He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

alltheweigh170

I can understand why you feel that you can't leave him. You are a mother of two kids and need the support. Let me tell you that even if you lose weight, there will be something else that will displease the person about you. It is hard to satisfy people like that who want a trophy girlfriend or wife. A real man would be very supportive during the initial years after childbirth.

I would lose weight for myself and in the meantime get prepared to live an independant life without the need for him(for support, finances, etc.). As much as we love people like that, it will be hard to please them and though, today, you say you cannot leave him a day might come when you will want to. So the best thing is to be prepared by making sure you will have stability if you leave him. Good luck sweety!

SunshineT83

My dear,
I am so sorry that you have experienced such pain cause by a person who is supposed to love and support you. I am not sure why you feel that you cannot leave him, but know that treating yourself as if you don't deserve better than what he is willing to give you at this very moment (regardless of how much you weigh) gives him the green card that he never has to give you more than exactly what he is giving you right now. Thin, fat, fit, unfit, healthy, or chronically ill, we all deserve to have someone on our team. Someone who is willing to support us and give us what we need to be our best selves. Whether or not you need to lose weight is not the problem, even him pointing it out to you is not the problem. HOW he chose to bring such a sensitive topic to you IS the problem. Even if you two were just friends without children between you the level of respect that one has to have for someone to help them through the toughest points of their lives (Like Losing Weight) exposes exactly who they are. The only way you can answer you question of being able to look at him the same after the weight loss is deciding whether you can love and respect a man who has such little love and respect for you.....

P.S. You say that leaving him is out of the question, but what were to happen if he chose to leave you? Torturing yourself will not create happiness. Doing better for/to/because of yourself and your children will. Be Blessed and Good Luck to you. :flowerforyou:

heymirth

That sucks and sorry for your hurt feelings. Time heals believe me.

Stay strong. Loose the weight YOU want to lose for your health and the life of your kids and everything else will fall where it needs to. You can only control you and the way your kids see and respect you.

You can do it. He is a turd.

trcharon

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts like heck. But in my opinion, yes, you can get pass the hurt but you it want be the same until you change your motives for losing the weight. The only person you can lose the weight for is YOU! No one can make you happy... BUT YOU!! I am sooo sorry you are in this amount of pain. I've been there, done that and wrote the book... Lose the weight for you not him!

blink1021

I am sorry but I would have been devastated. I just had a baby 2 months ago and it would have killed me to hear my husband say that to me. I never bounced back from my 1st pregnancy and lost all the weight and even now I still have quite a bit of weigh to lose. I am sorry whether its a bf or a husband they should be with you for you and not what you look like if they really love you. Pregnancy takes a toll on the body and it takes awhile to get it back it took you 9months to add on the weight its going to take just that long or longer to get it back. Even once I hit my goal weight I could never look at someone the same after being told all that. It shows just how superficial someone can be and you can do better there are men out there who are decent and good and will love you and your kids for you and not how much you weigh.

luckyjuls

I honestly think there is nothing that could be said here that would get through to you. I think you have made your decision to lose weight and try to "fix" things, although it will fix absolutely nothing and you will feel WORTHLESS for the rest of your life, especially if you gain weight again. If he won't say something about your weight anymore once you lose it, it will be about something else, trust me.

And I find it interesting that the title you used is worded the way it is: it implies that you know the way he treats you is plain wrong, and you want other people to acknowledge it, too, but you don't and WON't leave.

Unfortunately, it seems like you have come in here for sympathy, which you do deserve but if you aren't going to do anything about it, it is really just pointless.

KyleB65

Join a martial arts or boxing gym. Lose weight, train hard then kick this guys *kitten*!

Sorry, not really appropriate or helpful. But the story aggravated me!

As a man, husband and father stories like this frustrate me beyond belief!

I love my wife and my children every second of every day! I have no understanding or tolerance for men who do not!

I hope that things get better for you soon!

WendyTerry420

It sounds like he never loved you, otherwise, he still would. He is using your weight as an excuse to get out of the relationship. By hurting your feelings, he figures it's a clean break. It's too bad.

adorablechaos

Oh my dear..I have been physically and mentally abused in the past and feel your pain. His words will forever haunt you if you don't find some help thru a counselor or church. You need to set a good example for your children. Unless you are morbidly obese with pressing health issues, I think losing weight is the least of your concerns at the moment. You need to love yourself and leave this man. God bless..

sullykat

If you stay, I hope you can teach your children that it is not ok to treat women, or any human being like this, because he will be teaching them that it is ok.

corn63

I stalked your profile (Sorry, creepy, I know)...

I see a trend in your profile "Every relationship I've been in they've all said the same thing. I'm too fat and they aren't attracted to me."


The best advice you're going to get today is to change yourself; not him. There's NOTHING wrong with him. And there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to learn how to love and respect yourself. He'll move on to someone else some day and you'll look at her with sheer pity and you'll see yourself in her. But you have GOT to start doing better by yourself. Or you'll never do better in life. Keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. The only way to change what you're getting is to change what you're doing.

Good luck to you.

sarahertzberger

You will feel that way unless he is truly sorry for what he said and expresses that to you. Being verbally abusive is just as bad as being physically abusive, I would suggest you go to a counselor or something. Let him know how that makes you feel and that you won't put up with that, if he doesn't love you unconditionally then he doesn't truly love you. He should also never let his family say things like that to him and get away with it. Just pray about what to do and that he will change, talk to him though don't just let him think you are ok with him saying those things, express to him how hurt you really are, maybe he just isn't thinking and doesn't think saying those things really hurt you but maybe if you say something it will sink in to him how much you truly feel. I will be praying for you and your relationship, I hope he changes.

MrsSardone

As Dan Savage would say, DTMF, already. HE could do better? No, YOU can do better. Do not diminish your self worth by staying with someone who doesn't deserve you.

I LOVE Dan Savage!!

But to the OP: I feel so bad for you. I think you should leave. Not just for you, but for your kids. Set an example. Show them how strong and independent mommy is.

lbesaw

You are your own worst enemy if you stay one more day and put up with THAT!! Sorry and wish you luck.

4_Lisa

My advice is lose the weight PROPERLY, (only if you want to) get down to your goal weigt so you have some confidence AND KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB, and teach your children that people can't treat others that way and to be better people than he is.

cardinalsfootball

If he loved you, he just wouldn't say those things to you.

And if he doesn't love you, then surely you shouldn't be with him.

LauraW1219

He sounds like a coward. It's never just one thing it's the sensitive spot they pick at because they know what gets to us. It happens when we let someone in. You might say you won't leave him, but it sounds like he's already left you. Atleast he is there for your son. I hope things get better for you, but getting the weight off that fast isn't healthy for you. You have two kids that need you. FORGET HIM!!!!!! Stay or leave choose to get healthy because it's not just you anymore. The kids need you.

Nobody's life is perfect. I have a husband that has PTSD's from the war and my 13 year old son has Autism. We all stay or go for our own reasons. I wish you the best and hope everything works out for the best.

dianasharkey3

Please, please get some help before you have this baby and bring her/him into this situation. Do you want to have this continue to yet another generation? You seem very bright and very clear this you are the continuation of your mother's situation - have it stop with you. Choose a different way...for you and for your baby. You both deserve better. Warm hugs to you both.

UrbanLotus

No it isn't common! I really don't understand why you refuse to leave when you are saying he is verbally abusive? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? He IS an *kitten*, leave him!

JennKie1

He is an *kitten* and you deserve better. That's all I have to say about that.