He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

murdle5552

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

chelseelynn1970

Verbal abuse hurts just as much as abuse, and he should Love you unconditionally, wth is wrong with some people treating others like this, if you say you have to stay and you lose weight I personally would not let him touch me, relationships are for better or wrose

OkRebeccaJay

I smell an *kitten*.

Even if his motives were coming from the right place, ie wanting you to be healthier and happier, telling you like this was just plain ****ty of him.

It sounds like you have embarked on a weigh tloss journey already, but make sure it also a health gain journey. Please dont starve yourself or make yourself ill, especially for his benefit. Make sure that this change is something that YOU want, as that is the only valid reason for doing it.

As for forgiving and forgetting, that is something only you can answer as everyone has different needs and tolerance levels. You will know in your heart what the true answer is

Forget his mean comments the best you can and focus on fitness, health, friends and your 2 little ones. Hope you feel happier soon

nicosuave2013

NO WAY YOU WILL EVER BE THE SAME.....I COULDNT LIVE LIKE THAT REGARDLESS!

NO WOMAN SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT....WHAT A ****!

samantha1242

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

jenlarz

If you refuse to leave you should probably find a counselor. and work on being happy/healthy for yourself, not him.

twarden9

You will still feel the pain, those things never go away! What a jerk

Kristen81

I don't get why leaving him is out of the question. I understand that you have a kid together, plus one from a previous relationship...but good Lord, leave this idiot!
I'm sure it's easier said than done. But remember, you are choosing to bring up your children in a household with verbal and emotional abuse. They should be growing up seeing love and happiness.

sandynas

I'm sorry you're going though this...but i don't think you should stay only for the kids. It will only make the inevitable breakup hurt more later. You have to be strong for your kids because they deserve a happy mother.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter what weight..you DESERVE to be happy and appreciated

littlebre33

Firstly, congrats on your new baby! Secondly, I am sorry to say he is an *kitten*. I just had a baby 4.5 months ago myself, and my bf was not very touchy or "into" either of the pregnancies we experienced, but he has never thrown me down like that, yet again let his family do that. You must remember, alot of men don't understand the physical AND emotional changes women go through during pregnancy and that a lot of time (myself included) you are striving for the acceptance of your partner. He should be there, on your team, and help support you in you getting healthy journey. YOU need to be happy w/ yourself and as hard as it is to not care what ppl think. Tell your bf that he has hurt your feelings, tell hium what your plan is and whatever it is he needs to b supportive and give positive criticism - after all you gave up your body/emotion to give him the best gift a woman can give a man.

rasahorne

Wow! The phrase I can do bad all by myself comes to mind. No one can tell you if all the negative comments will stay with you once you're at your goal weight. Only you can answer that. However, for you to ask this in the first place, might be a first look into how you will feel. I've a few questions for you. Are you losing weight for him or for you? Do you think that you have given this person too much power over how you feel about yourself?

ToFatToBeSick

In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.

Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.

It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.

He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.

Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.

Your not in this alone.

cpa6533

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But, you are fooling yourself if you think there is hope for this relationship. Kick him to the gutter where he belongs. And focus that attention on yourself and your children.
RUN, DON'T WALK!

kkmonroe79

Why is leaving not going to happen?

squirrelzzrule22

This is unquestionably unacceptable. Please find a counselor or otherwise seek professional help. If I were you I would tell him that is NO WAY to treat the body that carried and birthed his child, leave, and then lose the weight to be healthier for myself and the little ones. When you're healthy and confident he will eat his words.

volleygirl1980

I haven't gone through this, but I did have a baby 10 months ago and put on a lot of weight. My husband has never made any comments about my weight - my weight loss journey is strictly for me.

My normal advice would be to kick him to the curb, but you have stated that you're not leaving him..

In that case, I would recommend seeing a therapist. They will help you deal with the comments he's made..

Please don't embark on this weight loss journey for anyone but yourself and your kids. And if you're breastfeeding, please talk to your doctor before juicing, sudden weight loss may affect your milk supply..

Good luck!

consumone

Oh sweety, you are going to resent him forever. When you feel better about yourself I know you will be moving on. I hate hate that you are not being smart about your weightloss and doing this juice diet. But my thoughts are with you until you are strong enough to move on and honey YOU WILL BE EMPOWERED by your success!

dym123

As Dan Savage would say, DTMF, already. HE could do better? No, YOU can do better. Do not diminish your self worth by staying with someone who doesn't deserve you.

HolsDoinIt

you shouldnt have to put up with that!! its verbal and mental abuse...you, my friend, are the one who deserves better..and i agree with others..maybe you should seek out some couseling it will help you with all that you are going through...

also, no you probably wont be able to forgive him or look at him the same..any kind of abuse is hard and even harder to forgive the person...just stay strong and keep your head up..dont let that douche bag get the best of you...

AliciaC81

I'm really not understanding why leaving is out of the question. Has he put that idea into your head? It doesn't matter if you have a kid with him, if he's treating you this badly you do not have to stay with him and you SHOULD NOT stay with him. He's abusing you with that behavior and you don't deserve that.

oddyogi

Don't lose weight for him. Lose weight for you and your children.

JUDDDing

You should have told him you were embarrassed for him while you were conceiving.

imtrinat

I'm so sorry you are have someone in your life who doesn't understand how hard it is to bounce back after pregnancy. You deserve someone who is supportive of you and doesn't make you feel bad. Healthy relationships have their ups and downs, but you should be able to work through this together without him giving you what sounds like an ultimatum ("wake you up before it's too late") . Maybe you don't look as good as you would like right now, but it takes time to recover after a baby and he should be understanding of that.

To answer your question: If he has a history of verbally abusing you, then it most likely will not stop. He will just find something else to berate you about when you lose the weight. If you don't feel good enough about yourself to remove yourself from a bad situation, then no amount of weight loss is going to patch up those negative feelings. You are going to have to work on your insides just as hard as your outsides. You need to examine why you let him treat you like that and you stay there to take it.

On the flip side, maybe he is having a hard time dealing with the changes and he's telling you because he really wants to be attracted to you again. Maybe losing weight will improve your self esteem, which could be step in the right direction for improving your relationship. The problem is, he isn't willing to walk side-by-side with you through this journey. That tells me that he may be just as willing to let you feel that loneliness and pain in other situations in the future.

links_slayer

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

LoraF83

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

^This.

corn63

Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.

My0WNinspiration

If you don't plan on leaving him, why complain about it? EFF him. YOU can do better. Lose weight for yourself. Not him or even your kids.

slyder432

Losing the weight will not fix everything. Please go see someone and talk about these issues. This goes far beyond your weight issues.

^^^^ This and hurry!!

motivatedshi

Hmmm, well if I were in your situation, I would loose weight in a slow and healthy way, and stick with it, FOR YOURSELF ONLY! iT seems like you have already made up your mind that leaving him is not an option in your mind so by advise is that once you are feeling great about your self, reassess your relationship with this guy, and see if your loosing weight helps your relationship... and whether or not your happy with him.However I doubt that this guy will be happy regardless... so when you are feeling great about yourself and confident, let him know you didnt appreciate the way he approached you, and although you tried and tried to get passed it, you couldn't, and let him go, he will realize what a huge mistake that he made, and if he doesn't realize it then he was a complete Jerk, and hopefully you can find someone who is much more caring in regards to your feelings.... please concentrate on getting your self to a healthy state physically and the mental clarity will follow too.

joleenl

I don't think you ever forget or get over emotional and mental abuse. On top of that (sorry to be negative) you probably won't be successful in your weightloss goals. You CANNOT maintain it unless it's for YOU! You have to be selfish as in doing it for yourself and putting your health goals above most everything else.... specially in the beginning.

If you are going to stay with him, get some help, living in that environment won't be easy. You can't make him change, he has to want to change. I personally would leave him. So what 2 kids and different fathers. Does it matter? Who gives a **** what others think. Live for yourself first and your kids second and forget him. Think about this, your son will learn how to treat women from this horrible man, and if you stay, you are telling him it's ok! Until you get strong enough to live for yourself do it for the kids!

Songbird1104

As Dan Savage would say, DTMF, already. HE could do better? No, YOU can do better. Do not diminish your self worth by staying with someone who doesn't deserve you.

^ This.