Calling yourself "Fat"

tweak222

I'm not fat, I'm festively plump!

Janelle173

I want to share something very personal to me and it is why I can totally understand the OP's message.

Two times in my life I have been really down on myself about my weight.

The first time was a result of the following: I started off extremely healthy, was really fit, was athletic, was happy. I also found out a group of guys had secretly gotten together in high school and done a little bit of "judging" and deemed that I had the best body in our entire school (I ran a lot on my own, I lifted weights in weight training class, I danced in my studio in my basement because I was a singer and a dancer...I also did 1000 crunches a day, lots of push up, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc.-it was great, i felt like a beast...I didn't even do it for fitness...I did it because I had severe A.D.D and doing all of it was the only thing that helped me focus, ever). There were multiple categories that people were judged in -secretly-, and I guess I made it into that one. It surprised me because, though I was not an outcast, I was "weird" in other people's eyes and not part of the popular crowd. I was one of those who was "friends with everyone." But I wasn't getting invited to their parties or whatever. I was probably lucky to not be. One of the guys in the group happened to be one of my best friends, and he ended up telling me about it a few years down the road, when I was gaining weight and unhappy with myself. I think he was telling me to try and help motivate me, as though it was a compliment...but then it just added to the fact that I wished I could get back to that, and I was developing a hate for my body and my now fatness that was overwhelming. It also irritated me because it was a shallow thing of him to partake in. That is another thread though! lol. My awesome fitness came to an end when I had chronic mono for an entire year, dropped down to 89 lbs, it turned into anorexia with out my even knowing it...I am not sure when, during that year, it had turned into it. Doctors, and family were threatening to admit me to the hospital if I didn't get some sustenance in me. My organs were going to start shutting down. So, I was force fed and gained 30 lbs in 2 months...then, my metabolism was all jacked and I also fell into a depression from a horrible, abusive relationship, and kept rapidly gaining weight. The (now ex) booyfriend wasn't helping, as he would call me too skinny at the beginning, then a fata$$ when i was gaining.

I had a mental shift of perspective from: "I appreciate everything my body does for me," to "My body is fat, it has turned on me, and I hate it."

That mental shift, and because it was what was going through my mind every time:

*I woke in the morning and was unhappy to start my day. "I'm fat, lethargic, I hate living."
*Had to sift through my beautiful clothes that didn't fit anymore to Find clothes that fit in a way to make me disappear. The baggier and less attention grabbier the shirt, the better. The uglier the pants, the better. "I hate dressing my ugly body."
*Showering. "Ugh, avoid the mirror...avoid avoid avoid! Don't look down. Use your sponge and get clean fast. Don't focus on how the fat feels under your fingertips."
*The numbness I felt when I would eat. I enjoyed the food so much, but I hated the food so much. I despised it for everything it was doing to me...but it was me doing it to me. My fat self sabotaging me, every bite. "You're so fat, so out of control. You're always going to be this way. Get used to it."
*Go to sleep at night thinking I hate that I am going to wake up tomorrow and have to try and find something that I can wear to work all over again that is baggy enough to hide me enough yet meets the clothes guidelines. I knew I looked sloppy. But, within the parameters of the work clothes code. "If you weren't so weak to let yourself get this way, FAT, then you could wear your beautiful clothes you have."

That is a whole lot of depressing, self loathing, honesty right there. I never shared that with anyone. And I know, and I HOPE that most people never, ever, ever have experienced or will experience negative self speak to that extent. It was a constant reel in my head.

So, why I can totally understand what the OP is saying is because THEN, I went to the doctor. Now, remember, I had my (now ex) boyfriend constantly calling me fat, fat@$$, ugly, worthless, etc...an abusive relationship plays quite the game with your self confidence as it is. So, it was just adding to my negative self speak.

So, the doctor. I was 156 lbs. (I am 5'.25" tall) and he told me that I needed to watch my weight gain. Obesity, and diabetes runs in my mom's side of the family. So, even though I was being negative to myself and knew I was fat, and was being called fat by the ex, and all that, it never clicked to get healthy again until my doctor said to.

I started a program, and a part of the program is to visualize your success, and to eliminate negative self speak. Replacing the negative self speak with positive comments.

So, I would meditate...visualize me achieving my goals in life, as well as physical self.

I replaced negative self speak...which is very exhausting at first and takes a lot of practice. But I did replace it with positives. For every negative that popped into my head, I would reiterate THREE positive things about myself back at myself.

Once I left the abusive guy, I started using post its around my house. On my mirrors, which I forced myself to look into at this point and say positive things about myself and about my body to my reflection. (I know it sounds cheesy, but it worked, it worked so much magic) I even had a post it i would change out every week that I put on my dash board in my car.

I did lose the weight (got down to 120 and stayed there for a few years), and it was by eating healthy and doing active things I enjoyed...and I no longer became obsessed with my being fat or overweight in my own head, but I was focusing on life, and the weight loss was happening with it.

My recent weight gain happened from a miscarriage and then pregnancy, unhealthy eating from not wanting to obsess about food and it turning into an eating disorder...well, recently I realized I had started binging on autopilot...

i was forming unhealthy relationships with food again, as well as mentally dissing myself about my weight and shape of my body. I realized it this time, and have since been doing the positive stuff again.

It is so easy to say to ourselves, I achieved this BUT I could have done it better, or I sucked at this part, or I still didn't do such and such. It is so easy to say, I hate my legs/arms cus they are fat, even my calves have cellulite.

But, I am choosing to retrain my brain to THANK my legs for working and for being there...for giving me the option to do a squat, for allowing me to walk/jog etc from point a to point b. Thank you arms for lifting my baby, for getting stronger, even during sissy push ups.

I know this was long, and I doubt anyone will really read it, but if you did, and it helps you stop negative self speak somewhat to allow in positive self speak, then it was worth it.

Thank you OP, for continuing to remind me and others to love ourselves, be more kind to ourselves, and to strive for health, physically and mentally.

Gallowmere1984

For me, being over 10% BF as a male is fat, and as such, I am still a fatass. Do I care that I am no longer fat according to medical charts? Nope. I am still a tankass until the veins in my abs have veins in their abs. Just how I see it.

chocl8girl

I want to share something very personal to me and it is why I can totally understand the OP's message.

Two times in my life I have been really down on myself about my weight.

The first time was a result of the following: I started off extremely healthy, was really fit, was athletic, was happy. I also found out a group of guys had secretly gotten together in high school and done a little bit of "judging" and deemed that I had the best body in our entire school (I ran a lot on my own, I lifted weights in weight training class, I danced in my studio in my basement because I was a singer and a dancer...I also did 1000 crunches a day, lots of push up, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc.-it was great, i felt like a beast...I didn't even do it for fitness...I did it because I had severe A.D.D and doing all of it was the only thing that helped me focus, ever). There were multiple categories that people were judged in -secretly-, and I guess I made it into that one. It surprised me because, though I was not an outcast, I was "weird" in other people's eyes and not part of the popular crowd. I was one of those who was "friends with everyone." But I wasn't getting invited to their parties or whatever. I was probably lucky to not be. One of the guys in the group happened to be one of my best friends, and he ended up telling me about it a few years down the road, when I was gaining weight and unhappy with myself. I think he was telling me to try and help motivate me, as though it was a compliment...but then it just added to the fact that I wished I could get back to that, and I was developing a hate for my body and my now fatness that was overwhelming. It also irritated me because it was a shallow thing of him to partake in. That is another thread though! lol. My awesome fitness came to an end when I had chronic mono for an entire year, dropped down to 89 lbs, it turned into anorexia with out my even knowing it...I am not sure when, during that year, it had turned into it. Doctors, and family were threatening to admit me to the hospital if I didn't get some sustenance in me. My organs were going to start shutting down. So, I was force fed and gained 30 lbs in 2 months...then, my metabolism was all jacked and I also fell into a depression from a horrible, abusive relationship, and kept rapidly gaining weight. The (now ex) booyfriend wasn't helping, as he would call me too skinny at the beginning, then a fata$$ when i was gaining.

