He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

RonnieLodge

My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

You are 100% NOT alone in this.
Admittedly, you probably won't look at him the same way, but the way we look at people changes from year to year.

I know someone very well who has had this happen to them. They were absolutely heartbroken, having their partner tell them he was not attracted to them anymore. Especially when she had carried his kids! The guy is VERY stringent about his eating and work out habits and is very fit. She said she knew he was shallow, but that doesn't really help.

She got down to her goal weight, and her partner was 'oh, you are all sexy now'. They are still together and are happy enough.

It is not anyone else's place to judge. How you approach this will make all the difference.

If you want to take the stance that he is an unsupportive, malicious asshat just out to hurt you or that he has good intentions but is simply having a MASSIVE communication fail on this subject, either way, you'll be right.

So as hard as it is, maybe confide in a close friend or two who you can call up to vent to about it and have a laugh with on a regular basis.

I think this helped my friend a lot - she could contact me, she knew my baseline of opinion was that leaving him wasn't an option, so she could have a rant (often about leaving him, and I would remind her why she should stay), then when she was dealing with him she could be calm about things because she had gotten the anger and frustration out of her system.


But these guys had better hope they never get sick or infirm!!

BeingAwesome247

UM DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS REPLY?!?!

In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.

Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.

It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.

He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.

Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.

Your not in this alone.

OP you think you have problems?! Yours can be fixed with some serious research in your state's laws, a good lawyer and the courage to GTFO

To the girl who posted this reply, please seek therapy! You are mentally ill and I really hope you're not planning to keep that baby because already you're not putting his/her needs before your own issues. I don't give a *kitten* about who said what to you - that is your child and your behavior is SELFISH.
I pray that your child comes out healthy and that you check yourself into a facility

allisonlane61

If there's abuse, in any form, and you're worried about losing custody, start now keeping a journal, and if possible, try to tape it. Forearmed is, well, forearmed. Because I can assure you when you have lost weight, at 150 pounds, you're going to have some self esteem back and you're probably going to think YOU can do better than HIM. If you are seriously afraid of a custody case (and I haven't been able to read all the posts), you should get the ammo together to battle it. You can't live your life afraid to leave because of custody. So start planning now, keep losing weight, and see if there's a way you can handle the self esteem (which I personally think happens to most women after having the baby but still having the weight). If you don't have the money to get an attorney now, start researching your state's laws. There is plenty on the Internet on how women have made it through custody situations with men who have threatened to take the baby. But the biggest thing is document, document, document...if there's any physical abuse, call the cops. Immediately.

And he is an a**hole.

UsedToBeHusky

UM DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS REPLY?!?!

In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.

Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.

It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.

He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.

Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.

Your not in this alone.

OP you think you have problems?! Yours can be fixed with some serious research in your state's laws, a good lawyer and the courage to GTFO

To the girl who posted this reply, please seek therapy! You are mentally ill and I really hope you're not planning to keep that baby because already you're not putting his/her needs before your own issues. I don't give a *kitten* about who said what to you - that is your child and your behavior is SELFISH.
I pray that your child comes out healthy and that you check yourself into a facility

I admit. I glossed over it. But I was focused on the OP. Yes... this woman needs some serious help because she is putting her baby in danger.

ZombieBubbles

Wow what f***ing douche bag. If my ex would have said something like that to me after my pregnancy I would have drop elbowed him in the nuts while he was asleep. I've been in a verbally abusive relationship and its mentally scaring. Took me months to heal from it..You will never forget what he's said. Lose the weight for yourself not him. After you get to where your happy you may feel differently about wanting to stay with him
Its your life and you only get one. Why be miserable. Add me if you like.

jwilson3787

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

^^ agree

fixyourdns

his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better.

I would have to say I agree with just about everything said. I will say if he could have done better he would have... The fact is he was lucky to get you..

I come from a long history of addiction, so I can say if your not doing it for yourself then you will not be the one in 50 that gets it.. I will also double agree How he treats you is how your son will treat his wife/GF.

brandymandycandy

UM DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS REPLY?!?!

In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.

Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.

It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.

He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.

Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.

