He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

lambchristie

I am sorry you are going through such a horrible relationship and also that you feel stuck. Let me share my story with you.

I was in your shoes 34 years ago, except I was just married about a month when I found out I was expecting.
I will also tell you that the day after we married we moved 5 hours away from where we were ... a new city ... no friends (only his family), and he accused me of having an affair and that child was not his. He tried talking me into aborting my child and I refused.
For 9 months he didn't touch me, sex was out, and my heart was broken.
Fast forward 3 months after my son was born my husband came home and asked for a divorce. I knew the relationship was over the day he told me I was aborting my child, so it was a no brainer for me.
Fast forward about 2 or 3 years. I took my son over to his dad's one day, but not before getting all decked out in my cutest dress, hair done and makeup on. I was looking good, I had finally lost the weight I had gain while preggers and actually more. When I got home my phone was ringing and it was my ex ... and his words I will never forget: "If I had known you would have lost all that weight and looked this good again I would have never left you." My response: It is for that very reason you'll never have me again.

The point of this story ... its time to seriously kick this dude to the curb. He has no love or respect for you and YOU CAN DO BETTER!

lifesigns64

This has nothing at all to do with your weight, or your body, or even, really, your choice of partner. This has everything to do with your own mentality.

When you fall in love with a guy like this, it's understandable that you think he's oh-so-fantastic. The first few times he insults you, you brush it off as a bad day, and try to make him happy. You make little changes for Mr. Fantastic. Then he insults you some more, and you start to believe it. This is clearly the point you have reached. You somehow believe that your Mr. Fantastic is right, and you are a fat, ugly, PoS. WRONG!

You do not know how wrong you are, and you won't fingure it out until long after he is in your rearview mirror. Whatever your reason for staying, consider this: You now have two children that are learning from this guy. Two children that he will also train to believe they are less than their true worth. Two children who, if you stay with this guy, will grow up to be victims just like you.

Don't be his victim. Don't let your children be his victims. GTFO. Now.

Worry about your health once you take care of this infinitely more critical detail of your life.

panamapups

HHHhhhMMMMmmm..... For some reason I am NOT imagining him to be some sexy super stud when naked, or clothed for that matter.... Life is to short for EITHER of you to feel as if you're settling for less than you WANT. Let him know NOT to be a penny looking for a dime! I'm certain with his disgusting inner ugliness he is NOT a real hot item on the list of other ladies Wanting him! Smile, laugh, enjoy & move on!

panamapups

Lol! I smiled when I read your post! After 7 years my sweetheart & I find that together compared to MOST couples we are pretty damned AWESOME!!! We would NEVER treat (allow) anyone especially each other to speak like that to us and then have the balls to call it love.... lol I gave my man a extra hug tonight & told him he what a beautiful man he is!

runningfataway

You know what's worse than being alone? Being in a relationship with someone but still feeling completely lonely and alone.

I say you get rid of this douche bag and start respecting yourself more. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Don't let the *kitten* treat you like ****.

rrumbolt

with all that mental abuse; it will be real hard to get pass that. when a person loses weight they really need to do it for themselves. i started at 217 lbs,and i know how you feel. becareful how you start as the body hangs onto fat thinking your starving it self. all men want to have a gorgeous woman on their arm; it's just the way they are., but no one has the right to say nasty things to you spouse, fiance,or whatever they are too you. i eat 6 times a day. breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, workout, snack. i eat so much i'm tired of eating. i't's truly about what you eat and. how much you eat. i weigh everything and measure everything. if you are interested in my diet plan that consists of 1200 calories a day. i will give it to you.. take care,and keep your head up...44lbs down from it now.

thefatchic

I'd say you could do better not the other way around.

Achrya

I figure that you can be sad, miserable, and unhappy on your own OP, so why do you need another person to do it for you? A person who would take what is clearly a sensitive subject for any person and try to use it as a tool to hurt will only do more of the same. Take control of your life OP. You can't hope to lose and keep off weight if you don't first take your life in your hands.

Also what an effing tool.

DaniH826

First thing you need to work on is why what you think of yourself is based on what some jerk says about you.

Don't you have your own opinions of yourself other than the garbage other people have fed you???

One part of me wants to tell you to punch him in the head for being an idiot, pack your bags, grab your kids and leave.

The other part of me wants to tell you that history is going to just repeat itself with the next guy you're with as this seems to be a pattern for you. The REASON you end up with abusive jackwagons is because your own opinion of yourself is atrocious. Stop the cycle, hmm?

Do yourself a favor, and get healthy and strong for yourself and for your children instead of for some jerk, whether he's the father of any of your kids or not.

Much as I'd like to blame him (and he does carry his part of the blame, for sure, just for being a self-absorbed, abusive jackwagon), the bigger part of this rests squarely on your shoulders, and nobody can fix that except you. If we're constantly down on ourselves, other people will end up feeding into that and reinforce it because the negative is all we "hear" and respond to. Fix your internal filter system. Get counseling for yourself would be my advice, and get your head on straight.

Calling a pregnant woman fat. The nerve! Let's see him carry a baby for 9 months and then squeeze it out of his pee pee. Go ahead, tough guy. Seriously?? :mad:

vtmoon

Has anyone called troll yet?

upgetupgetup

I know it's hard to think of leaving. But you only get one life. It'd be really sad if this is how you spent all of it.