I had a mental shift of perspective from: "I appreciate everything my body does for me," to "My body is fat, it has turned on me, and I hate it."

That mental shift, and because it was what was going through my mind every time:

*I woke in the morning and was unhappy to start my day. "I'm fat, lethargic, I hate living."
*Had to sift through my beautiful clothes that didn't fit anymore to Find clothes that fit in a way to make me disappear. The baggier and less attention grabbier the shirt, the better. The uglier the pants, the better. "I hate dressing my ugly body."
*Showering. "Ugh, avoid the mirror...avoid avoid avoid! Don't look down. Use your sponge and get clean fast. Don't focus on how the fat feels under your fingertips."
*The numbness I felt when I would eat. I enjoyed the food so much, but I hated the food so much. I despised it for everything it was doing to me...but it was me doing it to me. My fat self sabotaging me, every bite. "You're so fat, so out of control. You're always going to be this way. Get used to it."
*Go to sleep at night thinking I hate that I am going to wake up tomorrow and have to try and find something that I can wear to work all over again that is baggy enough to hide me enough yet meets the clothes guidelines. I knew I looked sloppy. But, within the parameters of the work clothes code. "If you weren't so weak to let yourself get this way, FAT, then you could wear your beautiful clothes you have."

That is a whole lot of depressing, self loathing, honesty right there. I never shared that with anyone. And I know, and I HOPE that most people never, ever, ever have experienced or will experience negative self speak to that extent. It was a constant reel in my head.

So, why I can totally understand what the OP is saying is because THEN, I went to the doctor. Now, remember, I had my (now ex) boyfriend constantly calling me fat, fat@$$, ugly, worthless, etc...an abusive relationship plays quite the game with your self confidence as it is. So, it was just adding to my negative self speak.

So, the doctor. I was 156 lbs. (I am 5'.25" tall) and he told me that I needed to watch my weight gain. Obesity, and diabetes runs in my mom's side of the family. So, even though I was being negative to myself and knew I was fat, and was being called fat by the ex, and all that, it never clicked to get healthy again until my doctor said to.

I started a program, and a part of the program is to visualize your success, and to eliminate negative self speak. Replacing the negative self speak with positive comments.

So, I would meditate...visualize me achieving my goals in life, as well as physical self.

I replaced negative self speak...which is very exhausting at first and takes a lot of practice. But I did replace it with positives. For every negative that popped into my head, I would reiterate THREE positive things about myself back at myself.

Once I left the abusive guy, I started using post its around my house. On my mirrors, which I forced myself to look into at this point and say positive things about myself and about my body to my reflection. (I know it sounds cheesy, but it worked, it worked so much magic) I even had a post it i would change out every week that I put on my dash board in my car.

I did lose the weight (got down to 120 and stayed there for a few years), and it was by eating healthy and doing active things I enjoyed...and I no longer became obsessed with my being fat or overweight in my own head, but I was focusing on life, and the weight loss was happening with it.

My recent weight gain happened from a miscarriage and then pregnancy, unhealthy eating from not wanting to obsess about food and it turning into an eating disorder...well, recently I realized I had started binging on autopilot...

i was forming unhealthy relationships with food again, as well as mentally dissing myself about my weight and shape of my body. I realized it this time, and have since been doing the positive stuff again.

It is so easy to say to ourselves, I achieved this BUT I could have done it better, or I sucked at this part, or I still didn't do such and such. It is so easy to say, I hate my legs/arms cus they are fat, even my calves have cellulite.

But, I am choosing to retrain my brain to THANK my legs for working and for being there...for giving me the option to do a squat, for allowing me to walk/jog etc from point a to point b. Thank you arms for lifting my baby, for getting stronger, even during sissy push ups.

I know this was long, and I doubt anyone will really read it, but if you did, and it helps you stop negative self speak somewhat to allow in positive self speak, then it was worth it.

Thank you OP, for continuing to remind me and others to love ourselves, be more kind to ourselves, and to strive for health, physically and mentally.