it's 2013, why are women playing mother to their husbands?
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So true! My SO always says that he LIKES doing "the dirty stuff" around the house because he thinks of it as the man's job and he likes to feel like the man of the house. He knows that I'm perfectly capable of doing everything that needs to be done (like I did before he moved in), but that's not the issue. Feeling that he's a part of the household is what matters. This is our way, everybody else must find their own.I do the cooking, cleaning, etc. while he does the dirty stuff and heavy lifting. If i even attempt to take out the garbage he's all over it. He owns his own company and i do the bookwork from home. It amounts to about 20 hours a week of paperwork... I spend the rest of my time keeping a nice home for him and am happy to do it because it makes him happy. Just as he is happy to work long hours doing physically demanding labour to make sure he can give me and our daughters everything we could possibly need. He is very proud to say that he takes good care of his family financially (university tuition for our daughters and a very comfortable life style). That makes him feel good, just as it makes me feel good to keep our home nice and hubby fed. He doesn't know how to cook and I don't know how to change a breaker in the electrical panel or fix the furnace. That's why we have each other.
I think relationships where each person cares about the others happiness above their own are the ones that last. It makes no difference how you go about getting there and how the division of labour is done. Selfishness is what kills relationships. Perhaps if women (and men) asked themselves what they could do for their partner each day to make them happy, instead of taking foolish stands on principle, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.0 -
My husband is the better cook because he enjoys it, for me it is just one of the chores.
In our household, 3 days a week the kids eat at nursery, 5 days he eats a main meal at work as he works in a school, so on those days I cook just for myself & he has something lighter when he gets in (usually long after the kids are in bed). If I am at home with the kids I cook a main meal for us at lunchtime, if my husband is home e.g. at the weekend we will often eat as a family at lunchtime but sometimes the children will eat separately at around 5 & we will have ours after they're in bed. So it varies a lot.
I do 90% of the housework as my husband works long hours and I work part time. Before he had his own business and before the kids it was 50/50.0 -
Every woman has the choice to be as feminist as she wants. But a more traditional woman gets my bid.
I have learned that it is best (relationship wise) to be more feminist at work and in the world with your views and such, but more traditional when it comes to your man and relationship.
I have been with my husband for 19 years and we will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this year, in July.
I do most of the cooking in our house................my husband does come in the kitchen and help from time to time, but it isn't mandatory.............
We both do the laundry. It is kind of a thing of ----Oh, I see a load of clothes that need washed, let me throw them in. I prefer to do the dusting and vacuuming. My husband takes out the trash, keep the yard mowed, watered, etc and washes my car.
Not to say I won't do the things that he does or vice versa...............we take care of one another. When my husband had surgery last September - I took over the duties for outside and inside. Did I like it, NO. But you do what you have to do to make your household run.
When I had the flu and was flat on my back...............my husband stopped by to pick up our groceries, etc.
From some of these comments I see, it is no wonder the divorce rate is so high. You can't go into marriage thinking of only your self and self satisfaction, you have another person to consider also.0 -
I have learned that it is best (relationship wise) to be more feminist at work and in the world with your views and such, but more traditional when it comes to your man and relationship.
...
This just in on News at 11, the Paleo movement HATES feminists!!!!!
(I'm just kidding by the way)0 -
having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.0 -
Ok... let me clarify. When I said I disliked feminists I meant the women who get up on their high horses and refuse to do anything "domestic" and then question why other women do. I'm pretty sure you guys are bright enough to know exactly what I meant (but we all know how much you love arguing technicalities). Perhaps a better term would have been "radical feminist". I know a few women that refuse to do ANY housework because it's "2013".. personally I think they are just lazy and looking for any excuse (these are women I know personally and their houses are disgusting... so no I am not referring to any of you!). The part I find really annoying is that you see and hear women saying men need to learn to cook and clean but I've never heard a man saying women need to learn mechanics, plumbing & electrical (and yes I know there are women in those professions... I know a few of them too!)
