He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!
Replies
-
1st what an asswipe he is. not sure why you can't leave as there is always an option, I'd love to kick his *kitten* right now. that said , you need to foucus on yourself
and your babies, he does not deserve any energy put towards him. I myself gained 60 pounds with my 2nd son I was 198 the day he was born, and the weight did come off. Focus on you , eat healthy , get some exercise if it is only walking do what you can do, add me as a friend and I will support you. 0 -
sure you can go ahead and stay with him but it wont change.. my oldest sons dad did the same to me but he also physically abused me i was only 17 did i ever get over it.?? yes but when i left him. loosing weight wont change his a-hole attitude.. having children from two diffrent men doesnt change your value as a woman.. loose the weight for you.!! Gain self love and respect for yourself..!! Somebody better will come along and love you and your babys genuinely.. If i could you most certainly can..0
-
How the F@%K did you go to this?All men are a-wipes. amirite?
I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums
Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.
If you agree with the OP's boyfriend then yes, you are also an as$h@.0 -
I really don't know what more to write than what has been written here but I am sure I will be able to write a book. You see, I work at a Domestic Violence center (have for over 5 years) and have seen and heard many stories of abuse- some with severe physical abuse and some like yours, where it is all emotional mind games and tearing someone down. I have heard stories from women who have had to deal with not only the shenanigans of their boyfriend/husband/baby's dad but with his family as well (women who dealt with mothers just like your bf's mom who would do anything to interfere and "make their son look good" or whatever need be to keep the girl with their son).
To be honest, you have MUCH MORE going for you than the majority of the women I work with on a daily basis. You have a house (which you stated you own, so it is your property), you have a job, you have a car- you have much more means to do something for yourself and your kids than many women in similar situations. I can't tell you to leave him because that is not my decision to make, but I can tell you that there is support out there to help you work through these tough decisions. There are people who do work just like I do and they can help you navigate the legal fields and other issues you might face if you separate from him.
I will tell you, though, that he won't stop. From what you have said about his mother, it sounds like this is something that has been perpetuated in his family. He probably grew up hearing these kind of things between his parents, perhaps his parents even abused and controlled him. Other posters are right- people who abuse their spouses/SO's often times go on to abuse the children in the relationships. I could find the statistic somewhere, but I know that a HIGH percentage of children in homes where the mother is abused are also abused themselves. And if your children are lucky enough to not be directly abused by him, they are STILL learning his behaviors. Even if you tell them "this behavior isn't right", actions speak louder than words. They WILL learn from what they see happening in their home.
I sent you a friend request earlier today and if you would like to accept it I will be more than happy to talk with you through private messages and maybe help you find some support in your area. I am sure right now you feel like you can't leave him, like that option is maybe too hard and there are too many obstacles. But hopefully over time you will see that you deserve better (and so do your kids) and when you do, know that there are people out there who would like to help you find yourself and make a better life for yourself and your kids.
Last, since this is a fitness/diet/health website, I do want to acknowledge how you said you have been basically living on juicing and trying to lose weight that way. PLEASE, if you really want to lose weight for yourself and your health, do it in a healthy way. Your body needs more than just juice and losing weight too rapidly is not good for your body either. Also, when you rapidly lose weight a lot of times you don't sustain that weight loss. If you are wanting to lose weight and get healthier, this needs to be a life change, not just a lose weight quick scheme. Find a weight loss method that can be something you will sustain the rest of your life (and be able to show your kids how to make healthy choices and have a healthy relationship with food as well). Eat balanced meals and smaller portions- the weight will still come off. My diary is open if you would like to look. I have started just cutting back on things and eating more fruits and vegs and making healthier choices and I am losing weight. And what I have been doing is something I think I can sustain for my life- not a fad or lose weight quick scheme.
Take care!
I wish this forum had a karma or rep system. This is a great post and very true. You have a lot more going for you than a lot of women in similar situations.
Think of it this way. He is claiming that he is so unhappy with you, why the hell hasn't HE left YOU??? If you are so useless and disgusting as he says and could do better as his family says?
...Because it isn't true, because he is a coward, and because he is using you. He needs to have someone in his life to abuse and you are it, and if you stay you will always be it (possibly expanding to the children), overweight or not.
There are men that parade their pregnant wives and girlfriends like they're the most gorgeous women on the planet, and they are. I haven['t had kids but I get freaking jealous of pregnant women sometimes. I can't believe the revolting things he said.0 -
How the F@%K did you go to this?All men are a-wipes. amirite?
I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.
