it's 2013, why are women playing mother to their husbands?

TheCaren

My husband can cook, he was single for 12+ years before I married him. I just don't want to eat it unless it came off the barbecue (his specialty for sure). We have different tastes. I do pretty much all of the cooking that isn't barbecue. And I loathe cooking. And he's a great sport and doesn't care when I declare I'm not cooking and we go out to eat. Or he offers to barbecue something.

Oh and he eats whatever I cook. I take his likes/dislikes into consideration and blend them with mine. That's what being a family is to me.

That being said. Every couple needs to do what works for them. If she does all the cooking and he mows the lawn and takes out the garbage, who cares? I'm certainly not going to start fighting for the opportunity to mow the front yard. If she's okay cooking separate meals to meet the needs of her family, and she isn't resentful about it, who cares? To each his/her own.

IkirPaulson

My husband loves to cook… but he stays away from vegetables for the most part. Unless it's onions and mushrooms sautéed in bacon fat. Or asparagus spears wrapped in bacon. OR jalapeños stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon.

You win some, you lose some.

maab_connor

This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

If someone has told you that is what feminism is about, they're lying to you. It's about having an equal role in society. So not a total role reversal.

Rumour has it I'm a bit of a feminist, but one of my best friends is an active, goes to meetings, goes to protests kind of feminist. And do you know what? She does a lot of the cooking. She can also take out rubbish (really? That's a man job? I never knew that) and do other traditionally masculine things. Feminism isn't about telling others what to do, or swapping gender roles, it's about BOTH genders having the right to equal choices. And that includes who cooks.

Edit: Yeah, going to meetings makes you a feminist

you give me lady wood. just so ya know.

nld410

I ma

DamnImASexyBitch

This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Bravo! Excellent post!

nld410

I'm going to assume you don't have kids and you're not married.

I made the same assumption.

XXXMinnieXXX

I like doing most of the cooking. I can measure what's going on and calorie count it. I wouldn't cook my partner separate meals, he can just have bigger portions. As for the kids o try to get them to eat healthyish... But I accept that they don't want a plate that is 60% green veggies! Have to wonder at this point if you have kids yourself?

My partner is a good cook, he cooks for me at least one day a week.. But I enjoy the cooking, the calorie counting and knowing I've prepared him a much healthier meal than he would have prepared... He fills and empties the dish washer. Just because you do most of the cooking, Doesn't mean your being their mother! It means I'm in charge of my macros! Just the way I like it!

_Witsy_

Other peoples choices behind their front door do not concern me.

nld410

This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Bravo! Excellent post!

sds76

every marriage is different and what happens in ones marriage shouldn't be of concern to another person. I love to "take care" of my husband. I do all the cooking, cleaning and I am the primary care giver for our 5 children. I even go one step further and lay my husbands clothes out for work the night before and pack his lunch. Does he expect this of me? NO! Does he make me do it or do I feel like I HAVE to? NO!. It's just the way I am and he is fine with that.
He is a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. He works hard to take care of us and spends plenty of family time with us. And he still helps out too. We've had 4 of 5 of our kids sick for the last 5 days so yesterday he did all the laundry for me and I was greatly appreciative.
Every marriage has its own "roles", if it doesn't match yours it doesn't mean it is bad.

chels0722

I always cook something healthy, and I tell him if he doesn't want it than he can make his own damn food. I'm not here to "make him a sammich" whenever he desires. He eats what I put in front of him or he has to fend for himself.

Edit: I won't leave it on that sounding like a bit**. I do treat him and take care of him like I should and because I want to. I just grew up in a house where pickyness wasn't tolerated. If I didn't like something, I didn't get to eat. So if he doesn't like something I expect him to be an adult about it and either shut his mouth or fix something himself. Both of which he is capable of doing.

trishmce

My husband can't cook and has tried but the fire department came so there is no more of that! When we got married 23 years ago we made a deal I cook he cleans. I am a messy cook, I make a from scratch hot meal every night after work and on the weekends. Then I walk away. He cleans it all up. I love to cook but hate to clean so we are both very happy with this arrangement. He would go out and get me any take out I wanted but I have gluten issues and prefer to control what goes into our family's bodies.

nld410

This is why I dislike feminists. If you ladies want to fix the cars, take out the garbage and do all the other "traditional man" roles while your husband does the cooking and cleaning... that's your decision. But you don't have the right to call marriages where the couple enjoy traditional roles a mother/child relationship. There is absolutely nothing child like about my husband.

