Hubby threw out all my "healthy food".. WTH
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^^THIS... at least in theory. The real world is often stranger than fiction. I only read the 1st page of posts, but I didn't see any indication that she discussed these changes with him beforehand; rather, it seems like she (gradually) forced these changes upon him. Es no bueno and I doubt she would've liked him doing similar to her. Hopefully, they can come together and discuss it like ADULTS and focus on 'where to go from here' rather than being stuck in 'what happened then'.
Good luck, OP!
Sureley since she cooked dinner for him its very 'bueno'. Not only should he have eaten it, he should have thanked her for it.0 -
Mutual respect. It seems to be gravely missing here. You should not force your husband to eat what you want to eat no more than you want him to force his nachos on you. You aren't working, would it really be that difficult to make him what he wants and make yourself what you want? I work 40 hours each week, go to the gym 3-4 times per week, do the laundry, pay the bills, clean the house etc. And I still manage to fix my husband what he likes for dinner and something for myself I can eat. It is not hard. You just have to make him a priority in addition to your health.
Hang on - she cooked diner for him, nobody made him eat it. If it is too 'healthy' or there isn't enough he could always eat more of it.
The fact is that she has bothered to cook a meal and he, even though he knew this brought some takeaway in the house instead. Cooking two separate meals is so much more expensive than cooking for one. Even if the OP stayed at home and didn't go to a job (which it seems she doesn't, she has a job too) - she has an 'unpaid' job as housewife, which is just as hard as going out to work.
Even if he hadn't flipped out it an angry way, it seems he lacks both grace and any semblance of manners.
If someone cooks a homecooked meal for you, which by that fact alone will be far nicer than any takeway, you should eat it, finish your plate smile, say thankyou and if you are still hungry, see if there is any second helpings - if not have a bit of bread and butter to put you on.
Its basic good manners.
Yes and it would be basic good manners for her to love her husband enough to fix him the foods he enjoys too. I don't think the hubs would have been so upset if she were fixing him the things he enjoys let's say 3 nights out of 7. I bet that would be a compromise he could live with. They obviously have different caloric needs with his activity level vs. hers. Give the man some whole milk and foods he enjoys that fill him up. And again, if money is an issue and it is not affordable to make two meals, make a healthy meal some nights and meals he enjoys some nights. It really is not difficult. There is no reason they can't both have what they want, through mutual compromise, and have a strong relationship. Give and take.0 -
You treat your husband like a child. He is a grown man with the free will to make his own choices, healthy or not.
What you are doing is demeaning and disrespectful to the head of your household.
Women wonder why men cheat on them............ because of things like this!!
Now I know you are a wind up merchant - no way this post could have even been semi-serious.0 -
Let him by his own food. I suppose I could understand, he just didn't like all the changes you made, but he doesn't sounds very supportive.
So let him support himself and your support yourself (at least when it comes to food) Let him buy his own, you cook for others and you that want/need it.0 -
What a dillwad!
If he wants to eat poorly then he can cook his own meals and buy his own food. You just keep doing what you need to do to lose weight and stay healthy! This isn't about him and he needs to learn being supportive means perpetuating your healthy lifestyle not killing it dead in its tracks.
Good luck dear!0 -
In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.
^ I agree with this.
It just won't do anything for their marriage for her to say, "Screw you, go to the store for your own garbage food." She still has to live with him. I don't understand how people are so quick to suggest telling their spouse to shove it...
Just because your husband doesnt eat what you eat doesnt mean you throw him out of the house,life is much bigger than that.
My husband is a vegetarian,however i gain bodyfat if im a vegetarian-i make him vegetarian meals and i enjoy them too-i make my chicken or fish on the side and have that.its not all or nothing-food can be delicious and healthy.0 -
Compromise, food for each of you. It's all very well people saying kick him out, and his behaviour wasn't good, but hey? Haven't we all been out of order some times? Tell him your upset, stay with the diet, but he may want to stick with the other food he is more comfortable with. My husband isn't dieting with me. Your hubby may be insecure, or perhaps fed up with hearing about diets? Use us to support you, good luck and sorry to hear about your day xxx0
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This may be blunt and slightly harsh... but from the sounds of it : your hubby is a wasteful, unsupportive d-bag.
I would tell him if he wants junk food to get off his *kitten* and get himself. He can make his own meals and you will make your own.
