Hubby threw out all my "healthy food".. WTH

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  • alikat2986
    alikat2986 Posts: 72 Member
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    I always cook my dinner for myself then cook whatever he wants for him. I love cooking so I don't mind this, but you keep to your goals and he will feel stupid once you meet your weight goal and feel amazing!!
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
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    Id use that bank card to buy me a new treadmill. *kitten*...
  • BabyNurseJen
    BabyNurseJen Posts: 64 Member
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    If my husband wants to eat crap, he buys crap. He would never insist I buy crap. He's also considerate and usually buys crap he knows I don't like. Your husband is an *kitten*. I find it interesting that he left his debit card on the table for you...do you not have access to the joint household money?
  • jonesin_am
    jonesin_am Posts: 404 Member
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    Let him cool down and then have a talk with him about what's going on. Then do rebuy your food. You are a grown woman and need not be controlled by someone else. If he doesn't like the food you are buying, he knows his way to the grocery store, right? Or if you are the main shopper and want to work with him, talk to him about some of the things he enjoys that he would like to have "in stock" around the house. He needs to respect and support you and you need to do the same, and having a screaming fit of pent up resentment is not the way to do it. Good luck to you and keep up the good work you're doing for your body.

    ^This. I buy 75-85% of the stuff I want but try to get a few things that my husband likes too. If he likes whole milk...then buy half a gallon of each. Work together. It's doesn't need to be either/or. Also, I would tell him that talking/treating you like that is unacceptable and if he really wants something that's not in the house then he can find his way to the grocery store.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Ok, 1. your husband sounds like a controlling abusive a$$hat, and I'm sure you wil defend his abusive ways, people do that for some reason when they think they love somebody. 2. you shouldn't force him to eat what you are, he is a grown up, he should be able to eat what he wants. 3. go out with his debit card buy your stuff, and tell him if he wants something different, he can go out and buy it this time, and then the next time you go shopping you can just get the stuff you both want.

    So why do you have to make him dinner everynight anyways? You sound more like his maid than his wife. Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.

    She doesn't work. He does...13-15 hours a day. If my husband worked that many hours a day to support me while I didn't work, he'd be getting anything he darn well wanted for any meal.

    Would even try a few fancy sauces to say thank you.

    Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.

    Did you miss this part? Still doesn't mean he can treat her like trash though... but if that is what you are into go for it.
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    My husband keeps a small cache of less than healthy foods in a cabinet in his workshop. I am slowly getting him to make healthier choices.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
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    The lack of marital respect in this thread is mind-boggling.

    There are women on here advocating violence (slapping him, kicking him, hitting, etc.). Junk punches, hitting with anything, even a debit card, is violence. It shouldn't be advocated against anyone. The sheer number of women who advocate hitting a spouse is shocking.

    What if guys got on here and started advocating that the husbands "junk punch" their wives or that the next time the wife buys the wrong thing that the guy slap her and make her sleep on the couch? Seriously? Do you really abuse your husbands at home, or do you just brag about it online?

    How many of you would be fighting each other to be first in line to lynch any guy who even made such a suggestion that it was appropriate to lay hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner?

    How much trouble is it really to feed the person in the house who generally eats 1.5 to 2 times what you eat? My husband eats around 3000 calories. Of course I make him extra food. He'd starve on my diet.

    If you're in charge of the cooking, don't be a dictator. Be a considerate human being and feed your spouse what he needs/wants to eat along with the healthy stuff. Otherwise, if he does find someone who will cook what he wants, and who will be considerate of him and won't get on the net and brag about what a whipped guy he is, you women who do this will know why.

    *another round of applause*

    hellllllo voice of reason!
  • naayden
    naayden Posts: 9
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    It was my food purchased with my money, just because I'm a stay at home mom does mean I'm broke and have to depend on my husband.
  • MelissaGraham7
    MelissaGraham7 Posts: 403 Member
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    When I started out (2+ years ago), I essentially cooked 2 separate meals. Hubby gets 2% milk and really whatever he wants. I cooked what I wanted and then could usually amend for what he would like. It was fine. Over time, he began to eat what I ate and I had to do less and less different things. But, if he wants something or craves something, I fix it for him. He gets cookies and desserts for lunch. If he craves ice cream I buy it. It doesn't have to one or the other. We can peacefully exist. However, over time, he has always been supportive and he has come more and more over to the healthier way himself - which is great for both of us. One does not have to hammer the other over the head with their views.... we can each be our own person.
  • Lyonsgurl
    Lyonsgurl Posts: 22 Member
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    i would have took that card and smiled and said "ok honey"...then went on a spending spree...new shoes new pants new shirts new food...and then got a hotel room.:tongue:
  • Lyonsgurl
    Lyonsgurl Posts: 22 Member
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    oh and BTW the only reason he would get mad at you trying to be healthier is his own insecurities and hes afraid you leave if you feel better about you...from someone who has been in a couple abusive relationships... do for you make you better...either he'll change or you'll find a better man. But don't let his insecurities slow your journey...you're doing great and should be proud of yourself for making changes.:flowerforyou:
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,764 Member
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    I am spending a bit more on groceries and I get yelled at, but I also dont push what I am doing on my husband, I still make him the stuff he likes, im just giving him smaller portions of what he eats and he is fine with that.He actually said this morning that he was proud of me for going to the gym.. that really was sweet.:smile:
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    the next thing that would be getting thrown out is him, then I'd slap him with his own shoe and say "I want a better man by the time I get back"

    too funny!!