We have been together since high school (24 years) and have a wonderful marriage. I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.

I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Bravo! Excellent post!

I agree with your sentiments that there is nothing wrong with traditional roles. I am a stay at home mom, by the way, and I love it. I feel honored and am COMPLETELY happy with this choice. I do the cooking, pay the bills, the grocery shopping, the laundry, we share the cleaning and I take care of the baby while my husband works. BUT he helps out when he can and gets up at night to help while I feed the baby. That being said. I consider myself a feminist. A feminist is someone who believes that women have the same rights as men. A man can be a feminist. In fact, I think my husband is definitely a feminist. He respects me, and I him. Feminism means that I have a right to choose my role and I choose the traditional one.

WhoTheHellIsBen

I'd let a woman cook for me but it's hard to do when I'm so damn good at it:drinker:
hot dogs + sharp cheddar + lean hamburg + Thick cut hickory bacon + Sweet Baby rays bbq sauce + TURTLE BURGERS!



made mac n cheese with bacon bits stuffed jalapeno meatloaf wrapped in apple cider cured BACON!! It...was...epic!!!!



now kneel before Zod!

lewcompton

There is a natural, equitable distribution of work in any healthy relationship and there is a natural inequality when an unhealthy relationship exists. In my home, I cook. I am very good at it and I am also home first from work. I also leave first in the morning and cook breakfast as well. My wife does the dishes. If they are content with what roles they have taken then who cares what each does. Some women are naturally more prone to not only doing the "mothering role" but they are also complaining about the distribution of work in their relationship not because of a "chauvinist" husband, but because they don't have a healthy relationship and are in fact enablers and are allowing their husbands to dump on them. Take the feminist attitude away and evaluate the complete situation and you will find more often than not a woman that is facilitating a codependent relationship and a man that is happy to be in one. Neither one is exclusively at fault and yet each is profoundly more at fault than they choose to admit.

kristinlc88

My boyfriend and I split the responsibility. Although I do the cooking most nights, he does all the dishes.
If he cooks, I do the dishes. It works out well for the both of us.

When it comes to cooking separate meals, we've just kind of compromised. He wants burgers, I don't want to eat beef, so I've figured out a turkey burger that he's willing to eat, and he really likes it.
He's been open and willing to switch to ground turkey in any of the recipes that he cooks as well.
It's all about compromise.

Some days on the weekends I'm feeling nice and I'll make him lunch while I make mine. It's always completely different from what I'm making, but I really don't mind. He doesn't ask a lot of me, so doing him little favors like that makes me feel good.

RobfromLakewood

I found this post very offensive. I allow my wife to pick what she'll be cooking for me, almost 1/2 the time. I give her three warnings for any mistakes she makes before I deduct from her allowance. When we go out in public, I give her two, sometimes even three options to pick from before she dresses. When she's not feeling well, I let her off from her chores for up to 24 hours (granted she has a doctor's note).

The OP makes no sense to me, either her home lacks the structure I have put into my home or she doesn't have a reasonable husband like myself.

WhoTheHellIsBen

not to point out the obvious but a grown woman dipped in manic panic using the words Morgue and Babe in her name is ranting about men not acting mature. I'll just set this down right here for you to all stew over for a bit

elothen

If the OP is unhappy with her situation she needs to change it rather than project her issues on to everyone else. If you look at the replies, there are a ton of different ways couples handle meals and it's their business how they choose to live.

WinnerVictorious

not to point out the obvious but a grown woman dipped in manic panic using the words Morgue and Babe in her name is ranting about men not acting mature. I'll just set this down right here for you to all stew over for a bit

1) tempted to start a thread entitled, "it's 2013, why are women getting all up in my business?".
2) decides against it.