Guys that are a 3 trying to be with girls that are an 8...

MightyDomo

I definitely feel you! I have a number of guy friends who admit their crushes to me (I am not intersted because they have SO's and I hate losing good friends even if they didn't have SO's in case it never worked out) and they tell me how gorgeous I am yet guys that I am attracted to and we have a lot in common tilt their nose up at me when it comes to dating.

I am average pretty and I am not entirely overweight (definitely not right now at least) and I am a very confident person so I don't get it... I just don't

Erisad

I had an attitude like this when I started this journey years ago. The only men I dated treated me poorly and I thought I deserved it because I believed that I was too ugly to get a good guy. Half way through my weight loss, my confidence and outlook on the world started to change and then I met my boyfriend and he says I am a 10 even though I am no supermodel. Change starts with yourself...

avababy05

I would say one whom rates another human in my view are not worthwhile knowing I believe if you have learned to love yourself in your skin in a non vain way of course then you will learn you don't need the approval of a man or women or there rates in life to be happy and by doing so you will stop noticing the wasters of this life and will start to see others it's normal tho for ones self to aim higher and yes usually men are more vocal with there choice of women but women may not say it at the same level but still aim higher we live in a vain world there is more to someone then a number there is more to someone then just looks I say stop worrying about others and start to learn to love yourself then and only then will you be able to be loved by another

This.And some advice from an older (44) woman.Stop sweating it.Love comes when it comes.And that's all there is to it.

TheUnthinkingMajority

Why does it always have to be numbers, rates, and looks? Can't personality be entered into the equation?
Never mind, I forgot that's not what relationships are about anymore.

Mcmilligen

People have different perceptions of what makes someone a 3 vs a 10.

Sometimes a person with great looks can be a 3 in the personality department. Know what I mean?

I don't really believe in being in someone's "league". But a lot of people do.
Unfortunately, a lot of people think they "deserve" a certain type.....in a shallow way. They'll hold out for "arm candy" and will miss out on some really great people.

Of course being with someone that's physically in great shape is a bonus, but not a must IMO.
Personality and humor over ride physical appearance by a big margin.

Be patient. You'll find someone. : ) Good luck to you.

I agree! Once I decided to stop looking for a cute guy and work on my relationship with myself, things started to naturally fall in to place. I now only base my opinion of a person after I've gotten to know them a little more. Believe me, there are a number of personality traits that can make or break a relationship no matter HOW hot this guy in question is. Perhaps the "3's" dating the "8's" are together because they actually have a true connection and the relationship isn't based on appearance alone. Something to think about

dareacceptor

Uh If you'll read the original post, I never said that I was an 8... Haven't you been paying attention to the posts? I clearly rank somewhere in the Troll category, with the personality of Adolph Hitler for being the only person on MFP who considers anyone else, within my league or not within my league. At least I have my cats to keep me company...

Nice to see you taking the responses so well - this thread has certainly entertained me!!

(BTW - I totally get what you're saying!)

EstiloPanama

True beauty is in the HEART, MIND and SOUL. Honestly, everyone is beautiful in the eyes of God. Looks fade, but the impact you made in others and in the world leave a timeless, priceless legacy. Guys that are too superficial to see true beauty are not worth your time. Guys comparing you to females on Maxim or Sports Illustrated are a complete waste of time. A true good guy appreciates you for who you are and loves you for your heart.

UnderCoverShyGirl

I'm sad that so many people concentrated on your remarks about rating people - i don't think you intended to mean exactly that - i think you were just trying to explain some things about why you are frustrated in the world of dating....though i do agree with their premise of rating is in the eye of the beholder and stupid to boot....

That said, I think there are two things -
1) you personally may have a dating issue because, as others have mentioned, your self esteem might not be where it needs to be (love yourself). Cliche as it sounds, it really is true, our thinking we are "less than" is often evident, even in an online profile - we disclaimer that we know we're "fat", or say things that really clue people into the fact that we are not confident...confidence is uber attractive. Ever notice that the days where you feel gorgeous, it seems like everyone is noticing you? It's true!

