it's 2013, why are women playing mother to their husbands?

lauren3101

My fiance is a chef. He cooks for 10 hours a day 5 - 6 days a week. I do not expect him to come home and cook for me as well.

He likes my cooking, I like to cook.

I do occasionally make separate parts of our meal for him, i.e. we may both have steak, but he will have chips. and I'll have new potatoes, because he is a 6"4 man and needs a lot more calories than me.

I don't see that there's anything wrong with any of the above.

Raerae1993

Personally growing up my mom did all the cooking even tho she wasnt very good at it, my dad made her. As soon as he walked in the door he expected food to be ready. And at work she would have to bring him food. He is from Argentina and so his idea of what women should do is cook and clean for the husband.

My moms current boyfriend was raised in Missouri and from a completely different culture. He does most all the cooking now and is great at it, but if he works late and she is home she will most definitely make a meal for him.

It honestly depends on how each is raised and the individuals expectations of the other. Totally depends on the couple.

kbeech06

To each his own but I personally could *not* play mother to a man-baby who doesn't even know how to switch a washing machine on or cook a basic meal... My father is a great example of this ._. .. I would just find it difficult to be sexually attracted to someone who can't or refuses to care for themself, and I would find it difficult to look in the mirror at a woman who let's that kind of thing happen. But it works for some people *shrug* just definitely not something I would be interested in.

It kind of irks me actually when people say I'm "lucky" to have a boyfriend who actually cooks, cleans, and shares responsibilities with me. It baffles me. It also makes me kind of sad when I hear women squawking about how amazing their husband is because they did the washing up and hoovered round the house because they were ill. How "kind" of them xD.


Heh. As I say, it works for some people and it's ultimately their decision and not mine to judge. (But you kind of forfeit the right to have a moan about how lazy your husband is when right from the off you gave the green light and said "hey, this works!".)

I don't think any of us has said that we "baby" our husbands. My hubby is quite capable of doing for himself...in fact he had to for several months while I was still living in the states waiting for my spouse visa to live in England. He can cook (quite well), he cleans up after himself, he can do laundry, mow the lawn, climb on a ladder to do the upstairs windows outside, change the oil and do basic car repair, unclog a drain, make minor household repairs, kill spiders (ok maybe not that one lol). Those things at the end...I can't do, does that mean he babies me and "fathers" me because I expect him to do them because I can't??? No. My husband also commutes 45 minutes each way every day and works 8+ hours in a salt mine. I think I can cook him a meal that he enjoys every day. And don't be shocked...but if on the weekends, he's sitting down watching a game or something...relaxing....I'll bring him his food or a beer. BUT, he also does the same for me at the end of the day....he'll bring me a glass of wine or a cup of tea and a cuddle. AND he ALWAYS says thank you for EVERY meal I cook and any house work I do during the day. Marriage is a partnership...not anything less. You do FOR EACH OTHER....and yeah, occasionally you may moan, but who doesn't moan about life at times?

HeidiMightyRawr

My boyfriend cooks for himself. We both work FT, different hours, and we both eat separately (he doesn't eat unhealthily, just different) and that's the way it works for us. He can cook perfectly well.

When we have a family I'd like to be there to cook the main meal for us all, just because I think it's nice to eat together as a family. I don't wish to cook separate meals, but he's not a picky eater at all. If I give him food he'll eat it so I can't see it being an issue really. If he wants something else after, he can make himself something else after.

frando

Yeah this definitely does not apply to me! My husband does the majority of the cooking and also does 50% of the cleaning. He also gives the kids baths every night so that I can have some quiet time for myself. Oh, and hes in the military on top of all that! I love that he's not like a lot of other Soldiers that we know and comes home, plays video games for 5 hours and won't help with the kids or around the house. Yep, I'm spoiled and I LOVE it!

This is the kind of family I was raised in, my father served time (and so did my mother before she left to have my older brother) and because of it cleaning and cooking duties are practically regimented. Every Friday we work out whose getting home when (ie I'm generally off Monday and Tuesdays thus leaving me free to cook) and we cook one meal for the whole family by whom ever is there and is left to be heated up by the late comers (I work till 7pm most nights and my parents, now having left the army, sometimes have late running meetings).