Your not in this alone.

OP you think you have problems?! Yours can be fixed with some serious research in your state's laws, a good lawyer and the courage to GTFO

To the girl who posted this reply, please seek therapy! You are mentally ill and I really hope you're not planning to keep that baby because already you're not putting his/her needs before your own issues. I don't give a *kitten* about who said what to you - that is your child and your behavior is SELFISH.
I pray that your child comes out healthy and that you check yourself into a facility

I admit. I glossed over it. But I was focused on the OP. Yes... this woman needs some serious help because she is putting her baby in danger.

Yea there were a ton of replies I didn't read them all, but clearly this poster needs some help! I agree that I'll be praying that her child is born healthy, most likely in this situation it will probably be born prematurally. I always feel bad, for children who are brought into the world with issues caused by their parents leaving them no fighting chance for a real life

kellyf_83

UM DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS REPLY?!?!

In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.

Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.

It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.

He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.

Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.

Your not in this alone.

OP you think you have problems?! Yours can be fixed with some serious research in your state's laws, a good lawyer and the courage to GTFO

To the girl who posted this reply, please seek therapy! You are mentally ill and I really hope you're not planning to keep that baby because already you're not putting his/her needs before your own issues. I don't give a *kitten* about who said what to you - that is your child and your behavior is SELFISH.
I pray that your child comes out healthy and that you check yourself into a facility

I admit. I glossed over it. But I was focused on the OP. Yes... this woman needs some serious help because she is putting her baby in danger.

Oh my gosh. You need help! I mean that in the kindest way possible. You are down because you are/ have been abused, but what do you think you are doing to your baby! That is abuse too. Feed your poor baby. It is possible to nourish your baby and not gain a ton of weight. I just had a baby 15 weeks ago. I lost 13 lbs from morning sickness, then gained 27. So I was only 14 lbs over my beginning weight. And guess what, after giving birth to a healthy 8 lb 10 oz baby, and all the fluids. I left the hospital only 2 lbs above my per pregnancy weight. Feed your baby. It has no one else but you.

cubbies77

OP:

Find the nearest YWCA. When I had to get out and get a restraining order, they helped me for FREE. They have legal advocacy programs that focus on you and your children. His mother is nutso, and you can prove it with the continued harassment/allegations that were disproved in court. Go talk to someone there right now. If you don't have one near you, call them and ask if they have suggestions/options.

Whether or not he will be attracted to you once you lose weight doesn't matter one bit. His opinion does not matter. He is a *kitten*, and you need to take of yourself and your kids first. He and his mother can rot in Hell.

LadyL2012

If you know you should leave, then you will never be happy, sorry, but there it is.

If he'll make you feel horrible for being the weight you are, he'll make you feel horrible about something else once you've lost it. I've seen this kind of *kitten* before.

But if you are insistent on staying with him, then get yourself a good relationship counsellor if that's what you think will help. But I have a feeling that once you lose weight and feel better for yourself, your confidence will grow and actually you'll realise you can do better than him.

cubbies77

Here's the link to the YWCA in NH:

http://www.ywcanh.org/

Use it. Let them help you get out of there and shut his mother up.

jr1985

Wow... I'm really sorry you are going through this.

It's been my experience though that *kitten* are going to find a reason to be *kitten* no matter what. Admittedly, there is a HUGE difference between your partner still loving you completely, and being very supportive of you and your health no matter what... but still suggesting, politely of course, that he wouldn't exactly mind if you two worked on getting in shape together... and someone outright saying they are no longer attracted to their partner and that their friends think they can do better.

For men and women both... Sure let's admit it, if you spend enough time with someone for long enough, you are bound to get on each others nerves on occasion, and occasionally say things out of spite that you don't really mean... but I feel like the general attitude should be that you support and love your partner completely, be able to confide in them and encourage them however you can... and visa versa. Find the person that would love you no matter whether you gained 600lbs and got leprosy!