Had you of read the rest of my original post you would have seen that I think couples should do whatever works for them and don't really advocate one way or the other. My problem was with the posts referring to traditional relationships as a mother/child relationship. Those dynamics do exist in some relationships but just because a couple chooses to take traditional roles does not make it one of those. In my home, I cook and the standard reply is "thank you dear, that was delicious" (even if it wasn't). On the rare occasion that I don't cook, there is no whining or temper tantrums. He just heats himself up some soup and makes a sandwich. He has never (in 24 years) cooked dinner for me... because he can't cook (he has made breakfast since he does pretty well with eggs and bacon) I have never felt deprived and don't feel the need to "improve" him as the OP suggests. I don't see him not cooking as any different from the fact that in 24 years I have never changed the oil in my car. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and use those to make each others lives easier.0 -
having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.0 -
Perhaps a better term would have been "radical feminist".
A better term would have been b****. What you're talking about goes well beyond feminism, and shouldn't be considered such.0 -
Perhaps a better term would have been "radical feminist".
A better term would have been b****. What you're talking about goes well beyond feminism, and shouldn't be considered such.
Well there in lies the problem. In real life, every woman I know that refers to herself as a "feminist" behaves in this way to a certain degree and then refers to my marriage as "straight out of the 50's". For clarification: in my marriage, I look after the house and make ALL decisions related to it , budgetary or otherwise. Not that he isn't allowed a say, but we both feel the person who knows the most about something should make the decisions. I give him a dollar value that I need to run the house on a monthly basis and he makes sure I have it. And again, I feel this is no different than me not knowing how much parts to repair something costs.0 -
Well there in lies the problem. In real life, every woman I know that refers to herself as a "feminist" behaves in this way to a certain degree and then refers to my marriage as "straight out of the 50's". For clarification: in my marriage, I look after the house and make ALL decisions related to it , budgetary or otherwise. Not that he isn't allowed a say, but we both feel the person who knows the most about something should make the decisions. I give him a dollar value that I need to run the house on a monthly basis and he makes sure I have it. And again, I feel this is no different than me not knowing how much parts to repair something costs.
Your problem is the people you know, and the judgement they pass on you, not the feminist movement.
Tell them to go f*** themselves and that you're going to live your life the way you want. I think that qualifies as feminism far more than the other.0 -
Well there in lies the problem. In real life, every woman I know that refers to herself as a "feminist" behaves in this way to a certain degree and then refers to my marriage as "straight out of the 50's". For clarification: in my marriage, I look after the house and make ALL decisions related to it , budgetary or otherwise. Not that he isn't allowed a say, but we both feel the person who knows the most about something should make the decisions. I give him a dollar value that I need to run the house on a monthly basis and he makes sure I have it. And again, I feel this is no different than me not knowing how much parts to repair something costs.
Your problem is the people you know, and the judgement they pass on you, not the feminist movement.
Tell them to go f*** themselves and that you're going to live your life the way you want. I think that qualifies as feminism far more than the other.
I agree with this 10000% as I have had to do the same thing.
That is why I mentioned that I am more "classical definition of feminist" at work and outside of the house.............at home, I am more traditional with my husband.
When I took the other approach.................my marriage almost ended. I learned from my own experiences.0 -
Who cares??
Some women love taking care of their men to a great degree, others don't.
Deal with it and do what you want!
Yep, pretty much this. This thread was sort of funny, sort of eye roll worthy and sort of depressing towards both men and women.
I have an extra 'spoiled' husband and am an extra spoiled wife. I tend the house (he does do the laundry on the weekends, as in wash. I put it away), tend to the kids, make sure everyone is taken care of. In return, I get taken care of very well. It's my job, as a stay at home mom, to take care of the house. The people that live in the house are included in that... including myself.
I agree with a previous poster that often times, the cries of "I am not a maid!" are cries of "I'm lazy!"... at least that seems to be the case on the internets. Who knows what really goes on in people's houses. How tragic it would be for other people to think that you show love towards your husband by... gasp.. fixing him a dinner that he likes. I mean.. that would imply that you had to get off of your knees long enough to stand at the stove! The horror. It also seems to be that the loudest cries of FEMINIST!! MEN WANT TO DESTROY YOU!!!.... are made by unmarried, childless women. I wonder why that is? I've been a woman my entire life and worked in a field that is dominated by men and have never, ever come across as much anti-vagina stuff that I do on the internet........ by other women.
I can't really think of a single reason that anyone should give one single flying crap about my marriage when there's only two people in it. If we get off playing Ward & June, let us. I don't treat my husband like one of my children. That's obscene to imply. Some of us show love by 'doing'. Give me a break.
*also excuse any typos, I'm typing with a two year old on my lap because I'm a slave to the man.0 -
having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.
I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.0 -
When I took the other approach.................my marriage almost ended. I learned from my own experiences.
I truly believe that men need to 'be men'.. no matter how stereotypical that is. From what I know in my own marriage and friends' marriages, the happiest husbands are the ones that are "allowed" to make decisions.......... AKA the ones that can keep their junk in their pants and not in their wife's purse.0 -
Ok... let me clarify. When I said I disliked feminists I meant the women who get up on their high horses and refuse to do anything "domestic" and then question why other women do. I'm pretty sure you guys are bright enough to know exactly what I meant (but we all know how much you love arguing technicalities). Perhaps a better term would have been "radical feminist". I know a few women that refuse to do ANY housework because it's "2013".. personally I think they are just lazy and looking for any excuse (these are women I know personally and their houses are disgusting... so no I am not referring to any of you!). The part I find really annoying is that you see and hear women saying men need to learn to cook and clean but I've never heard a man saying women need to learn mechanics, plumbing & electrical (and yes I know there are women in those professions... I know a few of them too!)
Had you of read the rest of my original post you would have seen that I think couples should do whatever works for them and don't really advocate one way or the other. My problem was with the posts referring to traditional relationships as a mother/child relationship. Those dynamics do exist in some relationships but just because a couple chooses to take traditional roles does not make it one of those. In my home, I cook and the standard reply is "thank you dear, that was delicious" (even if it wasn't). On the rare occasion that I don't cook, there is no whining or temper tantrums. He just heats himself up some soup and makes a sandwich. He has never (in 24 years) cooked dinner for me... because he can't cook (he has made breakfast since he does pretty well with eggs and bacon) I have never felt deprived and don't feel the need to "improve" him as the OP suggests. I don't see him not cooking as any different from the fact that in 24 years I have never changed the oil in my car. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and use those to make each others lives easier.
I read your entire original post. I just think what you were saying was quite misinformed, and as I said that is not what feminism is about, and if people are using that as an argument to back up stating that they shouldn't do anything, and men should wait on them, then they are also either misinformed or just manipulating things. As said by someone else, these people aren't "radical feminists", they're *****es, particularly if they're judging you. However, it's a bit hypocritical of you to complain about this when you have just said how much you dislike feminists (and trust me, radical feminists are far too busy protesting about all sorts of things that matter around the world to be bothered about your marital role). I'm a feminist, because I believe it's my right to have an equal say and part in society as any man. This doesn't mean I want to fix cars... I am a girly girl, and I would not like to break a nail!
Edit: I was not arguing technicalities, I actually thought you meant it exactly as it was written, which was that you dislike feminists because they don't think they should cook, and because they like to be ladies who fix cars. Which is a sweeping generalisation, and doesn't even appear to define feminism.0 -
Not sure this is the forum for this.0
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Ok... let me clarify. When I said I disliked feminists I meant the women who get up on their high horses and refuse to do anything "domestic" and then question why other women do. I'm pretty sure you guys are bright enough to know exactly what I meant (but we all know how much you love arguing technicalities). Perhaps a better term would have been "radical feminist". I know a few women that refuse to do ANY housework because it's "2013".. personally I think they are just lazy and looking for any excuse (these are women I know personally and their houses are disgusting... so no I am not referring to any of you!). The part I find really annoying is that you see and hear women saying men need to learn to cook and clean but I've never heard a man saying women need to learn mechanics, plumbing & electrical (and yes I know there are women in those professions... I know a few of them too!)