All of my siblings and I were trained to cook and clean at a young age and we all ate the same meal it was none of 'what do you want to eat, tonight sweet?' rubbish I see parents ask- children are not responsible enough to make decisions on meals! When I was growing up I ate the same things as my parents thus to encourage proper eating from the start, my first time eating a 'potato face' was at a friends- I remember feeling completely confused over what to do with it! Some people reel in shock when I say that I and my siblings managed to cook up full roast dinners by the time I was 12, but I had learnt to cook pasta and simple things before hand.

Coming to the father side of it- my Dad cooks as well as my mother- at the moment he's going crazy over making risotto! He enjoys cooking, he likes sitting down and saying 'yes, Fran, this is only 350 calories and Tegan I did use that new pan it was great etc.'

It comes down to different people though- some people are over controlling in the kitchen! Can't bare the idea that someone else is in there whilst others are more then happy to lay back and let other people do the work.

kyrabeth1986

I cook for my husband-to-be most nights. When i used to go out in the evening to slimming world etc he would cook if i left the food out and page of the cook book. He currently knows how to cook 3 meals and is willing to learn but works longer hours than me.

I love to cook, get home a good few hours before he does, so it makes sense for me to cook. When we have kids i will prepare their meals too. I didn't have the 'normal' home life as a kid and i want to give my children stability and want them to eat at a table with a knife and fork each night as a family with a decent prepared meal. Im a teacher so i will be home more often than my husband so whether its 1950s or 2013 i will take on the 'woman's role'

irishblonde2011

My boyfriend cooks 80% of our meals..he comes from a family of chefs and really enjoys it...
I am a vegetarian and he is big into meat so he cooks different dinners for me every time..
It doesn't bother him at all..I pick up a bit more slack with the cleaning..

Whatever works for you...

cazzer69

I work away for 4 weeks out of 5. For those 4 weeks I cook for myself and clean and do my own washing and ironing....
When I get home my wife tends to do it all. It's not because I can't do it, but because she wants to do it for me because I have been on 24 hour call out for the last 4 weeks (including weekends). So that one week is the only downtime I get.

But then, while I have been home this week I have changed the front brake disks, front and rear brake pads and radiator on her landrover. Does that mean I'm treating her like a baby and should have just given her the socket set and said "Crack on, it's 2013 you should be able to do this yourself by now"?

stephdeeable

My boyfriend does not what to eat my "healthy" food and I do not want to eat hamburger helper and pizza every day.....so we came up with this great new plan.....I make my own dinner and he makes his. It's crazy but it works.

It also helps that we work almost opposite schedules so we're rarely eating "dinner" at the same time anyways.

jkcrawford

I cook 90 percent of the meals in our home because I like doing it, my hubby can cook and does if I don't feel like it. We both eat the same meals. I also cook a weeks worth of meals in one day.

But I assure you he can shower and wash his own hair, he also gets dressed himself and can do his own laundry. He does the dishes everyday when he is home and he can vacuum and clean house. He raised 4 boys on his own so I think he is amazing.

There may different reasons why ppl cook different meals, it could be due to health issues. Why is it any of your F**king business how others run there homes?? This is one of the worst posts I have come across.

mogzBH

My fiance is a great cook but because he gets home later than I do we mostly have an arrangement where I cook then he washes the pots up afterwards. Wprks for us and is pretty darn fair.

AmyFett

I make one meal, if he or the kids don't like it, screw em. They can eat it or go hungry. I'm not a short order cook.

NutellaAddict

My only question is.....wheres my sammich??????

MaryJane_JB

My SO works his *kitten* off. AT LEAST, I could do is make the man some food.

kaileysgran

As of yesterday we have been married for 46 years and my husband has never cooked a meal. His Mother spoiled him and I still am after 46 years it's too late to train him to cook. lol

kbeech06

My only question is.....wheres my sammich??????

:laugh: :laugh:

Lifting_Knitter

Yep, stay at home mom here. I will make my husband a good meal because that is what he wants and that is my job. Glad you aren't aiming this at everyone. :bigsmile:

MaryJane_JB

My only question is.....wheres my sammich??????

NutellaAddict

My only question is.....wheres my sammich??????

This will suffice....

Yogi_Carl

My wife stays at home because that is her situation right now - and why (to the OP) is none of your business.

I work all day and I look forward to what my wife has prepared for my evening meal.

On occasions she isn't up to preparing a meal and I am happy to prepare food for us.

I need no-one to do anything for me but we share out the work to support each other in the best way for us.

Perhaps you are judging others by your own situation - I don't know.

Basically - different people have different setups for different situations so why not just chill out and let other people do what they do and be who they wanna be.

/thread :flowerforyou: