He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

JUDDDing

You should have told him you were embarrassed for him while you were conceiving.

imtrinat

I'm so sorry you are have someone in your life who doesn't understand how hard it is to bounce back after pregnancy. You deserve someone who is supportive of you and doesn't make you feel bad. Healthy relationships have their ups and downs, but you should be able to work through this together without him giving you what sounds like an ultimatum ("wake you up before it's too late") . Maybe you don't look as good as you would like right now, but it takes time to recover after a baby and he should be understanding of that.

To answer your question: If he has a history of verbally abusing you, then it most likely will not stop. He will just find something else to berate you about when you lose the weight. If you don't feel good enough about yourself to remove yourself from a bad situation, then no amount of weight loss is going to patch up those negative feelings. You are going to have to work on your insides just as hard as your outsides. You need to examine why you let him treat you like that and you stay there to take it.

On the flip side, maybe he is having a hard time dealing with the changes and he's telling you because he really wants to be attracted to you again. Maybe losing weight will improve your self esteem, which could be step in the right direction for improving your relationship. The problem is, he isn't willing to walk side-by-side with you through this journey. That tells me that he may be just as willing to let you feel that loneliness and pain in other situations in the future.

links_slayer

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

LoraF83

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

^This.

corn63

Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

My0WNinspiration

If you don't plan on leaving him, why complain about it? EFF him. YOU can do better. Lose weight for yourself. Not him or even your kids.

slyder432

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

^^^^ This and hurry!!

motivatedshi

Hmmm, well if I were in your situation, I would loose weight in a slow and healthy way, and stick with it, FOR YOURSELF ONLY! iT seems like you have already made up your mind that leaving him is not an option in your mind so by advise is that once you are feeling great about your self, reassess your relationship with this guy, and see if your loosing weight helps your relationship... and whether or not your happy with him.However I doubt that this guy will be happy regardless... so when you are feeling great about yourself and confident, let him know you didnt appreciate the way he approached you, and although you tried and tried to get passed it, you couldn't, and let him go, he will realize what a huge mistake that he made, and if he doesn't realize it then he was a complete Jerk, and hopefully you can find someone who is much more caring in regards to your feelings.... please concentrate on getting your self to a healthy state physically and the mental clarity will follow too.

joleenl

I don't think you ever forget or get over emotional and mental abuse. On top of that (sorry to be negative) you probably won't be successful in your weightloss goals. You CANNOT maintain it unless it's for YOU! You have to be selfish as in doing it for yourself and putting your health goals above most everything else.... specially in the beginning.

If you are going to stay with him, get some help, living in that environment won't be easy. You can't make him change, he has to want to change. I personally would leave him. So what 2 kids and different fathers. Does it matter? Who gives a **** what others think. Live for yourself first and your kids second and forget him. Think about this, your son will learn how to treat women from this horrible man, and if you stay, you are telling him it's ok! Until you get strong enough to live for yourself do it for the kids!

Songbird1104

As Dan Savage would say, DTMF, already. HE could do better? No, YOU can do better. Do not diminish your self worth by staying with someone who doesn't deserve you.

^ This.

bcattoes

Sweetie this guy is just one your problems. He can't determine your self worth. You are doing that. Learn to love yourself and you will see him for what he is, instead of seeing yourself through his eyes. You very well many need counseling to get where you need to be. But you really should consider it for yourself, but also for your children. They should not be brought up in such negativity.

slyder432

Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

^^^^And this!!! Take responsibility as a mother!!

juliec33

Awwww, sweetie, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! You are not alone. I was in a very verbally abusive marriage for 6 years. At first I didn't realize that the snide comments about my love handles etc were abusive but about 5 years into the marriage he actually turned very cruel. I remember asking him one day why we never went out anymore. He pulled me in front of a mirror and said "Have you looked in the mirror lately? That's why we never go out anymore." We've been divorced for 15 years and that comment still hurts. I was never able to feel the same way about him after that. He had destroyed what little bit of self esteem I had left. That was the low point and like you, I had never felt so ugly. I actually started to believe the awful things that he said. The stress he caused me by chastising my weight only made things worse - I'm an emotional/stress eater. What he was doing was only making it worse and I gained even more weight. I also know now, that had I been at an "ideal" weight he probably would have found some other "flaw" to pick at me about.

I don't know everything about your situation so I won't give any advice other than to say that you probably need to go to counseling. It did wonders for me and helped me decide that I was worth more and deserved better than to be treated that way on a daily basis. It took years to get my self-esteem back and feel beautiful again. You deserve to feel beautiful and to be loved and cherished by your partner. I also have this question.......do you want your children to grow up learning that verbally abusing someone is OK? Children model what they see.............

Friend me if you like. I'll be here to listen if you need it.

lamos1

I hope this doesn't come off harsh, but even though you are so against leaving him, its nothing you can do if he decides to leave you. My current bf of 8 years left one of his girlfriends because she was about 300 pounds or less. He said he couldn't stand the site of how big she was, even though she was big when he met her, but he said she had gained even more weight.

My advice to you whether you take it or not, is too focus on yourself and your kids, because sooner or later, your relationship is going to change, whether its him leaving you or you successfully loosing all of the weight and then resent him and end up leaving him or just staying in a toxic relationship. If I were in your shoes, I would just leave. No sense in taking the verbal abuse just for the sake of having a boyfriend. You can be happy and/or miserable by yourself, you don't need someone else to make you miserable.

taso42

I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this.

wtf

Kristen81

You should have told him you were embarrassed for him while you were conceiving.

Hahaha! Yes!

Songbird1104

Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

^^ And this.

2fit4fat

I personally couldn't get over it. If I was you, I would hold out for a REAL man! My husband love me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He has done this when I was 125, on up to 206. I am covered I stretch marks which he makes me feel good about. Loves me when I'm pregnant with twins, and not ( but now bigger than when preggo)
He is supportive of my weightloss yoyo journey and even comes with me to the gym or watches the kids, makes dinner etc. THIS is a real man and something every woman deserves. How is talking down on someone helpful? Everyone knows its not, it's verbal abuse!!
I hope you find what's right for you. If e keeps it up, your kids may decide that's okay and either grow up and take the abuse, or be the abuser. (Statistically, although my husband was physically and verbally abused and is completely opposite!)
I wish you luck in everything!

_Witsy_

If you don't plan on leaving him, why complain about it? EFF him. YOU can do better. Lose weight for yourself. Not him or even your kids.

I'm really confused by this post. What reasons do you have to stay? And why put yourself and your children through that?

I just don't understand. How sad.

Jaulen

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

^Mwahahahaha.

I think the same thing of my husband every time I come onto these forums. I really found a total gem of a man, and thank my MIL for raising him right.

My husband thinks pregant women are sexy (personally I find them revolting).