If you agree with the OP's boyfriend then yes, you are also an as$h@.
well, if you need a forum full of trolls and strangers to validate your worthe to your wife, thats a whole other issue...0 -
Yes, you can leave him. Regardless of the drama his mother and he puts you thru there is always a way. It's your house right? Kick his abusive *kitten* out and then go to the courts and file something against him and his mother. You keep fighting till you can't anymore. It's either that or live with a man who is clearly just probably using you for your house and you paying the bills. If he doesn't like how you look then he can go find someone else. Do you really feel so low about yourself that you would want to put up with that just to say you have someone? Come on.....you are better than that. You have a job, a house and a car. You are FINE without him.0
-
Don't let him get to you. If things don't get any better you can do bad bu yourself . Sometimes you have to think with your head and not your heart. Add me as a friend if you feel like it. 0
-
ITS UNDERSTANDABLE IF YOUR MAN WANTS U TO BE HEALTHY BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE WHEN U GET TO 150LBS HE WILL STILL BE A JERK OFF!!!!....HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOU AND ENCOURAGING U IN A LOVING WAY TO CHANGE UR LIFE STYLE NOT PUTTING YOU DOWN!!!AND IF YOU STAY WITH HIM U'LL PROBABLY STILL FEEL UGLY AT 150LBS BECAUSE OF THE DAMAGE HE HAS ALREADY DONE. IF HE DOESNT EXCEPT YOU FOR YOU THEN KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB BECAUSE U CAN DAMN SURE DO BETTER!!!!0
-
:noway: Oh honey I am sorry he is such a f-tard. What a self centered *kitten* he has been to you. You just pushed out another person and you hormone's still need to adjust. Lose weight, lose him and go find happiness. As far as his family is concerned they are the people who probably set his mind to this way of thinking...screw them too... I doubt you will ever be able to forget what he has said to you nor should you. Love is unconditional. Lose the weight for you, your health and well being. :flowerforyou:0
-
This post makes me sad
So many relationships that shouldn't be... are... and so many perfectly nice single peeps are out there lone wolfing it.
If I had a gf or wife, and she was pregnant with "MY" baby... she would never look more beautiful to me! I would think she was even more gorgeous than she already is because of it. Maybe I'm just weird though
0 -
I started reading some of the replies but stopped. Looks like you have a lot of support here. I wish happiness for you. Here is my prediction. When you get well into your weight loss, you are going to start feeling like a superstar. That is when you can decide what to do about "Mr. Wonderful". Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. Be careful, any verbal abuse you ar experiencing, your babies are seeing it also. Don't harm their perspective at such young ages. Take care, I will say a prayer for you.0
-
The OP deactivated her account. :frown:0
-
What gets me is she posted this in the Success Stories board. :ohwell:0
-
You are not going to leave him? You are going to stay & put up with some verbal insults from him AND his family? Losing weight will not change HIM.
If you don't leave for you... then do it for your kids. Sorry but they don't need to be put through that. I'm a big believer in NOT staying together for the sake of the children. I'm ok with it if it's ONLY you... but not when kids get involved...and they already are.
I can't have any more children, I have a 19yo from a man who didn't want anything to do with me or his son, but have been with a man who loves my son as his own.... he has been 'dad' since my son was almost 3. My husband & I can't have children, but damn if he was anything like that.... then I'd be gone....because my son would not need that as well.
You don't leave for your own reason...fair enough. But think of your kids 1st0 -
I am so sorry for your pain.
Take it from me, it won't get better.
I am no longer with the man/my exhusband who told me that very thing...
He beat me soon after that...
You are better than that...
My advice....There are good men helping to raise three children by three different men that aren't theirs.....I know them personally....
There are wonderful men out there who will love you...
The real issue is knowing your own worth and loving yourself...
It took me years to do so...
Pray....Ask God for help...
Do what you love...
Leave that looser....
You will be better off in the long run...
I stayed with a man who began hating me and showing me his hatred daily...
I know loosers a mile off....
Believe me....It will get worst....
You are better than that...0 -
or he deactivated it for her0
-
So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.
Why on earth don't you leave?? And further more did you think that honestly anyone on this website for support would support that?? Get out while you still can...0 -
he is a jerk0
-
or she did. Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth, they don't have the balls to leave and it's sad because it will without a doubt affect her children.
I had a guy that was a friend of a friend on facebook, and he came to me for advice I gave it to him and with no reply he deleted me.
Guess I told him something he didn't want to hear.0 -
Unless you have heard those nasty things coming from his friends and family...do not believe it, probably the opposite is true.
Honey, I am not in your shoes and I don't understand the why, of why you cant leave, but I will tell you this, verbal abuse escalates...do you and your babies a favor and leave...there has to be a shelter in your area where they will help you.0 -
It's not just you that you have to think about anymore...remember, you have two kids that are depending on you to be a role model. If you're going to lose weight, be healthy about it. You'll hurt yourself in the end. You want your kids to know the proper way to do things. That includes how to treat your partner. Leave him! Verbal abuse is still abuse. And sometimes it starts out that way, only to end up as physical. Do you want your kids growing up seeing you get abused? They need to grow up with love and happiness. Think of them and be a strong!0
-
I don't get why leaving him is out of the question. I understand that you have a kid together, plus one from a previous relationship...but good Lord, leave this idiot!
I'm sure it's easier said than done. But remember, you are choosing to bring up your children in a household with verbal and emotional abuse. They should be growing up seeing love and happiness.
^^^ What she said...0 -
I'm a lot older than you and have been through a couple of abusive marriages and wanted to share some advice that may help some.
