical. What I gather from the two threads is, it's not ok to "rate" someone based on looks when you first meet them, but it is absolutely acceptable to be unattracted to a mate who "lets themselves go" ie, gains weight.

Wow. Just ... wow.

AngelsInThighHighs

Personally looks used to play a huge role in my "partner" search, however ive since learned that looks arent everything truly they arent. I personally am attracted to personality, knowledge, kindness, and compassion. Its the eyes that get me, they say they are the window to the soul and i can honestly say i believe this! Looks are important to some maybe even most, however my fitness journey is my own and i do it for my own reasons.

If someone i meet and am attracted too doesnt mind being overweight, more power to them . Im not going to let my health journey be affected by what my partner looks like or eats like, now if they are overweight and complain daily without even a small attempt to change i can see how that would ruin a relationship. However based on pure looks alone, that wouldnt happen with me .

KenosFeoh

I know it would seriously turn me off to look over at my husband laying on the couch reading, his big hairy belly sticking out between the bottom of his T-shirt and the top of his sweat pants. Ugh! But I've let myself go, too, and it has never seemed to affect him one way or the other.

Sex appeal isn't a big factor in our relationship anymore.

bcf7683

This is honestly a very touchy subject with me... I've been with my b/f for 6 1/2 years. I started exercising and eating way better last January. Now, I'm happy with my current weight and I've progressed into trying to add weight in muscle. While, at the same time, my boyfriend eats Mcdonalds, Wendy's, Burger King, etc. everyday for lunch, and dinner when he doesn't want to cook/doesn't want what I made. When we first started dating, he could eat whatever he wanted and didn't gain an ounce. But now, it has caught up with him and he's got a belly... The fact that now I'm educated and I know what he's doing to himself is driving me nuts. Heart problems and high blood pressure runs in his family and he's not helping himself by what he's consuming daily.

That added to the fact that I'm getting my crap together and really paying attention to myself it's starting to get to me.... I'm getting more and more in shape and he's gaining more and more pounds. It's really frustrating. I don't love him less, but it's straining our relationship. I now like to do things like hiking and kayaking, and he never wants to participate. I always have to go alone or nag one of my friends until they'll come. It's the fact that I'm changing as a person to all around more healthy, and he's just hanging back and eating like crap and not doing ANYTHING active. I've tried talking to him about it, but he always says "I work so hard at work I don't have the energy to workout on top of that.... blah blah blah".

So, yes, it's taking a toll on our relationship. I wouldn't go as far as saying that it's "ruining" it, but it definitely is a black cloud hanging around some days.

milf_n_cookies

I think any kind of major lifestyle change can ruin a relationship if both parties can't get on board. I was over 300 lbs when I got married to my husband, he was not happy about my decision to lose weight, and he has not handled my transition well at all and is not on board with my goals and choices. Its been a major strain on our once very happy relationship. I wish he would come over to my side of things and get healthy with me, but he liked me fat so he would rather try and hinder my efforts rather then come along for the ride.

AngelsInThighHighs

This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol

Wow i guess the term "for better or worse" didnt apply to her huh? She must not have truly loved him for him but only for his body how sad.

MizzButtaFly

You simply feel better about yourself when you are put together and look nice. You need to have a good level of self confidence to be in a healthy relationship, and your partner should feel good about themselves, too
It's an amazing feat to "let yourself go" emotionally to your partner, but letting your physical appearance reach an unhealthy level just plain sucks, for you and your partner

CorvusCorax77

Well it can ruin your sex life, so it can ruin your relationship.


Me, I will be 90 years old wearing a push up bra, high heels, nails done.

that's a scene right outta this:

http://youtu.be/BR4yQFZK9YM

Yea - no.

Did you see the scene? I think it's the very last scene. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I do think it's important to try to be healthy and attractive for yourself AND your partner. Both my husband and I would have issues if the other gained a significant amount of weight.

footiechick82

This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol

Wow i guess the term "for better or worse" didnt apply to her huh? She must not have truly loved him for him but only for his body how sad.