People that have the attitude like it sounds like your boyfriend has... seems to be the type of person who would find something to be unhappy about his partner about no matter what... Even If you ended up looking like Shakira, and could dance like her to boot, If that is they type of person he is... then it sounds like he will find something else to pick at like you housekeeping, etc... is he REALLY the person that you want to be with despite his flaws?

miss_rye_

UM DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS REPLY?!?!

I admit. I glossed over it. But I was focused on the OP. Yes... this woman needs some serious help because she is putting her baby in danger.


I am saddened by this. That poor innocent baby.

KANGOOJUMPS

THAT A ****HEAD!, you deserve so much better!

xoxo_Jennifer

My heart breaks for you..............
I can tell you this only because I have been in your same boat - EXACTLY.

I have 2 kids by 2 different boyfriends that I had. The last one, (the father of my daughter) made me feel like I wasn't attractive and I never felt like I was good enough. When I started making healthier choices, I started feeling better about me, overall and I wasn't just doing it for him. That is a setup for FAILURE.
Once you start feeling better about yourself, you will realize that a stupid jerk assshole like him is not even worth your time. Another wake up call for me was - I would NEVER want my son to see that type of behavior and think that it's ok to someday tell his future girlfriend of wife that she was ugly, fat, etc.

Life is too short for all that sweetie.

macantrell

Heart breaking! Where is your family? Who can you lean on to support you? Put yourself first and your children second by taking charge and shutting them DOWN. You are allowing this man and his Mother to walk all over you! Tell them NO more, walk away when he starts talking to you like that and laugh at him. Love yourself for who you are today. Confront him on his words directly, don't assume anything...Ask him does he want to leave or end the relationship because of your weight? Don't give either of the power any more. He isn't attracted to you, are you attracted to him after he has said this to you? "I am not attracted to you anymore", well there is hte couch! Start logging everthing his Mother (him too for that matter) says and does! When the time come when you are ready to leave, you will have all this to plead your case. They are both bullies, approach them directly and tell them you will not allow them to treat you this way anymore. Start living your life for yourself and children. I have to believe it will all come together for you and your children soon!

tsdaughe

I hate to sound rude but at some point you need to suck it up, hire the attorney, kick him out and fight back when she makes those false allegations. The more you go back and forth just shows the courts that the children are not in a stable environment. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. When I had my ex arrested and jailed for domestic abuse he waged a full on war on my life. He got me fired from my job. He stalked me, harassed me. He contacted my ex husband and told all sorts of lies. But I didn't back down. I got an attorney, I got a new job. I kept on pushing through. You cannot live in fear. You just can't. It will be hard at first but any court will see what his mom is about and there is a record of her contact revenge CPS reports.

brookeaby1

Here's the deal:
Is he a complete and total d-bag: YES!
Is his mother psychotic: YES!
Can you sue her for harrassement? HECK YES!
Here's the thing; his mom sounds like a big ole bully. Bullies generally only fight battles they can win. Every time you take him back and that grandbaby stays where the mom wants him to stay, you're letting the bully know they can win. Maybe you can't afford the $1300 in court/lawyer fees to actually go to court, but you can probably afford to pay a lawyer to write up a claim of harrassment. Most people call it a cease and desist. Have a lawyer write up legal documentation saying that you will sue her for everything she is worth if she doesn't leave you and your family alone. There are tons of lawyers who work with abuse cases who would provide you a free consultation and if you have as much proof of emotional harassment as it sounds like you do they would wait until the mother in law loses in court to get paid and then it would be on your MIL's dime.

There are options for getting out. You just have to be creative.

This is NOT ok. He is not a good man and likely not a going to be a good father. He is DEFINITELY not a good example of what a real man is and it's desperately sad that your children will grow up with that type of example. And btw, as a member of the broken picker club (suck at picking men) I'd like to induct you into our group. :-)

I hope it gets better, I really do.

WaxMama

You need a new bf. Seriously. And you need to eat FOOD. You cannot keep up a liquid diet long term... you need to change your lifestyle. It is a slow process, but you need slow so you can change your current habits. Most of all, YOU NEED TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR BODY, NOT BECAUSE YOU HATE IT. If you don't start there, you'll never make it. Please feel free to add me, I would be happy to help you on your journey! :flowerforyou: