Worst pickup lines you've either used or had used on you...
Replies
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worst pickup artist ever....approaches me in the bar and tells me he's been stalking me all nite..(great??) I tell him nicely no thanks i'm married, he tells me he is too but we don't have to tell anyone - strike #2...then the kicker...he says - he sucks in bed so after i have him I will appreciate my husband so much more! really?? has this ever worked?? did he think I'd say - oh baby, i can't resist that offer - lets roll...0
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worst pickup artist ever....approaches me in the bar and tells me he's been stalking me all nite..(great??) I tell him nicely no thanks i'm married, he tells me he is too but we don't have to tell anyone - strike #2...then the kicker...he says - he sucks in bed so after i have him I will appreciate my husband so much more! really?? has this ever worked?? did he think I'd say - oh baby, i can't resist that offer - lets roll...
Yeah, I don't get the guys who continue to try to convince you to go out with them after you tell them you are married. I was at a convention once and a guy kept hitting on me, very persistently. I told him I was married and not interested and he told me that since my husband wasn't there, he'd never know about it. Uhh, nope. Sorry, not interested.0 -
"I'm a ranger"
I hear this all the time since I live in a military town. Nevermind the diamond ring on your finger.0 -
I once had a guy tell me that he was going to die of a disease and that they only way he could be cured is if he stuck his hand up my shirt.
Recently, the security guard at my last job asked me how I was. I said, i am tired today. He said, that's because you were putting in work all night in my head.
No. Just no.0 -
the ever cheesy song lyric "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me"0
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My friend over there wants to know if you think I'm hot....0
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do you like bacon? wanna strip??
since everyone likes bacon, this one's a keeper \m/0 -
A girl walked up to me and said in a deep voice " do you even lift bro?" I laughed pretty hard for a good 30 seconds so I guess it worked but in terms of actual quality it was bad.0
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how about this one?
"Hi Im Rich from Pest Control", "and i'v come to get your rat out..."
I know, I know, its horrific.....
Sorry,......0 -
While dating a bank teller....I went in to deliver flowers:
Her: Would you like to open an account
Me: No, but I would love to make a deposit.0 -
My BFF and I were at a bar with the boys...(4-5 friends of ours that wanted to drink, while we wanted to dance and they made sure we didn't get assaulted)
anyways, by some insane run of bad luck, 2 guys took off to the washroom, one took off to hit up a lady, and one went to the bar, but was taking so long the other one went to see what was holding him up.
at that moment, we were approached by an older gentleman, obviously an out of towner business man.
Him: Hey ladies, looking for a good time?
Us: No thanks, we're good.
Him: Come on, you're pretty girls, I'm sure one of you would like a good time.
Us: no we're good...thanks..
Him: I'm lonely, are you sure one of you wouldn't like to come and spend some time with me?
AT this point my friend and I, being BFF's and drunk ...just look at each other and start kissing...because for SOME INSANE reason in our drunk heads, being lesbians would turn him off....
oh no...no no no....
he slapped the room key to his hotel room down on the table and said...I'll see both of you in an hour.
At which point the two from the bathroom finally get back to our table and tell him to GTFO.
then give us *kitten* for thinking kissing each other was going to help ANY situation....
then....of course...asked us to continue with the kissing...LOL
I never understood why that guy thought that hitting up two ladies at once in the hopes of at least scoring one, was ever going to be successful.0 -
While dating a bank teller....I went in to deliver flowers:
Her: Would you like to open an account
Me: No, but I would love to make a deposit.
But that's cute because you were already dating her! lol I think it's adorable when my boyfriend comes up and gives me one of those cheesy lines just being silly...it's just not as cute when it's some guy you've never even seen before...0 -
"Come back to my hotel with me." ummmm......no
"You're so sweet you give me a toothache." Cute. But cheesy.
Everything else is x-rated......0 -
Guy: " did it hurt?!!"
Me, confused:.. uh what?!
Guy: " I said, did it hurt??!"
Me: " did what hurt??"
Guy: " when you fell from heaven"
This happened to me... at freakin Burger King.0 -
I have never had one used on me...hmmm...not saying much for me now is it?0
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I can't remember any pick up lines being used on me or me actually using. I'm a pretty friendly person, so I talk to almost anyone about anything. However, in college i came up with a pick up line that i never to to use, cept in jest..
"Excuse me, I am trying to quit smoking. Would you like to help me out by satisfying my oral fixation?"0 -
I've ever been the victim of pick up lines really, but I have two that I saw in movies that I thought were so funny.
Dude "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Chick "I don't know, how much?"
Dude "Enough to break the ice....hi I'm Tom."
The other went like this:
Dude "Are those space pants, cause your *kitten* is out of this world"
Chick "No they are baseball pants, cause my *kitten* is out of your league"
Ahhh, I am so easily entertained.0 -
Worst one I ever used: "Hi, I'm Matt." Maybe I should have used a different name, cause that one never seemed to work.0
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My friend over there wants to know if you think I'm hot....
I quite like that one...:drinker:0 -
edited for no strike but will still argue with people who quoted!0
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No one ever uses bad pick up lines on me.....
*sad barbie*0 -
Bro listen up - all women care about is themselves. Give them space they want to be closer. Be close they want space. Give all your time up for them they want you to take time for yourself. These have all happend to me, your bro doctor.
So when you are using pick-up lines you dont need anything fancy - you aren't looking for a wifey. You are looking for a 22, 34, or whatever dollar you are willing do spend on drinks one-nighter.