Problem solved. If he continues to be a jerk about it... I'd seriously consider kicking him to the curb.0 -
sabotage! pure and simple. He knows your serious about your health he may be worried about your weight loss. Wondering if your going to replace him (after that one may consider it) Reality is you need to have a sit down with him! Best of luck and KEEP ON KEEPING ON!0
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Mutual respect. It seems to be gravely missing here. You should not force your husband to eat what you want to eat no more than you want him to force his nachos on you. You aren't working, would it really be that difficult to make him what he wants and make yourself what you want? I work 40 hours each week, go to the gym 3-4 times per week, do the laundry, pay the bills, clean the house etc. And I still manage to fix my husband what he likes for dinner and something for myself I can eat. It is not hard. You just have to make him a priority in addition to your health.
Hang on - she cooked diner for him, nobody made him eat it. If it is too 'healthy' or there isn't enough he could always eat more of it.
The fact is that she has bothered to cook a meal and he, even though he knew this brought some takeaway in the house instead. Cooking two separate meals is so much more expensive than cooking for one. Even if the OP stayed at home and didn't go to a job (which it seems she doesn't, she has a job too) - she has an 'unpaid' job as housewife, which is just as hard as going out to work.
Even if he hadn't flipped out it an angry way, it seems he lacks both grace and any semblance of manners.
If someone cooks a homecooked meal for you, which by that fact alone will be far nicer than any takeway, you should eat it, finish your plate smile, say thankyou and if you are still hungry, see if there is any second helpings - if not have a bit of bread and butter to put you on.
Its basic good manners.
This is a good point because sometimes if my meal that I make and modify for hubby with bigger portions or more fat, butter spread, olive oil, etc. still comes out too healthy, boring, or unsatisfying for him. He gets the soy sauce, chili's, salt, butter, mayonnaise or anything else that will make it taste better. He is always grateful that I cooked and especially when he realizes I'm eatign way less or just omitting the bad parts. I don't think it's that hard really? I don't really get how people end up down this road as the OP with just a totally pissed off spouse on their hands. It seems like a form of non-communication that just goes stifled and unaddressed until one day...:mad: :explode: :brokenheart: :sad: Kablam!0 -
Women wonder why men cheat on them............ because of things like this!!
Men (or women, for that matter) who cheat would cheat regardless of the reason.
People who don't like their situation (but who are honest) either try to change it or get out. It's the dishonest people who want to have their cake and eat it too, who cheat.
If you're a cheater, don't say "My spouse drove me to it" unless they were behind the wheel and dropped you off at your lover's house with full knowledge that you were continuing an affair against the spouse's wishes.0 -
Yes and it would be basic good manners for her to love her husband enough to fix him the foods he enjoys too. I don't think the hubs would have been so upset if she were fixing him the things he enjoys let's say 3 nights out of 7. I bet that would be a compromise he could live with. They obviously have different caloric needs with his activity level vs. hers. Give the man some whole milk and foods he enjoys that fill him up. And again, if money is an issue and it is not affordable to make two meals, make a healthy meal some nights and meals he enjoys some nights. It really is not difficult. There is no reason they can't both have what they want, through mutual compromise, and have a strong relationship. Give and take.
Not really - if he cooks, he can cook what he likes. Unless the food is inedible, theres no reason not to eat it. Like I said, if he needs more calories, he could always have seconds or eat some bread after.
The give and take is that she has given her time and effort to cook dinner. The least he could do is say thankyou.
We do have separate milks in our house, but if we didn't, I wouldnt think about moaning - its only milk.
Having said all this, I am a very 'generalist' eater and like almost anything.0 -
He can cook for himself then. My husband just takes what I make and adds some cheese or whatnot to his liking.
A Happy Wife, is a Happy Life!0 -
Let him do his own grocery shopping. Give him his own cabinet and fridge space. Tell him to cook his own meals. And while your at it, tell him to do his own cleaning too. You do what makes you feel good and if cant support you then throw him out with the junk food!
Yup!0 -
Women wonder why men cheat on them............ because of things like this!!
Men (or women, for that matter) who cheat would cheat regardless of the reason.
People who don't like their situation (but who are honest) either try to change it or get out. It's the dishonest people who want to have their cake and eat it too, who cheat.
If you're a cheater, don't say "My spouse drove me to it" unless they were behind the wheel and dropped you off at your lover's house with full knowledge that you were continuing an affair against the spouse's wishes.
exactly... if a mans going to cheat because he cant stuff his face full of cheetos, then he was going to do anyways. cheaters are cheaters. what a rediculous statement.0 -
The lack of marital respect in this thread is mind-boggling.