Had you of read the rest of my original post you would have seen that I think couples should do whatever works for them and don't really advocate one way or the other. My problem was with the posts referring to traditional relationships as a mother/child relationship. Those dynamics do exist in some relationships but just because a couple chooses to take traditional roles does not make it one of those. In my home, I cook and the standard reply is "thank you dear, that was delicious" (even if it wasn't). On the rare occasion that I don't cook, there is no whining or temper tantrums. He just heats himself up some soup and makes a sandwich. He has never (in 24 years) cooked dinner for me... because he can't cook (he has made breakfast since he does pretty well with eggs and bacon) I have never felt deprived and don't feel the need to "improve" him as the OP suggests. I don't see him not cooking as any different from the fact that in 24 years I have never changed the oil in my car. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and use those to make each others lives easier.
As a man in a pretty traditional marriage that just sort of turned out that way, not by design, I agree with you 100%. People need to mind their own business when it comes to what goes on in other people's homes. My wife is a former lawyer, brilliant, strong, independent, and gorgeous. She was incredible in court (and I mean, "incredible"), but chose to quit and come home after our first child was born because her former goals of professional success changed very quickly once she spent the first 3 months with our daughter and had to put her in daycare to go back to work. We are all entitled to our own emotions and our own decisions, and no decision by any person in their own home about their own life, male or female, is anyone else's concern. We live our lives for ourselves and our children, not some political or social agenda that was hard fought by our mothers and grandmothers and frankly won, and you can be damn sure that we're teaching our daughters to do the same. We do not want our daughters fighting our generation's battles either. Live for you and your loved ones, look to the future, not the past, and be a good citizen. Nothing else matters.0 -
well, if you dont he will find one who will!!! HAHAHA :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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I didn't want to, HE wanted me to, so I told him to move back in with her.0
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having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.
I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.
Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.
From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!0 -
I'm not the best domestic woman in the world. My fiance and I share the chores, I do try to do more of them than him, as I am staying home with our son right now and he is working. But we do both cook and clean. If I cook dinner, he has kitchen duty and vice versa. And he is expected to clean up after himself. I do all the laundry and the rest of the cleaning. But that's what works for us. If I have a busy time with the baby and exercise, he will help pick up the slack without too much complaining. I'm lucky to have someone who's not old fashioned
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My husband makes Tuna casserole. Which I hate. and sandwiches. Maybe heat up a can of soup. He doesn't eat fruit, barely eats vegetables.his idea of pasta is boil noodles an throw in canned gravy. I kinda have to be the cook or I am not going to eat anything except nasty tuna or candy bars. LOL But I am struggling VERY hard with my kids eating. My 11 year old and 4 year I think have sensory issues. I am never seen such picky people in all my life. 0
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having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.
I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.
Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.
From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!
I think you are right. I believe in equal rights/pay etc, for men & women. However, I would not call myself a feminist because I do not want to be associated with those types of women that criticize others. I know that fundamentally, you are right in your definition of feminism, but in society (at least where some of the other posters and I live) the so called "feminists" are very critical of others decisions. Perhaps it's because the majority of women who believe in equal rights don't refer to themselves as feminists where I live. Because of my personal experience, the term has a very negative image in my mind. Right or wrong, our experiences are what form our opinions.0 -
having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.
I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.
Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.
From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!
I think you are right. I believe in equal rights/pay etc, for men & women. However, I would not call myself a feminist because I do not want to be associated with those types of women that criticize others. I know that fundamentally, you are right in your definition of feminism, but in society (at least where some of the other posters and I live) the so called "feminists" are very critical of others decisions. Perhaps it's because the majority of women who believe in equal rights don't refer to themselves as feminists where I live. Because of my personal experience, the term has a very negative image in my mind. Right or wrong, our experiences are what form our opinions.
Fair enough then, I used to think all feminists were hairy and butch til someone explained it to me, so I know where you're coming from! I think I've been lucky, I have good female role models in my group of friends, some of whom identify as feminists, so I don't see much of the criticism of everyone.0 -
having traditional gender roles in your relationship is not a feminist issue. jebus!