She tried pushing him to go even go walk with her, he would refuse and argue with her... it was a bad situation. He was able, but he just refused to better himself. I can't say I blame her! She is MUCH happier now

micabrito2012

It matters:-( I weighed 160 lbs when I met my husband I am now 214 lbs!!!!! It's really not comfortable getting sexy when you need to be thinking of where your hand it positioned! I am a great lover but at this weight man I don't even suck! lol Yes it matters and my husband isn't rude about it but when you go from many times to one time a month. WOW!!!!

chellebublz

I think it makes a difference too that I met my SO when I was already overweight. He truly likes me how I am and does't want me to change, but I'm not happy this way so I'm doing it for me. WE have no lack of spark, in fact sometimes too much spark and I worry that will change when I change. But hoping for the best!!

HeidiMightyRawr

I would always love my partner, and be there for him, and vice versa.

However, for me it's important that one should at least think about the other person and how they feel. Sure, the love may always be there but attraction is an important factor too. If he gained a significant amount of fat and became obese the facts would still remain that I would not be as sexually attracted to him anymore. I wouldn't expect him to desire my body as much either!

I understand, life gets in the way and sometimes working out and eating right may not be a priority. You may have just had children, or you have a hectic job and you get out of shape. For some it's no excuse, but I do understand that not everybody wants to spend every spare moment they have trying to lose weight. That's fine, I accept that. As long as you're trying to remain reasonably healthy. You may be slightly overweight and doing your best to keep it under control and I have tons of respect for that and a little overweight doesn't bother me at all anyway. I don't really think anyone got obese from life events that they are trying their best to work around though. Trying is a big thing here, it shows consideration for the other person.

If they were attempting to lose weight and struggling, I'd be there for them and be supportive. If they were very busy and found things hard, then I would help them do the best they could and stay healthy. If they just couldn't be bothered, and completely let themselves go with absolute disregard for the others in their life (health reasons as well as for attraction) then that's not really a positive trait in my eyes.

fbmandy55

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

Have to disagree, as his belly is a factor in some of OUR problems right now. We have both always been overweight but when a person lets themselves go to the point where you can't have sex in certain positions, it is taxing on the relationship. The same few positions get boring eventually. If a couple is content with having sex the same way every time, then I have real pity for their sex life.

Hirgy03

Some of these references to sexual positions have me thinking that some of you may be into some pretty kinky stuff!

Carry on...... I'm just sayin.....

JustJennie1

My husband and I have basically told each other that if either one of us lets our selves go and we get really fat and out of shape then it's a deal breaker and it's grounds for divorce. My husband wasn't fat when I married him and vice versa. I know that if he became very fat or obese that I would no longer be attracted to him.

I exercise and keep myself fit for him as much as for myself. I want him to be attracted to me.

Ramberta

Some of these references to sexual positions have me thinking that some of you may be into some pretty kinky stuff!

Carry on...... I'm just sayin.....

Hahahaha. What amuses me is that people seem to think you HAVE to have a kinky sex life to be satisfied! Intimacy is intimacy, whether you bring different positions and toys into the mix or just truly enjoy each other. In fact, an overly complicated sex routine might symbolize a lack of passion elsewhere...! :P

fitfreakymom

yes it plays a role, I was 180 when we met and went upto 215 and got depressed, I am now down to 150ish. When I gained the weight it did not bother him at all but when I lost it it did bother him and he felt insecure.

Matt_Wild

I think a lot of people mistake "my partner doesn't care what weight I am" when in reality he/she probably does care about your weight but loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or lose you... but it probably in a lot of cases bother him all the same, but out of respect he/she will say nothing.

You can indeed be with someone and deeply in love with them BUT not find them physically attractive and still stay with them. But would you really want your partner to be thinking that and not saying anything to you because he/she doesn't want to upset/lose you/lose intimacy etc?

If you have no real reason (e.g. health issues) why not try to remain fit and healthy for a longer life together?