There are women on here advocating violence (slapping him, kicking him, hitting, etc.). Junk punches, hitting with anything, even a debit card, is violence. It shouldn't be advocated against anyone. The sheer number of women who advocate hitting a spouse is shocking.
What if guys got on here and started advocating that the husbands "junk punch" their wives or that the next time the wife buys the wrong thing that the guy slap her and make her sleep on the couch? Seriously? Do you really abuse your husbands at home, or do you just brag about it online?
How many of you would be fighting each other to be first in line to lynch any guy who even made such a suggestion that it was appropriate to lay hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner?
How much trouble is it really to feed the person in the house who generally eats 1.5 to 2 times what you eat? My husband eats around 3000 calories. Of course I make him extra food. He'd starve on my diet.
If you're in charge of the cooking, don't be a dictator. Be a considerate human being and feed your spouse what he needs/wants to eat along with the healthy stuff. Otherwise, if he does find someone who will cook what he wants, and who will be considerate of him and won't get on the net and brag about what a whipped guy he is, you women who do this will know why.
^^^^^^This X 100! Great post!
It bears repeating.0 -
YOU could always compromise, buy things that he likes in moderation, so that you know you can not help your self or there would be none for him to enjoy. While also keeping the healthy items for yourself. I cook 2 different meals with similar products almost nightly for my family.
Sometimes, it is really hard for others to change and grow with us on our new journey. I suggest you sit down with him and have a heart to heart, there is something deeper there, other than your choice of groceries. Get ahold of it now, sounds like the more you succeed in your wieght loss the more intimidainsecure he will become in your relationship.
I have to say looking at some of the advise, remember that mariiage is work. Life is not easy and WE ALL have to learn to communicate fully. There is a deeper issue to your husbands reaction to your weight loss and change in life style. TALK to him, NOT at him and remeber YOU and only YOU can determine what is right or wrong for YOU.
Good Luck to you in your journey!0 -
First I would address is aggression (i.e throwing out someone else's stuff and making a demand) THAT IS NOT PARTNERSHIP. True, your food choices may not be his AND both can be made to co-exist in the same home. Yet, I would not make my compromising move until his aggression thing is laid out AND he recognizes co-existence.0
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Respect and love. If it is in this relationship, then add compromise into the equation. My husband is the cook. And he loves to feed people. I just don't always eat what he brings home or cooks. There is always something with less calories in the fridge. Or I eat smaller portions. I can cook to if needed. Try to find healthier twists to his favorites is a great plan someone else mentioned. And coming here to vent is good also. Keeping some of his favorite comfort meals, frozen and ready to go would probably help. You don't have to be a waitress just because you want to show him you still love and care for him. Just don't eat more than your skinny inner girl should. I will say it again. COMPROMISE0
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Having someone who supposedly loves you be so wantonly destructive would be a HUGE problem for me. Possibly a divorce sized problem, assuming I couldn't resolve the issue with the guy. I'm not saying you should be immediately rushing out the door, but there's some serious conversation that should happen.
My husband, while proposing me the possibility of a (much desired by me) teaching job next fall, was worried about whether it wouldn't sabotage my new workout schedule. Not excited about more money, but worried I might not have as much time for the gym. THAT is love.0 -
WOW that was a harsh reaction. I am thinking he secretly doesnt want you to lose weight. You lose weight, you become more attractive to other men (which personally I find ridiculous) and he fears you will leave him. I say this from experience. I married my husband at my heaviest. Lost 150 lbs and we started having problems in the relationship. Went to counseling, got on the same page and moved on. He buys his groceries and I buy mine. Or he does both. I do not shop for him. I rarely cook for him because he does not like to eat "healthy" If it is green forgetaboutit, he wont eat it. If he buys himself sweets or chips or other of my trigger foods I ask that he hide them. If I dont see them, I do not think about them. Even now, 8 years after counseling he tries to get me to eat what I call bad food. Stuff that makes me fat. Stuff i can never get enough of. So as a compromise, one day a month I set aside calories so we can go out to eat. Then we go bowling together. Win win.0
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I'd tell him he can buy and cook his own food if he has such an issue with what you're eating. Neither of you should be forcing your food habits on the other.0
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Well my husband seem so supportive please keep in mind he is 5'9 155 lbs very active so he eats any and everything. For the last two months he did not complain about the groceries nor what I cooked until tonight. He came home with buffalo chicken grande nachos. He offered me some I decline he kept saying come on try them their so good. Again I politely decline, I don't know what that triggered but he snapping saying he can't live like this anymore. He wants to drink whole milk instead of skim.