So here's what you do, they want to know alot about you, so lie. Listen to what they say. Us good bro agents have very good perrifrials, so as their lips move we stare at the chest - unnoticed, like a NINJA (broinja we call it). So if you have a girlfriend then practice this on her, so when she dumps you after realizing you hookup with skanks at the bar you will have perfected your art of boob-watching.
Get her to talk about her dogs, anything at all thats personal or she will blab about! If shes with a friend this makes it better - you will never run out of things to talk about, plus you can pick both up (literally happened to your bro-sensay before!)
You literally have to walk up and start with this : Let me buy you a drink (or any variation of the phrase) if she says yes then its set. If she is willing to take a drink from you then she will want to sleep with you! Challenge her to shots and get them nice and drunk - then play some pool with them, when the blood flows and you are drinking you dont realize you are so drunk until you sit down. If she proceeds to pass out then its a homerun! You can carry her out. But if she is coherant enough then you havent done your job. If shes drunk and not wanting to go home with you make her cry - in otherwords listen to more crap till she opens up REALLY to you then she will confide then trust and walah! 3-4 hours of time for 30-40 min of sex ! Another knotch in the bed post, and another practice session successful!
How many women want to *****slap this dude with me right now???0 -
Bro listen up - all women care about is themselves. Give them space they want to be closer. Be close they want space. Give all your time up for them they want you to take time for yourself. These have all happend to me, your bro doctor.
So when you are using pick-up lines you dont need anything fancy - you aren't looking for a wifey. You are looking for a 22, 34, or whatever dollar you are willing do spend on drinks one-nighter.
So here's what you do, they want to know alot about you, so lie. Listen to what they say. Us good bro agents have very good perrifrials, so as their lips move we stare at the chest - unnoticed, like a NINJA (broinja we call it). So if you have a girlfriend then practice this on her, so when she dumps you after realizing you hookup with skanks at the bar you will have perfected your art of boob-watching.
Get her to talk about her dogs, anything at all thats personal or she will blab about! If shes with a friend this makes it better - you will never run out of things to talk about, plus you can pick both up (literally happened to your bro-sensay before!)
You literally have to walk up and start with this : Let me buy you a drink (or any variation of the phrase) if she says yes then its set. If she is willing to take a drink from you then she will want to sleep with you! Challenge her to shots and get them nice and drunk - then play some pool with them, when the blood flows and you are drinking you dont realize you are so drunk until you sit down. If she proceeds to pass out then its a homerun! You can carry her out. But if she is coherant enough then you havent done your job. If shes drunk and not wanting to go home with you make her cry - in otherwords listen to more crap till she opens up REALLY to you then she will confide then trust and walah! 3-4 hours of time for 30-40 min of sex ! Another knotch in the bed post, and another practice session successful!
it's even better, when you guys THINK this works, and you get stuck at the end of the night with a HUGE bar tab, and no girl.0 -
What kinda eggs would like with your breakfast?
That note was left on my car. First I hate eggs, second that is a bit presumptuous.0 -
How much? love
Smell this...
Works all the time
What are you holding up to their face to have them smell? Am I missing something?
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I've always thought the best line was, "Hi, my name is _______, may I buy you a drink?"
Old and boring, but hey...... thats me.
It may be old and boring but WAY better than some of the other ones out there (which I can't think of my best ones I've gotten right now)0 -
Bro listen up. Give them space they want to be closer. Be close they want space. Give all your time up for them they want you to take time for yourself. These have all happend to me, your bro doctor.
So when you are using pick-up lines you dont need anything fancy - you aren't looking for a wifey. You are looking for a 22, 34, or whatever dollar you are willing do spend on drinks one-nighter.
So here's what you do, they want to know alot about you, so lie. Listen to what they say. Us good bro agents have very good perrifrials, so as their lips move we stare at the chest - unnoticed, like a NINJA (broinja we call it). So if you have a girlfriend then practice this on her, so when she dumps you after realizing you hookup with skanks at the bar you will have perfected your art of boob-watching.
Get her to talk about her dogs, anything at all thats personal or she will blab about! If shes with a friend this makes it better - you will never run out of things to talk about, plus you can pick both up (literally happened to your bro-sensay before!)
You literally have to walk up and start with this : Let me buy you a drink (or any variation of the phrase) if she says yes then its set. If she is willing to take a drink from you then she will want to sleep with you! Challenge her to shots and get them nice and drunk - then play some pool with them, when the blood flows and you are drinking you dont realize you are so drunk until you sit down. If she proceeds to pass out then its a homerun! You can carry her out. But if she is coherant enough then you havent done your job. If shes drunk and not wanting to go home with you make her cry - in otherwords listen to more crap till she opens up REALLY to you then she will confide then trust and walah! 3-4 hours of time for 30-40 min of sex ! Another knotch in the bed post, and another practice session successful!
It's a good job you're on my fl :laugh: naughty!!!!0 -
"Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes" :huh:0
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Bloke - "What are you drinking ladies?"
Girls - "Vodka & cranberry juice please."
Bloke - "Wow, do you all have cystitis?0 -
I had a guy come up to me at a party and say "you wanna go upstairs? I'm hung like a horse".
Oh no! I was thinking I'd never had a pick up line used on me until I read this.
A guy in a bar (where I was working, which makes it worse) told me "I have a huge ****."
Color me unimpressed.0
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