    He sounds like he's getting insecure with your progress. I'm not sure how to help -- but his tactics are really bullying you. You can't accept being treated that way. Good luck for a peaceful resolution.
  • RobynLB
    RobynLB Posts: 617 Member
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    I work in a domestic violence clinic, and I write up restraining order applications all day. This "rampage" is really disturbing to me, and if he is prone to this type of abusive behavior, I'd seriously rethink this relationship. No one deserves to be treated the way you describe him treating you, and it's not something to shrug off because abusive behavior tends to escalate over time.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Thank yu, We decided that I would stay home with my son. But I didn't state that here but its in my profile that someone went to then commented. Like I said in the title it was my food, maybe I should have stated more in the initial post but hey what can r you do. My husband is not abusive actually this surprised me because usually he doesn't talk much. I was being inconsiderate aftera long talk he said the reason he brought the food home was show me how he felt. It blown out of control he told me that it wasn't his intention. but I do tell if he eat what I cook he have to reseason it. It's regular table salt amongst other seasonings in my home. We both was being selfish. When I was working I barely cook because I worked 12 hour days so he became use to all the fast food we was eating. This is an adjustment for the both of us.

    Ah. Yeah. I know a number of dudes who have trouble expressing their feelings. Like actually saying "I feel ____" is a real challenge for them. I guess that's why he blew up. *shrug*
  • HotrodsGirl0107
    HotrodsGirl0107 Posts: 243 Member
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    1. I think it's messed up he's not supportive of you. That's problem #1. I don't care what his issues are, if he feels lonely when you're not eating junk with him or something -- you need to sit down with him and tell him you're making a choice to change yourself for your happiness, and he needs to get over himself.

    2. I honestly can't believe he just threw out a bunch of good food. How wasteful.

    3. As a married couple, if you've combined your finances and you're in charge of the groceries, then I agree that you should buy a few of the foods he likes, if it will make him so happy. And if you can resist the temptation. (Honestly, I don't see why he's not being more supportive.) That doesn't mean you have to cook a healthy and an un-healthy alternative for every meal. :p If he doesn't like your new healthy choices so much, and expects you to work around that; then tell him you don't like his unhealthy choices, and you expect him to work around that. If nothing else, he can prepare his own damn meals.

    How insensitive. Not impressed.


    Wouldn't both parties need to contribute to the income for it to be considered a combined income. Personally I believe his issues matter just as much as the op's do.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Ok, 1. your husband sounds like a controlling abusive a$$hat, and I'm sure you wil defend his abusive ways, people do that for some reason when they think they love somebody. 2. you shouldn't force him to eat what you are, he is a grown up, he should be able to eat what he wants. 3. go out with his debit card buy your stuff, and tell him if he wants something different, he can go out and buy it this time, and then the next time you go shopping you can just get the stuff you both want.

    So why do you have to make him dinner everynight anyways? You sound more like his maid than his wife. Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.

    She doesn't work. He does...13-15 hours a day. If my husband worked that many hours a day to support me while I didn't work, he'd be getting anything he darn well wanted for any meal.

    Would even try a few fancy sauces to say thank you.

    Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.

    Did you miss this part? Still doesn't mean he can treat her like trash though... but if that is what you are into go for it.

    Logic not computing. Not sure how my suggesting saying "thank you" with fancy sauces means anyone's into being treated like trash. Women who are nice to their SOs usually have pretty nice SOs in return.

    The OP said her husband isn't being abusive to her, and she isn't to him. They had a disagreement.

    OP, really glad you and your husband are figuring this out.
  • BLUEJABIRD
    BLUEJABIRD Posts: 2
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    wow its crazy to hear some of the things that people have to say on here but its good that you were able to talk and figure things out.al the best with everything.
  • alishacupcake
    alishacupcake Posts: 419 Member
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    In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.

    ^ I agree with this.

    It just won't do anything for their marriage for her to say, "Screw you, go to the store for your own garbage food." She still has to live with him. I don't understand how people are so quick to suggest telling their spouse to shove it...

    I agree.
    why do so many of you feel it is ok to impose your will on others?
    It's the same thing as if he bought the nachos, and said "eat them, or I'll throw you out".

    Fine, he didn't deal with it in adult manner, but it sounds like he has been suffering and enduring in silence for your benefit for a while without you even noting that he's making a sacrifice.

    fine, you do the shopping, but if he's paying for your groceries as well as other things, I do not see why a man with no weight issues has to starve because you are overweight.
    Losing weight isn't just about healthy choices, it's about having the willpower to stick to your convictions. Not expecting the rest of the world to CONFORM.
    There's no reason he should have to eat "diet" food anymore than you should have to eat his fattening junk.
    and I don't see any reason he can't have his own foods along with yours in the fridge. You are acting just as childishly if you refuse to buy food for him because he doesn't want to eat "diet" food.

    I'm sure my two cents aren't needed here but I tend to agree with all this....

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