Sounds like alcohol may have been invovled right before he picked up the buffalo chicken nachos.0 -
I think compromise is necessary here - even though how he acted was very childish. Throwing out food is a terrible waste. However, you can have two sorts of milk in the fridge. Perhaps you could prepare one large meal for him and freeze portions of it? So that he can eat his "manly food" whilst you eat your far tastier health food, without you having to put in too much extra effort. Unless you've got zilch willpower, it should be okay for him to have sugary pop-soda in the pantry and bags of chips in the cupboard.
My husband is mostly fine with me forcing healthy food upon him (he hasn't even complained when I stopped cooking meat, although when it's his turn to cook, it's meaty) and I think the key to a stable relationship is respecting each other's decisions. My husband also buys his lunch every day, which means he can eat whatever sort of junk he likes without me having to look or smell it. This is not great on the budget, but since he earns more than me, it's his right (we have neither children nor a mortgage, if we had either, things might be different there).
Either that, or perhaps you could encourage him to cook one night of the week? Besides, "Manly" foods and healthy foods are not mutually exclusive - just make sure that you cut down on the fats and add extra flavouring and he may not even notice. If you make something like nachos - you can give him the majority of the corn chips and cheese, after all.
Although, tbh, I think there might be something more going on here than just a food-related temper tantrum. You folks need to sit down and talk about things in a sensible and reasonable manner. Perhaps he doesn't want you losing too much weight? Maybe it makes him feel threatened that you will be becoming more slender and he is afraid he might lose you to another man? The fact he was trying to force his food into you suggests that.
Good luck!0 -
The lack of marital respect in this thread is mind-boggling.
There are women on here advocating violence (slapping him, kicking him, hitting, etc.). Junk punches, hitting with anything, even a debit card, is violence. It shouldn't be advocated against anyone. The sheer number of women who advocate hitting a spouse is shocking.
What if guys got on here and started advocating that the husbands "junk punch" their wives or that the next time the wife buys the wrong thing that the guy slap her and make her sleep on the couch? Seriously? Do you really abuse your husbands at home, or do you just brag about it online?
How many of you would be fighting each other to be first in line to lynch any guy who even made such a suggestion that it was appropriate to lay hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner?
How much trouble is it really to feed the person in the house who generally eats 1.5 to 2 times what you eat? My husband eats around 3000 calories. Of course I make him extra food. He'd starve on my diet.
If you're in charge of the cooking, don't be a dictator. Be a considerate human being and feed your spouse what he needs/wants to eat along with the healthy stuff. Otherwise, if he does find someone who will cook what he wants, and who will be considerate of him and won't get on the net and brag about what a whipped guy he is, you women who do this will know why.
I agree mostly with the above, the most important thing is your relationship and going head to head with him isn't going to help out with that. If your husband freaks out all the time then I think you've got issues that you need to deal with outside of this but if it's the first time he's done it my first reaction (I might be wrong) is that he's been trying to be supportive and back you up even though it's been driving him nuts and he's flipped out. I don't know your marriage or your situation but it sounds to me like you need to let him know you're upset and talk about what's going on. It might be that your roles need adjusting or that you need to take a different tactic to make sure you both get what you need. The key thing in relationships is communication, without that things just fall apart.
Good luck, hope it all works out okay.0 -
In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.0
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There really should be some compromise, But if he has done this before I would say you don't deserve this, a bad day is one thing but being a jerk and not supporting you is not acceptable. It really is easier having everyone in the household eating the same thing but that is not always possible. If he wants other foods have him either get it himself or make you a list of what he wants. But you need to continue what make you feel better and what's good for you. He should always support you and your choices, He should be encouraging you not making you upset.0
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In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.
not in my house. my husband and kids eat what i cook. im not a waitress. if im eating healthy, they are eating healthy. if my husband doesnt like it, he knows where the door is, and also knows my address to mail his child support payments to
I cook the main meal which we all have, I just weigh/measure mine so I'm having smaller portions, no complaints in this house & feeding to adult men and myself
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Wow. Well, if he wants to eat what he wants, fine. But it isn't your job to buy crap, cook crap, then have to try to get healthy for yourself. If he wants, he can pick up some fast food on the way home and eat it in his car. Or, you can cook something healthy & he can help out in the kitchen and cook whatever he wants.
My boyfriend and I live together and I will try to cook him things that taste good but make easy modifications so I can eat it. But nachos? Really?
Your husband is either abusive or really immature. It sounds like something 5 year old kid would do!0
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