2) For those confident women that still have a problem? I have found that women who are self assured, mature, have their crap together, etc...don't attract men the same way needy, fragile girls do (whether they are truly needy/fragile, or just "appear" a little helpless)....i might get flack for saying it, but i think that innately, many men, whether they realize it or not, often do want to "take care" of their significant other - and if you don't seem like you need taking care of, those men aren't necessarily attracted to you. I think that's just nature. My opinion, of course. I'm not saying that all men just want a needy woman, or that woman "act" needy...I'm saying that there are woman that have their stuff together and act super independent and those that while they may also have their stuff together, seem more approachable and willing to be "helped" and "advised", etc...i'm digging myself a hole i think, so I'll stop now, but as i look at all the woman in my life, many of whom are pretty and have their stuff together, i definitely notice a difference in datability based on demeanor, so to speak...

I think it helps to realize that in our lifetime, we hopefully only "mate" or "marry" once, for some a couple/few times. That means that every other person you date/meet, will not be "the one". With that in mind, what does it matter if a zillion guys aren't dating you...eventually one will, and hopefully that one, will be the right one. Every other one won't be....

MrsSardone

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

runningfataway

You're single because your type, doesn't like you back. Maybe if you were more open minded, and let go of that list of requirements love would be a possibility.

kandine11

I agree with the looks thing but in the case of my friend, he is a lovely person the whole package and the girls he's gone for are horrid people that cheat on him and will not allow him to have me as a friend of course he tells them where to go but i cant get my head around it x

Hmmm, I Know a handful of amazing single women who consistently just pick the wrong type of guy. Maybe that is the case of your guy friend. He may just be going after a type of woman that simply does not or can not appreciate him. He may need to re evaluate his criteria.

porcelain_doll

My friends and I used to rate guys all the time............................... in junior high.

:noway:

RunDoozer

It's ok the OP is still using Hot or Not to get her dating info

firstsip

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

... attraction? Pheromones?

Not numbers?

gkwatra

As a solid 5.6, I am open to most number especially 3.14. cuz I love 3.14.

Love me some pi :happy:

atulas

Its just a #. Maybe your scale is reversed. As a 3 I am on MFP working hard to get to #1 not 10.

MrsSardone

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

... attraction? Pheromones?

Not numbers?

Well numbers can be used...like how symmetrical a person's face is. I bet you Steve Buscemi's face isn't as symmetrical as Channing Tatum's face. I know...nerd girl reply. :grumble:

firstsip

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

... attraction? Pheromones?

Not numbers?

Well numbers can be used...like how symmetrical a person's face is. I bet you Steve Buscemi's face isn't as symmetrical as Channing Tatum's face. I know...nerd girl reply. :grumble:

I don't understand your response. Steve Buscemi's face is perfect. Do you mean because his face is off the charts?

avababy05

Kind,employed,( doesn't matter where,as long as he makes the effort) funny and 98 % sane.These are the things that matter.

MrsSardone

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

... attraction? Pheromones?

Not numbers?

Well numbers can be used...like how symmetrical a person's face is. I bet you Steve Buscemi's face isn't as symmetrical as Channing Tatum's face. I know...nerd girl reply. :grumble:

I don't understand your response. Steve Buscemi's face is perfect. Do you mean because his face is off the charts?

Ha! It IS perfect.

For the record Channing Tatum always looked a little Down Syndrome-y to me.

zachatta

lol@numbers

oh yeah and, lol@retardsnuthuggingcelebrities

djeffreys10

Kind

check

employed,( doesn't matter where,as long as he makes the effort)

check

funny

eh, maybe check

and 98 % sane.

CRAP! Ruled out again. :frown:

avababy05

Kind

check

employed,( doesn't matter where,as long as he makes the effort)

check

funny

eh, maybe check

and 98 % sane.

CRAP! Ruled out again. :frown:

some women would make an exception to that rule!

djeffreys10

In general, I think most women and men do lol

FGVC1188

Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?

... attraction? Pheromones?

Not numbers?

Well numbers can be used...like how symmetrical a person's face is. I bet you Steve Buscemi's face isn't as symmetrical as Channing Tatum's face. I know...nerd girl reply. :grumble:

I never understtod the whole symmetry thing. What if someone is just as ugly on both sides of the face?

JediMaster_intraining

I'm sad that so many people concentrated on your remarks about rating people - i don't think you intended to mean exactly that - i think you were just trying to explain some things about why you are frustrated in the world of dating....though i do agree with their premise of rating is in the eye of the beholder and stupid to boot....