He won't change. You can do better.

elisa123gal

Lose the weight and build your sense of accomplishment and self control. Also, lose it for yourself..he will not change or be nice to you after you do..he'll find another reason to tear your down.

He is empty inside and an abusive man. You need counseling...lose your weight for yourslef..get strong..save money and then lose him.

dawnerika

I see a lot of really great comments here from other posters. Speaking from personal experience, I worry for you that verbal abuse will escalate to physical. You don't want to leave the guy, so does this mean you see yourself as worthless? He certainly seems to see you this way. Any human being who talks down to another in such a nasty, hateful way, does NOT love you. I was in a similar situation a very long time ago and I left...with our 2 children. You have to live for yourself. You have to find the courage to leave a toxic relationship, no matter how hard it seems to be. Don't lose weight for this *kitten*, you do it for YOU! I wouldn't let this f****r touch me with a 10 foot pole, if it was me. Your life, your sanity and mental health - are far more important than ANY partner. And your children - how healthy is it for them to live in a stressed out home, where one parent talks down to the other? I learned the hard way and had to grow some brass balls and move forward with my life...and leave losers in the dust.

DoctorsaubeR

Lol! I smiled when I read your post! After 7 years my sweetheart & I find that together compared to MOST couples we are pretty damned AWESOME!!! We would NEVER treat (allow) anyone especially each other to speak like that to us and then have the balls to call it love.... lol I gave my man a extra hug tonight & told him he what a beautiful man he is!

You smiled after you read her post? Really? I mean, I can relate to being appreciative and grateful that my husband is incredible and would never treat me that way...but that just seemed a little cold!

DoctorsaubeR

Has anyone called troll yet?

I was kinda thinking that, too. But I didn't want to say it...

taliar93

Hate to tell you this dear, but welcome to the world of abusive relationships, when you get down to a healthy weight and you're "attractive" to him again, he will find another way to pick you apart and break you down, could be the way you dress, the way you treat the kids, even how your face looks, it's only going to get worse, if you aren't going to leave him, fine, that's your downfall, but surely you see how the relationship is going to go? chances are he'll eventually start smacking you and your kids around. Good luck with that.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is what it is, I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. :smokin:

lilmiss_sunshine29

Awwww, sweetie, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! You are not alone. I was in a very verbally abusive marriage for 6 years. At first I didn't realize that the snide comments about my love handles etc were abusive but about 5 years into the marriage he actually turned very cruel. I remember asking him one day why we never went out anymore. He pulled me in front of a mirror and said "Have you looked in the mirror lately? That's why we never go out anymore." We've been divorced for 15 years and that comment still hurts. I was never able to feel the same way about him after that. He had destroyed what little bit of self esteem I had left. That was the low point and like you, I had never felt so ugly. I actually started to believe the awful things that he said. The stress he caused me by chastising my weight only made things worse - I'm an emotional/stress eater. What he was doing was only making it worse and I gained even more weight. I also know now, that had I been at an "ideal" weight he probably would have found some other "flaw" to pick at me about.

I don't know everything about your situation so I won't give any advice other than to say that you probably need to go to counseling. It did wonders for me and helped me decide that I was worth more and deserved better than to be treated that way on a daily basis. It took years to get my self-esteem back and feel beautiful again. You deserve to feel beautiful and to be loved and cherished by your partner. I also have this question.......do you want your children to grow up learning that verbally abusing someone is OK? Children model what they see.............

Friend me if you like. I'll be here to listen if you need it.

I couldn't agree more!
None of us can "make" you lose weight or make you leave your boyfriend. Some may advise you to leave & we can support with your weight loss journey. Please put your kids 1st - make sure they are safe not just from physical harm but from emotional torment too. It may not be directly to them but in you, they see and feel your pain.
Like many people have said, lose weight for the right reasons and in a healthy way. Get support in the form of Counselling or Psychology coz a lot of times, these cruel comments just bring us down even more when we feel crap about ourselves.
Wishing you all the best & well done for seeking support here.

ChrisC_77

1st of all, I think pregnancy is sexy as hell! Now for some men, it is a turn off because they feel uncomfortable feeling attracted to their wife, girlfriend when they are pregnant because they are thinking about the baby. And in exactly what ways does his family think he could do better? Are they basing that strictly on appearance and weight? If so, it's no wonder that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

If your boyfriend is concerned about your health, he shouldn't insult you or make comments. Just be supportive. Even bringing it up (from a man's perspective) can be tricky and scary. But those that truly love our spouse, girlfriend and have true concerns about their health should not sit idle. But being tactful and knowing how to say things is a must.

All the best. Talk with him about how you feel. Hopefully he will understand how you feel. I would never tell anyone to leave anyone else. It's not my place.

Minnesota_Nice

Dump him. If he doesn't see how gorgeous you are NOW then he won't see your real beauty then either. I've yo yo dieted for years.... S I've been up to 210 and down to 140 and I always tried to lose the weight for me, never for another guy. He's what we call in mn a pecker head. F him.

terilou87

Has anyone called troll yet?

I was kinda thinking that, too. But I didn't want to say it...

i thought it as soon as i read it.