Having the choice & right to say no to doing them is.
It is not.................but I get a lot of flack from people because I get up at 5 am to fix my us breakfast and pack my husbands lunch when most people think I should still be in bed sleeping.................
I like to make sure my husband gets through the day without being hungry and is eating pretty healthy.
It is things like this that I do that many women tell me I am setting the women's movement back many years..........
It makes no sense to me.
I totally get this!! My hubby worked a 16 hour day (he's a plumber and we had a cold snap that led to a lot of frozen pipes) and got home at midnight. Then he had to go fix something on our furnace. So at midnight I got up (I was awake anyways) and cooked him some dinner while he was in the basement. I didn't do it because it was my job, I did it because I love him and he was cold and exhausted and needed a hot meal. Then I got criticized by my "feminist" friend the next day who was utterly "shocked" that I would get up in the middle of the night to cook a meal. Funny though, she didn't say I should have fixed the furnace myself.
Ok, so this is what I mean. I'm a feminist, I don't think she's setting anything back, If that's what works for her, so long as she has the opportunity to chose if that's her role, then good on her for doing what works for them as a couple.
From reading this, I think people are meeting a lot of man hating and kind of mean so called feminists!
I think you are right. I believe in equal rights/pay etc, for men & women. However, I would not call myself a feminist because I do not want to be associated with those types of women that criticize others. I know that fundamentally, you are right in your definition of feminism, but in society (at least where some of the other posters and I live) the so called "feminists" are very critical of others decisions. Perhaps it's because the majority of women who believe in equal rights don't refer to themselves as feminists where I live. Because of my personal experience, the term has a very negative image in my mind. Right or wrong, our experiences are what form our opinions.
Fair enough then, I used to think all feminists were hairy and butch til someone explained it to me, so I know where you're coming from! I think I've been lucky, I have good female role models in my group of friends, some of whom identify as feminists, so I don't see much of the criticism of everyone.
Well by definition, I don't know any women that wouldn't be considered feminists (don't know any one who wants to be under a anyone else's control, man or otherwise). It's just that all the ones I know who call themselves "feminist" say ridiculous things. I have been told it was "pathetic" that I couldn't change the oil in my own car. But like you I am a girly girl and would not want to ruin my manicure or callous my hands. I like being feminine and being treated like a woman (along with all the nice things that come along with that). I've never had the "hairy & butchy" image though... guess that just wasn't my experience LOL0 -
Why is it your business how other people's marriages work? If someone wants to prepare a separate meal for their spouse then so be it. The current year has nothing to do with individual preferences regarding meals.0
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I do all the cooking in our household, bar valentines day where my man does prepare all day for the event bless him. He will find a recipe online somewhere, print it out, and just for me, run to the grocery store and then do something he actually finds quite difficult. ,cook.
We both run separate businesses from home. He works longer hours than I, and he has never had to cook in his entire life. I however love cooking, I love looking after our home for the both of us, he's working! So I do the daily cleaning, and he does the man jobs at the weekend. I think it's a pretty fair relationship we have going. I work a lot less hours than he, but I work on the garden, work on the allotment a couple of miles from home, look after the animals, do the shopping, clean, cook and launder. I do all the canning every year from our allotment harvests etc. It equalises out pretty well in our eyes.0 -
Yeah this definitely does not apply to me! My husband does the majority of the cooking and also does 50% of the cleaning. He also gives the kids baths every night so that I can have some quiet time for myself. Oh, and hes in the military on top of all that! I love that he's not like a lot of other Soldiers that we know and comes home, plays video games for 5 hours and won't help with the kids or around the house. Yep, I'm spoiled and I LOVE it!
HA I definitely married the military guy who comes home and plays video games....I do 100% of the grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. He does 98% of the dish washing though. But when it comes to the house I do all the laundry and most of the cleaning too. I also work about twice as many hours as he does during the week, spend more time at the gym than him and I am involved with a number of volunteer positions and sports teams.0
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