That said, I think there are two things -
1) you personally may have a dating issue because, as others have mentioned, your self esteem might not be where it needs to be (love yourself). Cliche as it sounds, it really is true, our thinking we are "less than" is often evident, even in an online profile - we disclaimer that we know we're "fat", or say things that really clue people into the fact that we are not confident...confidence is uber attractive. Ever notice that the days where you feel gorgeous, it seems like everyone is noticing you? It's true!

2) For those confident women that still have a problem? I have found that women who are self assured, mature, have their crap together, etc...don't attract men the same way needy, fragile girls do (whether they are truly needy/fragile, or just "appear" a little helpless)....i might get flack for saying it, but i think that innately, many men, whether they realize it or not, often do want to "take care" of their significant other - and if you don't seem like you need taking care of, those men aren't necessarily attracted to you. I think that's just nature. My opinion, of course. I'm not saying that all men just want a needy woman, or that woman "act" needy...I'm saying that there are woman that have their stuff together and act super independent and those that while they may also have their stuff together, seem more approachable and willing to be "helped" and "advised", etc...i'm digging myself a hole i think, so I'll stop now, but as i look at all the woman in my life, many of whom are pretty and have their stuff together, i definitely notice a difference in datability based on demeanor, so to speak...

I think it helps to realize that in our lifetime, we hopefully only "mate" or "marry" once, for some a couple/few times. That means that every other person you date/meet, will not be "the one". With that in mind, what does it matter if a zillion guys aren't dating you...eventually one will, and hopefully that one, will be the right one. Every other one won't be....

I really like this answer!

To the OP: you are pretty! The right man will come for you eventually. Love works in strange ways after all. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

Doodlewhopper

Frustrated a little this morning about the dating world, so feel like venting a little.

All my fellow single ladies that would consider yourself average looking but overweight... have you noticed that a lot of single guys won't even consider dating a girl 'in their league' but will only hold out for a girl that is an 8,9, or 10.

Don't get me wrong... If you look like Steve Buscemi, are 30+ years old, only work at a grocery store part time and CAN get a girl that looks like Katherine Heigl... then more power to you!

But I feel like myself, and a lot of other single girls I know, all know that we aren't 10s and aren't under any false pre-tenses that we could get a guy that looks like Channing Tatum... we tend to be pretty realistic about the guys that we will 'go after' but continue to get NO RESPONSE from a lot of these guys either. But, yes I'm overweight... I keep full-length, current pics up on dating websites so that people 'know what they're getting'. (Profile pic was taken earlier this month... I know I'm not a Katherine Heigl... but didn't think I was 'make small children weep' ugly either?) I have been fully supporting myself financially since I graduated college at 22... I live on my own, I have been working a full time job that makes enough to pay all of my own bills, have a little 'fun money' and put some in savings since I graduated college. I know how to cook and clean for myself, am able to drive my own car etc, and I feel like I'm pretty reasonable about looks in general, as well as body types of guys that are 'in my league' Yet it seem like even these guys are all holding out for only the beautiful girls.

Yeah I know I'm just not their cup of tea for some people, regardless of looks... I get that... I'm just frustrated with the prevelance of guys that are a 3 expecting to only date girls who are an 8,9, or 10.

Do you girls know what I'm talking about or is this just me?

Just frustrated so wanted to get that off my chest... Feel free to add me if you feel like you are in the same boat so at least we can keep each other company

Nothing wrong with shooting for the stars....one will always be limited by one's expectations. BTW A person with confidence is very attractive regardless of "their rating"

Liatush

Now, I'm an old married woman, but when I was dating, there were lots of guys who passed me by, some of whom I thought were attractive/smart/nice, etc. The same happened to my husband--some girls apparently even laughed at him when he asked them out--how rude!). Neither of us is "all that" --but he certainly is to me, and I hope I am to him!!! I think it really is a case of finding the right mix of everything that makes you go "Phaw" on a regular, consistent basis. Not easy to find by any means--but something to treasure if you've found it.

I totally agree with this!!

WinnerVictorious

seem appropriate

WIChelle

seem appropriate

I loved that movie!!!!