Mental abuse is never easy.
1) Please don't starve yourself. Begin a program where you lose weight and exercise in a healthy way, for YOU, not for him.
2) Do NOT engage in a conversation with him when he is insulting you. Walk out of the room to another part of the house.
3) Begin focusing on yourself and your children while setting an example for them.
4) Keep your home as stable and calm as possible for their sake. Little ears hear everything.
Along the way your husband will notice a difference in you. By this time, you will have learned to block out his insults and focus on the most important things in your life...your health and your children. Whether this will change the way you feel for him in the future is a different matter but you will know what to do when that time comes.
All the best to you living one day at a time.0 -
Sweetheart, I can tell you from personal experience...once an assehole always an *kitten*...You'll lose the weight...look gorgeous (which You have to realize you are already, even with the baby weight) and he'll find something else to ***** about. I spent almost ten years (two different relationships) with men who didn't care about me and abused me regularily in all ways imaginablee. I was hospitalized on a number of times and ended up with PTSD from the stress..The problem is, is when your in the center of the situation, they make a very successful effort to keep you depressed about yourself and feeling like no one else would have you but them so that they can fly under the radar with all their inconsistencies and "flab"..whether it be their flaws, personality, cheating qualities..who cares..point is, Don't spend 10 years thinking your the problem and they're your everything..they aren't..your kids are, and they will eventually get the same treatment from him as you do, they are just too young to know it yet. You say you can't bear to leave him at this point, but let me ask you this...Can you bear to watch him abuse your children in the same way he does you? I regret the time I spent NOT careing about myself. Now, I am a single mom (which at the time I also thought I couldn't do), live at my mothers temporarily, but am getting back on my feet. All is well now, but I have scars that are permanent and still show...I have scars that will never go away..bad ones...emotional and physical, and my confidence in myself leaves something to be desired. I am a beautiful girl with a wonderful heart, and my daughter and I are finally on our way to having a great life...I want that for her more than for me, at least she won't grow up thinking that thats how she can be treated and she can't do a damn thing about it...if I had a boy, he would grow up thinking he could hit and insult girls...You need to understand that your children are going to lose respect for you in all this..Don't stay because they need a dad...LEAVE because they need someone who loves them to show them whats right..YOUR STRONG and BEAUTIFUL..YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!0
-
I'm sorry you're going though this...but i don't think you should stay only for the kids. It will only make the inevitable breakup hurt more later. You have to be strong for your kids because they deserve a happy mother.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter what weight..you DESERVE to be happy and appreciated
This absolutely!!!! I'm a single mom, I get it. Staying and raising your kids in an abusive household is far worse than going it alone. Do you really think he will love and respect you once youre thin? Could you love and respect him? You and your children are worth more period!0 -
Okay I know you have your mind set on staying with this guy, but please stop and think. You don't want your son to treat women the way this guy does. Children learn by example-- what is this example telling your son? Not only do you deserve better for yourself, your son also deserves a proper role model to show him what a good man is--- what a relationship should look like--how a woman deserves to be treated. Most of all he needs his mother and you can't be 100% be there for him when you are constantly being belittled and abused. Yes that's right---ABUSED-- that's what the correct term is for what he is doing to you. I am a single mom. If I can do it so can you. By letting this jerk go, maybe you are clearing the path for a relationship with someone who respects you as a person and who will be a boyfriend/husband worthy of your love and dedication. This guy is a jerk. He does not deserve you. You deserve more and so do your kids. Don't give up on YOU. Trust me my past relationships were not perfect, hence single mom, but my daughter will NOT grow up with a warped sense of love, respect and relationships. He is hurting you and your family. Let the "Momma Bear" in you come out and stop this crap now. YOU are worth it. I would be more than happy to be there for you if you need someone to talk to. You are NOT alone. Please love yourself. If you don't it won't matter if anyone else does. If you want to lose weight-- fine, we all do. But please do this for YOU because it won't work if you are doing it for someone else.0
-
You need to get out of there!! By sticking around you are going to teach your children this kind of abuse is acceptable. You have to be stronger than that for your children.0
-
I just checked and Murdle5552 has deactivated her account. If you are a praying person, please join me in praying for her, that she will get help, be strong for both herself and her children. I pray also, that if she took offense to any words here, that she will come to know that all meant well. What amazed me as I read through all the posts is the number of people who shared similar stories. I pray for all the survivors as well.0
-
Dear Posters,
I wanted to offer a brief explanation for the locking of this thread.
In this instance the majority of respondents have weighed in with empathy and support. The original poster has received a significant amount of feedback and the conversations can continue via personal messaging or within a group.
Thanks to everyone for your understanding.
Respectfully,
Olivia
MFP Staff0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions
Do you Love MyFitnessPal? Have you crushed a goal or improved your life through better nutrition using MyFitnessPal?
Share your success and inspire others. Leave us a review on Apple Or Google Play stores!
Share your success and inspire others. Leave us a review on Apple Or Google Play stores!